The Day My Ass Leaked

m 1+ points - Newb

Editor's Note: This story originally appeared on mused, and is posted with the express written permission of the author. Hey, go ahead,
give him a click.

This is a story from my odd childhood, and is quite sad and extremely embarrassing for me. This story
came up last night, while I was talking to my girly about strange childhood happenings. It made her
laugh and got me loads of sympathy, too.

I must have been about 7 years old. I was sitting in my class, legs crossed, desperate to go to the
toilet for a poo. I raised my hand and asked the teacher if I could go, but she wouldn't let me. You
see, I was a mischievous little bugger at school, and my teachers never believed what I said, and were
always mad at me for something or another.

So, the pain is getting worse, and I'm having real problems holding the poo in. I ask several more
times, which only annoys my teacher more. I try to eek out a little fart, but obviously follow through
with a small amount of poo.

Oh dear, I simply don't know what to do. The other kids around me start to snigger because of my
distressed look and the shitty smell starting to emanate from my pants. Eventually, after squirming in
my own poop for about 5 minutes, the other kids are laughing and pointing and saying things like "pooey

The smell is now quite obvious, and the teacher strides over to my desk and pulls me out in front
of the entire class. I'm wearing little shorts, and I have a small dribble of brown poo running down,
past me knee. I am then unceremoniously ejected from the class room, and instructed to go and clean
myself up in the bathroom.

I run, but only make it halfway across the playground before I unload the rest of my brown cargo
into my underwear. I get to the toilets, and try really hard to clean myself up. Remember, I'm only 7
years old, and quite upset. I have poo everywhere, on my legs, my hands, I have it on my shirt and in
my hair. I eventually huddle in a corner, sobbing, covered pretty much from head to toe in my own
excrement. So sad.

My teacher eventually come looking for me, and drags me off to the headmistresses office. I'm
unceremoniously cleaned up (more like hosed down), by the school nurse, and all my shitty clothes are
put into a plastic bag. I am naked. The headmistress gives me a huge pair of long-johns (stylish
wintry underwear), and tells me to put them on. These things are bigger than me, so I'm standing
there, with these white, wooly long-johns pulled up to my neck. Pretty bad stuff huh? Well, it gets
worse, I'm afraid.

They then make me walk all the way home in these things, with the bag of foul-smelling, shitty
clothes tied around my waste. It was horrible, and so many people in cars and walking were pointing
and laughing at me. I eventually made it home, and let my self in (I was a latchkey kid). I was really
scared what my mum would say, so I stuffed the bag of crapped on clothes under the sofa in the living

The clothes were quickly found of course, due to the smell. My mum went ballistic, until she heard
the whole sad story. I remember my Mum and Dad going to school and shouting at everyone, demanding
that the teacher be fired. I was ridiculed and teased, mercilessly for several months after.

-- Chigley from mused.

57 Comments on "The Day My Ass Leaked"

Deja Poo's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

That was way funny, Anomalous Coward. That's the best laugh I've had all day.

Some day, I think I'm going to try that in one of our engineering meetings.
Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Yo quiero Taco Bell.

crab's picture

The teasing stopped after some months? That is surprising.

Anonymous Coward's picture

i remember when i was a kid, i did a poo in the toilet at a social and left a little on the toilet seat, and now i am known for that, the kid who left shit on the toilet seat lmao

ChiliKahKah's picture
j 1000+ points

This very type of problem should be covered by the No Child Left Behind. If you cannot be bathroom trained, this new federal law will allow you remedial bathroom skills training. No one should leave school without knowing when, how and where to properly take a dump.

shit monkey's picture

oh man no way! when I was a kid (age 5-6) for some reason or other I wasn't massively popular with my fellow classmates and I used to get picked on (a lot). Anyway the intensity of the bullying gradually increased and then, probably by stress i guess, I found myself dropping bombs without orders from the bridge! I mean seriously the first I knew that I'd shat myself would be the feel of a solid brown lump rolling down my leg! I can laugh about it now, but school life really sucked for me, but just like the bullying, the instances of filling my keks only lasted a short while! the only time I shit myself these days is after a night on the piss and a few dodgy kebabs!

Anonymous Parp's picture

This is sad, but I like the ending where you parents fought for you.

selina's picture

i keep doing drops, wee drops
how do i stop it?

Miss Simone Scat's picture
k 500+ points

For a teacher to do that to a young buy is very wrong.
Producing waste since 1967

Producing waste since 1967

Anonymous Coward's picture

I was once at a store with my mom. I had a huge urge to poop. There was a bethroom at the whole other side of the store. I told my mom "I really have to poop!" She pointed me to the bathroom. I got there and all the stalls were being used. I felt a little log coming out. I clutched my but. I probably looked so stupid doing that. There was only 2 stalls and people just got in. Right now my log was huge and there was no way out. I just decided to let it out. It felt sooo good! There was a long wait so i just decided to go back to my mom. I said to her " mom, i just pooped in my pants" she said.. " well im almost finished what happend to the bathroom?" i replied " There was only two stalls and i couldnt hold it" She finally finished shopping and i got home and my panties were really disgusting!

Toots N. McCrack's picture
l 100+ points

I love the "recent comments" section-- there are so many gems that pop up that I'd never have seen otherwise! It's sad how such a young child was treated, but I was glad that in the end his parents believed and stuck up for him.

'Hey that sounds pretty nasty, how about a courtesy flush over there?' (AP1)

'Hey that sounds pretty nasty, how about a courtesy flush over there?' (AP1)

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Once again, Daphne climbs to the top of my hero pedestal.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points

(*wiping the coffee off of the keyboard and monitor after spewing, laughing so hard*)

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

But, you write just like them.......

.....hugging bunnies since 1969

.....hugging bunnies since 1969

loaf pincher's picture
l 100+ points

I am so glad the teens seem to be gone from here or maybe the comments they leave are just edited. anyway what a horrible thing to have happen at age 7. the teacher should have been smacked with the shitty bag of clothes

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Enjoyed the story (again), although I could have done without all the stupid teenagers clogging the commentary with their damn "I just farted" posts.

"That was a very disappointing party. I showed up and everyone left!"- Camille

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

DungDaddy's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

AC, Thanks for leaving a lively story in such an obscure place.

Anomalous Coward's picture
k 500+ points

Incidentally, only the names are changed. That's the way it happened.

"Vini, Vidi, Vomiti" (we came, we saw, we got sick on the plane")

Anomalous Coward's picture
k 500+ points

Kid in my class used to load up on beans at lunch. He did it just to piss off Mrs Petersen. Beans did a number on this kid. He had more noxious gas than Chemical Ali a half hour after eating them.
We'd be sitting in math class and this kid would let one rip. They were extremely loud and horribly awful smelling. Now Mrs Petersen he was old. Like pyramids of Egypt old. She hated kids. (Betcha can't guess why). When Fartman began letting 'em slide she got pissed. Her face went a deathly white, and she'd bellow, "****** get up here now!" She would then have the offender touch his toes, and she'd smack his butt with the yardstick. Usally, he'd smirk on his way back to his desk and give her no further problems, but today he was on a streak (probably had one on his shorts too).
As the paddle smacked his rather broad backside, he began to snicker. This wasn't well received. She smacked him WAY hard then. He sort of lost his balance, and farted loudly again. This just enraged Mrs P. She smacked him again and yelled, "Stop that!" That, of course, made him laugh harder. The harder he laughed, the more he farted, til it sounded like "SMACK!! Stop that, stop it right this instant!", fart>SMACK!! "STOP IT!!" fart>SMACK!! "STOP IT!!",fart>SMACK!!, fart>SMACK!!, fart>SMACK!!, fart>SMACK!!, ...
Most of the kids were roaring with laughter, one girl peed herself from laughing so hard, then started to cry. The sensitive ones (don'tcha hate 'em?) were already crying. The din called Mr Drehmer out of the adjoining room. "That is enough!" he bellowed. We shut up.
Fartman was without delay or ceremony sent to the office. Mrs P left the room in tears, and Mr Brown, the elementary principal came to baby sit us. All in all a memory I'll cherish til my dying day.

"Vini, Vidi, Vomiti" (we came, we saw, we got sick on the plane")

DungDaddy's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

Sorry, he said "headmistress" and the rest of the story meant nothing to me.

john g's picture

I had a shart one day. Instead of being diareah it was a little log the size of my finger. I decided to just finish the job and did the rest. I was outside with my friend in the snow. We had snow pants on so he didn't notice but i told him anyway. Then we went inside and as i was bending over my paperback booksized turd poked out and his sister saw it. i told her not to tell but she did. My freinds mom changed my and put me into some of my freinds undies.

Leigh Kent's picture

(LITTLE FART) sorry, i just farted.

leigh kent's picture

Excuse me i just farted, Poo. it smells of smelly cabbages. I went to the toilet and i done a wee-wee and the poo poo with the smell of rotten cottages and i wipe my arse with my toilet tissue and i flushed the chain and i wash my hands.

Luke Pragoff's picture

# I can doo it too for Kandoo! #
I went inside the bath with my washing mitten for my hand because my hand feels very soft like my baby's bottom sometimes, (BUBBLE FARTS) (CHUCKLES) i just done a fart. Puuuuuu, Poo! gosh, my bum smells of old pea poo. pardon me, i can put my white dressing gown on and i went to the toilet and i done a wee and i done a fart and then i can do a poo-poo, my poo smells of horse poo and rotting cheese, and i wiped my soft bum with my toilet tissue and i flushed the chain and i wash my hands in the sink.

D.O.B: 17 May 1993
Age: 12
from 'Kandoo commercial 2005'

John's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

This is probably the most embarassing thing that has probably ever happened to me. My Name is John, I'm 25, 5"11 and about 230 pounds. A couple of weeks ago I was at the local YMCA. I was swimming in the adult pool when I felt the urge to poop, so I got out, dried off, and made my way to the bathroom. Unfortunatley, all of the stalls were occupied (So to recap, here I am standing in the men's bathroom, in my skin tight blue speedo which was covering my 40" ass, and my 45" belly hanging over the front of my bathing suit, trying not the crap my pants). So, obviously I waited. All of a sudden, I felt the end of a log begin to emerge. I quickly clenched my cheeks and threw my hands over my ass, screaming for the man in the stall to hurry. It was too late. Despite my most faithful efforts, I could feel a small but growing bulge in my speedo pressing against my trembling hands. At this point, the bulge was already about the size of a baseball, and none of the men in the stalls said that they were even close to done. So, I figured that I had no choice, so I just let go. There I was standing in the middle of the men's bathroom, shitting myself in front of everyone. I didn't even care. It just felt so good. To add to my agony, I even began to push out the poop. It felt suprisingly good. I finally finished after over 10 minutes of pushing and relieving myself. The bluge, which was still just barely covering it, was still not seen by anyone in the bathroom. So as far as they knew, the straining that I was doing was to hold in the poop, not pushing it out. Then a stall became available and I rushed in. The bulge was huge! It was about the size of a a cantelope, and it was all I could do to waddle into the stall while covering the bulge and holding up my speedo, as the poop was weighing it down pretty good. I emptied most of it into the toilet and cleaned up as well as I could. I immediatly went to the locker room, grabbed my things and went home. While this experience was embarassing, I fell the urge to do it again.

Leigh Kent's picture

(FART) oops, i just guffed. Pouuuffff! Poo!

Kim Hawes-Poops's picture

(FARTS) oops, i just farted. and i can smell it from my pooey bum and it smells of blink old pea poo and my white knickers smells of Pea Poo and my feet smells of Blink Bogey Smell.
Oh no, my white knickers wet and damp and smelly because i wet myself. My smelly bratt feet! POO!
My feet has gone orange and yellow colour. GROSS! HOWEY!

D.O.B: 16 February 1992
Age: 13
Sex: Female

Heather Karges's picture

(PEA FART) oops, i just farted. better than inside the bath. (SNIFFS) puuuu! poo!

D.O.B: 01 August 1987
Age: 17

Thomas Spongers's picture

Hi my name is Tom Spongers, and i'm from 30-minute cartoon specials, 'Monster Easter' & 'Monster Christmas' & 'Monster Holiday'.
Pooey Pants? (COW FART) oops, poo! i just guffed.
My bum smells of Cow Dung and my white pants smells of Cow Poo and my feet smells of Strong Cheese.

D.O.B: 16 October 1990
Age: 14 (in-a-half)
from 'Monster Easter/Holiday/Xmas'

SeSe's picture

hey I feel srry for you I never took a poopy in my pants in class before I farted like a million times *laughin my ass off* anyways I always blame on the dudes next to me lolz

Leigh Kent's picture

(FARTS) oops, i just farted from my pants.
That is disgusting and it's gross.

Leigh Kent's picture

(OLD FART) oops, i just farted.

Leigh Kent's picture

Actually, i just farted from my arse with my black pants and my navy shorts on, and it smells of Poo. My sweaty feet smells very cheesy and my socks smells very strong and horrible like cheese.

Leigh Kent's picture

I just went to the toilet and i did a wee and some hard brown drops of poo from my arse.
My poo is very hard and brown it smells pooey down my toilet, and i wipe my arse with my toilet paper and i smell my toilet tissue paper and it smells of poo. My pants is in the wash and it smells very stinky and horrible and stenchy.
and i flushed the looe and i wash my hands.

Leigh Kent's picture

(FART) i just farted.
Whitley Whiff is smells like sewers and rotten eggs. STINKER like Elton John.

Huckle Cat's picture

(BLINK BOGEY FART) puuuuuu, poo. i just farted.
My bum smells of Blink Poo and my white pants with grey trousers smells of Old Blink Poo and my feet smells very gross and cheesy smelly paw feet.
I'm a young character from Busytown you know!


D.O.B: 03 January 1988
Age: 17 (in-a-half)
from 'The Busy World Of Richard Scarry'

Blinky Bill (Koala)'s picture

(BLINK BOGEY FART) (SOFT WHISPER) puuuuuu, poo. i just guffed. My bum smells of Old Pea Poo and my white pants with red overalls smells of Old Blink Poo and my feet smells of Old Strong Cheesy Feet.

(AUSTRALIAN SPEECH) Good on ya, li'l koala mate.

BLINKY BILL (Mischievous Young Koala)
D.O.B: 02 November 1989
Age: 15 (young in a half)

Cat Horrick's picture

(BLINK FART) oops, (SOFT FEMALE TONE) i just done a fart? (CHUCKLES) prrruuuu, pffff, puuuuu!
My bum smells of Pea Poo and my white knickers smells of Poo and my feet smells of Blink Cheesy White Socks.

CAT HORRICK (played by Cat Deeley)
D.O.B: 5 March 1986
Age: 19

Sam Cornwall's picture

He Just Say Come Off The Ground? (FART?)oops, (CHUCKLES) i just farted!
My bum smells of Poo and my white knickers smells of Pea Poo and my feet smells of Blink Bogey Cheesy White Socks/Smelly Feet.

D.O.B: 20 December 1988
Age: 16

Carly Barnett's picture

(BLINK BOGEY FART) oops, i just farted.
Poo! prrruuuu, puffff! My bum smells of Poo and my white/pink knickers smells of Pea Fart, and my feet smells of Blink Bogey Cheesy White Socks.

Jeff (Mencap)'s picture

(EGGY FART) Aah, excuse me! I done a Whitley Whiff fart in my bed this morning at 2.00am when i was asleep. The Whitley Whiff was smelt by the sewage works in Reading with a odour of H2S of rotten eggs. (FART) oops, i just whiffed. Poo! Whitley Whiff! The smell was wafting up from my bed, and my fart itself caused by my bum and it's worst in whole year, i said it nothing to do with Adam Nicolson from Mencap.

Jeff (Mencap)'s picture

(FART) Aah, pardon me! i just done a fart from my bum, Not well as Fireman Sam 1 2 3 storybook i was read by changing the story. My fart smells was worse than the 'Whitley Whiff'.
I went to the toilet and done a poo and wee, and my poo smells of sewage or stench, and i wipe my bum from my toilet paper, and i pull up my trousers, and i drush the chain and i wash my whiffy hands.

Neville Horswell (played by Charlie G. Hawkins)'s picture

I just done a Poo sometimes a week, my poo smells of strong pee fart. My fart smells of Poo and pee, and my fart/poo smells of Horse Poo, and cow poo and Blink Bogeys. My white pants smells because i'm farted and it's smells of pee in the water.

o.O's picture

Oh fuck man... that had to suck for you. I would've crapped in that teachers desk if I was you. XD Seriously man, she would've deserved that shit.

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Your teacher sounds like my second grade teacher. She was a sadistic bitch who used to humiliate kids when they didn't understand her lessons. I wish I could have left a few turds in her desk or something.

Oh, well. She was deathly ill at the time and she's probably dead now.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Popp momma's picture

Demented demons shat on my house and the whole city! Aaaah HELP!!!

Master Cowswell's picture

'How Can You Smell Pooey Pants?'
I've Done A Cowey Fart


I was also pranked on(since every one knows about my huge problem of sicklyness...)by some mean bully...he locked me outside the bathroom when I had to go...and thats 10 minutes(the longost I could hold it)poop begane(diarhea like always)to fill my undis!

problem pooper's picture

many times...corrrrorrroooorrrrsplash!If you saw I mean the second load of crap came.......I was soooooooooooooo embarresed..........(I am also 11!)(years old I MEAN!)

proplem pooper's picture

I have problems controlling my poo moves and have pooped my pants many times at one time...when I was not pants exploded with diaria...

michele's picture

i wish i could poo my pants in my teacher mrs.Everets

class. she never lets me go take a pooper as i call it.

Last year a kid did. He got in alot of trouble but it was so funny to see the look on the teachers FACE:)

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