If my calculations are correct (and I'm sure they're not), a human weighs roughly 10x more than your dog, which would make that dog's shit the human equivalent of 90 inches, or 7.5 feet. Imagine the pain/joy of passing 7.5 feet of shit... that poor/lucky dog.

My dog's eaten a few weird things in her day. She apparently ate a condom from somewhere in my house. When she went to shit there was a coiled up condom in her shit.

Another time I was fostering this young shephard cross. Once again, apparently he ate something that I didn't know about. In the morning before work I let him out to pee and shit. He shat out a feminine pad. I had to help him get it out.

My dog once ate a rat. He puked the thing back up, and it looked like Mickey Mouse ears sticking up out of a pile of puke.

TCM- I thought you were boycotting doniker. What's up? I thought you didn't want to have anything to do with him and didn't want him to be allowed to even post his stories on here.

I have no idea what my dog would eat, but we would wake up to hear him barking and know we had about 2 minutes to get him outside before he woudl spray green diarrhea all over the living room... that, or dog vomit. Nothing more horrible than seeing your dog vomit.

I loved your story, and still laugh my arse off everytime I read it. My friend's dog ate a bunch of protien bars, but I think I will write that story up and submit it. It's way to good.

There's a whole site about the weird things found in dog poop: http://www.watchingyou.com/poop.html. For you dog turd lovers out there... sorry dave for the plug!

thank you to everyone, accept Trashcan of course, for your support. when submitting this piece I didn't feel this story was that good....but my low self esteem always takes over in all aspects of my life.

ha ha that story made me laugh

That story was so funny, i almost pooped my pants. i was house sitting once, and my friend's dog ate 2 whole loaves of bread, plastic and all. god, you should of smelled the gas that night!

I had a beagle that while taking a shit it looked like there was a string coming out his ass. Upon close examination I noticed that it was a roundworm. I started pulling on it and ended up with 2 handfulls of the damn thing. Poor pooch.

That story was a hoot. My poodle can make a mean doodle. They don't stink either. His butt pebbles smell like beans and feet. Mmmmm... feet!

when i was about 7, we had a standard poodle, which is the size of a big dog. everyone knows how dogs like to slobber, chew, and eat everything. well one morning after realizing a few of my barbie dolls were missing. i figured i would go look for them in the living room where i would play with them every now and then. i couldn't find them anywhere. so i just gave up.

i ate breakfast and hung out at the dining room table talking to my older sis who was about 8. our dog (phenix) was laying under the table where she liked to sleep. all of a sudden my dog starts to shit all over my sisters foot! it was sooo runny and disgusting. my sis was hopping on one foot while whining and inching her way to the bathroom. i couldn't stop laughing. but when it came time to cleaning up the mess, i found my dolls. several chewed up limbs from my dolls were mixed up in the huge puddle of steamy smelly shit. i was mad at first but then it was funny. i proceeded to run through the house telling my other siblings about the dog shitting on my sisters foot. everybody thought it was hilarious. except for her of course. it still cracks me up just picturing it. so sick and wrong.

thats why there is dog food

madddddddddddddde for dogs not cheese burgers

Once a long time ago I had a dog, Barker. Then (I was about 6) I was on a marble kick. I had about 100 marbles. Well my dog Barker liked marbles too. He ate about 15 of them. And when he sat down to poo, one shot out of his butt and hit me it the face! the other fourteen shot out all over the room as well, leaving dents in the wall, then from the stress, Barker died. then we found out it was because one marble had plugged his ass up. haha

Doniker, I laughed at the Jack Russell Terrier thing. I hate terriers! I have to live with one at my parents' house and he pees on everything. Terriers deserve to have six foot sticks shoved up their assholes and twisted around until their guts spin out. Give me a hunting dog any day! At least they don't pee on you.

my 3 month old pup eats cat shit from the litter box, I need help as I hate having to punish him. He knows it is wrong but he still persits in doing it.
ps he is blind. HELP ME PLEASE!!!!!!

U tell me, are we actually supposed to believe that???

I despise dogs. Horribly shitty things.

My wife and I recently got a 4-month old female Sheltie puppy for my daughter's birthday. My wife has had several pet dogs in her life, but this is a new experience for me. My parents never allowed us to have pets when I was a kid, and as an adult I never lived anywhere where pets were acceptable. Truthfully, I never had any desire to own a dog.
My wife has two cats, and they have been with my wife longer than I have been. I've always told her that we could get a dog when the cats die. Well, I finally gave in -- these 2 cats won't die! (One is old and blind, and according to the vet, has been on his deathbed for 3 years... and the other only has 3 legs due to cancer). They truly have nine lives!!

Our new dog, Dixie, has been growing like a weed. We have had her for about eight weeks now and she eats good. She must shit six times a day. Maybe she eats too good. We try not to feed her table scraps, but with children in the house we never know what she is being fed. Luckily she is very smart and became potty trained quickly.

About a week ago we had a cookout. I had gone to the wholesale club and gotten 18 of these MONSTER HALF POUND BURGERS. We had some leftovers. Five days later, there was one rare burger left in the fridge -- that day, it became Dixie's lunch.

That evening my wife and I did some beer drinking. The next morning my wife woke up (hungover) and staggered into the kitchen. She told me that the smell hit her and she started gagging before she even spotted THE MONSTER TURD. After vomiting, she woke me up to show me this thing.

It was 9 inches long and maybe 1 1/2 inches thick -- bear in mind that Dixie only weighs 15 pounds. THE MONSTER TURD was a result of THE MONSTER HALF POUND CHEESEBURGER. I spice up and season the hell out of everything I cook, and I could smell the garlic in that log.

I have been laughing to myself for days. I imagine what it would have been like to witness that poor dog squeezing out that loaf. I wish I could have watched the poor dog squatting, trembling, and whimpering in pain as THE MONSTER TURD exited her tiny asshole. It had to have hurt, but Oh what a relief!!

P.S. Five years ago, we did get a Jack Russell terrier for my stepson's birthday, but gave him away after 2 months when we realized it wasn't the right time in our lives to own a dog. I will never forget standing at the kitchen counter and suddenly feeling a warm wet sensation on my foot as the dog lifted his leg and pissed on me... but that's another story.

I have never had a dog, but cats shit up the weirdest things. The cat I had as a child often shit bones. Not big ones, mind you, but those little bitty mouse and bird bones.

My friends beagle had what she thought was a worm sticking out its butt! When she went to get it she realized it was a string in which turned out he ate a roll of dental floss.. When she pulled it out came a string of poop balls attached.

This is a good doniker story, if not the best, but that is like saying, "this isn't Rembrandt's best painting."

However, the resurrection of this post leads me to comment on something else. Yesterday, we had a great story called The Wailing Stall by a new poster, Rectal Badger. Doniker, however, felt led to come out of his cave long enough to post the following comment:

"[T]his is PURE FICTION.

"If it is real I must be completely pooped out and have seriously heard it all."

To which The Big Wiper responded:

"Rectal Badger: please ignore doniker's accusation of a fictitious story. He's been trotting out that tired line for years, including against virtually every story I ever submitted, and I have yet to submit a made-up story, either.

"I find it amusing that doniker accuses you of finding some sort of generic formula for a poop story when there is nothing more generic than his constant bullying and unsubstantiated whining about fictitious writing."

Now, not to stir anything up, but couldn't this entertaining tale by doniker be suspect of, at least, a wee bit of exaggeration? Look at the math done by Tydirium in the first post:

"If my calculations are correct ..., a human weighs roughly 10x more than your dog, which would make that dog's shit the human equivalent of 90 inches, or 7.5 feet. Imagine the pain/joy of passing 7.5 feet of shit... that poor/lucky dog."

In short, it is physiologically impossible for what doniker writes about to have happened EXACTLY as he described. He cannot be seriously asking us to believe him to the clinical precision of an autopsy report. He would be justly laughed at if he were.

Nevertheless, he is quite accurately chronicling his reactions to it, and that is the point of the story and what makes it a good representative of the doniker genre. And nobody, in the almost four years since this was first posted, has felt it necessary to flame doniker for "fiction," or exaggeration, or anything else. People have just enjoyed it for the the good story that it is.

So, doniker, as I've said before: You tell as good a shit story as anybody on this site, but let's all be a bit more tolerant and permit one another a little artistic license, such as you have clearly taken here in the name of great pooperature!

Dumpster......you think too much! Relax some dude!!!

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Have a Crappy Day!! Poop Shooter!

I meant that in a genuine nice way too. Not trying to be a smart arse!

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Have a Crappy Day!! Poop Shooter!

Dumpster doesn't think too much; it is just a lot more work for him than it is for most folks.

in response to the claim that I exaggerated the size of this dog turd...I didn't and now wish I would have caught it on film.

I will admit the dog is now about 35 pounds and it surely has laid other (if not larger) 9 inch long, 1 1/2 inch thick logs in my yard.

If your ever in Cleveland drop me a line...you can come over and wonder around in my backyard and measure some dog poops...I never pick it up.

Doniker, you need to get in touch with this guy.

I will be happy to look you up should I ever be in Cleveland. In fact, that's not too far from where a certain, ah, old flame of mine currently resides, so maybe I could hang out with a new friend as well as an old one!

Doniker, that's a good story but you got it wrong. I came into your house that night ot raid your fridge and unloaded that turd onto the floor. Sorry man. I figured it was time to come clean.

I have a 4 year old lab that has pooped some surprising things in her time. When she was a pup I used to call her "The Goat" because she would eat just about anything. My favorite of all time consisted of two hair ties, a used tampon, and some crayons. Maybe next time she eats something weird I will feed her a huge hamburger to make sure it comes out ok. I've always wondered what might still be floating around in her intestines.

Megan, you're desperately lucky that your dog never had to be taken to the vets for intestinal twisting or gastric blockage.

Please keep an eye on your dog! We don't want to hear that doggy passed on because it ate an entire set of dominos or something.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Daphne,

We've kept a pretty good eye on her since we realized she was eating that stuff. The garbage cans all have lids now and the seat is always down. However, we recently adopted a 12 yo lab and after a day at the dog park he puked a mouse on to my husband's arm during the ride home. It never ends.

It could have been worse.

He could have puked up a Chihuahua.

Shit. My bulldog is fully capable of eating a chihuahua. I have yet another thing to worry about.............
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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

__And I thought my Chihuahua took some of the biggest logs, obviously not. :)
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I'm here to prove that girls poop.

when my dog was a puppy, his sister had a fight with his brother and subsequently she removed his ear. my dog swallowed, and the next morning regurgitated, his brother's ear in the middle of the living room. oh they were all being watched by my x fatherinlaw. i was away on vacation. he didn't say anything the whole week. when i got home someone said those infamous words..."now don't worry, everything is ok..." beagles....