MAIN SECTIONS
MAIN SECTIONS
Stories About Poop Intellectual Crap Consumer Reports Fun with Feces Poop at the Office Techniques Travel Logs The Captain's Log Academic Poop Home  
RESOURCES The PoopReport Gift Pack Poop Culture: The Book The PoopReport Store The Skatole Shirt PoopReport FAQ Best Of PoopReport Press Room Advertise! PoopReport on Myspace PoopReport on Facebook  NEWS AND ADVICE The BM News Wire Ask PoopReport Ask a Poodiatrist Eternal Debates FEATURES Special Reports Movie Poop Archive Toilet Paper Survey Pooetry Comics Poop Contests MOVEMENTS Shameless Shitting Poop For Peace The Summer Stoolstice DISCUSSIONS Shit Of My Career Childbirth Poop Book Of The Shameless First Memory of Poop More... REPORT POOP Poop Forums PoopReport Chat Submit 
NavigationPoop Comics Our BuddiesLower left rotating ad most recent poll -- formattedPoop at the Movies |
 Looking After Others'Posted 01.24.2003 by Snapper (168)
Have you ever wondered what would happen if you ate a big box of chocolate and a shit-load of peanuts, and drank twenty beers in one evening? Well, let me tell you a little somethin'...
My ex-boyfriend, who we'll call "Fred", agreed to help me study for my finals last Sunday. I called him on his cell phone at 10am when I woke up. There was no answer, so I decided to start studying on my own. I called him again at noon. Still no answer. I tried again at 2pm, then again at 3pm. Still nothing. Like a neurotic mother, I started getting worried. I got the same kind of image that my mom says she gets when I don't call her in a week -- I pictured Fred dead in a ditch with blood running from his eye balls and frothing from the mouth. The last time I had talked to him was the night before, when he was watching hockey at his buddy's place and working on his sixth beer of the evening. Where the hell was he now? Worried, I decided to drive over to Fred's house to see if he was alive. I knocked on his door, and there was no answer. So I broke into his place with my bank card -- he has a shitty lock. When I walked into the apartment, I could smell the weird and disgustingly pungent stench that his body radiates when he is sleeping. I walked into his bedroom and saw a mountain of blankets with the shape of a body huddled in a fetus position underneath. I called his name a few times until he jolted. He uncovered his sheets and glared at me like an anti-society hermit in the woods. Nervous and a little bit scared, I sat on the chair and patiently waited for him to wake up. I tried making small chit chat, like people sometimes will when they go to see a sick relative or friend in the hospital. Fred eventually mustered up enough energy to sit up. He sat on the side of his bed, staring wide-eyed at the floor for a few minutes before he finally began to speak. He listed off a concoction of items that he had ingested the night before. After I talked to him last night, he had three more beers at his friend's place. He went with another friend, "Bill", down to a local pub and had three more. He and Bill went back to Fred's house and drank an 8-pack of Lucky he had in his fridge. He smoked over twenty cigarettes -- about one smoke per beer. When he was at the bar, he dumped a few mugs of peanuts into his backpack. While telling me about this, he lifted up an empty 485-gram box of Neilson's Rosebud chocolates that my mom bought me a couple of days before. I had left the box full at his house. He had eaten one Rosebud per peanut. He must have been up all night stuffing this shit in his mouth. Needless to say, he felt pretty rough. We started betting what his shit would taste and look like. We figured it would probably taste sweet and be dark and runny, like melted chocolate. He drank a coffee and we started studying. The coffee must have seeped through his bowels pretty quickly, because soon enough the color drained from his face and he looked like he was shock. He ran into the bathroom. I told him that I wanted to see what he crapped out... I am above all a PoopReporter. He was in the bathroom for about 10 minutes. When he was finished, I walked into the can. The smell was thick and stuck in my nasal cavity. The shit molecules from the smell seemed to penetrate my snot. I could smell it for hours after the bathroom encounter. Fred described the order of events to me. He pulled down his boxers and sat down on the toilet. He pushed for a while and felt plugged up. He said it felt like he had to explode, but nothing was happening. Finally a large, dark brown fecal cork popped out and he started to ass-piss a brown liquid with the viscosity of water. The flowing stopped for a moment, and was followed by a thick, dark brown Play Dough-like substance that spilled out in blobs. As it dropped, it stuck to the toilet bowl and wouldn't slide down without help. When he was done shitting, Fred tried to flush the toilet. Only about half of the globs got sucked into sewer land. Fred used the toilet brush to push the rest down. Sorry, secret agents, but my investigations didn't lead me into tasting the chocolate turd. Maybe next time. -- Snapper Post new comment
|
Ad 1
Ad 2
Text Ads
Recent comments
Who's onlineThere are currently 0 users and 793 guests online.
Thong ad Highest Users
Browse content by author View some statistics Learn more about userpoints |
