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Lost And Found

Posted 03.26.2002 by Justin (49)

Whenever I finish pooping, I always take a look at the mess I've made in the toilet before I wipe. I'm pretty sure we all do. This peek is not only fun, but informative. It's important to know what is coming out of you, and you can impress yourself sometimes.

The way I look is I kind of half stand-up and look between my legs -- with my butt in the air. OK, before you stop reading, bear in mind I'm telling you this for a reason -- I'm not a pervert. You see, whenever I pull this little maneuver, I always think of an old pair of glasses that I had in college.

Let me explain.

When I was a freshman at Syracuse University I lived in a dorm and I wore glasses. Anyway, one day I had just finished crapping and I looked down to see quite a load of diarrhea in the bowl. It must have been all the dining hall cheeseburgers that I ate for lunch. As I was analyzing my feces, everything went blurry and I heard a strange plop.

That's right, my glasses fell in the toilet.

I couldn't see any trace of them, because of the un-firmness of my poop that day. The thought of rooting around in my own shit was pretty nauseating to me, but I needed those glasses. So my next course of action was apparent.

I wrapped my hand in toilet paper (this was the best I could think of in a crisis situation), took a deep breath, and started searching. It was not as easy to find them as you would think. A toilet is a big place when it is filled with poop. I was fooled into thinking that I had found them by a particularly firm piece of poop. This was almost enough to make me vomit.

I couldn't take it anymore and I pulled out. I looked with dismay at my hand and had an idea. If I flushed the toilet, the poop would go down, but my glasses might not. Since I didn't want to go back in there, I hit the flush without too much thought. The water cleared and -- there they were! I grabbed them out of the relatively clean water and felt pretty good.

As I was holding my glasses, I realized that I would never be able to put them back on my face again because of where they had been. I felt pretty stupid as I dropped them in the garbage on my way to taking a very long, very hot, shower.

I'm no longer in college, but I'm afraid of laser eye surgery so I still wear glasses. I learned my lesson, though. Since that day, I take off my glasses when I crap.

-- Justin



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Super Bowel (22) -- 03.26.2002

Toilet Fishing!

Mya Butschtinks (not verified) -- 03.26.2002

I am a poop peeker (copy written term) too. However I don't hover my head directly over the bowl. I kinda just stand and wipe . ..and peer from a safe distance.

Dave (11451) -- 03.26.2002

I can't imagine wrapping your hand in toilet paper was able to keep the diarreah water away from your skin...

DIARHEA!!1 (not verified) -- 03.26.2002

DIARHEA!!1

Skiddy Poo (76) -- 03.26.2002

"shit goggles" ... funny.

burrito gas (not verified) -- 03.26.2002

While your standing there with your butt in the air, let me stand behind you with my big hard cock. Then I can slide my cock in your asshole while you wear your shit goggles.

Brown Shower (not verified) -- 03.27.2002

Burrito Gas...so, will every new story bring on the same same wish for you to slide your "big hard cock" in someone's butthole?

Fartsmeller (not verified) -- 03.28.2002

Pretty sad to want your "big hard cock" (yea right) stuck into a brown eye full of gooey fudge. That would be the ultimate description of a very lonely guy!

Justin (49) -- 03.29.2002

No Dave, the toilet paper did nothing except get stuck to my hand. That's why I headed for the shower.

Matt (75) -- 03.30.2002

I can't believe this shit exists!

love poop humor (not verified) -- 03.31.2002

I loved this story. The comment from burrito gas made me want to puke.

jeffyboy (not verified) -- 04.02.2002

i like to eat pooop but only mushy ones or if they're real stiff i swallow em' whole

Diane (not verified) -- 04.07.2002

the comment from burrito gas was a little to much for me, if you want to say shit likt that go into a gay chatroom....

Troy (50) -- 05.14.2002

Seems like there is a lot of upstate NY content on this site! Guess we have a poop culture up there.

Great story Justin. Have had to do some toilet trawling myself to retreive a cell phone, but luckily it fell in there before I pooed!

If you don't wear your glasses how can you appreciate your accomplishment properly? Ever thought about contacts?

Jeffyboy & burritogas - Can you at least make your comments relevant and/or humourous?

i can't beleive this shit exists either (not verified) -- 08.14.2002

i am seriously thinking of adding this website to my work out.. damn the laughter is really defining my abs.... oh yeah and buritto gayaass your comment just made me want to have sex wtih the next female i saw just to get that thought out of my head. go find some gay chat or something. cuz this is seriouse shit talk here aight peace

wendy (not verified) -- 09.15.2002

my glasses are always falling off my face.

im glad i read your story, ill never forget to take them off before i crap.

Robert (not verified) -- 11.14.2002

Great story, Justin. Unforgettable. Priceless.

burritogas, that's disgusting. I don't want to imagine fucking a guy with a shitty ass, but by reading that I was forced to. I hope you fall in your own shit.

jaesen (not verified) -- 06.09.2003

I think its funny that some of you have such a strong opinion against burrito gas being offensive.You do realize that you just read a story about a guy who enjoys looking at his own crap.

Poopshipdestroyer (31) -- 08.14.2003

You hit the nail on the head, jaesen. To me this is the most perplexing and paradoxical aspect of PoopReport: that people who themselves would be deemed disgusting by the dominant part of society, and who would defend their normality and right to be interested in shit in the face of such accusations, would turn around and label others as disgusting or sick. It doesn't make sense to me, unless it's some kind of internalized self-judgment projected onto others. Isn't PR ultimately about questioning apparently natural categories like 'disgusting' and 'normal'?

The Shit Volcano (3555) -- 10.16.2004

This story had me laughing and gagging at the same time. *shudders* Oh, ew! I can't imagine digging around in my own poo flakes! YUCK YUCK YUCK!!!!! Excuse me, I have to go wash my hands.

Ew!

Clear Poop (not verified) -- 03.24.2005

This happened to a co-worker at the office once. (Yes geologists have offices, too.) He stood up and somehow his glasses slid off his face and plunked right into the bowl. He didn't dare go "toilet trawling" with his hand. He was too blind without his glasses to look and he was afraid he'd flush them down the toilet. Instead he stumbled out into the hall and called on some of the guys for help. No one wanted to stick their hands in the bowl so we fished it out with the pointy end of a rock hammer. Just seeing the look on his face when we carried the thing, dripping from the end of the hammer, to him was priceless. He was so disgusted! We were laughing our asses off.

DungDaddy (1346) -- 09.20.2006

I wear glasses and this is one of my most terrifying irrational fears. Dropping them in the toilet. No kidding.

healthy 1 (1422) -- 02.09.2007

Question 1: How could somebody mistake poop for glasses, they feel completely different.

Querstion 2: Wouldn't common sense tell you to fish in the drain hole, as that is the most likely place that the glasses would have landed?

Question 3: Rather than throwing your much needed glasses waay, wouldn't a little soap and water do the trick?
_______
I am winter's hurricane, I am the great blizzard of 1899, and no body shall be exempt from my wrath.

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