I never understood tattoos or the people who get them. I heard a psychologist once say that anyone with more than 3 tats is a sociopath, since they can't tell right from wrong and don't give a damn what others think of them. Either way, I think tats are a desparate cry for attention from people who don't fit in with normal people and want to fit in with the "counterculture". In other words: losers. Good luck to you pal, you are going to need it.

FirstPost....Long winded story...but good

Good story Pill, it`s goog to see "them that deserves, gets". `Nuf said. I do have a question for my learned colleagues. I have observed that, considering the various tell-tale components one ingests, i.e. peanuts, corn and the like, that often they exit in a different order or even different day that they were consumed. The guestion is; Does the human bowel have a "siding" to allow the express Super Chief to pass the slow moving coal train? Just wondering. thanks.

opinions are like assholes...everybody's got one

Interesting observation Scooby

C Everett Poop:

So you're saying that I'm a sociapath? Hmm.. On the contrary, I hold a normal job, have a normal life and in fact, am pretty normal besides the tattos. I probably make double the money you make and lead a much more normal life. I love how people think that tattoos are a counterculture. Ever read your history books? In ancient cultures, tattoos were used a right of passage or used as a coming of age ritual. Like I pointed out in my story, I never alienate anyone regardless of if they have tats or not. It's just pretty ironic that most of the people who DON'T have any ink alienate us. Maybe you need to grow up a bit and see people for who they are and now how they look...

Good story haha a taz smoking a bong wtf...
That guy sounded like a real fucking prick, karma's a bitch.
All my friends that have tattoos are all fucked in the head, and all the girls I know that have tattoos all have stupid tramp stamps or frogs or butterflies or some shit.

C Everett:

Methinks the Everett dost protest too much. I recall in recent comments you remarked about your own antisocial behavior (misoginistic bragging about real men never helping women or some such nonesense) and a very specific reference to Homosexual Bondage Scatology publications, with which you seemed very familiar. Interesting.

Maybe you're feeling guilty about who you are, and are transferring your anger with yourself onto people who get tatoos.

BTW i fail to see how inking ones own skin is an example of not knowing "right form wrong".

You sir, are a dolt.

i like this story. i hate people who get flash (never knew that's what they were called!) tattoos. for me, getting tattoos is a way of expressing yourself using your body, and you should put a lot more thought into what you get, instead of just picking something off the wall. i think people who do that are posers (and i really hate using that word) who are just getting tattoos to try to be cool. i almost felt sorry for the guy in the story, but he deserved it for picking such a lame ass tattoo!

i have two tattoos, and i'd have more if they weren't so expensive, and will get more when i can afford it. and i didn't get them as a cry for attention, because 1. i really don't like attention that much and 2. one of them isn't even visible most of the time, unless i show it to someone. i'm also not fucked in the head. almost all of my friends have at least one tattoo, and some of them are fucked in the head, but that has nothing to do with tattoos.

whoever that psychologist was that said people with more than 3 are sociopaths was an idiot. and so are people who make broad generalizations about other people.

oh yea, what's a tramp stamp?

I couldn't help but feel for the "Rockhead". I'm sure he was the jerk you describe, but the retaliation for his attitude could reasonably be interpereted as physical assault. I hope for your friend's sake that this guy doesn't read PR.

good story though. well told.

C Everett tells us "I heard a psychologist once say that anyone with more than 3 tats is a sociopath, since they can't tell right from wrong and don't give a damn what others think of them."

C Everett, I'm a psychologist, and I say that's a pile of horse shit. Now if you would give the opinion of the "expert" you quoted as much weight as you probably give mine, you'd be a lot better off.

Ha ha ha!!! That asshole deserved a little pain! However, I was a little disapointed. Not in the story, mind you. That was hilarious. What your tattoo artist friend should have done is tattoo a taz taking a huge, steaming pile of shit on the guy's chest!

Pill Pooper, Have you got your ass-crack tattooed yet (if you mentioned it, it I didn't read the whole story. poor attention span)? If not, you should get a tattoo of something real cool coming out of your butt, like fire or Elvis or a battleship or a bunch of corn.

Great story Pill. I don't have any tats myself, mainly because short of Donald Duck giving someone the middle finger, I can't think of anything I'd want on my body the rest of my life. Funny thing about Rock Head shitting himself. I remember back in high school, there was this momma's boy who made it a habit of trying to pick on me (actually this prick had been doing so since grade school), though he would never accept any challenges. Anyway, this prick's mom bought him a Blazer for his birthday, decked out with all the bass subs he could handle. Even worse, this douchebag had a Taz decal on the back, playing basketball that said "Who's Next?" next to it. Since then I've always associated Taz stickers and tats with douchebags. So far, I haven't been proven wrong.

Just curious, I too ride motocross, though I don't have the balls to do any 30-foot jumps. Anything higher than eight feet, and I'm pissing myself. What kind of bike are you on? I got a 2000 Honda 400 EX, and after a long day of that seat bouncing against my ass, it tends to knock a mean turd loose.

C Everett:
Just because people have tattoos does NOT mean they are psycho. I personally love a guy with tattoos everywhere. Good story........long, but good.

Obviously the smeeling salts were redundant after dude crapped himself. If his stench didn't awaken him, nothing would.

Well written story, BUT...

Did the punishment really fit the crime? Rock Head was a prick, no doubt. I'm pretty sure that if I met him on the street I would have wanted to hurt him, too, just for being a prick. But wanting to hurt someone and doing it are two different things. Does being a prick merit being treated like that by someone who's supposed to give you professional service?

The apprentice and his reactions are great--very funny.

first a technicality - it's "rite" of passage, not right. it comes from the root word "ritual".

i have noticed that people with tattoos are always a little bit special, sometimes in a good way but often not in a way that i prefer. i have no intention of ever getting one myself, but people's interests are so varied that even though i don't understand it i could never judge anyone for that alone.

one funny thing i see often in asia is middle-aged women with tattooed eyebrows. they must have gotten them a good 20 years ago because they turn blue or green over time (i'm guessing they were black originally) and migrate to a slightly different part of their face as the skin loses its tightness. what's more, they are extremely high contrast (asians normally have sparse eyebrows) and the most unnatural sharp wedge shape you can imagine. i really think they look awful.

What happened to Doniker?? Is he dead? He had such a way with words....

Me: you're right.. Typo on my part. I was tying that response quickly at work as to not have my boss give me shit for not doing said work..

Three Ply:
I ride a 1997 CR250 and a 1999 YZ250. I'm not much for 4 strokes these days. Fun bikes, but just don't have the wail of a 2 stroke. Then again, I haven't ridden the CR450F or the YZ450F yet..

Shatty Cake:
It wasn't really punishment. It was more of a rough sitting. Ask anyone who has been heavily tattooed and they will tell you that eventually you will come across a tattoo artist that swings a lead pipe. I.E. they have a heavy hand. One of my first tattoos was on my spine and you can actually feel the scar tissue on my back because the artist hit me so hard. But, I didn't shit myself.

Has anybody picked up on the ass tattoo idea yet. Really I think thats what Pill Pooper needs. How about it? Thats what this whole discussion SHOULD be about. We should all help pill Pooper decide what kind of tatto to get in his can. Tattoos are important to him and he's real cool. He doesn't get tattoos for attention. In his corn crack, only his "girlfriend" and his mom will be able to see it.

So what do you all say. I like the battle ship mentioned above, or better yet how about an octopus his bung hole could be where its eye is at and his pecker could be one of its legs. Any other ideas?

Pill pooper? How about it

Dave, how much will you pay me if I get PoopReport.com tattooed on my bicep? or maybe my forehead

An ass tattoo should be one of the following: Skull and crossbones with "Poisonous Gas" above the exit, a triple-triangle design with BIOHAZARD, or "One Way/Do Not Enter".

Excellent. The brown-eye-octopus is a darn good idea. Or he could get a picture of an enema bag tattooed on his back and have a hose tattoo going to his bung.

Dave. This has to be the next contest, doesn't it? -- describe the concept for tattoo which incorporates the asshole. Even if Pill Pooper elects to pass on the idea, someone will damn well do it and, we can hope, live to tell us about it.

Classic Beavis and Butthead lines:

Beavis: Tattoos are cool.
Butthead: Yeah, I'd like to get a tattoo right on my butt.
Beavis: Yeah, I'm gonna get a tatoo of a butt, that has a butt-shaped tattoo on it.
Butthead: Oh yeah? Well, I'm gonna get a tattoo of a butt, that has a butt-shaped tattoo on it, huh huh huh, and I'm gonna put it right on my butt.
Beavis: Yeah, heh heh heh heh.

I'm going to get an M tattooed on each ass cheek so when I bend over it sats MOM.

And let me point out that when you do the nude head stand, it will say WOW.

Actually, doing a head stand it will say WW, unless my hole is exposed.

i like this story

This story stank really good, It was a good read. I never had had any tatoos or piercings myself, and don't think i may. I never encountered anybody at work or in public that has ever pooped themselves. Another thing is if you give blood, you cant get a tatoo, but if you got a tatoo, you have to wait at least a year to give blood.

Tattoos are for morons and idiots. My dad told me that if I ever marked myself up with that garbage he'd kick my ass. Send me a picture of yourself when you're 60 and they're shriveled up and you look like an old freak.

This was well written and funny.If you go and put
this on Ubersite, you will become a God, in 10mins.Only post your stories here first!

great story...BTW, that's Sailor Jerry, a Hawaii-based tattoo artist...the story he used to tell people is that he had a pet monkey who drank a bottle of black ink by mistake, then some Navy guy in an immaculate white uniform comes into his tattoo shop, monkey hops up on the swabbie and WOOOSH! permanent black shitstorm all over the uniform! aloha!!

anyway i'm heavily tattooed, gainfully employed and enjoying the hell outta life, so i guess i must need a psychologist?!

thanks again for the tale.

WELL THATS WHAT HE GOT FOR TALKING SHIT THATS GOOD FOR HIS ASS. AS FOR HIS FRIEND AS FUCKED UP AS THIS SOUNDS I WOULD HAVE LEFT SHITY PANTS ROCKHEAD BEHIND.

IT WASNT ME

Pill P.-- If you read this, or anyone else with tatoos: I've wanted a tatoo since I was a teen, but my mom asked me to wait until I was 21, to be sure I still wanted it. I agreed, but by the time I turned 21, I was dating my husband, and he disapproved. We've been married long enough that...screw what he thinks, I am considering having one done for my next milestone birthday. What is the LEAST painful area to tatoo? I'm sure as hell not doing my chest!

PP: I laughed, I cried, I got inked. But seriously...

I've two small tatooes, both hidden from the general pooblic when I'm clothed (guess I don't qualify for the "sociopath" category to which CEP so hazily referred). Tats are an art form and a perfect identifier should I meet untimely demise and my carcass gets dumped by lunatic lumped into a "psycopath killer" category.....

GGG: The buttocks are the most padded area on the physique-hence the least painful when tatooed. My arse sports a heart with a lightning bolt through it. My second tat is between my tatas (very painful no padding on the breastbone area): a small leopard climbing upward. Both were done about 11 years ago and I've had one touch up on each.

Regrets? None. As years pass, one typically regrets not what s/he did, but rather didn't do...

"Rule number one: never make fat jokes to any woman who is larger then you."

Gotta remember that one.

_______
"Say, has anybody seen my sweet Gypsy Rose Volcano?"

Dumpster: Coincidence you reference this quote right after I mentioned my arse tat? Just what are you implying, Mister? That lightning bolt hasn't spread more than ....well.... it's still distinguishable, m'kay?

What's the obscure poetry line: ...'and never the twain shall meet'.....? Howsabouta Cardinal Rule Number Three: NEVER, and I mean NEVER make a fat lady joke while sitting in the chair of the female tatoo artist who outweighs you.

Bunghole in the Jungle, I agree with your comment of: Regrets? None. As years pass, one typically regrets not what s/he did, but rather didn't do... as Frank Zappa has said "It's better to have something to remember than nothing to regret".

Heavens no, Bunghole! I envision you as a sylph-like figure in "that darted, welted, tweeded riding habit complete with quirt in hand," or even better yet, wearing nothing but a leather merry widow, a g-string, a garter belt with fishnet stockings, and spike heels (all black, of course) complete with quirt in hand.

The "Fat Woman" I was thinking about works at the law school where I teach. She is so fat that her arms won't reach past her belly to the computer keyboard, so they have her some special keyboard that is broken in two and sort of sits on either side of her like a horseshoe. She isn't much of a typist, either, but all the liberal weenies on the faculty are scared of a suit under the Americans with Disabilities Act if they don't "accommodate" her, so she stays on, to the frustration of everyone else.

I can't even imagine what it must be like when she goes to the bathroom. Thank God we still have gender-segregated restroom facilities (at least for now).

_______
"Say, has anybody seen my sweet Gypsy Rose Volcano?"