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 On-board ExplosionPosted 08.30.2004 by Flight #2 (10)
Having flown over a million miles over the past ten years, I have witnessed some crazy things. However, one flight will forever be etched in my memory.
I was on the last flight of the day, departing around 11:00 back to DC from Atlanta. I had been upgraded to first class, and settled into my seat for the two-hour flight home. About two minutes after I sat down, an elderly, professorial-looking gentleman sat next to me. He carried a ton of books and papers with him, and proceeded to bury his nose into a book in anticipation of the trip home. We began our thirty-minute taxi to the end of the runway, fully expecting an uneventful flight. During the entire taxi, my seatmate grew increasingly uncomfortable, squirming in his seat, obviously worried that his bowels would not allow him to stay seated. Had we been departing any other airport, I am sure this story would never have happened. Not one second after the pilot told the flight attendants to take their seats for take off did this guy run into the front lavatory. We were now at the end of the runway, waiting for this guy to get out of the bathroom in order to take off. The flight attendants did their best to convince the guy to hurry up, so that we would not miss our take off slot. Unfortunately, we would soon find out that a quick departure was not in the cards. Thirty-five minutes later, the man finally peeked out of the door and asked the lead flight attendant to approach. As she neared the door, she turned her entire body in utter disgust. I swear I saw her gag. To her credit, she immediately approached me, and explained that I would need to find another seat. In a hurry to get home, I was more than happy to oblige. However, I asked the flight attendant what was the matter. She responded, almost bursting with equal parts laughter and disgust, "Sir... that man has feces all over him!" I immediately found a seat in the first row of coach, with a turd's eye view of the action in first class. The man exited the lavatory with shit all over his shoes and pants -- easily several pounds of mud. The plane began to smell very bad. Surprisingly, the plane did not return to the gate. Instead, the flight attendants covered the two first class seats with blankets, and then proceeded to wrap the elderly man in no less than three more blankets. He then shimmied his way to his seat, and we finally took off. As we finally reached cruising altitude, the pilot turned off the seat-belt light. In unison, and with noses and mouths covered in disgust, the rest of the first class cabin (minus our shit maker), flooded into the main cabin for the flight home. That's right -- our man spent the entire flight home, alone in first class, wrapped in blankets, wallowing in no less than three pounds of shit. -- Flight #2 Post new comment
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