Have a nice Bastille Day! (july the 14th)

Anti-French comments deleted. We all poop, therefore we're all brothers.

One nation, under log.

I think I would've waited until the neighboring stall was empty, but I applaud your undertaking. Can't make...anti-French statements...must..stop...here...

But Dave, the French are so much like poop!

Oh man, I would have sprayed my diarrhea all over the inside of that unsanitary French abomination, wiped my ass with my undies, made DAMN sure they clogged the john, and walked out with my head held high. Screw France.

Dude, I would have dropped a deuce in the sink (or hit it with some diarrhea if I had any on deck), wiped my ass with my underwear, stuffed that down the shitty-ass French commode, and then planted a souvenir French flag right in the middle of the giant-ass turd I left in the sink. C'est la Vie!

The short and sweet of it is that your butt, in its totally unwiped condition, was no smellier or dirtier than the average French butt.

I agree, maybe the anti french statements are inappropriate in this forum. If you don't have anything nice to say about the French then say anything at all, that is why I will choose to say nothing.

Glutgut, first of all "If you don't have anything nice to say about the French then say anything at all" makes no sense. Did u perhaps mean to say 'then DON'T say anything at all?' Because, your sentence, in its current form, is encouraging people to say whatever the fuck they want about the French, which is exactly what people here are doing, and more power to them for it. It's no secret that the damn French don't like Americans whatsoever, and if all we want to do is talk crap about defiling their shitters in retaliation, then I think they're getting a good deal. That terrorist-harboring, liberty-hating, anti-American cesspool of a country is damn lucky George II hasn't invaded their sorry little excuse for a country yet.

from CNN: "A pro-Iraq war US congressman who campaigned for French fries to be renamed "freedom fries" is now calling for US troops to return home from Iraq.

"Republican Representative Walter Jones is to introduce legislation demanding a timetable for the withdrawal."

"'I just feel that the reason of going in for weapons of mass destruction, the ability of the Iraqis to make a nuclear weapon, that's all been proven that it was never there.'"

In other words: the guy who made it cool for you to hate the French realizes maybe they were right. So get over it and turn your blind, kneejerk hatred to someone more deserving. Maybe Karl Rove, the guy who put a CIA agent's life in danger because her husband had the balls to tell the truth?

Flame war begins in 5... 4... 3...

Down with censorship!! Dave deleted my anti frog comments and left everyone elses. All frogs can gargle my American asshair.

Tydirium, you toothless moron, the reason he hated the French was only in part because they didn't support us. The other half of it was that THEY WERE FOUND TO HAVE BEEN SUPPLYING IRAQ WITH WEAPONS TO FIGHT US WITH.

Do your research before you post half-baked remarks like that, dumbass.

"Do your research before you post half-baked remarks like that, dumbass" is exactly what we expected of George and his team before getting us into Iraq. And it is becoming clear that when their research didn't suit their purposes, they ignored it. So why, Dr Dentz, do you get all bent out of shape with Tydirium and the claims he posts here (claims that put none of us in danger) and let George just say what he fucking wants at the costs of thousands of lives?

We sure have wandered a long way into the political hatefest with extraneous comments when simply casting poop referenced remarks about Franco lack of hygiene would suffice.

You stupid American morons! You don't know what you are talking about. Dave is right. Poop is poop, and thats what this should be about. Never mind that we enlightened French thought Iraq had WMDs too, but still get to say whatever we want. We were wrong as well as all of our beloved liberals in USA, but it was only BUSH who lied. I sill haven't figured it out why, but we are off the hook. It is only those with no responsibility, who get to have all the answers. Hah Hah! Hon Hon! But Sacre Bleu, I digress!

This forum is about poop, not politics. I am angered that many of you swine have implied that we, as a people, stink. What do you know any way, with your daily showers and deodorant? We do not stink like poop! We prefer to call it "mature biological matter." John Kerry could have taught you that.

The important point is, Nate had a life-enriching experience he could only have had in our wonderful country. Viva la Nate's Crusty Butt! and Viva la France!

Dave, a mighty rift has opened among Stalwart PoopReporters. I am saddened. Sure, Turdgutson, C Everett, and Dentz are homophobic black-helicopter gun-toting bigots, and Logjam and Tydirium are tree-hugging one-world tax-and-spend condoms-for-secondgraders elites. But we must come together for the liberation of intestinal contents. This is what brought us together!

PoopReporters! Keep your love/hate for our brothers across the sea to yourselves and unite in skid marks and plungers! Remember how you felt on Poop-For-Peace day? Don't let your poor knowledge of historic facts stand in the way of our brotherhood!

I am done.

Q: How many French soldiers does it take to
defend Paris?
A: No one knows, it's never been attempted.

Q: Why does Paris have so many tree-line streets?
A: Because the Nazis like to march in the shade.

Q: Why have they started cuttin down the trees?
A: Because the Arabs like to march in the sun.

Text of Classified Ad: French military surplus rifle. Excellent condition. Never fired, only dropped once.

Fuck those smelly pieces of shit.

Wow. You anti-French people are all idiots.

Do you even read the stuff you post?

'Allo, mai leetle love button. Mai ai caress your bee-yoo-tee-ful cheeks, above and below. Oui, oui, mai leetle cotton blossom. Mai ai pour some champagne down your blouse for you. Ah, Paree, Paree, such a bee-yoo-tee-ful city in which to parade around in mai stinque!

Dung daddy speaks the truth. Dave speaks the truth. Jean Pierre speaks the truth. We are here not as left or right, but straight down the brown slimy middle.

Tydirium. We may wish this were so, and hope that one day it may be so, but it certainly aint so.

It can be so, Logjam, if you wish it. Dentz has an irrational fear of people-of-color. You regurgitate everything your hear on the news without thinking. His intestines are clogged with porkrinds and pretzels, yours are awash with tofu, but you can co-exist in your esteem for the product thereof.

Like my wife said "pathetic how a bunch of loosers, in love with their poop, can get all riled up about Karl Rove..." (frankly, bringing Rove into this was WAY out) "...when they read a story about pooping on the train."

See? Even those who don't belong recognize what makes us special. Its the poop! This near-wipeless mishap could happed to anyone: right, left, black, white. It is BROWN that makes us one.

I thought I was done.

Hi,

I am a French citizen with a US green card, and I do indeed poop as well.

I'd like to apologize, on behalf of my country of birth, about the missing toilet paper in the TGV. I would nevertheless like to remind you that, when doing #2 in a public place, you should always check the premises first. You mentioned giving birth to a log ; in other words, you were not in a hurry. Had it been diarrhea, not checking whether toilet paper was present would be understandable, but I do not believe you have a viable excuse at present.

I think it's in our best interest to blame Canada for this.

As for the title of your article, the mistakes make it much more genuine, but I would like to help you improve by providing a correction:

"Ah merde! Il y a plus de papier cul."

Fun French fact: the slang for toilet paper is "papier cul." Literally, "ass paper."

*bows*

Au revoir.

Nate, all I can say is that as a traveler you should know to carry emergency wipes. I also wondered why you didn't think to use a sock? Were you sockless that day? Why did you try to go to the other car when you could have sent your brother or girlfriend to get you some toilet paper and saved yourself the trouble of walking around with crap in your cheeks? Did they not have paper towels to dry your hands with? So many questions...

C'mon guys, some pure racism has set in here.

Some of the things have really been downright abusive toward the French.

Lets all squeeze one out for some unity.

*scurries off to the john*

Ben,

Your post is an example of just one of the many reasons Americans have grown to hate the French: the arrogent, pompus, know-it-all attitudes you and your countrymen display toward the rest of the universe. You even feel the need to lecture someone on the proper way to utilize a latrine - as if YOU never got yourself caught in the bathroom without toilet paper. I mean, what do YOU even know about plumbing? YOU come from a country where the majority of public lavs are literally nothing more than a hole in the floor!

And then, you decide to randomly attack Canada...I mean, what the fuck??? Was the comment included because you think having your green card makes you an American, and so you're entitled to make a 'blame Canada' joke? Hell no!

Take your arrogent French attitude back home, mmmmkay?

French people do not shit, therefore are not human and are jackasses.

and canada is a mongoloid breeding ground.
Fuck canada!

Yes TT my grammar was off. I was in a hurry. Believe me I have plenty to say. However I was wrong in posting it here. It really has nothing to do with the subject at hand. Therefore I chose to say "nothing". By the way, the story was mediocre. But still worth the read.

DungDaddy. Oh, I guess your wife must be right. Thanks for sharing her thoughts with us.

Are you guys really serious? Ben's comment was clearly light-hearted... This is quite funny to watch, you poor Americans have really been warped in the last several years.

( Not french btw, not canadian :) )

then you're probably some third-world-country-dwelling terrorist asshole

Stephen: "You poor Americans" -- not all Americans. A majority, to my chagrin, but not all of us. We're not all bad. Some of us can still think for ourselves.

"then you're probably some third-world-country-dwelling terrorist asshole"

The difference between a terrorist and a hero, dearest, is perspective. George Washington was a terrorist in the eyes of the British. Historical outcomes determine the heroes (oh, ask Rove about that one.

I come from Ireland by the way, so I know of terrorism. 4 of the most 10 costly terrorist bombings were performed by the IRA.

"We're not all bad. Some of us can still think for ourselves."

In saying all this, I don't actually think Americans are bad at all. I think you people are some of the nicest around. As an Irish person I get treated great by Americans!

However, I think the country is suffering somewhat at the moment. The media reports very selectively-- so much so that we hear reports of 75% of Americans beleiving that WMDs were found in Iraq, or that Al Qaeda is an organisation rather than a mindset.

Anyways, PR aint about politics -- Its about brown unity; brownity if you will.

Yup. Stephen's a terrorist.

To equate a contrary opinion with terrorism is to cheapen the memory of those who died in 9/11. You should be ashamed.

People who live in countries that harbor terrorists always feel they have to justify the actions of the thugs their government protects. Steven is trying to do this using his horrendusly depraved understanding of world history by claiming that George Washington was a terrorist. Steven is therefore a butt-fucking moron.

Politics? Who the fuck cares. You can scream at strangers over the internet all you want, doesn't change as single thing. Anyway I liked your story Nate, very well written. Pleasure to read.

Reminds me of a classic joke:
What do you call a dehydrated frenchman?
Pierre.

I don't get it...

Dr Dentz,

I'm sorry that I came off as "pompus" ; but what do you know about France? Our toilets are rarely a hole in the floor. The only time I've seen that was at a camp site... And everyone thought it was very unsanitary...

Having lived in both France and the US, I'm afraid I can't understand why some uneducated americans hate the French. We do have somewhat different cultures, but the lifestyle is just so mind numbingly identical... We don't have as many TV channels on basic cable, and not as many warning labels on medication. And we don't have such big cars, and we don't have huge burgers, and we don't have Starbucks... But whatever, right?

We love America. We just don't like your president. You don't like him either. Where's the problem?

Even Saddam poops :O

Who the hell are you to tell us whether we like our president or not? I for one have no problem with George II, and as near as I can tell, Dentz doesn't either. There you go again, proving Dentz's point once more. Go away, frog.

Turd's right. You assume way too much. I support our president, even if the cowerous French don't, and don't you ever try to fucking suggest otherwise, ever again.

Your latest post once again reenforces the anti-French stereotype.

Ummmm, about the french dirty-ness, what do you guys think is the ratio of French bidets to American bidets? Umm, and you are all so frickin' EASY to rile up, sound like a bunch of 2nd graders arguing what kind of meatloaf was served in the cafeteria. But, if you need that kind of venting time that you might not be able to find in real life, I guess it's OK.

So if you guys hate the frech so much, you should totally start a petition to get the Statue of Liberty removed, because she was born in France.

Neither countries should have been worried about WMD's, they should have been cracking down on the Taliban. Now there is a group we can all flame on equally. I hope they go to hell and female Nazi's give it to them up the butt.

Only "uneducated Americans" hate the French, Ben? Gee, I have Masters Degree and I hate the French. Voted for GB too. Twice, in fact. And thank God we have a president who has the balls to do what needs to be done. And for all those sniveling liberals crying that Bush lied about WMD ... get a life. The intelligence from SEVEN DIFFERENT countries said the same thing.

Wow! I can't wait for someone to write a story about shitting on a train while travelling through, say, the former Soviet Union, Saudi Arabia, or maybe South Africa.

Ummm...yeah...I'm going to give my two cents into this little conversation here...First, trashing people over the internet is kind of pointless, isn't it just better to have a good argument in front of eachother? Second, Short N. Sweet, that was hilarious. And Third, as a kid trying to learn the amazing language that is French, Nate, I am in awe at your great ability to explain all that stuff to the conductor...snaps for you!

The French are worthless bastards.

Dr Dentz, turd, et al,

On an international level, if you support Bush, your opinion about other countries is pretty much nullified, because you lack a certain understanding of politics on a global level.

But that's okay, not everyone can be taught how not to settle for less when it comes to electing a president.

Dumb.

Q: How many gears does a French tank have?
A: 4 reverse and 1 forward, in case the enemy attacks from the rear.

Q: How can you identify a French Infantryman?
A: Sunburned armpits.

Q. What's the difference between Frenchmen and toast?
A. You can make soldiers out of toast.

Q: Why did the French celebrate their World Cup Championship in 2000 so wildly?
A: It was their first time they won anything without the help of the U.S.

Q. What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?
A. The Army.

"France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks it is a fine country. France has usually been governed by prostitutes." —Mark Twain

"I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me." —General George S. Patton

"Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion." —Norman Schwartzkopf

"We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it." —Marge Simpson

"As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure." —Jacques Chirac, President of France

"As far as France is concerned, you're right." —Rush Limbaugh

"The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee." —Regis Philbin

"The French are a smallish, monkey-looking bunch and not dressed any better, on average, than the citizens of Baltimore. True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whiskey I don't know." —P.J O'Rourke (1989)

"You know, the French remind me a little bit of an aging actress of the 1940s who was still trying to dine out on her looks but doesn't have the face for it." —John McCain, U.S. Senator from Arizona

"They've taken their own precautions against Al Qaeda. To prepare for an attack, each Frenchman is urged to keep duct tape, a white flag, and a three-day supply of mistresses in the house." —Argus Hamilton

"The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq." —Dennis Miller

"I would call the French scumbags, but that, of course, would be a disservice to bags filled with scum. I say we invade Iraq, then invade Chirac." —Dennis Miller

"You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He IS French, people." —Conan O'Brien

"I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get the Germans out of France!" —Jay Leno

"The last time the French asked for 'more proof,' it came marching into Paris under a German flag." —David Letterman

How many Frenchmen does it take to change a light bulb?
One. He holds the bulb and all of Europe revolves around him.

An old saying: Raise your right hand if you like the French.... Raise both hands if you are French.

Wow...hmm my two cents weren't considered...oh and to PatrioticPooper my right hand is now raised...

I ate four slices of of "sprouted rye" bread last night, and this morning, my poop smelled like a bakery on fire!

Am I on the right website?

PatrioticPooper,

I see you're trying to stay on topic by making lumps of poop come out of your mouth...

Try to fight a war on your own soil for once, and tell me how it feels.

Oh wait. That never happened and probably never will. That's so virgin.

Ben, you may wish to remember the American Revolution, the British Invasion of 1812, and the American Civil War of 1861, none of which was accompanied by American appeasement of the aggressor.

Short and Sweet. I seem to remember the American Revolution, namely the battle of Yorktown. I also seem to remember a fellow that was always hanging around George Washington. Lafayette was his name. I wonder what country he represented?
As for the story. I liked it alright. I am curious though; have the French changed the way their train shitters work? It's been a long time, but I seem to remember being able to see the tracks when looking in to the open toilet.

First, if you believe there are weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Bush should be thankful that people will believe anthing someone at all charismatic tells them - whether there's solid proof or not. Welcome to your place in history, Bush. And if you believe all the proof, you have not been paying attention and have not been paying attention to Bush's motives. Think oil. Secondly, France is in the freaking middle geographically. Of course they're hesitant. We're relatively safe over here, we're confined by Canada and Mexico. Third, it is not always bad to be cautious. Especially when rushing in can prove to be so much more harmful, and the harm in question was not to your country. It turns nations against each other - this forum is case in point. This is not always a bad thing. But for...this reason?! Your ignorance astounds me...and it amazes me that years of college can leave people just as stubborn and ignorant in some respects as when they entered. World politics seems to be beyond some people's grasp. But of course, this isn't a politics site, so it shouldn't be expected of you. But please, try to think a bit. You know. With your own head, not Bush's.

Why the fuck would you pull Canada into this stupid argument? All were here for is SHIT.

Damn, Anon -- you write at an eighth-grade level. I'd say your first sentence was contradictory, but it could only be so if it made sense, which it doesn't.

Ah, well, now Ben has someone to keep him company that thinks at the same wine-addled level.

Guess who has made more arrests of terror suspects than the US since 9/11? France. Guess who was also complicit in supporting saddam husseins regime in the past? The US (paging Misters Rumsfeld and Cheney...) Guess what nation is a vital partner in securing Afghanistan? France. Guess who overlooks these inconvenient facts when it interferes with their scapegoating? Right wing nutjobs.

France opposed the war out of self interest. Since when is that not a conservative mantra?

And yet 8th grade writing was apparently too complex for you. A. Bush is charismatic. B. He said there were wmds in Iraq. C. People believe him, because he is charismatic. D. It doesn't matter that there was no proof. E. It doesn't matter that lying was beneficial to him. F. People defend him because they don't think for themselves, they believe everything they read or hear. G. One only contradicts someone's writing style if they don't think past the superficial. Or if they have nothing important to say. And I agree with Bean Shit. All we're here for is shit.

"Guess who overlooks these inconvenient facts when it interferes with their scapegoating? Right wing nutjobs.

France opposed the war out of self interest. Since when is that not a conservative mantra?"

I couldn't agree more, crapmonster.

The whole world is full of idiots. The whole world is full of shit. Let's drop it already.

Well, I will avoid the poop slinging and political commentaries here. The comments say more about the posters than the people they were directed to....However, the story is excellent. But of course, you can always use your socks or underwear when caught in a pinch like this.

It amazes me that people can put so much thought into the structure and grammar and verbage of their post without spending anytime pondering the meaning of the words they are typing. "Fuck France! They all hate America!" They are exactly like you, doing exactly like you are doing. If you truly think you are better, don't sink to their level.
People like some ofthe posters above are why Americans need to lie and say they come from Canada when they travel abroad. Why would you sully our name like that if you truly love America? Why are you making it seem like all Americans are assholes?
Thanks for ruining my country, shitheads.

gee whiz people! I thought this was just a lighthearted,funny website,not another place to scream "I'm right!" and "NO I'm right!" Grow the hell up and have some fun! Life is too damn short to fight over politics.Everyone has the right to their own opinion...and the right to keep it to themselves.

i think it would have funnier, and less embarassing for him if he would have flushed his undies. ( yet more am bare ass ing) all this stories needs is an airplane toilet instead. :) |)

btw, i have nothing against the french, it airploane toilets i hate!! they are dirty rotten ass suckers, those airplane toilets!! grrr.

Oh, HELP us!

*"Clean-up on Aisle un, please. Clean-up on Aisle un"*

Two comments: (1) DungDaddy for President, for his first post, above.

(2) Nate, if you had been a man like Logjam, you would have wiped your ass on your hand, washed it, and gone on to serve drinks to everybody.

It is amazing how so many americans are whining about how the french are asshole, bigots, etc. when they are doing the exact same thing. Stick your hypocrisy up your asses you pukes. And for the jackass who said he has a masters degree and still hates the french so what? Your proof the american educational system is seriously flawed. Go to hell.

Merci, habitant de la terre de la ponctuation. Je vais manger un hamburger de fromage.

Gee all this anti-french assholes should remember that if it wasn't for the french they would all be speaking REAL english and having tea time at four o'clock. Ungrateful bastards.

Dave (10559) -- 07.13.2005
Anti-French comments deleted. We all poop, therefore we're all brothers.

One nation, under log.

unsinkabe, with liberty, and a fresh roll of TP for all.
_______
I am winter's hurricane, I am the great blizzard of 1899, and no body shall be exempt from my wrath.