Ram it Down the Poop Chute

// // 19 Comments
m 1+ points - Newb
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It happened in 1984ish... making me all of 11 years young... a day that would live as one of the most
embarrassing bathroom experiences ever...

I was at my friend Brad Barton's house one summer afternoon. We had been outside all afternoon
playing war or something like that, when all the sudden my little boy stomache started rumbling out of
control. It was definitely time for me to visit the bathroom.

Now I dont know about any of you out there, but I had a BIG problem about pooping at anyones house
other than mine. It was just something i was very uncomfortable with -- but this time, there was NO
getting out of it. I HAD to let it go. So I quickly ran through the house to find the closest bathroom,
locked the door, and proceeded to do my thing.

It was incredible. I mean, this shit was incredibly long. I couldn't believe that this thing
actually came out of my little ass. But needless to say, it did...

So I pulled my pants up and reached for the flusher... but that's when trouble set in...

The giant poo would NOT go down the toilet. I tried and tried, flush after flush... but there it
stayed. Halfway submerged in water, with the rest of it stuck to the side of the bowl, basically
standing up vertically...

I was horified... what was I gonna do now??

I couldn't just leave it there, for his mother to find, or his older brother (which was even worse
being that he would announce to everyone that I was the kid who shit at other peoples houses and didn't
flush)... No way. Something had to be done.

Well, I sat there for a few minutes, and then I started looking throughout the bathroom for some sort
of utensil to unlodge the monster-crap. As I opened the closet, I peered down at the floor, and to my
suprise I saw a hole in the floor... a hole which seemed to not go anywhere, but a hole through which I
could drop my poo, and forget about it. I would hide it there... no one would EVER know...

I found something that I could grab the poo with, and I reached into the toilet to grab it. I was
gonna go for it. I was gonna drop the poo in the black hole.

I pulled it from the murky doodie water, quickly moved towards the closet, knelt down, poo in hand,
and dropped that shit through the hole in the floor. I smiled with the feeling of victory. I had gotten
rid of the poop. Noo ne will ever know what happened to me in the bathroom that day...

well, later that day, I had already gone home... but what happened was that it turned out the hole did
in fact go somewhere... it went directly to the basement of the house, where the washer and dryer were,
where the mother did the laundry... And that night when she went downstairs, she was greeted by a HUGE
piece of shit splat down right in the middle of the floor.

I was at home when the phone rang, and it was Brad's mother calling for MY mother... and boy did the
shit hit the fan...

Needless to say, I rarely visited Brad's house after that day, nor could I (I still can't) look that
poor woman in the eye...

I shit on her floor...


-- Jason

19 Comments on "Ram it Down the Poop Chute"

Zeek's picture
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Good thing it didn't land in the washer.

Jen's picture
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Now that was just DUMB! If you could pick it up, why couldn't you just break it up to flush??!

Jill's picture
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I hope it wasn't on Brad's shirt!

poopstar's picture
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EWW! Great story!

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points
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Wha ha ha ha ha ha!!!

Kids do the dumbest damn things!

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Clear Poop's picture
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Damn! You have issues guy! Imagine being so terrified of someone catching your poo in the toilet that you would actually TOUCH it! That's just... gross! And where did you think that hole would go? The Netherworld?

KeepOnCrappin's picture
k 500+ points
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DAmned stupid retard.

"KOC -- the Cool Crapper" - Rat Droppings

The Shit's picture
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Kids do the dumbest things :-)

Fart Poopie's picture
j 1000+ points
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It could have been worse. Imagine what would have happened if his mom had been washing clothes at the time and the poop landed right on her...

Brad Barton's picture
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This story is totally about me... and it is a little off. Poetic license, I guess.

Yes, Jason did shit in our house. Yes, Jason did pick it up and hide it in the hole. No, it didn't fall into the basement. Worse, it just sat in there, smelling up the whole place. Took days to find out what the damn smell was, as the hole was covered by a wooden door. It was for access to the pipes.

Truthfully, it wasn't until much later that we even knew it was Jason... As he came clean to me. I don't believe my mother ever called his mother, and Jason spent very much time at my house, even after this incident.

As for Jason and I... We havce spoken very little since Jr High School. But, I tripped over this posting a couple years back, and it resulted in me tracking him down to share the laugh... Too funny.

Oh, and since he was sooooo kind as to use my full name -- this little shitter was Jason Lehrman... So, if you come across someone who is in his early 30s (this is 2006) and he goes by this name, don' trust the little fucker. Last I knew, he was somewhere in Atlanta or California. Although, I know his family is in AZ.

healthy 1's picture
j 1000+ points
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Kid can do some pretty dumb things, but then again, everything at that age is a learning experience.
_______
"-55F, a new record low? Nope, thermometer went bad. Looks like -50F still stands"

"Two percent of the population think; three percent of the population think they think, and 95 percent of the population would rather die than think."

DungDaddy's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points
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Who woulda thunk it? It wasn't a hole to nowhere. Good Story.

loaf pincher's picture
l 100+ points
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turd terroist! i am with you i hate shitting at someone elses house.good story

crap master's picture
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i had crap like that before it clogged the toliet!

Inside Joke's picture
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Hard to believe that was Jason... I could have seen Shane doing it just to be funny. But Jason... would have guessed Ryan first.

LeandraCullen's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points
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How did she know it was you? Did your friend tell her?
_______
I will never shit somewhere that only has that horrible, scratchy brand of toilet paper. That stuff sucks!

The Original Grasshopper

mc fagget xD's picture
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lol wut the fuck were you thinking but funny story

Anonymous Coward's picture
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wait, so you found a tool good enought to pick up the poop and completely remove it from the toilet, but you couldnt simply dislodge it? thats either total BS or youre retarded

Courtney B.'s picture
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Lol! Wow that just made my day :) poop is awesome.