Why do people insist on physically breaking apart enormous turds? Tinker toys? Plungers? We have chemicals that kill insects and other pests, and we now have chemicals that dissolve our poop.

Oxy-Clean isn't just for diapers. Pour a scoop of it on a giant log, and within an hour, you'll have poop soup in your toilet.

In our fast-paced world, we can't afford to admire our poop forever. We'll always have cherished memories of our turds, and maybe a photograph if we're lucky; but for practical reasons, poop needs to be flushed away at some point.

I've used Oxi-Clean on several occasions to dissolve my massive bowel movements, easing my poop's transition from the toilet bowl to the septic tank.

Join me in the 21st century, people!

I love these time posted type stories, I'm a big fan of them.

Good story.

FIRST POST RULES!

And dude... get free of your shame.

Great story, it read like "Moby Dick" with the sea struggle.

Sink that Bismarck!!

LOL.... I love Daphne
2nd post sucks as bad as a Dookie dog post!

GEEEE WHIZ... thats the second time that has happenned.. LOL

Rock on Log! And that clerk has no one to blame but himself for soiling his tie. What the hell was he doing getting that close to your turd?

Ever consider joining the International Federation for Competitive Eating? I always wonder what kind of shit Takero Kobayashi takes after eating 53 hotdogs in 12 minutes.

Byoooootiful tale! 10/10

I would like to see some proof of this claim for Oxy-Clean.

Does it work for logs covered with water? Or only logs exposed to the air? What about the smell while your poop festers and bubbles for an hour?

Yea what about an Oxy-Clean test? It doen't work on stains the way they advertise. I loved that story I could picture myself there I haven't taken a dump like that for many years, oh I can still clog the can now and then but no more massive logs. Why would someone want to destroy something so beautiful as a 2 foot logger? There ought to be a law! Very good story.

Oh and Deuce, tell Kenny hello for me I know you two didn't hit it off at first, but he told me about the other nite I hope you two are happy together.....and I do mean together.

Tydirium:

It works for logs covered with water. I haven't tried it on logs exposed to the air. For some reason, my giant turds are always sinkers (except for any portions that simply don't fit below the water line).

Since floaters are filled with more gas, maybe the odor would be significantly worse during their chemical break-down. I dunno. My nose didn't notice much of a difference with the sinkers, however.

It's used to help clean dirty diapers (and other organic messes). It works on adult poop just as well.

I probably woouldn't use it if I was concerned about TP overload, however. If the toilet backs up because of TP, you'll have an even worse mess to clean up -- liquified feces.

Mr. Log, if you ever find yourself in Pennsylvania, you should eat at Pickles Steakhouse in Emmaus. They sell a 120 oz. steak for about $70. Very big steak. It's designed for a group, but if one person can eat the whole thing by himself in one sitting, he gets the steak free. It sounds like you could do that. And then you have to report on the poop that ensues after that gigantic chunk of meat.

Homer: Wait a minute. Is this the biggest steak you've got? Seventy-two ounces? I thought this was supposed to be a steakhouse, not a little girly, underpantsy, pink doily, tea-party place.

Waiter: Well, there is one steak that's available only by special request. We call it, uh, Sir Loin-A-Lot. It's, uh, the size of a boogie board.

Homer: Ooh, I'll have that one. And to drink ... meatballs.

Hibbert: [checks for a pulse] This man is dead. Looks to me like beef poisoning. [crowd gasps] Probably from some other restaurant. [crowd seems relieved]

Nice Simpson's tie in.

First of all, if I ate that much meat my joints would freeze up from agonizing iron crystals. (Yes, I am a freak who reacts to too much iron.)

Despite the disgusting diet, this giant shitter salutes you. It's a great tool for revenge. Just shit in your enemies' toilets and flush. I do it all the time.

Well, hell, I can eat 11 chocolate chip cookies. But that's friggin' awesome, the same hotel...the same clerk. The Shit Volcano, please explain to me the iron-crystals-caused-by-too-much-meat thing.

I have an iron toxicity problem that is triggered by eating too much red meat. When this happens I get very tired and it feels like my joints are full of crystals. Don't ask me what the condition is called because it's something long and hard to remember.

Shit Volcano, Are you Catholic?

Hi Shit Volcano, I think it's called hemochromatosis. Does that sound familiar?

No, dookie dog. I'm not Catholic.

Yeah, Dung Beetle. I think that's it.

I havent visited in a while - Daphne still here??

That isn't Doniker. Doniker would never talk about sticking anything in his asscrack.

And New, Daphne is still here. She prefers the forums.

Shit Volcano, are you irrated that I asked you if you were Catholic?

Yes, I'm still here.

And, I'm not sure if I'm going to post on the front page anymore, like Doniker, either. Getting flamed sucks.

Oh, but I must comment on the story. I must be going thru some type of mid life thing, but lately I'm just sick when I hear of anyone having to put up with their parent's baggage. This poor guy is feed constipating food so his parents don't have to stop, then he drops the whole load at once because of it. Then, his parents are mad at him and tell him to tip the clerk?
MASSive Log, that you can laugh at this now is a testament to the fact that you must be a pretty cool person. I enjoyed your story too. It was easy to read.

Daphne I thought you were only 35? mid life crisis? Are you catholic?

dookie, I swear I'm going thru something. I wasn't joking last month when someone called menopausal and I mentioned that my family went through it early. We all have kids early and well, stop early.

My mom started symptoms at 37, and I'm only 2 years away. I was Catholic, but then I became dissolutioned with the onset of the molestation "hide the priest under another coconut shell" church switching game.

Oh shit, no one wants to know this.

Dookie, you need to join the forums.

Excellent story! I think coincedences like that are fantastic!

However, having read the postings on this site for a while I think you Americans should at least experiment with Harry Hole's Oxy-Clean solution to blocking the toilet.

If it works all your problems are solved....... but on second thoughts we'd have a lot less stories for the "Poop Report"!!!!!

Just went into the chat room Daphne and either no one was there I'm stupid or haven't learned how to use the computer yet like I said before I'm new at this poo,poo. I will try again later gotta do a little work...

Dookie dog, I haven't been able to get anyone in the chat rooms either. I've heard that the best time to go on is about 6PM eastern time, but I'm never there in time.

dookie, I usually plug in to the chat at 5 pm pacific time to see if anyone's around. I've been lucky to get a few people.

But, I said forums! You should really join the forums. Shit Volcano, I hope I see you around. I guess it would be 8 pm your time.

Just did, and as usual I flooded the suckers! There's just so much to say!

I, for one, am glad you joined, Shit Volcano. Slim Jim and I missed you when you were gone.

What time is it my time? I found one of those free singles sites met this hot mamma from the midwest she sent me some nudie shots got all confused and turned on, realized if she was sending the pictures to me after meeting me on e-mail and knowing me for only two days she was sending them to others too.....oh well, I am going to E-mail her poopreport.com maybe one of you guys can move to the midwest and let me know what time it is?

Time to figure out your time, time and time again, in a timely manner before you run out of time this time.

ha,ha,ha,ha,ha.

I thought you were going to say that you came back to Colorado 20 years later to hear somebody say "this is the 20th anniversery the night that the Missouri boy produced the mother of all turds".

do u ever wonder if youll stretch out ur asshole n it wont go back to normal size?

That would only happen if your head got stuck up there.

Have you ever thought about having one mounted like a fish? Sounds like you could fill a breadbag.

Nick

Dude, I did the exact same thing. But mine was the size of my fist and two and a half feet long.
the toilet was pluged for 2 days. It took 2 bottles of liquid plumer and 20 minutes of high intensity cardiovascular conditioning plungering.