Editor's note: This is a true story.
Dateline Tuesday, September 11, 2001, 9:30 A.M. The place: the Brooklyn-bound
side of the elevated Smith/9th Street F-Train platform -- the highest subway station
in the system; a symbol of the city, a shining beacon, a triumph of engineering
over gravity.
It's an idyllic day -- smoky over lower Manhattan, but otherwise the sky shines blue
and bright. A crowd has gathered on the western-most edge of the platform -- young
and old, black and brown and white, this crowd is as New York as it gets. A
gathering of innocent men, women and children -- entirely unprepared for the
lawlessness and chaos they were to witness.
Readers, take a good, long look at your neighbors, your co-workers, your friends.
Who knows what evil lurks in the hearts of men? Who knows the motivations of the
guy living across the hall, or the seemingly innocent passenger sitting on the
subway next to you? As this reporter learned on September 11, you never know ---
until it's too late.
The incident occurred in broad view of everyone on the platform. The perpetrator, a
non-descript, unremarkable man, allegedly decided his own sick personal needs
outweighed the collective good of society. In full view of everyone on the
platform, he walked behind a trashcan, unzipped his pants, and let loose the chaos.
Not in this town, buster! Even before the last drops of the high-velocity urinary
assault on the superstructure of the station had finished flying, NY's Finest
pounced. A mixed-sex pair of gumshoes apprehended the perpetrator at the scene of
the crime, and immediately commenced writing a ticket.
Caught red-handed, the alleged urinator squirmed in his attempts to provide an
alibi, but John and Jane Law were not to be persuaded. Impervious to his
weaseling, they wrote the ticket with flourish and gusto, their very actions
inspired by the sacred knowledge that no attack on our fair city will go
unpunished.
"...in front of children!" chided one of the cops. I wasn't able to hear what the
man said in response, for a loud rumble from Manhattan and shrieks from the adults
and children in the crowd drowned out what he was saying. However, there's no
possible justification that could cut it for THIS reporter: like the officer said,
there are some things that children just shouldn't see.
-- Dave
Like Dave? He's featured in The Journal of Ass Production!
