Just the smell of Wendy's chili makes me want to shit. I wouldn't dare injest it. Ouch!

You should have taken a picture to prove this story to be of truth.

Awesome story!

"The smell hit me immediately and I gagged. I stumbled to the bathroom, holding my boxers at the legs so I didn't leak any chili onto the carpet."

That visual made me puke from laughing.

This story is real because I've had the spicy Number Three myself.

I have enough trouble with constipation that I am tempted to try your recipe. Do you think the 15 packs of hot sauce did it, or is it also important to combine with the chili?

I know the feeling of the #3. It is also known as the 3 alarmer. You should try the Spicey Chicken Sandbo from Wendys and add the Hot Sauce. That just multiplies the magnitude of the #3. And that thick stench... I can taste it as I type.

I would like to take this time to mention that this is the greatest site that I have ever came across. Thank God for PoopReport.com. Since discovering it 2 weeks ago, I have recruited 5 more guys from the office who read this every day.

Good Day... Good Poop

KEngel

Man....your poor toilet! You enjoy the meal and it has to take the punishment you feed it. Did you let it swallow at all during the process or did you wait until you were all through before flushing? I bet it didn't feel too good when you got done with it.

wow, I didn't even know Wendy's offered hot chili packets with the chili. I only get Wendy's chili maybe once a year, if that. I will have to remember this.

p.s. i love to "Dutch Oven" myself too.

Uh, what is it to "Dutch Oven" yerself?

Dutch Oven...when you are in bed, under the covers, blow a nasty fart. Put the covers up over your head or just lift them up to smell your aroma.

The best is to "dutch oven" your girlfriend while she is giving you head under the covers, or a chick can do it to a guy. (well since there are several gays on this site too, I guess I sure really say "your partner").

Ironically, I just ate chili for dinner tonight. But it was my own brew, deadly hot. Can't wait to feel the pain tomorrow morning!!!

doniker.... you can use the letters of your name to spell out "red oink". i think that there is some truth in this junior scramble. you are sometimes a clever writer, but i believe that in real life, you are a big red oinking pig. i doubt even gza gza gabor would enjoy being dutch ovened while giving you a beej. actually, i bet your little red bean stays constantly shriveled behind your moldy sheath. next time you are enjoying dutch ovening yourself, why not chew on some tinfoil? or maybe sticking a live wire up your nose?

you are a big plump penny, thats never been wiped.

hahaha...poop

i have instant diarrehaewsassadaweea all the time and # 3"s come by like a bowl of cereal in the morning why cant i just have butt sex sex sex sex sex sex huh someone do it with me

crapcritic, I am a married man who has sex regularly.

I never said I dutch ovened a woman while she blew me, I said it was something someone could do, it so inclined.

Wow, you prove the line for the most recent Austin Powers movie..."Everyone likes their own brand." CLassic line. I too enjoy my brand.

so, doniker. you have a doink to boink your little red oink?

you said "The best is to "dutch oven" your girlfriend while she is giving you head under the covers,...."

that implys that you have done it before. why doesnt your nice wife post on here sometime. she can even sit on daddies lap.

were you married in san fran?

Yeah, I want to know more about this recipe for #3, if all ya'll can cut the crap. Sheesh, we're losing sight of the important thing here - POOP! Honestely, do you think it's the sauce that did it? Or do you need to have the whole combo, including chili and burger? I don't know if we have that sauce in Canada... I've sure never heard of it. Oh well, that's what research is all about

Pun certainly intended- I'm using this "forum" as a means of getting out the idea I have: I will present this to Dave soon: I realize this site is enginereed and executed as a, "come one, come all" type site; however, I find the detritus that washes ashore of Lake Poopoli highly annoying. Any of the other Big 10 (Doniker, assplhegm, and so on; basically, any contributing author) agree? If not, I'll just go fill my bowl with my egoiste ideas...personally, I know I get upset when I pour out my heart and bowel, only to find a comment from some peon saying, "I eat poop". If so, maybe a petition and some help (if needed) with the coding would be in-order.

Hiney Pirate? I like the sound of that

i agree, that all of the feces should be kept on the planet. why was i not one the cool people in high school? i will tell you. i had pimples filled with pepto bismol.

I love crappercritic!!! :0)

nothing produces a proper number three like binge drinking cheap beer and eating spicy food. the beer shits are absolutely the most horrid runs you can get. when you gag at the smell of your own poo and your eyes start watering uncontrollably, you know it's bad. when you have to give yourself a courtesy flush...bad.

you know what's fun? having a #3 while high. i'm not a pothead, just a casual stoner.

This reminds me of one time I was in the mood for really hot food but nothing was to be found so I bought a pizza and asked for like 10 of those crushed peppers things they have at Pizza Hut. I coated the pizza with it and had perhaps the best pizza ever cause it burned so much. There really is a thin line between pleasure and pain.

Anyway, the next day my guts were on fire. I thought the acids churning in my lower GI tract would burn a hole in it and leak into my blood stream directly. I was really scared cause then every cell in my body would be on fire and I'd probably go into shock and perish. Medically, I don't think such a rupture is possible but all science and knowledge isn't worth crap when you are in pain.

Anyway I ended up birthing loafs that has poka dots on them. yes they were undigested pepper seeds. My hole was spiced and felt like someone had taken a red hot poker from a fireplace and inserted it up my rectum about 2 inches.

For the pain I jumped in the shower and used ice cold water to clean everything back there. I cleaned with water, then soaped it, and rinsed, and then gave a second cold water rinse just to cool things off. I felt a numb sting for a few hours but by the next day my O ring was back to normal.

Don't spend your money and time on silly man made cures for the O ring troubles. Cold water is the natural cure for inflamation and pain.

mmmm...yummey...ass chili

I eat poop. it tasty.

Wow. I must say, this was a blast for me to read, what with all the shit-flinging and whatnot. However, I too am a gay man, and find it extremely offensive that people are using my pet name (hiney pirate) as some sort of insult! Eek! Well, anywho, lovin the poop as usual, and let me also point out, that "sara" is a girl's name and I am a liar. But thats besides the point - I am at work and reading about shit at 2:35 in the AM! This fulfills something in me that dutch-ovening my b.f. (oops, I am a girl and he is my straight b.f. what a disappointment) does not. Now whats the deal with the whole "gaywad" thing. That term is SO 80's. Is it wrong to bring up the subject of "shitting cum"? Cuz I think its a topic though somewhat one-sided (I.E. most dudes - I mean, homophobes - wont cop to it) would be worthy of coverage. Dave, keep me posted. I've got lots of psuedoabstract potty-poetry on the subject. That is all.

I've read that eating some dairy product is the best remedy for a mouth burn caused by hot chili. Maybe we need to experiment: the next time one of us gets a chili-burned O ring, rub some yogurt or milk on it and see if that takes care of the pain?

As entertaining as the story above was, I cannot say I am too impressed with the responses. I took the story as an occurence that was fabricated to the point of unbelievable measures(thus it's entertainment). However, when people respond and admit to enjoying the burning sensation they feel in their buffalo-hole, or the armoa of their southwestern-winds you begin to wonder what sort of people you are dealing with. After reading all the comments, I have visualized a collection of people ranging from fat, balding, beerbellied, once-wanna-be-frat-boys-who-didnt-make-the-cut, eating all they can and examining their brown shoe, to the high school loser who sat at home on a saturday night asking himself out in the mirror, and finally to the regular sunday-gameday-backwards hat-husband. No woman likes a "dutch oven" and I promise.. if you test her more than 5 times there will be a divorce. And finally.. unless they reside in a trailor park and are named beth, roseanne, or becky, women do not "shit" or any other word you can describe it as. We are delicate releasers of the bowels and we'll leave it at that.

p.s. For the record an old friend referred the story to me, I was not in search of such a site.

"Not So Fond of Feces", it's spelled TRAILER park....and don't presume to speak for all women. I enjoy the occasional dutch oven and always giggle with childish glee and amazement that my body created such amazing pungent smells. I like my own brand. Hopefully you'll stay away and keep your pompous constipated visualizations to yourself.

Very funy true or not who cares

Smell my own brand..Hmm, since our sense of smell and taste are intertwined, I think we really "taste" our own poo when we sample the bouquet. On the Dutch oven, try a Dutch cannon: fart in the end of a long tube, like some flexible pipe insulation, and blow on that end to propel it to your significant other's nostrils as they lay sleeping. Does anyone know of a good way to get gas into a ballon?

i like to poop in my panties

ive seen jessicas comments on other response columns and they are all pretty much the same

I like to poop in my wife's panties.

I love the smell of my own farts! Every time I eat pasta sauce I get really raunchy, nasty ones. Then I pull up the covers and take a deep whiff. If I ever find someone to join me he could be The Shit Volcanologist taking gas samples. Is there an impending eruption? News at eleven!

Try a dutch oven with the electric blanket turned on. Talk about magnifying the smell...wow.

Next time I go to Wendy's I will have 20 hot sauce
packets and shit on my neibour's lawn, or even better their front steps. I will then blame it on my other neibour's dog and maybe start a family feud.

That was probably one of the best stories ive ever read, i mean, it compares to Neil Gaiman's American God's. I discovered this site yesterday, and allready have 3 others also reading. ive learned that poo is beautiful. . .ly funny!!!

I read this while eating a nice large cup of Wendy's chili. I am starting to feel the effects of it, so I better type quickly.
I always get number 3 after eating a moderate amount of sugar-free candy. I go off-and-on a low-carb diet, so sometimes I am forced to consume the stuff when I crave sweetness, but I never get used to its assault on my anus.
The sugar substitute acts as a catalyst to diarrhea, tranforming it into something entirely different. The cramps you get are not the same as a normal crap. It creates more like a quivering of your whole poop system.
So when you finally get to that toilet, all that comes out is gas at first. Just when you are about to get up and call it a lost cause, WHAM! Your ass pukes nasty brown stuff that smells like a corpse.
It is my theory that the sugar substitute actually eats away your insides, creating the pulse-stopping stench.

uuggghhh!!!! oh god, that was the most without a doubt the most disgusting poop story Ive ever heard in my life, but entertaining. Thanks for sharing

My husband has experienced a couple of cases of Number 3. Usually after consuming chili at the local steak house. I always warn him when we are at the restaurant but he always gets the hot stuff anyway. Then he sits on the toilet stinking up the whole house and complaining. Of course I show him no sympathy. "Told you so", I yell through the door.

"The rest of that evening was actually a blast! I had the best farts a guy can ask for -- very hot and very thick-smelling" Right on man. Good farts are a real morale booster.

Great story. I love hot sauce, but it loves me back thank God.

I have had a few number threes inmy day. They are no fun.
_______
It's not nice to fool mother nature.

Great story! I can almost smell the thick, lingering ass plume.

The ex-Mrs. Dumpster was also fond of ingesting too much hot sauce, with similar results. I got to where I knew when to sleep in the guest room.