Harbanero is a killer. I make hot wings and add just a little of this killer harbanero sauce I get to the other hot sauce. Well last June, I made a batch of hot wings and I added 5 or 6 times the normal amount of harbanero sauce, just to use up what was left in the bottle. Big mistake. Boy were they hot. My eyes watered, my sinuses cleared..it hurt so good. I ate about 2 dozen. Well the next day was my daughter's 5th birthday party. We got 2 ponies for the kids to ride and expected 15 kids and parents. Well like a jerk I ate the leftover wings 20 minutes before the guests arrived and right then is when the hot shits began. My lips were still burning for the leftovers as the lava exited my poor butt hole from the day befores dinner. After a second dump I got an ice cube and held it on my asshole. They needed my help at the party, I needed help walking.
I never learn though...I am making hot wings tomorrow !!!

I'm glad that I don't even like spicy hot foods...

Screw the habanero sauce.....Try eating a whole one...then tell me how it feels on the old bung. I speak from experience here.

I have eaten a whole harbanero...and I have made chili with harbanero peppers.....

Try masturbating in a jar of habanero salsa. OUCH!!

Last time I was in Mexico not only did I finish off the habanero sauce that was on the table but I also had explosive diarea which pretty much turned my ass into a flame thrower. This would of been alright but my boyfriend is into some kinky shit if you know what I mean. When he went to pet the starfish I ended spraying him down with last nights meal. Talk about a shitty situation. Turns out he loved it and now we include habenero sauce in all our love making to keep things spicy. Were also swingers, so if there are any other couples out there that enjoy putting habenero sauce up there ass while listening to Dave Matthews let us know! From Don & Gordon

Don & Gordo touched me with there tale of habenero seduction. every word makes me hotter, ache and yearn for them. explosive diarea can be extremely sensual. as a flight attendant i find slipping habenero sauce to a frequent flier a very rewarding expereince. talk about turbulance in the lavatory baby. ahhhhh. props out to all those who find poop across the face a turn on.

Thats pretty fuckin nasty.

Not a lot of people know this but when I wrote the song "What would you say?" it was originally called "What would you say if I ate too much habenero sauce and had explosive diarea?" But the record label made me change it at last minute. All I know is that when me and the other guys in the band are man handling each other and making sweet man love we always include habenero sauce!

Hey Dave...their are some strange people visiting your site....I might need to find a new place to hang out.
Enjoying harbanero diarrhea sprayed in your face? Come on now. Even if it's a joke, it's not funny.

doniker sweetie...perhaps this page is a bit too hot for your taste. come on now. what we love about dave is the very fact that he is a sick bastard. i hope the few odd entries don't scare you off. afterall from reading your own demented stories you are no miss manners.

I'm sorry appalonia, but shit and sex don't mix in my book. Yes, I've ended up with a little doodie on my cock when I've fucked women in the ass, but I am not going to play with feces or have it rubbed or squirted on me. That's just asking for hepititis and other diseases. I do the right thing, after I cum I go directly to the sink and use soap and water and wash my dick good. Shit is not a toy. If can be very dangerous if it falls into the wrong hands.

hey man, i just write the stories, i can't help how people interpret them. We need to accept our bretheren for who they are. On PoopReport, shit and sex don't usually mix. But in real life, they sometimes do. Who are we to judge? If nothing else, PoopReport is about acceptance and tolerance of everyone... even habanero shit guzzlers.

Your right Dave. I guess once they get past the smell, they've got it licked !!
I guess everybody does have their own little pervertions...as long as they keep them in their own homes that's cool by me..

I'm sorry... but poop is just a turn off for me when it comes to sex... but if you enjoy it, more power to you. It's amazing how creative some people can be with poop.

eeeewwwwwwwwwww!

The other day i was getting a rusty trombone from this dude and I sprayed shit all over his face, and he didn't like it. I said "What, you dont like hot carls?" He was pissed, so i told him i would make it a glassbottom boat. We will see tommorow if he likes it. Talk to you later gordy.

Hey Mike, you spelled it wrong you fucking queef.

Let me tell you something, habenero is the worlds strongest pepper. On the pepper scale, in which pepporocinis and bannana peppers are a 1, tabasco is a 7, pure tobasco pepper that is. habenero is the only 10 there is, and the burning, let me explain...

Poo is naturaly acidic, usualy bordering just about a 6 or 6.5 presence of hydrogen (PH). habenero is basicly like battery acid, usualy around 3-2, or even lower, hydrochloric acid is about 1 to 1.5! the acidity of the habenero is dizzolved in your stomach, but, then broken down by stomach acid from the gall bladder (bile) your poop is a product of much manufacturing inside your body, most everything is taken out to be used as some kind of fuel. the acid, stays... the anus is already subject to stress, because it must expand so much, and the acid meets the tender skin and AAAAAHH!!!!!

don't wipe right away, use a shower or "buttsink" to inject a jet of warm water in there. I have a bad ass trauma from wiping after spice, sometimes i look down to see blood, after a poo, or even a fart!

So remember, if it burns, dont wipe, exept to clean off the top poo!!!!

Goodness gracious great shits of fire!

All this talk of the spicy food causing ''the ring of fire'' is nothing compared to what 5 day's of drinking strong cider(scrumpy) can do to a man's behind and then having to go and work in a hot sweaty factory for 12 hour's... I just did it, which is why i'm standing up writing this before i depart to the shithouse to cleanse my ailing condition with a soothing flow of luke warm water followed by an application of anaesthetic cream for the raw burning butt cheeks!! then in to bed, leg's a'kimbo for a good night's sleep...Hopefully!!

That is so nasty. I came upon this site by mistake and it sucks. All you need God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

how did the disscusion of sex come from this story?!

this sight rules you got all the juicy stuff i love poop stuff i think its funny.as a matter of fact every time i crap i come out and say DO ALL OF YOU WANT TO COME LOOK AT THIS BEFORE I FLUSH IT!It is so cool i mean i hardly notice i do it cause i do it so much.thanks for reading bye.

Dunno if this will work for a chili-inflamed bung-hole, but Ive read that when your mouth's on fire from ultra hot chili, drinking milk or eating some yogurt will really help. If anyone needs first aid for their ass, after shitting chili, maybe applying some milk or yogurt will ease the pain a little...

I love chili, but wont go anywhere near habanero--I learned my limits before getting to the point of burning my ass off.

Accidentally came to this site looking for Habenero recipes (making a concoction of about 100 of those nasty peppers as we speak). I'll have to say, yous "guys" are sick! (or demented!) But I haven't laughed so hard in quite a while. Thanks!

When working with these peppers, be sure to wear gloves, and be sure not to touch the ol' drain pipe when relieving yourself (unless you're into the sensation it causes). But be forewarned, if you do accidentally (or otherwise) find yourself in that situation, it lasts for an EXTREMELY long time. (Just ask me how I know).

Went to Rio Bravo for some Tex-Mex the other day, and asked for some Habenero hot sauce for my food. The waitress cheerfully plopped it on the table and walked off. She came back moments later to check up on us, and was horrified by what she saw. There was red sauce all over my food. She frantically asked me if I knew how hot the sauce was that I just emptied onto my plate, and my lunch buddies and I gave her a nod and laughed a bit. Her demeanor changed to disgust as she walked off, never to be seen again. Guess I won't be getting her number (two).

With as many Habeneros as I eat, I have never had the fire in the bung hole experience. It may be a little uncomfortable at times, but nothing to write home (or here at the poop report) about. I still question the truth in it all.

The Habañero is indeed the hottest pepper out there but there are ways to actually create much hotter sauces. Dave's Insanity HotSauce is made of the extract oil of the Habañero meaning they get rid of the wasted space of the solid matter and create a dense viscous fluid that will tear you from tongue to sphincter. I just got another bottle and had a friend try it....just a DROP at that. He proceed to suck on every faucet in my house for 15 minutes trying to stop the pain. That was just the beginning however as the hotness proceeded to lubricate his bowels and force the 3 double cheese burgers downwards. The agonizing screams coming from the bathrrom about 45 minutes later were testament to these sorts of stories being entirely true.

I have no clue how I found this site, I was looking for 'cat flu' and it gave me this??? Well I started reading and by the end I was actually crying.

Well, who knows what a good habanero can do for a sick cat...

Anyway, I've traveled a lot of countries and downed a lot of hot sauces in my day, and never had any trouble downstairs. Until ... I ran across this little bbq pork sandwich shop a little ways off of the interstate. BEST freakin barbeque I've ever had. The guy I was with made some crack about feeling it tomorrow, but having never had troubles before I thought it was your run-of-the-mill shit joke. DAMN did I feel it the next day though! Felt like someone had stuck a hot poker in there. I tried to get another sandwich recently, but the place had shut down. Guess it just didn't get enough support from the locals. ;)

This is the story about "Bob" (Bobs name has been changed to protect the innocent) Bob found himself in the woods one particualry cold day maongst friends. Bob had go so Bob pulled down his coveralls and there it went he pulled himself together and off he went. Bobs friends noticed Bob Stunk.. Bob had gone in his coveralls and well Bob was doodiefied!!!

you are some strange people but i think it's verry funny.

I ate 9 habenero peppers in 8 hours The first 6 were within a 45 minute time frame. within 2 hours i was in anal agony. It was painful but in a strangely satisfying way. the third emergency trip to the bathroom left me feeling a bit chaffed about the whole situation

i dont no how i came acrose thes site but i think it's
grate! I'm going to start calling u guys the shit people from plant stinky!!!!!!!!!!!

there was that cheech & chong movie where cheech in in the stall and he is screaming "com on ice cream"

Well, I have never had sausa Habañero but I have had a simular experience with Listerine, yes you read right, LISTERINE! In Switzerland, I had guzzled half a bottle thinking that the alcohol in it would kill any pathogens of a bad sandwich I had made -- BAD MISTAKE! I had yellow diarrhoea with a arse that had felt like being fucked by a hundred men!

I knew a guy who put a habenero in a juicer. He looked through the lid and got sprayed with pepper gas. I think he was blind for about four hours after that.

Hats off to all of you and your love affair with having your ass burned off by hot food. That is, you all wouldn't eat that stuff in the first place if you didn't like the WHOLE experience.

Dave's Ultimate Insanity Sauce is hot for the sake of being hot. IMHO it hasn't any flavor. It exists to be hot: pure habanero extract. A friend suffering from colon polyps eats spicy food, followed by the obligatory ring of fire release, and claims the spice burns the polyps. Interesting theory.

I would recommend the aloe toilet paper for you who suffer from fiery bung syndrome. It has saved me in the past. Either that or TP dampened with water.

The hottest pepper around is not the Habenero. It is a tiny purple pepper often served with Vietnamese food. Don't know the name of it. They make this clear oily substance out of it that feels like hot lava on your tongue. That will burn for a couple of days on both ends.

you are all sick....but i can't help wishing that we could all have a massive party and rock out. btw, clear poop, i know the famed purple pepper and my advice is don't do it, as it is no habenero.

I have experienced the habenero burn, the interesting fact is that much of the Capsaicin (the burning compound inside peppers) remains intact as you shit it out and burns your exit-hole. Me and my buddies will usually eat the shit again or use the shit as seasoning to recycle the Capsaicin. Its a very efficient system!

These people are not bullshitting about the burning asshole... I've had a hell of a night and morning dealing with the dreaded anal burn.... Last night for dinner I made myself a hamburger... I have always been a big fan of spicy foods, but after the burger I made, I might avoid them for a while... I decided to cook my burger in some hot sauce called "Temporary Insanity" which contained the dreaded habanero... First off, NEVER try to put hot sauce in a pan... The smoke that rose from the pan was comparable to pepper spray, and everyone in my house was flipping shits... They were running around coughing and red eyed, and they hadnt even smoked any weed yet... I laughed at them, because I wasnt as phased as they were.... Then.... I ate the burger.... It was hot, but as I said, I like spicy foods, and I cherished every bite... Then morning time came... I woke up for my normal morning shit and dropped it.... It was a little larger than normal, and so it tore my anus slightly, and there was a LITTLE bit of blood.... This is normal.... What happened next is far from normal... I got off the throne and walked into my room... That's when I felt the gurgle in my stomach... I rushed back to the bathroom and released a flow of gurgly, runny poo poo... That's when the burn set in.... It was tingly at first, but then it began to burn VERY BADLY... It felt like I was being raped anally by a flame thrower.... I had to use 10 wet wipes to get even minor relief.... the pain lasted for about an hour.... It was hell... SCREW YOU HABANERO!!!!!!

I found this looking for a remedy for fire squirts. I have some terrible virus that is holding my anus hostage. No relief in site, liquid fire I tell you, every 10 minutes, for hours so far. No vasaline, no tucks medicated pads, no baby butt paste, and it's 2 am and I have to go to work in the morning. No 24 hour pharmacies around due to Katrina blowing them away. Oh man this stinks. I'm a sad panda (South Park reference).

I am currently sitting on a hemrrhoid donut cursing at myself for even eating that bowl of hot ramen noodles. I mean it's not enough that it already comes loaded with enough pepper to bring down a bear, but I had to add some oriental pepper to it just to make me sweat that much more. Big Mistake!!!!
I have had bouts with the ring of fire before, but this one is different. This one seems almost atomic. I sat in the tub for an hour followed by gratuitous applications of Nupercainal and I still can't freaking walk. I can only imagine that this is what it feels like to be the guest of honor at a prison rape and the entire cell block pulled a train on you.My ass is burning so hard right now that I can feel it pulsing. Im pretty sure my heart rate is 120 beats per minute right now if I use my ass throb as an indicator.
If you have ever suffered the ring of fire and you are even considering grabbing that bottle of hot sauce, be very afraid.

I don't even need the hot sauce to get ass burning... Just plain old tomato sauce and my ass is on fire and I need at least 6 immodiums before this stop squirting out my ass. I'm talking just one tablespoon of sauce or one tiny bite of tomato...and forget it ...come on ice cream!!!!

wow. ya'll got me too scared to eat my habeneros!! i bought some a few days ago and didn't know what to do with them, so i stuck them in the freezer.... where they're going to stay now!!! agghhhh!!!!!

Actually, habanero is only about the middle of the scale. The Scotch Bonnet is the hottest, to my knowledge.
_______
Fecal Matters.

EDIT-- Here is a pepper scale:
16 f Demre
25 f Anaheim
42 f Sandia
55 f Almapaprika
60 f Santa Fe Grande
95 f Santo Domingo Pueblo
133 f Serrano
135 f Ancho Mexican Large
135 f Mulato
380 f Mexican Negro
400 f Jalapeno, green
500 f Aci Sivri
500 f Manzano or Rocoto
1,300 d Guajillo
3,500 d Aji Brown
3,500 d Aji Rojo
3,500 d Aji Yellow
5,700 f Yatsufusa
5,925 f Habanero
6,700 d Thai
8,000 d De Arbol
10,000 d Habanero
10,000 f Merah
10,000 f Red chili
10,000 f Tabasco
13,300 d Punjab Small Hot
16,000 d Japones
19,500 d Zimbabwe Bird
20,000 d Pequin
25,000 f Indian PC-1
50,000 d Tepin (seeds removed)
not rated Azr
not rated Cabai Burong
not rated Chimayo
not rated Cobra
not rated Dagger pod
not rated Pusa Jwalla
not rated Scotch Bonnet
not rated Trupti

Dagger Pod! Sounds yummy.

Dave, you must learn to become one with the ring-sting.

It is a fact that only men experience "ring of fire." Woman don't have this problem...It is also true that females shit smells like chocolate cake.

Seeing all these stories reminded me of my worst crapping experience. Seems I had some habanero sauce with dinner at a friend's house. The next morning I went jogging as usual. Half way through, my bowels start a' movin' !!

I figure to hold it til reaching home. No way, Jose!!! Pretty soon the pain was crippling so I desparately looked around for some thick foliage.

Spying a small thicket, I do the fastest Montezuma two step on record and dive in. Just as I pulled down my shorts, a turd shoots out of my ass and explodes against a tree. Next comes a fart that sounds like a herd of horny geese. A river of shit follows. The steaming pile had to be at least 6 inches deep.

I heaved a sigh of relief, but it was short lived. My eyes were wide with terror and my ass cheeks quivered in pain as the hell fire spread over my ass.

Frantically, I searched for something to wipe with. But everything was coverd with shards of shit from the first exploding turd. Finally, I found some soft green moss which I shoved in my shorts. Ahhh, this will keep me going til I reach the privacy of my bathroom.

Stumbling out of the bushes, I continued jogging. Weaving and wheezing, leaving a trail of brown moss behind me, I made my way home.

It took a week for my posterior to recover.
Beware the habanero! Abandon all hope, ye who ingest that wicked weed.

I'm suffering from the Ring of Fire as I write this. I decided to go to a little wing place in my hometown of Toronto call "Duffs". They're hot sauces are rated in Scoville units. The Scoville scale is a measure of the "hotness", or more correctly, piquancy, of a chili pepper.

Now most of you are talking about the habanero pepper. The habanero and Scotch Bonnet peppers rate a mouth blistering 100,000 to 350,000 SHU.

To put the habanero pepper in prospective, the Jalapeño pepper is rated at a mild 3,000-8,000 SHU.

Now back to my story, I go to this wing place called Duffs where they're Hot sauces are rated in scoville units. My friend and I decided to go with there Armageddon Wings.... OMFG.... HOOOOOOTTTTTTT!!!! Remember that habanero was 100,000-350,000 SHU, The Armageddon Sauce was a anal blistering 850,000 SHU. Thats more than Double the heat of a Habanero. By the time I had 2 wings, I had tears streaming down my face. I had 10 without anything to drink before I was full (as I had eaten already before hand) and I was coughing as I accidentally inhaled some of my Armageddon Spit (OMFG!!). My friend ate 1 and a half along with his pitcher of beer and 2 pitchers of water. So I brought the rest home :) which I will be eating and a few hours.

And for those unaware of the new "Worlds Hottest Pepper", In Febuary of 2007, The Guinness Book of World Records named a new King. The Naga Jolokia. Hotter than the previous King (Red Savina), the Naga Jolokia is rated at 855,000-1,041,427 SHU. Bon Appetite!

Now if you'll excuse me, I have some Armageddon wings to finish of.

you guys and gals have no idea, you think you do but you don't! Wait maybe the guy with the bloody poop pain.

"Mmmm. Habanero sauce."

I was laughing from this point, being a habanero veteren, I knew full well what was coming.

Habanero squirts are so hot, your asshole actually goes numb so it feels like you're still shitting or have a log half burried long after it's gone from the residual heat.

DO NOT apply moisture to habanero ass. They call this the "chupacabras" in Mexico...it just rubs the hot around.

Dab gently with dry paper. You'll probably need to just spread your cheeks over the bowl and just let it air out and cool down for 10-15 minutes.

Matter of fact, I had some habanero on my steaks earlier tonight. Tomorrow is going to be a rough ride.