I think I shat myself reading this story!!!

We here at DAVID sunflower seeds inc (copyright 1962) Do not Advise the use of sunflower seeds in this manner.

We do not support SIR HANKY and clearly state on the label of all of our sunflower seed products, DO NOT CONSUME SHELL.

For this reason we are not responsible for his actions, and do not feel the need to be linked in any way, shape, or form to this story.

Thank you for your time.

Please choose DAVID brand sunflower seeds!

Uh...David is not responsible!!! They never were!! U think I would sue for my own stupidity? HAHA!!! Well anyways enjoy what you read yet never become a victim!!!!

Well hey Safeco is in Seattle!!! NW power!!! I have a similar story but it aint as funny!!! And my stroy sounds real...It aint happen at a Ballpark though!!

Oh come on now, who would really eat 3 ENTIRE bags of sunflower seeds without opening them up. I for one think this a fat steaming load of b.s.

I have eaten sunflower seeds whole and not had a problem. Of course it wasn't 3 bags and I didn't poop for a while so maybe they got digested better????

BS? Who gives a shit, its funny as hell! lol

do u guys have aim sn's if u do can u give it 2 me

that same thing happened to me one time but it was with carrots, i swear it was the grossest thing ever, i ate a couple carrots and had carrot chunked runs.

idont know if this is the right place to be looking i've been trying to find the davids sunflower seeds i want to know if they make the salsa kind anymore i've look in 4 different towns no one carrys them i would love to buy a case if it was even possible please e'mail me back and let me know. on the back of the package i went to the www.davidseeds.com but nothing will come up please let me know i'll be awaiting your respone thank you so much

hey deydra, i haven't seen the salsa ones in a while.

i went to the site too, it doesn't work.

to the poop guy-terrible story bro! i am searching for repercussions from eating the shells right now, and by the time i finished reading your story, i was spitting em out! thanx bro!

ya man i had the same exact problem i would crunch the shell a little just to get into the seed and then id swallow em, and t sucked when i shit em out. needless to say i dont do that anymore.

i had a similar experience, except on an empty stomach! i shit a giant wad of splinters, accompanied by a few drops of blood. harrowing to say the least, but i still love sunflower seeds. i'm eating a bag of bar-b-q, and have some ranch lined up for later.

Having spent a considerable amount of time in the Baltimore/DC/Annapolis area, I can attest that a similar problem can occur if you eat a lot of crab meat that has not been completely cleaned of crab shell. DAMN. Those edges are sharp on the way out.

To poopqueen, I live in md and we have the salsa seeds at a little store called the snack shack. Large and small bags. I buy them all the time for my store.If you are in the area, They are at Hampton Park Blvd. behind the Home Depot.

I have not had sunflowers seeds in years and 2 weeks ago, I bought 2 large bags.In the first bag I found a surprise a fly covered in salt. The next bag I opened had a roach in it as stiff as a board covered in salt. Poop that!

That was pretty damn funny,although at the time must have been your worst nightmare,i know how you feel.

I dont know what peoples problems are. Must have a weak constitution. I eat the seeds whole all the time and never have a problem going to the bathroom.

hey ionno what u guys r talkin about but i neva shitted out suflower seed shells or anything to that extent and i awayz used to eat them like that.... i lovvvvveeee sunflower seeds ther are the best :-D well if anyone finds the david suflower seed site please contact me cuz i can find the damn shit... ok thanx byeee alwayz Hillz95

What is the deal on the salsa seeds???

Can't find any anywhere!!!!

I have to agree, WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO THE SALSA SEEDS!!! THAT'S MY FAVORITE POOP; BLOW MUD WITH SALSA!

I've had similar, though not nearly as extreme, situations with pumpkin seeds. I have heard of their use for ridding the intestines of tape worms--it just scrapes them out--though I am not sure how true this is

Congratulations, this is cruel.com's cruel site of the day!!!

Eat Poop You Cat!

Anybody who regularly indulges in the estactic joy of sunflower seed consumption knows that the shell is just that, a shell of a promise that literally bites your ass in the end. I would express more sympathy except that you obviously flagrantly ignored the well known fact that shells equal ass juice.

take a hot epson salt bath and and shut the fuck up you poseur!

I had the same problem with peanuts. No, I didn't eat any shells. I was working late night on a project, quickly ate a jar of roasted peanuts, didn't chew enough. Got the dumps, poorly chewed peanut shards tearing up my insides. getting rid of them was a 4+ hour process. I bled for weeks, have never really recovered. Arggggggggh...

If my asshole was big enough for me to stick my hand in it and scoop out shells, I think I could probably pass broken bottles without noticing it. Untrue.

This is why I stick to man-juice. Mmm . . . delicious and less likely to tear my ass up (I save my ass-tearing for my gay lover, pud).

jesus crist I almost shat my pants reading your horror story. I agree if you could put your hand up your ass can't believe little innocent sunflower shells could hurt LOL

Last thursday's cruel site of the day was The Colossal Colon Tour.

www.preventcancer.org/colossalcolon

i know someone whose kid did this... i didn't actually think an adult would do such a thing though.

habanero flavour sunflower seeds eaten with shells....aaaaarrrrgggghhhhh!!!!!!!!!...anyone?

:~)

I think this could theoretically count as one of the most extreme definitons of rectal pain!!! :~)

This story is SO not true...

Think about it...

He eats the shelled seeds and then a couple hours later, he has to poop them out. It normally takes 48-72 hours for things you eat to pass to the other end...

In other words... BS!

I agree. BS. Not only due to the extra-quick alleged digestion, but the fact that i've eaten TONS of sunflower seeds with the shells and never had a problem.

dude, honestly.

who fucking cares if it's true?

is it not entertaining in its own right to picture some fat stupid fuck with his hand up his ass scooping out seeds?

who has not had a painful-blockage shit at one point in their life?

this is just a tall tale of a VERY painful-blockage shit.

it's folklore, my man!

That sounds like bull puckey! I doubt the digestive system works that fast. To prove my point, down mouthfulls of corn and peanuts but don't chew them. Only the next day, should you be able to see contemporary art.

You fit your whole hand up your ass?

You sound like a really fat dumb ass because who eats 3 large bags of spitz in one sitting?

Regarding finding David flavoured seeds, there is a convenience store chain in the midwest called QuikTrip that carries the nacho cheese, ranch, bar-b-que and jalapeno hot salsa seeds.

I agree with anonymous coward,but it's actually about 16 to 24 hours from consuming until elimination.

Via my peanut thing and other various unpleasant experiences,

if your body decides it doesn't want something in it it'll get rid of it quick, 16 to 24 hours be damned.

"What a Load", If you're not pooping 'till 48-72 hrs after the fact you either need to re-evaluate your diet

or see a doctor fast.

Having more or less been there I scoff at the non-believers.

Stop fucking lying!

If you injest something that your body finds useless with no nutrition that it cannot digest, you may poop it out in 8 hrs...your body just throws it out (if you dont throw it up first). Can take up to 48 hrs in some cases......such as if your starving to death.

I'm eating sunflower seeds whole atm.. It's the only way they are good. The first time I attempted this I spent about 1.5 hours on the toilet trying to stop the pain. I know know to chew VERY WELL before swallowing or else I will experience pain like the poster mentioned..

About the 4 hour thing.. It sounds like it's not true but it DEFINITELY does not take 24-48 hours to pass everything... I've passed sunflower seed sheels earlier than 8 hours after ingestion before (I can tell because I can still feel them coming out even if I chew them very well, it just doesn't hurt.. much)

I have to say..this tory is the biggest pile of shit I have ever read. if he's got a poop shoot that he can stick his entire hand up..he should have been oozing shelss without a problem. Secondly it does take the better part of 24 - 48 hours to pass ANYTHING! There is now way for your body to leap frog useless shit over shit it wants to keep a little longer to work on. Think about it. Lastly..these Ranch seeds rock! So I think right now the important thing is that everyone who thinks that this is real gets a FRIGGIN LIFE! Thanks

Crap problem, not! If your sunflower seeds tasted as soggy and as bad as old grease as my last 3 bags, well I am sorry cause you should have waisted your money on McDonalds. At least it would have tasted better!!!! I need to know how to get in touch with the REAL David's seeds company! If anyone could help me, I have a few complaints to dish out at the one in charge.

You should have eaten the sunflower seeds whole, Sir Hankey, so that you could have made poop flavored sunflower seeds.

Oh wow, I'm having this exact same problem right this very second. It hurts like hell... yeah, I'm never eating sunflower seeds again!

Oh those dirty rooten shells! Beeding,like a stuck pig is more like it! No one ever warned me not to eat sunflower seed shells. I find them addicting to sit and eat them continuously for hours. But then...the pain, the blood. AHHHHH! Never again! My colon is sworn off shells forever!!!!

Things can come trough faster than the normal 24-48 hours but it will be runny and not likely to need "help" coming out. I once swallowed a whole bunch of cherry seeds instead of spitting them out and got wicked cramps and diareah, later read that there is some kind of poison in them that can leach out after they are exposed to stomach acid.

David's Sunflower Seeds: Cut and paste this whole link.
http://store.yahoo.com/drsoda/davsunseed1.html?OVRAW=
david's%20sunflower%20seeds&OVKEY=davids%20sunflower
%20seed&OVMTC=standard

i think the people that created this site have issues... like me... I love you poop report!!

here i shit, broken hearted. lost my ass as i only farted.

Yeah, it hurts like hell and can very well come before the 24-48 hour thing. Though, the whole hand in ass thing has to be an exaggeration.

"i throw caca balls at my wall when im mad!"

i wonder how dinosaurs pooped!

I have only one thing to add to this story. DUH! What kind of moron eats WHOLE sunflower seeds. Haven't you people ever heard of shelling the fucking things? Or getting them pre-shelled? They come that way, you know.

I'm a shell-eater. Story sounds true to me. Concerned for my own anus, I did a search on eating sunflower seeds. I discovered a pediatric site that described a couple of kids that ate sunflower seeds with the shells and had to be "digitally" disempacted--basically hand up the ass.

i JUST ATE A WHOLE BAG OF SEEDS AND SHELLS ....GET BACK LATER ...AFTER YOU KNOW...
LET YOU KNOW IF IT IS THAT BAD ....I WILL BE SURE TO CARRY A SPOON WITH ME FOR A FEW DAYS ...

This story is about an ole’ poor farmer named David and his wife. I call David a farmer because he has a farm and a garden, but he really isn’t a very good farmer. In fact he doesn’t have much luck growing anything at all lately. David and his wife have been hungry for many years. You would think David would just go hunting or something to feed his family, but David could never hurt an animal.

This is a small town that David and his wife live in. They don’t own a vehicle so once a week David walks into town to pickup the things he can barely afford. This week when he gets to the market he’s intrigued by a bird that is eating some grain outside the market. It’s a big black bird it’s so big that David wonders if the big is pregnant. David starts a conversation with the store owner, he says, “Do you see that black bird over there? Doesn’t it look like it’s ready to lay some eggs?” The store owner reply’s, “No, that damn bird comes around here everyday eating what is pleases, it’s just a big fat bird”. You would figure the store owner would chase the bird off, but he went on to say that he really doesn’t mind the bird, it never seems to poop on anything so what’s the harm in letting him clean up around here. In fact the store owner said that he has never seen this bird poop at all. It eats and eats, that’s probably why it is so fat.

Well, David gets his things and heads out of the store. On his walk home he noticed the bird following him. This at least gave David something to do on his long walk home. He whistled to the bird and fed it crumbs that he really couldn’t afford to do. The bird followed David all the way home. Over the next couple weeks the bird would be hanging out in David’s garden and David would sneak out to give the bird a crumb or two hoping his wife wouldn’t notice him wasting food. David watched this bird for weeks and he noticed that the store owner was right, this bird never poops.

One day while David was out watering his dirt in his garden, no, nothing was every growing but he still watered his dirt hoping something would grow someday. This particular day the bird was in the garden and it let out a tiny little poop, no bigger than a seed. David thinks to himself, that’s it… after all that food you have been eating. It was no more than a week later when David went out to his garden and he noticed a small plant starting to grow from where that bird dropped it’s tiny poop.

So excited was David he began to water this plant everyday. Quickly it grew into a large plant with yellow flowers and grew seeds of its own. By this time David was just about completely out of money and very hungry. David grabbed a couple of those seeds from his plant and chewed them up. To his surprise the seeds tasted very good. Immediately David took some of the seeds that were left and planted them in the ground.

Months later David had a full garden of plants all rich with seeds. David brought some of these seeds into the house for his wife to see. What a gift this is. She asked him, how he was finally able to grow something so wonderful. Well, David didn’t know, he just said this must just be a gift from the sun.

And there you have it, David’s Sunflower Seeds.

Stain and White Load, this story is true. I have eaten hot buffalo wings, and drank no water, and within 1 hour, my ass feels like it is spitting fire!! It hurts!!!!!

I was searching something simular and stumbled upon this site. At least I know I am not going to die from the pain I am in at this moment, ouch the pain in my lower back, and the bloody shit!...Good story though, good story.

I was just doing a search, hoping that I would find somebody else that had this problem... gotta tell ya... am thankful that I found this site.

Ive been Eating Sunflower Seeds IN SHELL, and SHITTING FINE my WHOLE LIFE!!!

I wouldnt think of eating them ANY OTHER WAY!

I mean REALLY! What does a FRIGGIN Sunflower Seed taste like without the SHELL? FISH BOOTY!

Just limit yourself to 1 small bag, and DONT drink EGG NOG (Rum Flavored Exlax) anytime soon after eating them!

HECK! Right NOW Im CHAWIN down on a bag!

You're kidding about EVERYTHING taking 24 hours, right? I guess no one's ever had food poisoning which gave you massive assplosions?

Also, I just ate some shells and had liquid fire in like, 2 hours, so at least some portion of it must be true.

You are sadly mistaken if you think that your body can expel early digested waste sooner than later digested waste. In the case of food poisoning, your body expels the waste that is in your colon, and then it will do the same with the poisoned waste. I agree with the above people saying that this is a crock of deffecation. Obviously if you have the room for a hand up your anus, there is plenty of room for excrement mixed with shards of sunflower seed. Next time just eat the plastic bag too you fat fuck. Most people do not eat the shells. They just put the seed in their mouth, crack it with their teeth, and spit out the shell and eat the seed. The shell of any seed is not digestable. That's why birds crack the seed open and eat the seed. That's also the reason that, people that eat the tomatoes growing next to the sewer plant get dyptheria.

The last ball game I went to, I saw some lady gnawing on WHOLE in-the-shell peanuts! What's THAT about?!? It even LOOKED gross; she was taking tiny, rodent-like bites of the whole thing like a psychopath. Curious, I saved one of our peanuts in my coat pocket (I wasn't about to let anyone SEE me try it), and waited until I got home to sample it whole. NASTY! Why would someone eat a peanut IN the shell? Is this common?

I ate some watermelon seeds one time, and to this day there is a watermelon growing in my stomach. At least my stomach is shaped like that.

Im eating them with the shell right now... right after shitting slightly bloody chunks of seed shells.. ill just be sure to chew them good now... it wasnt very painful, just annoying, made me come check if it was dangerous..

Dumpster.... good one!

Thanks, PS. An alternative explanation is that I may be pregnant--with an elephant....

i actually find the scratching of the inner ass walls pleasant when dropping a log after a good seed n shell eating binge---its scratches the unreachable itch unless your like the dude that can get his hand inside his ass.

This is most likely a true story, all but the putting his whole hand up his ass. I had the same problem yesterday. I even though about going to the hospital it hurt so bad. :|

It happens to me quite often. I'm rather lazy and just eat them with the shells on and usually it comes out within 4-8 hours of consumption.

Wow, sounds like it really happened with some embelishment. As for the 4 hours thing, I have had shit come out 4 hours after I ate it, grant it I had diareaha for the past couple of days but it is possible especially with greasy food.

Anyhow if you like a chewed up ass eat the damn shells, if not don't be a dumbass.

--Me

I eat the shells all the time. Not in mass quantities, but none the less, I've never had a problem like that. Ouch dude, sounds painful.

_______
Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

Have just had the same type of experience the last couple of days, with one complication...I've got ulcerative colitis.

Bought a two pound bag of roasted/salted peanuts in the shell and found my self guzzling them whole for an evening. I probably ate 3/4 of a lb. Yesterday, I noticed blood when wiping, a sypmtom of an ulcerative colitis flareup. Today, there was visible dripping of blood in the toilet. I can't help but think that I was REALLY stupid to have eaten those freakin' shells, but I guess my salt cravings got the better of me. I've taken some colitis medication today to ease the inflammation, but I pray to God that I haven't started a U.C. flareup. I will NEVER be sooo fucking stupid as to eat shells again. Right now, I think I'm a little weak from blood loss, but I hope I get over this quickly. Stupid Stupid Stupid.
And btw, my gastro guy told me that eating plain old popcorn is the equivalent of glass to ones colon. Did I mention how stupid I was to eat all those shells?
Please subside blood!

Wow, your story sounds painful. Now I know not to eat the shells with the seeds.
PS Dumpster, LOL

I am always constipated - when I ate SF seeds AND shells I was regular as clockwork. I didn't eat the quantity of the people above - maybe the equivalent to a cup a day. If you're gonna eat them - chew them really well first! If you gave colitis - DON'T EAT ANY SEEDS! But they sure cured constipation for me....

This guy can suck stuff back into his butt? NOOO!

That is insane.... I ate half a bag of shells. And I got sick. But it is so addicting!!!

i always eat the sunflower seeds with the shells. it just tastes better and doesn't take as much time having to shell each one and only get a little sliver of seed. anyway...i had some last night---a small "snack" size bag. my friends that i was with were saying how it's bad for you and stuff--but what do they know right? well i woke up this morning and had to poop. so i go. i'm there a lil while--normal for me---but when i get up to wipe i notice the water is all bloody. it really worries me...so i look it up and see this---so i guess its not all that bad because it didn't hurt at all as these people say it did. but i probly wont' be doing that for a lil while--i dont' like bloody stool...

I have always eaten the seeds shell and all. Too much trouble for too little food. It is the coconut shells that give me trouble. Those jagged hairy shells really hurt.

You know I have been eating seeds whole for 9 years and I shit fine and I don't bleed, but at first I did from time to time. Your body just needs to get used to it, if it was that bad I think my doctor would have said something last x ray I had. They just don't break down like other food they are still in shell form in your shit. I am more worried about cutting my mouth or throat. A few weeks ago I had a sliver of the shell stuck in my throat for two days that hurt and was annoying as shit. That was the first time I actually considered not eating the shell anymore, but it isn't because of my shit.

Well how about that. I've been looking for an answer to health aspects of eating sunflower shells for a couple of years and Lo! here's the site. I was beginning to think I was the only person in the world who actually ate the shells (other than Euwell Gibbons, "The Tree Eater" - and he's dead). I'm 67 and have been enjoying Sunflower seeds (usually mixed with Pumpkin seeds - at about a two to one ration)since I was a kid when a small box of either cost two cents apiece. I've never really over-ingested to anywhere near the point of the original writer and other than the occasional splinter in the gum between the teeth that was a little painful, and, the very rare scratch in the butt while evacuating, haven't noticed any health issues. Nothing like the fun (sic) I have after eating hot peppers of all sorts (so far I haven't found one hotter than the habenaro but I'm still looking). I did have a polyp removed after a colonoscopy about four years ago (benign) but no one can tell me what caused that little jewel. I've also wondered if the fiber content of the hulls might even be healthy. With the new popularity baseball has bought in and the advent of new flavorings (I love the jalapeno, salsa, ranch, and the latest, dill). I'll probably continue consuming them (and drinking my beer, and eating my peppers) until I'm told by my Doctor to stop - and then I'll think about it. I really enjoyed all the serious postings (as well as the not so serious and gross ones). I bookmarked this site and will check back for updates.

All you weirdos who eat sunflower shells should also really enjoy tamales, assuming you would not bother to remove the corn husks before you ate them. Can't imagine what kind of turds they would produce.

_______
Jimbo Good point. I also don't skin my potatoes, carrots, apples and other soft skinned outer layers. I do shell peanuts, walnuts and other hard shelled edibles. I can't explain why I like the shells of sunflower seeds. Sounds dumb but maybe it's an acquired taste. Like following the exploits of Brittany Spears, and Paris Hilton. Although using taste in conjunction with those two is the epitomy of an oxymoron.

It happened to me on a warm sunny day too. I was reading and had a bowl of sunflower seeds beside me (roasted and in the shell). It was too much trouble to crack them open AND hold my book (I really needed an assistant) so I ate them whole. The book was very engrossing and I chowed down on all of them (the contents of a large bag - 3 or 4 cups maybe). I was making sure I crunched them up well but still ~ definitely NOT A GOOD CHOICE and I didn't drink anything with them. Oh ho. The following day I *wanted* to poo but something was in the way. But what you ask? Pretty much a ball of small picky twigs. Compacted. Brutal. Faint of heart? Stop reading now. Still here? Yup, I had to take action. Unlike Sir Hanky, my hand didn't fit but (painfully) two fingers did. It was a slow process. And did I mention painful? I will again. And bloody. And later/the next day it was more of the same. I ended up at the hospital with (really sorry about that buddy) a doctor's finger up my ass. By then most had been removed (by moi) but the feeling and the way 'everything' had been torn up, I thought I still had baseball in there. It was near a month before I could poop without massive pain. Sunflower seeds and even the smiley face big sunflowers now bring back horrific memories.
I looked on the sunflower seed bag afterwards and it had a warning on the side: "BE CAREFUL! DON'T EAT THE SHELLS!" They really should add: YOU MORON!
It's called a bezoar and can be caused by, among other things, aggregates of food items such as seeds, fruit pith, or pits.
Here's a link that hopefully works here:
http://www.springerlink.com/content/y2h11674817x66v8/

Holy shit dude i think that was the funniest damn thing i've ever read in my life! I'm frickin crying from it. that shit just made my night! ohhh shitttttt!

I had the same thing tonight with popcorn kernels - I had the kernel remains come out...uggh...unpleasant on the ass, although I did eat MY popcorn last night...

I am a fat lazy bastard who loves to eat.
I have eaten sunflower seed hulls many a time with no ill consequences. When I eat at a Chinese buffet that has shrimp fried in their shell I recognize this as a ploy on the restaurant's part to slow me down so they save money. Foolish Chinese...I eat the shrimp shells and all so that I might eat more.

I suppose that I have digestive juices as powerful as those of a crocodile since all this roughage seems to be well digested when it plops into my pot. Maybe the fact that my stomach is usually full of jalapenos and habaneras helps.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

i only eat the shells of jim beam brand cuz they dont splinter when you chew em. i havent found any others like that.

This man is telling the truth!!! The same thing happend to me today. I ate the sunflower seeds whole (Like i have so many times before) and after I took a shit I felt somthing stabbing the inside of my ass. I knew what it was...I had to dig it out with my finger. I got it out. The only reason I found this story was because I googled "Sunflower seed shells in asshole"...

If you were so damn hungry why not try some nachos next time, hmmm? I really think it was a combo of the shells and all that damned artificial sweetener in the diet cokes, recipe for disaster.
_______
Oops I did it again, I shit when I fart, I crapped in my pants.

I recently ate some sunflower seeds, and I had sort of the same thing happen to me. First off, I have some serious diarrhea. To make matters worst every time I take a deuce I feel a ripping sensation in my anus. I came to find out it was the sunflower seeds that I ate whole.

I have done this since I was little so I didn't think anything of it, but I will never do it again. I think all the seeds have gone through now but my anus still hurts like hell and I found blood in some of my stool.

Advice, do not eat sunflower seeds with the shell. Its not worth it.

ive had a sunflower seed shell stuck in my throat for a week...need some help to get it out...

I'm not going to tell the old joke about the guy's pet monkey that stuck a peanut up it's dinger before pulling it out and eating it. I'm sure you're all aware of it.
pd, man, didn't your mum teach you to start out small, like brazil nuts or something???
Brazil nut shell passing through my 'chute is what put me off coconuts!
_______
I don't bite my nails, 'cause I don't like the taste of whats under 'em.

im 16 always eaten the shells of peanuts and sunflowers im eating sunflowers right now and i wanted to know if eating the shell was bad and found this and now im spitting them out just hopping the ones i ate won't hurt

So what the hell happens to those ding dongs that eat glass? Or that fellow that ate a whole airplane piece by piece. I bet he has some poop stories to tell.
_______
Earth, insane asylum for the universe.

I'm glad I came across this. I normally spit the shells and I was just eating sunflower seeds and wondering if it was really worth the time. I know that not everyone has had a bad experience but enough have that I won't risk it.


Oh and by the way, they're david brand, and there is NOT ANYWHERE on the bag something that says do not consume shells. It has instructions to spit, but it doesn't say not to consume shells.

real men eat the shells

nah, real men-wannabe pussies eat the shell...real men eat the whole fucking plant, down to the roots, while its in the ground, two steps ahead of the harvester.
_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

With the reference to KFC, I cannot reconcile the associated phrase "finger licking good" and the explained wiping strategy.