Semper Fi

Mud, your story is in one of the best traditions of PR.

I will call it The Ass_Phlegm Relic Syndrome. Our talented friend and graphic artist has entertained us more than once with tales of fecal objects from the past that have returned to live again. I think your DePaul t-shirt falls into this venerable and sainted category. Your humorous account might well have been entitled: St. DePaul of the Skidded Tee.

In any case, nice story, Mud. Keep 'em comin'.

Why does everyone say- I have to take a shit? You don't TAKE a shit, you LEAVE a shit!

You should've used the snow. You could've made fluffy, flat snowballs and blotted it, and ended it with a slight wipe... but gentle enough so it wouldn't fall apart in your hands.

No way! hankage, snow is way too cold to make direct contact with the ass cheeks. The cold would be way too painful, the ass cheeks would get wet, and then the pants would have that on them.

The words 'loose mutton' about made me pee my pants!

I think snow mught have felt quite nice after steaming hot slurry.

Mud, Your story was satisfied inspiration! It is nice to hear about how other people battle their "angry" ass urine. I look forward to future reports.

this story made me laugh, the thought of someone doing it at my high school was even funnier. The thought of what our principle would do if she found out made me piss my pants. Nice work mud

Yay. Loose mutton, butt pee. Good times, ladies n gents... good times.

Sometimes we get redundant on PR when describing our sphincters...but I found "my swollen manhole sputtered" to be a hella funny change of pace. Don't worry...the shirt that you sacrificed for the sake of your asshole is now a brown flag of triumph, and a reminder of the undying spirit that inhabits a true Shitter.

kung poo, since you're still in high school and it remains relevant, always remember that the principal is your pal.

I disagree with the "snow is too cold" theory, however my solution would be to spread cheek and reverse-Sumo into said snow bank. Repeat until reasonably clean.

This is the best story I have ever heard, I would hope someone would have the decency to buy him a new soilder, jsut like when a dog goes away, just get someone new to take away the pain. by the way, i have crapped 7 times today

Wow!

I don't know what to do with that information. This story touched me like few ever have. I guess all I can say is wow!

Thanks Poo Digidy. It is a story of loss - not snowbank shitting. When I finally had the balls to pick up that skidded T, wash it and go on to wear it, it shocked and horrified my wife and kids. All I know is it had to be done.

I understand, I lost a shirt once in a similar occurance (not nearly as cool). It had to do with puke not poop....but alass the shirt is still gone.

Just recently I have shit my pants several times.
The first in the stream of events, I was in the bathroom of a movie theatre right before the movie started. I was peeing in the urinal, and I felt a little pressure building up. So, to signify the completion of my pee, I decided to muster up all my strength and force the flatulence. To my dismay, I felt a warm trickle down my leg, all the way to my shoe. I look in the mirror at the ass of my jeans, and see the dark brown line seeping through at an alarming rate. I have just complete shit my pants. I freak out, run out thru the janitor office to my car, strip naked and drive home.

The second pantshitting incident I was standing in my parents bathroom on a visit home taking a leak. As i am finishing up there is a knock on the door asking if someone was in there. To answer, I decide to signal my presence with a posterior *pop* of a foul fart. This time I did not feel anything running down my leg. Instead I hear this smacking sound, look down and the feces had found its way completely out of the leg of my shorts and splattered all over the tile floor and rug. As I looked down in horror, I said "I'm gonna be a minute"

nice but my advice is to make more qdramatic shits.nice one with the shitting on the floor anyway...good job!

yo prax! you should've learned the first time! for you, pissing and farting don't go well together!

Hey, Mudd.
Great story but I also didn’t figure out that yours was a story of loss. Sure snow is cold, but it beats the natural alternatives such as leaves and moss. Grit your teeth and save the chill, snow gives the pleasure of a very accomplished and clean wipe. Make sure to keep the consistency of the snowball right. Too soft tends to disintegrate, too compact can scratch the sensitive tissue. Likewise a refrozen, spring snow is VERY rough but often very user-friendly, fluffy snow waits just inches beneath the surface. As to the wetness, wipe the excess with your hand. If you did the wiping right, it’s as pure as tap water. Covering the tracks also tends to be easy with snow all around.

One serious poop turn off is a blizzard, though…

The next time I see a shat-on shirt I will think of you, Mudd. But look on the bright side. You could have been someplace warm, like Florida, and had no snowy throne at all.

Shit Volcano - you are right and I am blessed to live in Chicago where I can always count on a frosty throne in the winter.

Awesome story, laughed my a$$ off!

This story was great. Simple and to the point, but descriptive enough to get a good picture of you crapping in the snow.
Good one, Mudd.

If Samdamnit ever reads the phrase "swollen manhole," he'll launch a pre-emptive strike on CEP as being a homophobe.

Notice I didn't say he'd start rubbing himself furiously.

Very good and well balanced story.

Did the stains come out of the shirt after you recovered it in the spring?

_______
"-55F, a new record low? Nope, thermometer went bad. Looks like -50F still stands"