Wow, your wife is one undiscriminating female. What a winner you are Shitting yourself and laughing. I feel a divorce coming.

First to post

Interesting mess you were in.

When I was taking Anti-biotics, I could not afford any farts, because I had the runs for 10 days during the Anti-biotics.

Did no one notice any peculiar smell as you lounged about during the concert with all that stinky gravy smeared about your bum and upper legs (not to mention your unwashed hands)? How could you possibly live within that filthy condition for "the next couple of hours" even in a public park?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! You crapped your pants!

Man! Everyone has sharted once in their life, and I will confess, it has happened.

What kind of disgusting name for a porta-potty is "Honey bucket"? I've never heard that before.

Heh. That's what you get for continually torturing your wife with your farting. I know, I get it done to me all the time.

Good story, though. I like that it went right into the juicy (sorry) bits and didn't waste much time with preliminary info.

Your story reminded me of an incident that occured where I work. I am a meat manager for an Albertsons grocery store in sunny Arizona. I was waiting on a very pretty female customer at my butcher block counter. I felt the urge to fart so I decided to try and let it out slowly and silently. Big mistake. As I bent over to reach fo a ribeye steak I gently pushed. I expected silence,but what I got haunts me to this day. It was a rather loud, crisp sounding fart that eventually gave way to uncontrollable diarreah. To make a long story short, I lost a customer and the respect of my employees. (It's also how I got the name "King of Poop".) So Kemp, I feel your pain.
I want to tell Dawn that I love Her!!!!!!!!!!!!!
P.S.
Great retort Glutgut. Your an asshole. I hate you!

You must've been a Boy Scout.

Everyone has sharted a time or two.One memory sticks out when i dumped half a quart of Pennzoil in my shorts during a long road trip, no one in the car has forgiven me.

When we were children, my brother told me that honey was just bee shit. I never beleved him though.

Thought honey was bee vomit?

Kim, you're nasty.
Honey is bee vomit.
I've never sharted. Must be an interesting experience...one that I hope never to have...
Makes for great Poop Reports from all of you, though. :)
Happy Pooping.

I can't believe you didn't just throw something down an the car seat and drive home for a proper clean-up! I would be too grossed out to further the problem by using a port-o-pooper with no running water! Thank goodness for Swiss Army Knives, I guess!

I have to confess, I've sharted in the past as well. Or "followed through" as we tend to say over here. Fortunately it wasn't with such dire consequences as others.

Right here:
http://artpad.art.com/?ijcb35mvd1s

Jesus H. Christ, that's hilarious. I think I shit myself reading that. Which reminds me, I've got to use the thinker.

Ahahahah!!! My hubby has sharted himself on two occasions thus far!!! He seems to be just like you, maximizing the fart noise! He sharted himself at a pizza parlor bathroom while he was peeing...we had to walk through downtown Spokane in the middle of Bloomsday (huge race) to get to our car so he could go home and clean up. This is a great story... :o)

Judge not, lest ye be judged. I too have sharted. It was at a friends house. The offending undershorts went in to his trash can bin liner, which went in my pocket. I wonder if he noticed the bin liner missing later. I milled about the party for a half hour before finding an excuse to go home and rid myself of the warm albatross in my pocket.

I fell into a port-o-let before, It was gross

I shit myself during sex before.....so embarrassing

Oh...my...GOD! I had a similar experience at work one day; not the faux-fart, but an ass-blast that caught me unawares and left soft stool in my jockeys before I could seat myself on the crapper. In my case, it was the Spyderco Harpy I had clipped into my pocket that saved the day. Since then, I am never without it except when I fly and the damned security Nazis won't permit it on the plane!

Thats what you get for taking such manners around your wife! For shame ;)

I had the same thought as Active. Who the hell started calling port-o-johns =honey buckets= Michael Jackson?

I never fart outside of the bathroom anymore because I'm paranoid that I crapped everytime I do.

Ok, I laughed, a very funny story! However, I hope you burned that swiss army knife, scissors and all, that cut through your nasty poop soaked tighty-whities.

That must have been the most humiliating moment of your life.

So, after you washed your pants, did the stains come out?
_______
"Two percent of the population think; three percent of the population think they think, and 95 percent of the population would rather die than think."

The very same happened to me, while teleworking. I was operated for hemoroids
a few months ago, since then I almost always
shit my pants. Thanks god for teleworking,
I never go to the office without wearing
attends diapers.

I was picturing the line of kids holding their crotches and laughing my ass off. Some of these stories should be put into animation just so we can watch them.

Anyway, I have some of those mini-Swiss Army knife scissors. That must have taken forever to get those damn things off! I could just picture you in the bathroom cutting away with those dull things, having your undies slip sideways half the time.

Congratulations on your category 2 shart!

_______
Beware the shitticane. Election, 2008.