On Squalid Ground

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This is the true story of a show my band (Douglas Leader)
played a few weeks ago.

Our first hint of impending madness was when someone said the septic
tank had broken and we weren't allowed to
use the toilet. Then some girls moved their tents off the lawn because it
was starting to smell. Then the ground above the septic tank grew damp.

"That's not sewage," I said of the dampness. "That's just dew." To
illustrate, I ran my hands through the moisture and smelled them. Okay, so
they smelled a bit. Okay, so perhaps I just ran my hands through raw
sewage.
That's not as gross as Pat and Joe, who danced and sang and jumped about in
raw sewage for the next two and a half hours.

The stage at FWebstock 2001 consisted of platform of old splintering
wood
on the grass in front of the porch. The drums were set up on the platform,
Pat and Joe in front of the makeshift stage and the horns safely off to the
side. As it became apparent that a river was running through it, someone
put planks on the ground. The planks squished into the lawn. During the
show, chunks migrated up and oozed from under the planks.

The grass in front of the stage became spongy and gelatinous and
percolated
around us. But we played on, for our job is to rock. And although we could
plainly smell what the rock was cooking, we weren't going to let mere
gallons of feces
get in our way.


-- Dave

Like Dave? He's featured in The Journal of Ass Production!

douglas leader

Joe and Jeff of Douglas Leader check out what lies beneath after perfoming directly above a leaky septic tank.

9 Comments on "On Squalid Ground"

Hillbilly's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

This has sat here for a while and no one commented on it so let me be the first one. Thats disgusting.

Melly's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Man, that's pretty nasty. Ugh, you guys are pretty hard core if you keep rocking even when surrounded by poo-mud.

Chip Brown's picture

Hey Douglas Leader, if you wanna rock with the lords of potty punk look us up! www.geocities.com/beersoftenedstool/index.
Gotta go, just drained the enema bag......

The Shit Volcano's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

When I lived in Florida our septic tank went bad. Every time someone took a shower it would ooze orange, chunky water into the backyard. Then the dogs would come by and play in it. It was disgusting!

"Poo mud", I love it.

I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

DungDaddy's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

"for our job was to rock." Spoken like a true stallion.

GottaGoGirl's picture
i 2000+ points

I like that the author ran his hand through the grass, but didn't want to admit to the bystanders that it smelled less like dew-dew and more like doo-doo.

Dave's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content Moderatora 10000+ points - Super Pooperb 9000+ pointsc 8000+ pointsd 7000+ pointse 6000+ pointsf 5000+ pointsg 4000+ pointsh 3000+ pointsi 2000+ pointsj 1000+ pointsk 500+ pointsl 100+ pointsm 1+ points - Newb

Did you happen to notice who the author was...?

The BBC, the girl in Denver, now this... DD, you're uncovering all my old moments of glory this week, aren't you?

Miss Simone Scat's picture
k 500+ points

Dave, Didn't your Mom tell you about playing in yards like that? LOL
Producing waste since 1967

Producing waste since 1967

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

A poorly performing septic tank and field drain once caused me to live through part of a winter with a floating turd named "Bob".


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

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