Wow, sorry that happened. You open your mind to new things, and little brats that don't know the decency of knocking before entering ruin it all.

Sorry that happened, but I laughed so hard I cried, that was fucking hilarious!!

The one closest to where my turd fell cried out, "The bitch is trying to shit in my face!" It's been a long time since I laughed this hard!!!!

OMG!!! I had to come back and read it again! YES!!! "One of the girls had by now unlocked the stall door and flung it open. There I was standing for a crowd to see, bare from the waist down, my pants and panties hanging on a hook, my big turd on the floor, its remains squeezed messily between my butt cheeks,"

That's the best part!

stories like this put poopreport on the map in the first place. It is amazing that things like this even happen, let alone being able to acess so many at the touch of a button. In the days of yonder things like this happened once in a lifetime. But now, we can share these crazy stories with everyone!

I thought that the story I have ever heard and boy have I heard a lot. Keep up the good stories!

Well this is the problem I alluded to in the "Zen and the art of stall picking (Asia)". The locals here in Singapore and other parts of Asia who have grown up as squatters but now work in western style office buildings often stand on the rim to poo. I hate this practice as they rarely take off their shoes and leave marks/dirt on the rim. That is why I suggested in my story that the toilet rims be waxed to make it to slippery to do this!!! Ha ha ha.

They really treated you terribly! Seems like most people are too small minded to understand anything other than what is "the norm" and coddle misbehaving kids...

Anyhow if the embarrassment is too much to bear you could always move to Asia and it would solve all your problems....

Squat in Peace,

Troy

one can only imagen what one looks like crouching over the toilet with your feet clamping the outer rim.

this story was so hilarious i laughed so hard it made me throw up on my cat.

Sucked For You,not your fault, she crawled under the stall door, should have told them that!!!!

That had to be embarising, you should e-mail me and tell me more. I got a kick out of this story.

Hilarious! That was one of the funniest stories I have hever heard! Sorry you had that misfortune though. ^_~

that little girl who smeared the poop musta been some loser i mean honestly what b*tch would smear poo on her forehead just for that thats just plain nasty but damn how old were those girls they sound like stuck up sh*theads

Oh, you poor baby! To undergo such trauma is one thing, but to have it coupled with a nostalgic visit to a place venerated in your memory is simply unforgivable! I must admit, though, that I found the entire story very funny.

allright 1 question if one of thse stupid brats got the door open by picking the lock, y did they try to crall under?????

Geez, I hate those girls, just barging in on you like that. If I were you I would have yelled at those girls before they could do any harm. ("GET THE F AWAY, IM TAKING A SHIT!!!")

Thank you for being so brave and sharing this with us. I am about to hurt myself shaking my head and laughing at the same time. I don't know what else to say - good luck , and may you always find a perch when Nature calls.

why didn't you say anything when you heard them?

Those little-girl rodents actually got sh*t-faced, eh? Served 'em right!!!

I find that if you sit very upright when conducting your business, you derive many of the benefits of squatting without any of the perils or discomfort. Since I started doing this I have been able to dispose of my solid personal waste in a a much more trouble free manner.

Epic!

The one closest to where my turd fell cried out, "The bitch is trying to shit in my face!"

at that point in your story tears started streaming down my face...the quote is priceless

My family and I live in the country Mom and I have two children. We also have three dogs,a miniature Dachshound and two Catahoulas. Everybody knows about wenner dogs so we will just skip Tiny. Most of you that read this have never heard of or seen a catahoula. Catahoulas are as strange as their name oficaly Lousiana Catahoula Leapard Dog the state dog of Louisiana. My daughter does not like to wait to GO! Annyway every time she takes a crap in the woods Doc and Patches end up rubbing it all over my legs,wich has become quite embarasing for me on several ocasions. The most suckiest thing about finnaly finding out where the smell was coming from is when youre talking to a customer!

OOH...thats terrible.Verry verry sorry that happened.You poor poor thing.

I official curse those girls to thirty years hard constipation.

As for the others not giving you a chance to speak, it's just an example of the true America. Guilty until proven innocent, and they'll never let you prove it.

Funnier than hell story. Too bad she didn't think up some wonderful plan of revenge.

Last month I was at our civic center for a Billy Joel concert. Because it was sold out and there would be so many parking hassles, I tried to be proactive by stopping in the bathroom on the way in to take the crap that I had been holding for more than an hour in the Interstate/rush hour traffic. As soon as the first stall came open, I grabbed it and I had my jeans and panties already down and the first of my logs coming before I hit the seat and then I latched the door that locked me into my secure cubicle.

I don't remember what drew my attention to the toilet to my left except that the door opened, closed and I saw a lady's right foot come dangerously close to the side panel of my stall and just stay planted there. Then I saw the foot move in and then I could see the top of a mid-20s lady's head protrude over the top of the stall. Initially, it teetered a bit as if it was going to come up even higher and perhaps scan into my stall and the solitary activity as I sat with my jeans and panties down taking a shit.
Next there was a ferocious noise as something which I later determined to be balls of shit hit the water hard and even left some splash marks which slowly ran down the small recessed area that led to the drain in my stall. Again, I could see the woman's head towering easily above the confines of the stall as additional crap dropped into the stool, often with a well-timed cadance. Next I heard her feet drop back to the floor and again her right foot protruded a little bit under my stall's side panel. I heard her pull off toilet paper, wipe, and then reposition herself so she could flush with her foot. She missed the flusher the first time when he foot came down so hard that she seemed to have lost her balance and I could hear her fall/or brush up against the stall petition that we shared. Then she scored with a complete flush.

I later recognized the sheer dumbditude of this lady who stood up on the toilet bowl, squatted her crap into the toilet, and with her acrobatics, and in towering over most of the other stalls, was able to invade the privacy of at least a dozen other women, including a few children.

I only did a year of college a couple of years ago, but I know that the actuary who works at the insurance company that employs me, would cringe at the lengths this woman went to and the chances she took, in standing ON and hovering OVER the toilet! Why she wouldn't sit down the NORMAL way like NORMAL people do is beyond me. I do remember an Intro to Business class I took and a unit we had on litigation. Our professor spent a whole day lecturing about the "reasonable person test/standard" that should apply to situations like this. I remember that when you take chances and do something that just isn't normal, you are not going to be able to sue for or collect damages.

I sit down to shit and pee like most other normal people. Standing on the bowl or seat to hover is not only an invasion of the privacy of myself and those in nearby stalls, but an insane risk that I have a difficulty fathoming. I had a friend in high school who would lift the seat and hover but her feet never left the restroom floor. On the other hand, however, we also had girls who would sit right down in the urine on the seats of the stalls that we avoided. However, the aerial hovering concept is new to me and, as I and most normal people see it, an act of deliberate dumbditude!

_?? Now I am curious to try squatting and see if the technique is better....LOL ______
Producing waste since 1967

I'm with Shittin' Susan, the concept is dumb and idiotic and I remember once last summer I peed by hovering at an interstate rest stop because the seat was so gross and it didn't look like the ladies in the other stalls would be leaving anytime soon. What doesn't, however, work for me is the pooping. I just can't get it to come out but as soon as I sigh and decide to sit down (my normal procedure) I can fully release my bowels, and usually within 15 or 20 seconds. For me, comfort is more important than trying to protect myself from dastardly diseases that I really don't believe exist.

I feel really bad for you Cheryl, but I'm so glad stupid stuff like this happens to people other than me. I was beginning to think I had the market cornered.

I'm in agreement with Shittin' Susan: public toilet squatters like Cheryl are deserving of all humiliation and any injury they bring to themselves. First, stepping out of your clothing and underwear in a public stall is stupid SELF-IMPOSED HUMILIATION. Second, when I have to use a public restroom and that's usually once or twice a day, my philosopy is to sit down, take the pee or dump, wipe and exit as fast as possible. My mom taught me about six years ago when I started high school to keep my underwear up at stool level so that less is being exposed (we had several stall peekers at my high school and I hated those girls with a passion but since they were mostly freshmen I just concluded they didn't know any better). My former boy friend said they would probably be the future perverts! Third, I always latched the door completely and I even now in college, I can't imagine a mature person trying to crawl under a door and enter a stall. Where all the wackos like Cheryl come from I don't know. They give all of us normal girls and women a bad name!

The "perils" of squatting in public toilets is what is left behind. Many times that means urine liberally spashed on the seat. Often that means wasted toilet paper over a seat that is never sat on and less or no toilet paper available for us who sit down and then seek to wipe. Sometimes that means a longer wait for a toilet for someone like me to sit down, completely pee and be out of the stall within a minute. Occasionally, it means they drag young children in with them and I fear that the next generation will demonstrate the same stupid habits they have been taught. I say sit down, let it out, wipe and exit. Anything else is unnecessary and causes not only longer lines but more upset restroom users.

See again turd terrorism is appropriate here. I would have simply said OCCUPIED in a loud voice. If they tried to go under I would say OCCUPIED again. The third time is STRIKE THREE now you have invaded the Crappers airspace prepare for war. I mean is that girl on the outside that stupid. Did she honestly think that someone latched the door from the inside and slid out? I would have shit all over her no doubt. Cheryl there are plenty of other stores to shop at out there so dont be upset. That girl deserved to get shit on you were too nice to her. She sure did cause you a lot of trouble. Maybe one day you will see her getting out of her car in a store parking lot somewhere. May it be unlocked, may you go over open the door and squat releasing a nice hot steaming dump and may it be 100 degrees in the shade. Now THAT my friends is NUCLEAR turd terrorism.
_______
The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

Last week, at 21, I became a reformed squatter. At the advice of my mom when I started 5th grade in middle school, I began putting toilet paper over the seat. At first, it was frustrating because it would fall off and sometimes the blower in the bathroom was right above my stall and that didn't help keeping the paper on. And I was a leper, of sorts, because my friends continued to sit right down on the toilet. In high school, for whatever reason, there would frequently be urine on the seats; my friends would most of the time just wipe it off and sit down. However, upon the advice of my mother, I started to squat. She showed me how, helped me practice at home, and initially it hurt me but I later got the hang of how to position myself which allowed for greater comfort. Again, few of my friends went to such an extreme. My best friend would often sit down, have a satisfying poop or pee, and then ask me to hand her toilet paper because she had forgotten to check. That happened quite frequently and she was a 4.0-plus and #3 in our graduating class, when I struggled to maintain a B average! In college, I continued to squat and most of my dormmates and friends thought nothing of simply sitting down.

The 650-mile trip of driving home for the summer last week and the fatique I was feeling simply sapped me of my squatting habit. At the first Interstate rest stop toilet in Illinois I simply pulled me jeans down, dropped my panties and produced a much-overdue shit. While initially awkward, the contour of the seat was a perfect match for my butt. I must have sat at least five minutes longer just thinking about my accomplishment: a full bowl. In each of the three stops I made to pee, I was overtaken by the ease of just sitting down and letting my body fluids extract themselves. Such comfort! Yesterday, at the mall I peed and was in and out in less than two minutes. To me, squatting is an insane choice to make.

I never gave much thought to the public squatters until I got married two years ago. At that point, I found that my mother-in-law is a squatter. Worst yet, she's as good at it as she is putting me down for sitting right down and doing what I need to do. She literally gasped when she heard me drop the seat and sit down to pee at a Cubs game. I was done, up and flushed within two minutes, and was outside washing my hands when she joined me at the sinks and started one of her "Honey, I couldn't help but notice that you...." speeches. Then she told me how she always went the "extra mile" with Michael when he was young so that he would be "taught right". When I asked Michael he said she would take him into the ladies room with her until he was almost nine, pick the stall for him, and put paper on the seat for him before he sat down to crap. More frequently when he had to pee, she would take him to a stall and remind him not to "touch anything." It just gags me to learn how Michael was abused by his mother. When he was out with a friend and the friend had to go through the womens bathroom ritual, he would frequently get teased about "not touching anything." I've told him that if we ever have a son, I want Michael to teach him the importance of "touching". Unaimed pee on public toilet seats is about as popular as my mother-in-laws warped views and put downs.

What Daughter-in-Law describes is something that can impact several generations of a family. Imagine what it can do to grandchildren when one set of adults teach them one thing and another set tells the child he/she is not being taught right. Add in children from other families who want to do things with their friends and how they get put into the middle. An eight or nine-year-old child can get really frustrated by such mixed messages and the frequent put-downs.

I spent a lot of time, especially summers, with my grandparents and it involved a good amount of travel because they were very well off financially. Like Michael, I was in the middle and would get increasingly frustrated. Statements went like this: "I know you have to urinate, Suzanne, but we don't use public restrooms at places like this because they are too dirty." "Only a really cheap person would sit directly on a public toilet seat, you should just wait until you get home." My mom, on the other hand, would sit right down and let it rip. When we were traveling at places like airports, highway rest stops, etc. she would coax me to sit down and try to go because the next opportunity might be 25 miles or an hour away.

So many of my friends from school would sit right down in public and think nothing of it. By time I reached high school, I had a couple of friends who squatted and one even remarked that she would NEVER sit on a public toilet seat. When I was with her, I would be sure to put toilet paper on the seat first, but once when we were in a convenience store restroom, another friend made the off-handed remark that I was "killing trees and contributing to toilet clogs".

I'm in my late 20s and most of the time I directly sit down, with the exception of airplanes and porta-potties when I squat. I don't try to harass my six-year-old daughter because I want using public bathrooms to be a comfortable experience for her. My nine-year-old stepson often complains that there's urine on the seats, but I've told him to just wipe it off before sitting down.

The posting of Daughter-in-Law is troubling to me. I have a mother-in-law just like that, too. It is a very devisive and adversarial situation when we are out together and my daughter, who is 8, is put down by Grandma for basically doing what 8-year-olds do in a public bathroom: sit down, pee or shit, without micro-analyzing the situation. Yes, Grandma squats and makes a big deal of how righteous she is and how no "normal" woman would want to sit directly on a public toilet seat. She did her best to put fear into my husband and his younger brother about the evils of using the bathroom at school--so much so, in fact, that they both suffered from constipation. It was one thing to hold their crap during the school day but then with athletics after school, holding their shit in until they got home at 6 or 7 p.m. was way out of line. I went to the same high school and that's where I met my husband during our senior year. I have an MBA and not a law degree, but I believe raising children to fear using a school bathroom is a form of child abuse. And boys, squatting to shit at school in toilets without stall doors, sets them up for great abuse from their peers. Our daughter is eight and our message to her is sit right down, do your thing, flush, wash your hands and we're going to be proud of you.
Those teaching children to fear public bathrooms and squat are sick.

Each of us has been taught or has a differing procedure for how we use restrooms when we are away from home. Of all the posts, Down & Dumping (5.18.2007) seems to make the most sense. That is also exactly what my Mom taught me, although it was quite a few years before high school that I learned that keeping your underwear up at stool level will cut down on what peekers see of you. What Cheryl was trying to do is beyond belief, but we never learn WHY she got into the habit of taking her pants and panties completely off and standing on the rim? My boyfriend, who was visiting when I was reading the posting, votes "insanity."