Hey JJJ, FRISCO SUCKS and you suck for living there. It is a city of homos, homeless and whiny student protestors. Questions?

Bonus points for mentioning Jarts. That game ruled back in the day.

I too have found myself in the mid-flight with a log ready to make an emergency landing. The only thing I can advise is turing the air vent on and try your damndest to relax. God Bless our truckers!

I don't suppose you stunk up the cab of his truck did you? I find this story a little hard to believe. You could have done your business at a public restroom in the airport or pulled over at a gas station and told your boss you were still stuck in traffic. And you just left the bag of poo? That is foul and very unsantitary and rude for that poor kind soul of a trucker, you should have tossed the bag off into the wild blue yonder after you left the truck.

I remember playing Jarts as a kid some 30 years ago.
We were playing at the neighbor's house and a young girl was standing there barefoot and took a Jart right through the foot, it was gross and I still remember it like it was yesterday.

I would have eaten two more diseased circus monkey muffins, drank a quart of coffee and calmly sat in my car, cursing the traffic until I got back to my hotel. I have an iron sphincter.

I am C Everett Poop and I approve of this message.

Nice story, but what is a ding and why do you keep mentioning it?

Doniker, I probably shouldn't be, but I've been laughing at the very image of that Jarts incident happening. It just seems like something that would only happen in a Benny Hill skit. No wonder why they got banned.

Yeah, a little ic humor aint all bad. Can you imagine the LAWSUITS involved with a consumer product like that today???

I mean, we're basically talking about an IRON JAVELIN with a plastic fin that KIDS THROW at each other.

PoopIsMyFriend:

The young lady has an anus piercing with a tiny golden bell suspended from the ring. It goes ding-a-ling whenever there's a turtlehead pushing at the door.

If you want something similar, visit me at my Panama City Beach shop and I will gladly pierce your private parts and install a dauble or dangly thingie in or near your dingy.

Totally awesome story. I would have never been able to get out of that one alive. I would have also left the poop in the truck, but I would have probably given the guy twenty bucks.
This story also seems to have a Texas Chainsaw Massacre type of affect on me. The description of the inside of the cab was great.
Not bad at all, Paige!!

http://home.att.net/~planetgarp/jarts.html

Fabulous link, Doniker! Funny, too!

Now I remember those things. I especially like how the first set shown had those wonderfully safe, sharp tips.

daphe when u poop do u wipe your asss or not? and if u do y do u? and how do u wipe your ass standing or sitting and if u sit doing it do u rech behiund ur back or do u go under u legs and finally how many times a day do u poop? how much do u weigh?

Hey Katy,
Thanks for the interest in my bodily functions!

I'm a big-boned thorough wiper, thank you very much. And, I'll be appearing at Caesar's Palace all next week.

Katy can you please answer the same questions?

i don't wipe at all thank you very much. i used to wipe back to front but my boyfriend (who is also my cousin) kept telling me how bad my pootie smelled. since my ass is so wide that i can't reach around, i simply stopped wiping all together which seemed to please my boyfriend as well as made it easier and faster for me to complete my task in the outhouse.

This wasx an OK story... however being a native San Francisco, we HATE it when people call the city "Frisco" ("as he had business in Frisco later; but I'd return my car and fly home alone later that night.") Otherwise I was entertained... you mentioned you were from Washington, D.C.: where? I live in Great Falls, VA...

In Canada, we called them Lawn Darts and they were totally fun. A friend of mine still has a set and sometimes we play when were at his cottage. They are also illegal in Canada because one too many kids took one in the head. A person must look like something out of a Dr. Zeuss book with one of those sprouting from the top of their head.

And you can virtually play Jarts here:

http://www.skti.org/games/jarts.html

Paige, I too am a fellow Beltway/DC Metro traffic "logjam" survivor. I was installing telephone equipment in DC & the Virginia suburbs back in the early '90s and had many uncomfortable run-ins (OK, run-outs) because of the stagnant DC traffic. I respect the initiative you displayed by seeking succor in a truck cab. I just went ahead and shit my pants somewhere between Manassas and McLean. Maybe if my boss had been in the car I'd have had more incentive to "think outside the box" like yourself. By the way, I'll bet that display of "crisis management" impressed your boss to no small degree. That incident have made your career. Or reduced you to a happy-hour legend amongst your colleagues...

heheheheheheh nice! thanx, Di Uhreea

Hey, shit reaper,
Where the hell you been?

Missed ya'

Yeah, the story is pretty hard to believe. If she was that desperate, she could have excused herself gone at the airport

I can so sympathize with Paige. Those of us who are in our mid-20s, on a business trip with a boss who we want to impress who is twice or even three times our age, often find it tough to ask for a time out to go in and pee or crap. It doesn't help when the luggage comes in on time, there's no line at the rental car kiosk, or worst yet, you're running late. Also, the long lines at peak times in the airport bathrooms could easily extend beyond the 10-minutes Paige's boss expected the drive to take. And of course, there's the cleanliness issue. I regularly hold craps for the small one-stall bathroom in a client's small office building or my hotel rather than the smelly, filthy unknowns of the 25-stall airport bathroom. Sorry, but as a small-town girl I can relate to what Paige was probably thinking.

Meek As a Lamb is more than just meek, actually stupid! It must have been in her upbringing and how she could ever hope to have success in business I don't know. My mom was an executive for a department store chain and we traveled frequently as she would help train the staff at new stores and go to industry conferences. Beginning at age 8, I would travel with her once or twice a month. By the time I took my first business class in high school I had probably been to 30 states.

In the beginning the code word was "pit stop" and mom would appreciate it when I would volunteer rather than have to be reminded. Immediately before leaving home, before boarding the plane, after getting the luggage, before leaving a restaurant, etc., I would go in, sit down and at least half the time, I was able to produce something. When driving on the interstate, we would have a "pit stop" at every 3rd or 4th rest stop which meant there wouldn't be any mad dashes, accidents or urinary infections from "holding it."

I turn 30 this year and use the same procedure with my three kids. If you can take the agitation and shame out of their asking to go, lots of problems can be averted. Paige and Meek As a Lamb are textbook examples.

I, too, can understand how Meek and Paige feel. The Captain turning on the seat belt sign definitely was a downer and no down time waiting for the luggage to come back, no rental car line and expectations of a really short drive to the hotel could raise hopes that the crap could be postponed for 10 minutes or so. And, as for me, I regularly bypass the large airport restrooms if I see the line snaking outside the door and into the hallway. I would much rather hold my crap for my own hotel room rather than wait an equally long time for an airport stall to open and then to find there's no toilet paper left, or that my feet will be planted in water and/or sludge from a recent overflow. Airport bathrooms are some of the dirtiest I've encountered in my 27 years and I have almost no inclination to use them.

Rosella's mom's idea of the "pit stop" is refreshing. However, not all of us are raised by parents who are that encouraging. My friend Stac, with whom I traveled on several occasions, had a really bitchy mom (we were 8 at the time!) who would say things like "Well, you'll just have to hold it until we get to our hotel because these bathrooms aren't very clean" or "If you put it in one end, it's got to come out the other and you probably shouldn't be drinking that much anyway when we are traveling". I know Stac wet herself on a couple of occasions when we were on the highway and her parents refused to use rest stops. As for me, I eventually learned to take their advice and drink less when we were not going to be close to clean bathrooms.