Tydirium ... one thing I've noticed about your conservative bashing is that you never argue an issue on its merit. Instead, you simply call conservatives idiots. The non-poop issue of the day is whether or not unions and/or public school curriculum in general has a left wing influence. So for once, why don't you either present your opinion backed up by facts and rational argument ... or else shut the fuck up.

The story was simple and simple is good. I was amused and that is what I aim to be....the sticky oatmeal and a bowl of caramels made me LOL. I think you should hunt her down and tell her it was not your log. Take credit where credit is due.

At least Daphne is on my side.

That's funny. :)

Comments are what makes this site great!!!!

Bo on the people that want to disable them.

The comments are always better then the story.

and for the record, Teachers are liberal wankers.

it's not surprising to see the conservatives coming out against education all togehter. Everyone knows that an uneducated is a lot easier to control through propoganda and blind nationalism. Educated people tend to ask questions, and no conservative wants dissent...

Mmmmmmm ... bunnnnies ...

And I hug bunnies.

Unionism is a very touchy thing. While it's important in some very basic areas, it can become a monster if left to run free.

And as far as the multiculturalism, I have to say that it's come down to more than that. It's almost a monster in its own right, too. Why can't we have Halloween because 5 or 6 kids aren't allowed to celebrate it? As much as I do like the idea of diversity (and I do) I totally disagree with the minority rules theory. Patriotic Pooper, I'm not bunnyhugger in all matters. Just with bunnies.

When it comes to my kids' educations, I make them work no matter how shitty the teacher may be (or not), and they learn whatever material they're given, because it's THEIR educations that will ultimately be at risk. I don't blame, I fix.

Teachers are liberal scum. Be glad my turd ruined your love life.

This site would be much better if this comment system was disabled. I've yet to read anything in it that actually contributes to the site in a meaningful way.

Oh, and Dave: It's "tales" *RUNS*

Just thought I'd point that out =P

On seccond thought, I think it is in the best interest of the onlookers and patrons of this site that I retract my previous C Everet Poop-esque coment. No need for several Poopreport goers to shame themselves....

that is all... :-D

C. Everett, now you're just being a troll. From now on any arbitrary flamebait comment on your part will be removed.

GARGLE Your scrotum?
So, A bush loving anti liberal fascist who ALSO has vested interest in having his genitiles GARGLED? I never thought I'd see the day.

All I have to say?

ziiiiip.... open wide!

Hey Guy Incognito, gargle my scrotum pal.

Good story. Teachers deserve what they get for being unionized liberals and for indoctrinating our youth in their sad, socialist, Bush hating agenda. You should have laid another log on top of the one already there and left them both.

This story just plain sucks. I like this site but the morons who post here must be retarded. Who gives a crap if you get the first post. El poopadore, you are a jackass loser. HOT DAMN!

I got a laugh from the "she was almost my girlfriend" line.

I guess I meant to say I got a laugh from the "I was practically her boyfriend" line.

Dave King of Poop is a big loser with a smelly but and his but smells and he likes to lick his own butt. You and C everrette poop must be bum chums, because your both miserable bastards. First Post is a thing of beauty. What better what to show dedication to all things pooptacular. Lighten up..... jackass

Good stuff, told in a simple fashion. It was related exactly in the way a ten year old might have been feeling it. We'v e all had crushes on teachers, and poop is one of the horrors from that time of life.

Dave King of Rimjobs: Obviously you're not used to the good things in life...first post being one of them.

Thanks for the support Guy.

First post!! Hot damn!

Hmm...after reading it again I have to say that I would have done a face-to-face interigation of every bastard ass that could have warmed the seat. And then outed the stealth shitter during some sort of talent show event.

Yeah, I know. It was a pun. Tails... like when you talk about your poop as if its as long as a monkey's tail... Meh, it was funny at 9 AM on a monday.

C Everett, I thought you supported Bush. If you do, you shouldn't insult his wife. She was a teacher for many years.
Kirk Z. Your story has a more simplistic style than we usually get around here, nevertheless I found it entertaining and slightly humorous. Keep at it.

Dave, is it still censorship if you line out my comment but leave it legible? You might as welll have highlighted it.

Because if I deleted it people would ask "What did he say?" This way they can see exactly what you said, so there's no doubt about your intentions and my decision. From now on, comments like that will just be summarily deleted.

Cant we all just, get along?

Actually, the unionization of teachers has greatly compromised the educational system with one word, tenure. In the seventies, teacher's conferences were filled with topics like "getting kids to understand the new math". Now, the main agenda at teacher's conferences is about "getting the most of your 401k". The tenure of older, less competent teachers, the likes of which I've seen in DODDS schools is affecting the quality of education my child gets, while the younger ones have to scramble to make ends meet.

On an odd note, wouldn't if have been crazy if "Mrs. Dingleberry" had laid the log and decided to blame you for the whole mess to get you off her back? I'm sure that's not what happened, but you know, would have been something. Poor little guy.

Ah, to approach the inner sanctum of the teachers' lounge. Soda machines, snacks, interesting magazines: those were the days.

As far as crushes go, I enjoyed the college student-teachers assigned to our high school each year. At the height of puberty and sexual immaturity, these teaching assignments were our voice-cracking disasters waiting to happen.

Incidentally, cops and teachers and firefighters should get paid more. We're pretty much screwed without them.

Since the political thread was introduced, here's my three pesos.
The "blame teachers" game is just another hybrid system introduced to introduce victimization of another stripe into the failure strain.

After all, If Im a student, and Im so frickin lazy that i fail, why not blame it on the tenured teachers?

Yeah,,,that's the ticket!!

Sorry St. James ... but for once Daphne was absolutely right. The sorry state of the public school system is definitely the fault of the unions. The kids are no more or no less lazy than they've ever been. It's just that they're not being held to any standards. These days, the only thing that matters is that they have high self-esteem, embrace multiculturalism and become good little enivornmentalist stormtroopers.

Hay PatrioticPooper: People in glass houses can't throw stones! The liberal bashing that has occured so far is no different.

As far as I am concerned, there is no point talking to a conservative. Talking to a conservative about ANYTHING that even smells of dissent is like talking into the toilet bowl. Even if evidence against them is staggering. At least all liberal people I know of are willing to talk about issues and are willing to hear out the other side. What Bush does now will reveal itself within time. Unfortunately, most of the nation is blind in their belief and will not realize their wrong choice until we are living out Orwell's two satires...At least as long as "liberal teachers" continue to teach!

Why the hell is almost every story followed by political discussions? This site is about shit and shit stories............ok,now i get it.

HAHA! Logflume, that was some funny shit. I have to say, I've been lurking for a while now and this site rocks! Love them stories! You are right though, the comment section usually ends up becoming a bashing session, with folks talking all sorts of shit. Sure is easy to insult someone who you'll never meet...

I agree with C Everret and Daphne %100

i am with wonderpance 100%

pay attention, stay focused you bunch of saps. this is for poop---- honor thy poop friends and give thanks for the stories we celebrate today.

The comment section here is great... *conflict makes the world go round*

Good story. To the point and one that those of us who have experinced pre-adolscent angst can relate to.Allthough, I didn't have the hots for teacher untill the sixth grade. I still remember her name.
I had a student teacher in high school who put many playboy playmates to shame.She was a blue eyed blonde with a ready smile and outgoing personality. I'm sure that once she became a teacher, many of her male students spent their nights waging the war of the priests with her in mind.
As far as I am concerned, C. Everett's polical insights have been and are right on the money.To the liberal left, the truth hurts.

Liberalism is a mental disorder!

I've found that eating lots of poorly cooked rice with several Tv dinners makes some fabulous "pot stickers". don't you reallize that Floyd, the janitor, set you up? he must have known that your teacher had the hots for you .in brilliant calculating, style he ruined your chances, and insidiously took over your place. .....think back..., remember now?.. your teacher MARRIED(!!!!)Floyd! (sheesh)

So hard to refrain.... trying, trying.... liberals are socialists. Whew, sorry I just could'nt hold it any longer. Now I have to go and take a big liberal and wipe my democrat.

i thought this was a very cute story. it's funny how important things seem when you're a kid.

as far as dave censoring comments, it's his site and can do what he wants. i, personally, think it's kind of rude for people to basically ignore the story and go off on some political tangent. there are plenty of places for that kind of dicussion, the comments section for a story about a lovestruck kid and his poop incident not being one of them. imagine how you'd feel if you put in the time and effort to write a story, and finally got it published on your favorite poop website, hoping for some nice feedback on the story you wrote, only to find that all people want to talk about is how teachers are liberals and liberals are the devil. i know it would make me sad. golden rule, folks. golden rule.

Hmm... so the people who are PAID to know more than you are liberals. Maybe they know something you don't?

Who says all teachers are liberals?! I had conservative teachers bash liberals all the time when I was in school!!!

i don't have much to say about ur story but i did have a similiar experience in first grade. i walked in on my teacher taking a shit. not pretty. still trying to get over it, i still wonder which one of us was more embarrased?...

I don't get it. He said he needed to take a dump, but instead, he took a piss. I just don't get it!

Do girls poop?

you should have taken a dump in class!

Rectal Ranger, I swear we poop. We just don't tell anyone.
.....hugging bunnies since 1969

Wow... a lot of idiot outsiders visit this site... *COUGH*rectal ranger and pooppoo caca*COUGH*... I especially hate the people that read the whole story and then say that we're gross and stuff because we discuss fecal matter. Why the hell did you come anyway!?

why does swearing always come hand in hand with poop? we'd be better if you guys put your swearing in the crapper instead of your crap. they could calll them swearers!! :) just a thought. oh, and btw, whats wrong with teachers? i like em, except for all their home work. put that in the toilet along with your swearing. now that is 1 nasty, clogged up toilet.

i'll shut up now.............

I'm new here and HAD to comment. I laughed out loud at this story..."You're a great little guy, you can use the teacher's bathroom"...and then, she "gave me a look that ruined my year." LOL, a series of very unfortunate events. I can just imagine something so untoward as I have been habitually locked in crushes on my female teachers since time immemorial. I've turned into an old bastard now, but I still remember the beauty of some of my teachers. Luckily nothing like this ever happened to me with them.

How did all this argument about conservativism get into this thread? It wasn't at all the subject of the story!

As for the story, I hope maybe "Miss Dingleberry" immediately dropped an even bigger and smellier turrd on top of the one that she might have presumed came from the story's teller. That way, even though she soon got married, the story teller can have the consolation prize of "Miss Dingleberry" thinking his and her monster turds were united in undying love!

PatriotPooper, I enjoy your comments, keep up the good work.

Have you ever put Laxative in a teachers coffee? I had a hot teacher in 9th grade. But she was a B/TCH and I decided ide test my luck with drugging her. My buddy purchased it and it was even tastless "aparently" well she didnt stand up to use the rest room during period.1 but laxative usually works I hope it burned her ass out

I remember growing up that there were two things that you should avoid talking about: 1) Religion and 2) Politics. Apparently, no one here has learned this lesson.

Not that I paid much attention for my friends and I argue politics all the time, but at least we respect the other person's opinion.

_______
Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

The posts here seem to be in a jumbled mess.....My head is not clear enough to follow. rrrrrrrrr
Producing waste since 1967

Yeah, where'd the politics come up early in the thread?

By the way, you know why you don't "discuss politics or religion"? Because, as the great Thomas Jefferson once said,
"All tyranny needs to gain a foothold is for people of good conscience to remain silent."

Of course the directors of society put a taboo on discussing the vehicles of their tyranny!

_______
the Pirate Master Rot Bottom.

MSS - right on about the posts - but I think the story is real good! If I'd had a crush on he and then been in that position I'd have been mortified!!!

I got the "benefits" of the teachers' lounge bathroom one day in middle school. School started at 8 and the bus dropped me off at 7:15 as usual. Since I'm easily bored, I went to my locker and then the closest bathroom to my first hour science class. I hadn't had a bm for four days and I had to pee a little, so I sought out the stall at the far end of the otherwise vacant 10 or so stall restroom. I was apparently the first user that morning because the seat was up and the stool was uncharacteristically clean. I put the seat down, noting that it was a bit loose, pulled down my jeans and panties, and seated myself for what I hoped would be a successful experience, because it was really hard to get a stall and take a crap during the short five-minute passing periods provided between classes.

I was eyeing the two-thirds roll of toilet paper to my right and hopeful that within a few minutes I would be using it. Two voices walking relatively fast caught my attention as they progressed toward the restroom. One took the stall immediately to the right of me and the other took the next one. There was some cursing about their university professor coming for a visit and the person next to me dropped the seat with one large thud, laid a coffee thermos with a college logo on the floor close to the partition, and within two or three seconds of her sitting down I could hear a refreshing sigh as she quickly filled the bowl with her morning crap. "Michael takes so long in the shower--I've been holding that for an hour but I didn't want to take a chance of getting stuck in even more traffic by stopping to shit at a gas station," she said. "I know what you mean," the other lady said. "This is the only time I'll use a student bathroom because they get much too dirty after just a couple of hours. Come in here over the lunch hour and you'll think we're teaching pigs."

One made a snooty noise and the other laughed and asked if it was directed at any particular student. They talked about a boy named Derek and how fat and undisciplined he was. They joked about how he should be on a poster advertisng President Bush's War on Obesity. "Yeh, and there would be a line in here of students puking!" They laughed. They talked about a girl named Angel that one of them had and how she had poor hygiene and body odor. One suggested referring her to the nurse or counselor; the other said it would be faster just to hose her down at the student council's upcoming car wash. I was sure suprised at how gross they talked about their students. They also talked about how they thought one of the assistant principals was gay but how the other one was hot. One slammed the school district, but admitted it would be a good place to start her career for the first couple of years. The other said she was just getting a teaching degree so she could support her boyfriend for the time he would be in law school, and how she would never have to work again.

Finally, after about five minutes I heard a torrential peeing noise from the lady in the far stall. She cursed and said something about having to get back to her classroom. Just about that time, some other girls started coming into the bathroom. One of the ladies made a remark about vacating "because the enemy is coming!" Both laughed as they flushed and went to the sinks.

I didn't figure they knew that I was in there and that I had overheard their conversation, so I stayed on the stool still hopeful that I could produce and use some of that toilet paper that seemingly had my name on it. As a line was forming for each of the stalls, I just accepted the fact that it wasn't to be. I walked to my 8th grade science class and was almost late. I had been anything but bored that morning

At lunch that day I overheard two boys talking about their student teacher and how she seemed to have it in for them. One suggested that she probably hadn't got laid for a while. As they laughed I started telling my friend Meredith about what I had heard that morning. I still remember it vividly after six years. I had my long-awaited bm during sixth hour study hall that day. Ah, the satisfaction! I'm an honor student in college now, and although I'm undecided on my major, I do know one thing. It won't be education.

Bekka - amazing what you can hear whilst on the stool isn't it!!! I usually poop at work, and have heard some amazingly confidental conversations - why doesn't it register with people there could be someone sat listening!??

PS - glad you had satisfaction in the end!!