That's just digusting. Glad you shared it with us though :D

Apricots and pudding. Interesting combo. Why stop there? You should have topped it off by drinking an Ex-lax spiked pot of Sanka.

That was funny as hell.

I have been in this situation, but it has always been MY bathroom.

Having this happen somewhere else must really SUCK!!!!

Man I sure the hell feel sorry for the toilet paper you used. It must of suffered bad.

I have no clue what possessed you to buy pudding and apricots as a movie snack... ever heard of popcorn or cheetohs? Very amusing story, though. You've lived through one of my worst nightmares, how does it feel?

God, what brand of pudding was that? And what exactly are 'Troma films?'

Its fascinating and horrifying when a major poop attack happens with no warning at all. Diarrhea seems to produce this the worst. Solid poop gives lots of advance gut warnings, and its also easier to postpone it. But liquid poo masquerades as a fart and will just ambush you.

oh that is gross!! how the fuck did you get that out?!? wait... i don't even wanna know... funnay though! thanx

WOW.That just conjured up some vivid imagery for me...errrgh.Brown and orange just aren't good together.That was a pretty horrible story and I applaud your bravery for telling it.But yeah....dried APRICOTS? That's so strange.

You think that was funny, you defecating bastard???? I stunk for months!!

Well, my my. I liked the part when it squirted upwards and got on the back of my shirt. My fellow fecalpheliac dumped me (no pun intended) so I decided to read about poop to console my saddened soul. And guess what, it did. On a totally unrelated note, did I mention the ween double album titled "paintin' the town brown" ? Hmm. poop. yay.

ROFLMAO! I PISSSSSED :)) LOL HAHAH! OMFG I CANT STOP LAUGHING !!!!!LOL ..........LLLLLLOOOOOLLL

IM IN TEARS :))

Your story is flawed. You went to sleep, and woke up and went upstairs to shit, yet you had all of your clothes on, AND your boots? And your friends were still up at dawn watching Troma films? So either you were sleeping with your friends, completely clothed, or you need to re-write this fake-ass story so it all matches up :)

Funny though..

There's no reason to assume a) his friends were also asleep or b) his friends started watching the movies again when they woke up.

Hey Brad Ludes....being the drunken piece of shit I am I have spent many nights crashing at friends houses, or even at strangers houses. I try to keep all my possessions with me.

This reminds me of one night many years ago when I got in a fight with my girlfriend. I left her and went to the bar and drank many shots and mixed drinks. At closing time some kind strangers at the bar took me home with them so I wouldn't drive drunk. I woke up the next morning in a bed, still wearing my BOOTS and winter coat. I staggered to a bathroom, puked my guts out and then proceded to the livingroom to see the "strangers" still awake and freebasing cocaine....but that's another story.

Anyway this story is BELIEVABLE so FUCK OFF.

Hi Guys, glad you liked the story.

The story took place at a friends sleepover. We watched the movies in the basement and everyone fell asleep or woke up at a different time. It was early morning when the call of nature beckoned me from bed, and the other fellas didn't wake up until I had been in the bathroom awhile. There was a whole stack of movies to watch and my friends put some more in the VCR once they woke up. Also, Troma films are a line of cheap, B-grade, horror style movies; usually noted for obscene and overdone effects. The Toxic Avenger, Tromeo and Juliet, etc.

This even scarred me for life. Whenever I'm sitting in class or at home on the computer and I feel a fart burrowing down my gut, I immediately think the worst and head for the toilet.... you know... just in case.

Forgot to add this to my last post...

"The Toxic Distender" is a play on the title of one of the previously mentioned Troma films "The Toxic Avenger". Nice!

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHH! My god that is so FUNNY! I was in tears, i'm serious! I like when the shit goes on the wall- Shit Paint!

That is an awesome recipe for anal disaster! I'm going to try it...

OMG, I just googled apricots and diarrhea and this is what I got, why would I google that? Well I'm sitting here at work, pissing out my ass every 5-11 minutes, wondering what the fuck happened? Then I think of the last few things that aren't normally in my diet, which included a huge frigin thing of dried apricots........and I cannot feel your pain more, literally.....wow, these things should have a warning label, for real. That story was one of the funniest stories I've ever heard, even though I had to take a couple bathroom breaks before I finished it....awesome.

LOL I am in the same situation as eva. Wow these things are so powerful. YOU are a brilliant writer. So descriptive I laughed so much. Well done.

This is quite possibly the funniest thing I've ever read. The only reason I read this was because earlier today at work I was going to be healthy and eat fruit instead of junk food. I too, chose dried apricots. I've never run so fast through walmart in my life. You had worse luck than I did, friend. But thanks for the awesome story you told.

OMG! I can not stop laughing....this is the funniest article i have ever read before. Thank you for the education - i was trying to find out why i had an accident in my pants after i ate apricots......LOL!!!

I also found this while at work due to freaking dried apricots. I always knew dried fruits like raisins and prunes were laxatives and suspected dried apricots but wasn't thinking and ate about three handfuls to my colon's detriment. I'm suffering and feel your pain

Troma has a reputation for making great B-rated horror movies and putting some of their actors through more schooling (Tiffany Shepis) and also being total dillholes when it comes to kicking their own people out of jobs. Some people like them, some people hate them.

I loved this story, too. The last comment made me think of 2 Septembers ago. My best friend visited, and we shopped at Trader Joe's and bought a bunch of dried fruit. I overdid it and ended up with the most amazing technicolor poop. It looked like I shit a stained glass window.

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

You probably clenched your ass cheeks together in sheer panic, which caused the mess to take the path of least resistance. Thus the shit geyser. You mentioned the bathroom still stunk after cleaning. Did you check the ceiling?

I can't believe you ate 12 pudding packs. I mean, that's a lot of pudding. No wonder you pooped a lot. Eat less next time.

i too ate dried apricots and had to google the combination to see if there was a link.. the problem is that i had to go loo all day too at school and its dead hard not to make the fartt noises in the bathroom ... people think you've been possessed of something

I too ate about 20 dried apricots i first thought it was a indian curry made by my mum but infact it was the APRICOTS!
I was out walking my dog in the hills in Scotland when i had a desperate urge to go to the loo.
At first i thought i could make it back home but how wrong could i have been.
My dog (massive great dane) pulled me down the hill as soon as i tugged him back i felt like an explosive had gone off in my pants.
I couldnt believe it until the smell and the warmth was trailing in my boxers.
So i went into the bushes pulled out on of my dogs poo bags and emptied my boxers into it.
On the way home i seen a wheelybin in someones garden, i made a run at it and emptied my boxer bag into it.
but because i ran i emptied again this time straight down my jeans which had designer rips in them.
As i struggled trying to get my dog to walk and stop looking like id had anal sex th night before.
I finally made it home and got a load of grief of my girlfriend as she thought id been having an affair as i ran straight into the shower without my boxers.
Of course i didnt want to tell her the truth but then someone knocked on whilst i was in the shower and my gf answered.
It was only the neighbour whos bin i had used.
he threw the boxer bag in my gfs face.
After i cleaned up i decided to go cinema with my gf as i thought it had cleared out my system i was soo wrong once again.
I was half way watching the movie when i felt like i needed to shit again i ran for the first empty toilet but it had no bog roll so i went to the second but unfortunatly it had no lock and no bog roll and i then i picked the third it had bog roll and a lock but the toilet was a disgrace so i thought i could just hover on the seat and aim my shit into the hole, how WRONG once again.
The shit splattered everywhere up the walls down the floor i even ran out of bog roll.
Eventually after cleaning up again i slowly opened the toilet door thinking i could creap out but as i opened the door there was a massive cue outside it.
The popular movie had just finished cant believe i had taken soo long in embarassment i open the door said sorry and closed myself back into the toilet.
I literrally waited until everyone had gone i could hear guys moaning as they were desperate to use the toilet.
My gf was waiting 45 minutes outsiden the toilet and heard comments about the smell and the fact that some guy had locked himself in.
Theyre was even talk about getting the security guards in to remove me.
Never again will i ever eat dried fruit listen to my advise stay away.
To the first guy who wrote his story i hear you mate the pain is shared.
Very imbarrasing but true.

i came across this page as well bc i couldn't figure why i had just spent three hours sitting on the toilet... my story is not nearly as embarrassing as some of the previous, except that the whole thing came on as i was at my boyfriend's apartment. at first i tried to play it cool saying that i drank a lot of water so i really had to pee a lot. i think he caught on though when i mentioned i had a stomach ache, and he replied "you've been feeling sick all night, eh?" with a wink... he's sleeping now and i'm trying to wait it out... thank god I found this story to cheer me up. moral of story: NO MORE DRIED FRUITS!

Yup. Same thing. Went to a Vipassana retreat and they had this great tasty oatmeal with a prune and apricot soup that you pour on top. Yum.
I decided to make it myself at home and a bought a grip of dried apricots in bulk. Got hungry so I ate one of these little Turkish sweeties, along with about a litre of water(was very thirsty). God it was tasty and next thing, I'd eaten the bag and was quite satisfied.

Good lord, I thought there was something wrong with me. I had to take a shower and clean the toilet. I don't think there were any added sulphites in my brownish apricots from Whole Foods.

No need to have a colonic when you have a bag of apricots handy !

I can easily understand how the shirt was soiled. Just like PD said when the butt cheeks are really clenched tight and the poo comes out anyway it will follow the path of least resistance. I had this happen once and can attest to the fact that the path of least resistance in up your crack and onto your back.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Your hours of shock and shame in 2003 certainly has legs Capt Shagrat, still going strong six years on. This story must surely qualify as a definitive description of a phenomenon which most people having had it would not recount. You are a pioneer. A classic tale, I had to wipe tears from my eyes.

Thanks for a hilarious and inspiring ten minutes.

How has your writing style come on? Have you published yet? This could have been a debut for a movie script.