Oh please. Dave, Dave, Dave. This sounds like some story my 12 year old made up.

Ummmm fake? I can believe the steaklog, but beyond that point it gets a bit fuzzy. How in the world can you get noticably soaking wet from a splashback, even if you were in a true squat all you would get is the undercarraige, perhaps the inside of your legs. seated all you get is a wet ass. So how would your dad notice that? You stated it sank in the pond, well if its dens enuff to sink in the pond its also dense enuff to sink in a toilet, you would have had to reach INTO the bowl with your sweatshirt, getting it dripping wet, to get the turd, then taking that dripping wet shirt through the house and out to your car. Now tell me, if someone walked through your house carrying a dripping wet shirt would you notice, especially if it smelled like the urine/crap aroma you were supposudly splashed with? I could go on, but want to leave some fun for other PoopReporters...

Whether or not the story is true, the solution to situations like this is the use of a 'shitstick.' There have been front page and forum stories about the use of such devices to get rid of bowel boulders that won't budge. Check out the post: "My Convention Roomie: The Bricklayer" in the Poop Stories Forum (2nd page.) In that particular instance, I used a coat-hanger to break up my roomie's humongous poo so it would flush. A toilet brush or plunger handle will also work under these circumstances in an emergency.

It would and will never occur to me to pick up a huge plop with my hands (however covered) and physically do a little turd-tour across the countryside with it before disposal.

That is all from here.

Erik, can you apologize for lying? Jesus cries when you do that.

This is turning into pooh-pooh report, what with everyone scoffing and doubting.

TBW, thanks for rising above the derogatory comments that so many others feel the need to make and bringing us back to the issue at hand. Far easier to break the poop up and give a few flushes than to transport fecal matter outside of the bathroom. I also think we should go easy on Dave... obviously there aren't many good poop reports coming in and he has to make do... or doo doo. Whatever. Anyway, if you think the poop reports are crap, go write a good one and submit it.

I didn't know it was (possibly) fake stories week again.

you should have apologized and suffered the embarresment and used a steak knife! I actually thought that was what the punch line was going to be for this big lie

Vegetarians don't eat steak once a year.

I'm mean, Erik. The thing that occurred to me: why didn't you just leave the damn loaf in the toilet and let them deal with it? Or perhaps gone outside to steal a shit stick. Either way, it takes one sick bastard to carry around a piece of poo!

You guys are starting to disappoint me just when I thought I found my new home. Some of the lastest shit stories are so patently fake it isn't even worth commenting on. Some others, regardless of fact or fiction, the authors simply cannot spin a good turd tale. Oh, and if the kid had the nerve to touch his monster log, he would have scrunched it up enough so it would flush down. I, having been in that circumstance myself, would have found SOMETHING in that bathroom to break it up.

If everyone made cool and logical decisions in the face of crisis, the world would be a much different place. The fact is, everyone does stupid things that are mistakes in hindsight. Just because the thing he did was dumb -- and just because you can think of better alternatives -- doesn't mean it didn't happen.

vegetarians suck first of all, second of all this story is obviously a fake.

i don't know, i have trouble believing anybody who goes to the trouble of not eating meat 355 days out of a year would just go and down a big steak.
i mean, in that case, what's the point?

Lie #1: You're a vegetarian

Lie #2: You're story

Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit. This is clearly a case of someone's imagination running wild. Don't "real" vegetarians get violently ill if they eat meat after an extensive time of just eating the other food groups?

And I couldn't help but notice that "Eric" was having a grand ole' time using creative descriptions, a little too much to be believed. Seems like we have yet another fictional writer looking for a niche' to subject his repeated lies to!

I hate fuck faces that insult us with obvious fake slop!

Eric, next time you take a shit, put it in your mouth and look at the grimace on your face in the mirror from the pure disgust. That way you'll know my facial expression while reading your waste of space here on Poop Report.

hey erik you ever hear of a hanger and a p
plunger?!

So much loyalty to poopreport... yet how many of you have bought the Journal of Ass Production? You can be loyal in word, or you can be loyal in action...

wow the controversy.

my brother married a vegeterian and has basically been forced into being one.
He will go out for a big steak or a burger once or twice a year and always gets a case of the runs.

I guess once the body gets used to "clean living", animal flesh is evil.

Personally, I would have liked him to transport it home in a stolen Tupperware container from the kitchen. Take it home like some leftover Domino's!!! He would have also had a nice specimen for Show and Tell the next day!

well... you are creative :)

Alex, are there 356 days in the year where you come from?
Ty, I have a JOAP, but no thong.

Hey it's me the author and I was just reading everyone's posts. If you were wondering this is a true story. I know I made some poor decisions, but I was completely embarrassed and just did the first thing that came to mind. If you don't want to believe it go ahead, but what has this world come to when a man can't share a poop story without being called a liar by a bunch of people who don't even know him.

erik, are you a vegetarian by choice? if so, what is your reason for eating steak once a year? also, how old are you? next, how many PR stories have you read? and last, did you actually think when you were making this up that people would believe it? sorry, but this scenerio just doesn't ring true to me.

When I was five I took a piece of my own poo, climbed the slide, and let it roll. However, I would never touch a turd (mine or others) after that age. Anyone who has is one sick son of a bitch! Either that or stupid as hell!

Fake stories are so much more entertaining than real ones--especially when the writer tries to defend his story. People on this forum can smell a fake story from a mile away. Pun intended.

Besides, it sounds a little like Barry Dingle's "LA Confidential"(http://www.poopreport.com/Stories/Content/la.html). Hmmmmm.

Okay, so if the host's toilet was broken, and you had filled it to the brim with diarrhea, would you have requested some mixing bowls or perhaps a coffee pot to take your evidence with you? I simply cannot believe that someone would take a turd (I'll name him Moses) and abscond from a household with him in swaddling clothes, only to release him into the bullrushes of a local waterway? The next part of the story is how Pharoh finds the turd and crowns it Prince Turdulent III.

Erik, Listen to Ty and keep your chin up. I come to this website to be entertained, and I for one found your story entertaining! If I'd dropped a GBU-28 Boodie-Buster like you described I would've wanted to take it with me too! How can you break your Paternal Poop Ties on the spot when you expel a monster like that?!? And remember, you're only 12 to 24 hours away from another bomb like this one, so keep on Poopin'!

Thanks poop-o-matic. At least someone enjoyed my story.

I thought it was a funny story. I just thought it was gross.

Funny indeed. Sorry for being so critical about your story, Erik. I have said before I didn't care if the stories were true or not, as long as they were enjoyable to read. I still don't think it really happened though.

Well Whether or not you believe it, don't let the story for you. I'm glad some people enjoyed reading it even if they thought it was fake. I only sent in the story to entertain.

it was definitely fake, but i laughed. the splashback is something i have dealt with several times, but ive always managed to use asspaper and keep it under control.

"i'm a vegetarian. HOwever once a year my friends and i go out to dinner for a giant steak." are you kidding us? what the hell kind of vegetarian are you? how do u justify eating that one steak? you become a vegetarian because a) it's supposedly healthier, b) you don't like meat, or c) it's wrong to eat animals. NONE OF THOSE 3 JUSTIFY THAT STEAK!!! either you're a vegetarian or you aren't. not only that, you're a filthy bloody liar, if you're gonna pick the thing up in your shirt (which supposedly didn't get wet) you might as well take it and show it off....or better yet, leave it there and go "WOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! COME CHECK THIS SHIT OUT!" (no pun intended).

The shirt got wet when I put it in the toilet. Why is this story so hard for people to understand. Apparently this site is full of amateurs who are lightyears behind me in poop IQ.

Why didn't you find one of those big barbecue forks to pull it out of the toilet?

i havent laughed so hard in weeks.....

Lie, truth, attempt at humor, I don't care. I think this was just hysterical. But, what's more hysterical, and why I love this website, is that you all can break down why it could not be true.
Yes, we are all becoming Poop Columbo's.

HEy great story, Even I get massive diahreahhas

You can always poke your shit with a stick (or plunger, if you find one nearby) to break it up so that you can flush it. Works real well on those toughies.

hey man, good story! i once saw an enormas poo when i went in a truck stop bathroom. the thing wrap'd around the toilet. We brought all our friends in to see it. It was fantastic. I understand where you are comming from. However, i dont approve of the vegetarianism. eating the stake is nice, i'm feeling hungry now, good job, but only once a year.. . .i'm not impressed.
HIT THA DURT!!!

Always be glad that Brutus went out, and not in.

Instead of taking Brutus on the grand tour, why didn't you either find a poo stick outside, or plunge Brutus down?

Though I am not grossed out by poo touching, I don't think I would pull a turd out of the toilet and throw it outside either. I'm sure that there were sticks somewhere out in the yard that could have been used as a poo chopper.
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Watch out for the deadly F4, though he's been gone since '53, he will be back.