how old are you, C Everett?

I promise that in time old age will catch up with you and you will shit yourself.

Very funny, descriptive and original.

There is nothing worst that going into a bathroom at a restaurant after eating a great dinner and finding someone else's fecal disaster.

A few years back we were in South Carolina eating at a restaurant; it was a popular place since there were only 2 restuarants on that island. Anyway after an excellent meal I went to the bathroom and the toilet and floor was covered in watery shit and the sink was full of puke; what a dessert. I almost lost my dinner.

I wonder if the next guy who went into that warzone after you was in the same predicament. I think this is a very disturbed version of poop "Pay it Forward".

Nice usage of poop phrasology, by the way.

Smellanoma - Affliction of the skin. A dehabilitating disease in which the victims's basil cells retain the unpleasant aroma of doody. At the present, there is no known cure. Smellanoma must run its course.

Bravo!

I must have the world's greatest bunghole. When I hear these stories about people losing it in their pants, I can't even imagine it. I shit only when and where I want to. My starfish knows the difference between solids, liquids and gasses and releases each at the appropriate time. I have traveled to hundreds of godforsaken third world shitholes, eaten the food and drank the water at all of them too. My asshole is a champ and would definitely make a better president than John Kerry.

"left the grime scene" was one of the best terms in this story filled with many, many poop terms.

This story was so chock full of poop terminology, I don't think there's any left for me to use in my next story. I personally liked "Asstille." I instantly thought of Rush's "Bastille Day." I can almost tweak the song poopreport style:

Fartist marched on to Astille Day
The Citgo stall claimed its muddy prize
Leave the stained shorts; they'll never clean
Just drain your ass and leave the mess behind

Good post Fartist.

Reminds me of a childhood story in which my mom was taking me and my two brothers to the 7-11 to get Slurpees one hot summer afternoon. I was in the back with one of my brothers, the other up front, next to mom. We all used to fight over who got the front seat, but on this particular day, one brother would come to regret the battle for the front seat in which he was victor, but come the victor are the spoils, and what mom did truly smelled like spoiled meat. We were almost to 7-11 when mom farted then started gasping in horror and we smelled a very potent poo odor. She had diarreahed in her pants and it shot straight through her pants and onto the fabric of the seat, the fibers sucking it in like a dry sponge. It was truly the ride from hell, and we were not allowed to roll down the windows becuase it was over 100 degrees out and she wanted the air conditioning on. We sold the car a few years later, and was never able to fully cleanse the dark brown quarter-sized stain from the grey fabric. When I got my license and would drive the car, I always put down a towel, just in case the fabric decided to release some juice.

Uncle Chunk, was your mom a MILF?

A friend of mine is a true Turd Terrorist. He shits on gas station floors intentionaly.

I have a friend who told me he and this friend of his did something similar. They didn't want to sit on the actual dumper at some gas station so they pulled the lid off of the tank and dumbo dropped inside. Everytime they would flush, the turd would sink and rise with the water. It was like a Chubmarine. I wish there was some video footage.

Oh, by the way, Thank you Daphne for legitimizing the word "Smellanoma". You are quite the turdsmith yourself.

Turdsmith... LOL. good1

Bwah ha ha ha ha!!!! I haven't laughed this hard since... well, since the last time I heard Dubya speak. Great turdictionary terms! I'll have to remember these for later.

haha, remember that thing with the kid falling asleep behind Dubya while he was making his speech? just goes to show how boring politics are.

My dear Fartist,

"Turdsmith"?

I am taking this title to my profile in the forum, and I am quite humbled. Man, we really need to get some form of a DICTIONARY in this website. I think it would be so easy to do alphabetically, and we could contribute with Dave's permission. Maybe it would be a "SHITSCONARY". Or, "ENCYCLOPOOPIA".
Hehehehehe.

Daphne,
Perhaps a "Shitsaurus" or "Encyclofecia Shitanica" are in order?

"Encyclofecia Shitanica"

Oh man, now FOR SURE we have to petition Dave to have this on the site, just to read that and say it.
Say it with me, people,
En-cy-clo-fe-ci-a Shit-a-nic-a

Sounds like Latin, doesn't it?

The term "turdsmith" is perfect. Genius!

There are a few poop-dictionary-type places on the net. I don't want to recreate anything that's already been done. However, I would like to have a dictionary of terms that have been coined on PoopReport. Everyone who thinks they're responsible for a term, let me know the term and where it was first used... even though there's bound to be controversy and argument, this will be good.

I hope we can call it "Encyclofecia Shitanica".

That's just fun to say.

Hey Doniker, me and my trusty dooker are close to 43 and never once have we let anything out (or in) without permission since I was out of diapers. I am master of my own intestinal domain.

Intestinal domain.
There's one for the encyclofecia.

Great story. "...projectile defecate." hehehe. That's one for the encyclofecia.

If you haven't read "LA Confidential" by Barry Dingle, do it now! It is full of great phrases. I personally liked "Moby Brick" and " shit-zepplin". I would like to claim the turdsmith one if we're staking our claims here.

This story has brought so much joy to the lives of me and my friends. I laughed until I cried, and then I went and took a poop. Enough poop slang to keep me quoting you for weeks

Phrases coined on Poopreport sound like a great idea. Handicrapper has to go on there somewhere. Not sure who coined it...

By the way, nice work fartist.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!! I can't quit laughing! This was one of my faves, not really because of the actual story, but because of "smeller door", "Asstille", "grime scene", "chocolate oatmeal", "grafeces", and the various other terms that had me rolling. And, yes! "Encyclofecia Shitanica" is perfect! Ha ha ha ha!!

I turd that...uh, I third that vote for Encyclofecia Shitanica. Just as long as I'm listed for inventing "million wiper".

After the Fartist's descriptive story (with a disturbingly large number of food terms) I will never eat oatmeal or drink Slim Fast again! I just skimmed through the story again to laugh hysterically.

Fartist, you have an amazing way with words! :-)

Man oh man....did that toilet deserve that? Just think of the horror you must of put it through. I bet if you were to go back there even today you would notice it would start to shake uncontrollably when you squat on it, with fear that you were going to torture it like you did the last time you used it.

Very good reporting of events though. Nice detail. Your confession kind of shows you are now feeling remorse for what you did to that poor toilet. Is that a true statement or do you disagree and could care less what you did to that bathroom?

I still want to know....is Uncle Chunk's mom a MILF?

Great, well-written story! I enjoyed it immensely.

I am a poopy butt..... This statement is true if it is deleted by the editor. It is also true if not deleted. The fact is... I am a poopy butt

This makes me wonder how many things you've written about MILF'ing that have been deleted.

come on daph, do you really believe I wrote the poopy butt comment?
So many loser here are jealous of me and want to be me so they post as me.
I thought you weren't going to post while drinking that case o wine.

Honestly???

It really didn't sound like you, but it never occurred to me that someone would do that.

I'm sorry.

It's probably crappercritic. You know he hates Doniker. At least I assume its a he.

your website suks

chunky butt 4 ever,
Our web site has been taking lessons from your mom. Now, is she a MILF? Inquiring minds want to know.

(Hehehehehe)

I'm still a poopy butt. And that's the end of it. He he hehe. poopy butt, poopy butt. There I said it. Now shit your pants and turd up your music of insane shitness coming out of your fecal face. Peace.

update - October 2007 - while I did not enter this comment back in the original thread progression, it comes up as mine. this makes me wonder if the system we began later just picked up every daphne-labeled comment, or if one of my kids entered this from my ISP.

Oh my God, I've been plagarized!!!!!!!!

I'm so violated, girly man.............

Is is crappercritic or some other "lurker", as Dave calls them?

Call the FBI, the Federal Bowel of Investigations, tap the wires, trace the IP address, which stands for I Poop, of course.

We must get to the bottom of this!!!!

I don't know who it is, but this could be another form of turd terrorism. "Poopy butt" attack!

That's it!!!

This is cyber turd terrorism.
"Poopy butt attack"

Call me a purist, but I feel this story has a few too many "turdisms" to be worthy. While most of us are able to concoct a new word if need be, it seemes to me that there are entirely too many "scataological inventions" for this to be completly read. It seems as if our author has thought of outragously clever terms, and then filled in the rest to make it all work together....I may be a minority on this point, but I'm gonna hold my ground.

God if I don't love a rebel

If you don't believe the story, I can have a shitness intestify to all events mentioned in this turd tale. I just find it more humorous and stenchtresting to spice it up with "turdisms". Actually, I wish this story wasn't true, but, alass, shit is.

Don't give up the turdisms, Fartist! I love em!

Damn Dave J. Who put the bug up your ass recently?
Fuckin jerk!

This is hill-air-e-us!, all of ya'll have great stories.

this story is untrue. not right. incorrect. a lie.

just b/c i'm a turdsmith master doesn't mean this story isn't true. i tagged that shit-stop w/gallons of spray-do like my ass was a fire hydrant with no plug.

If you pooped on someones else butt would you be leaving a dump instead of taking one?

Jim, that is a very disturbing thought.
_______
"Two percent of the population think; three percent of the population think they think, and 95 percent of the population would rather die than think."