Should have signed a poonuptial agreement.

"I Doo"... now that's classic!

When I was in grade school, one of by best friends was a girl by the name of Tracey. One morning during our 7th grade year, we were both hanging out in the school yard talking and waiting for the morning bell. School began at 9AM, the time was about 8:15. Soon afterwards, both of us began feeling constipated and cramped up. Before we knew it, we both had to shit really really bad. The pain and pressure from the constipation was getting worse. There was no way we were going to make it till school opened, so we went to the school entrance to ask if we could get in to use the bathroom. One of the teachers let us in and we hurried quickly to the girls room. We took adjacent stalls, lifted our skirts, dropped our panties and sat our bare butts down. This was going to be nasty, we were both glad it was before class and no one else was in the bathroom yet. For minutes we both sat there grunting and straining to no avail. The pain was almost unbearable. Then my friend Tracey grunted loudly and I could hear the huge log of shit come ripping out of her butt-hole. She sighed with relief, and couldn't believe the size of the log she just passed. As she started to wipe, I grunted with full force and finally ejected my load. Never before did it feel so good to shit. The log was fat, hard and very long. We got done wiping and pulled our panties back up. Tried to flush but there was so much shit in the toilets and the stuff would not go down. We decided to just leave it and get out of there before the bell rang and the other girls started coming in. Whoever went to those stalls next got quite an eyeful. Tracey and I had a good laugh about it, and we became closer as friends from sharing a shit together.

OK here I go.

First, I want to know about the part when you woke up "nekkid". Were you alone with your wad in hand or did you give the "lady friend" a good banging hours earlier?

Secondly, I remember you talking on the forums before going to this wedding and promising to "report" a great poo story upon your return.

Sure you ate, you shit, big deal. I do it too. Don't try to make something out of nothing. Your grasping for material.

One of the reasons I quit writing stories is because I am depleted of "true stories". If something exciting or interesting ever again happens while I shit I will report it. Until then I am not going to "create" a poo story...that's boring.

thank you doniker. you might just be a sane being.

doniker, why's it always come down to sex? Dude, if I ate like that at a great wedding feast I'd go to bed naked too, simply to accomodate my expanded waistline. And I certainly wouldn't have sex or whacking in mind. Time enough for that the next morning after I've done a little digesting.

Heh...Doniker cracks me up.

You know...this shit always cracks me up. Nothing ever pleases anyone! First, it's, "We're tired of fake stories." then it's, "We're tired of stupid stories." and now, "We're tired of real stories"????

Doniker, I'm glad you've decided not to burden us with your lame ass boring stories any further, and I understand wanting to read an exciting, interesting story, but not every story is gonna be a gem! Granted, this is not one of TBW's best stories, but it is by far not the worst!

And speaking of "making something out of nothing" as you put it, TBW made a story that could have been summed up in a few sentences into a pretty enjoyable read due to his masterful way with the english language and humorous descriptions.

If anyone is "making something out of nothing" it seems to me that it's YOU! Your comment was pointless, rude (though I usually expect that from you) and had no relevance besides you feeling like you just had to write something, but really had nothing to say.

Who gives a fuck why you stopped submitting stories?! Maybe it's jealosy that you can not take a simple poop story and turn it into something more than drunken, mispelled scribbles that don't qualify as sentences. I know all about just how much editing Dave has to apply to YOUR stories.

Lastly, why the hell are you so interested about TBW's "nekkidness"? Are you hoping for a visual you can jack off to? Do you wish it was you who woke up next to him...also nekkid? (pretty sure TBW would object to that!)

I usually take Donikers comments in stride, but just like that annoying fly that buzzes around your head, it eventually needs to be swatted.

-AP

Amen, brother phlegm.

Amen Ass Phlegm!!

as usual, some people don't get my point.

I see PoopReport as a website for people to tell funny interesting shitting stories.

TBW is a writer, trying to fit in and be accepted.

Someone can't predict a shit related incident worthy of talking about. Again TBW went to this wedding promising a story....that's a turn off.

I don't care if you like my stories or not; honestly I can't beleive Dave even posted most of the junk I wrote.....I have always been self conscience of my writings.

Okay, this is the LAST time I will comment on any lie, half-truth, misconception or rude and tasteless remark that doniker puts out about me and my material on PoopReport. I do so for the benefit of my many friends and to set the record straight here.

Regarding the story, "The Wedding Sphincter," which doniker insists I announced I was going to write before I went to the wedding in question: the wedding took place on August 23rd. The events I described affected my bowels on August 24th, the day after, and I wrote a story about them that evening and e-mailed it to Dave. There is no mention of my going to this wedding on the site to write a poop story beforehand.

But there is proof that the mention doniker is referring to came after the event occurred. It occurred in a thread entitled, "a shameless moment," posted by noshitsherlock on the poop stories forum on August 25th. She proudly proclaims her attempts to become a more shameless shitter using public facilities in this story.

On August 27th, four days after the wedding I attended and the "I Doo" event I subsequently wrote about, I responded to her post, giving her encouragement, as did others like AssBlaster2000. I said: "Hey, NSS, I would have commented on your post before now, but I've been out of pocket attending a family wedding and visiting friends."

On August 28th, noshitsherlock responded to me saying: "TBW, hope you had fun at the family wedding--any poop stories from the trip? You know it HAD to be asked."

My reply to her on August 28th was: "Yo, NSS, the wedding was great and, yes, it did produce a story which I have submitted to Dave. So maybe you'll be reading about it soon." In short, I did not go "to this wedding promising a story," as doniker loosely and falsely proclaims. He's either remembering the sequence of events incorrectly or knows the sequence and wants to stir things up to create a false impression.

That's it, folks. Comments on my wedding trip and a possible story that might have come out of it were made several days after the trip was concluded, not before. The story was a spontaneous response on my part to events which occurred, and the forums document this.

Again, this is the last time I respond to any of the bullshit, rudeness, tastelessness, insinuations and misconceptions that doniker has regularly thrown at me on the forums and Front Page since I joined PR on March 3rd of this year. Except for this continuous campaign on his part which has also taken place behind the scenes, I thoroughly enjoy sharing my stories with the many great friends I have made on Poop Report, and I refuse to allow doniker to control the agenda regarding perceptions about me.

I like Janet's story better. Sounds like those two girls were literally full of shit that morning. Mercy!

Doniker if you have nothing good to say then say nothing at all, I for one liked this story..So there!

where did I say I didn't like this story? Sure the writing is good, I am questioning the origin.

My points will never be understood...what's the use?

I also like Janet's story!!

Damnit TBW, you used the term, "I Doo." That was to be the title of my next PoopReport. I just got back from my honeymoon and I've got a Consumer Report to report. I'll probably submit it sometime next week since I'm house hunting this week.

Hey, ThreePly, I sure didn't mean to steal your thunder, guy. But I know that I and many others will look forward to your honeymoon report with great interest. Good luck with the house hunting, BTW. Remember to make sure you've got great, comfortable bathrooms. And congrats to you, my friend, on taking the big plunge into the world of matrimony.

P.S. to Janet. I agree with the other posters in this thread. Your story was certainly interesting enough to submit to Dave on its own. And as a shameless shitter who enjoyed the social aspects of taking a dump throughout his school years, I absolutely agree with your conclusion.

Jesus Christ TBW, you are the biggest ass kisser I have ever seen.

Are you so hard up for human contact that you have to compliment and stroke everyone's ego constantly?

You make me want to barf.

Thanks monrovia, shameful, & big wiper. I am 25 now, so it's a few years since the incident happened. If I recall, I think it was on a Tuesday. I know I was over at my friend Tracey's house the previous weekend, her parents had a barbecue cookout and we both stuffed ourselves on all the food. I think we had barbecue ribs, hamburgers and hot dogs. We sure paid for it that morning. My bowel movements are usually large, but to this day I have yet to have another one like that morning at school.

Doniker, is there anything you DON'T complain about?! So what if TBW is friendly. We're a community aren't we? This is how we get to know one another.

Personally, it was TBW's friendly mannerisms that drove me to be-friend him in the first place. I can now proudly say that we are very good friends, on and off of Poop Report.

You have a lot of hostility penned up in you and it comes out in negative bullshit insignificant comments. Don't get me wrong, you have the right to say whatever you want here, but if you've ever wondered why people are not "drawn to you", I think I know the reason.

Not to mention that it seems that YOU are the one looking for attention. Why else would you post such dribble about others? I guess when you are as hard up for attention as you are, you don't care if it's positive or negative.

I never had a problem with Doniker before. In fact I was probably one of the last people here who could handle his personality, but Doniker, it's wearing thin, man.

Show some dignity and a little maturity, and maybe you'll earn back my respect. (or do you even care if people respect you.)

-AP

I tell it like I see it and if people like it, fine. If they don't like it, that's fine too.

I am not looking for attention.

At the end of every story Dave writes: "Show some poop support, or make a poop retort. (no HTML, sorry)"

That's what I am fucking doing. How people comprehend it and deal with it, is there problem.

I hope the best for the friendship of Ass Phlegm and The Wiper.

For fuckin cryin out loud, guys. Stop wastin' all this space with verbal farts. SHEESH!

This is so pointless all these little stories of poop i didnt come here purposely but i accidentally clicked on a hyperlink to it. this is pretty intresting and im not saying its inadequate or anything but FOR CRYIN OUT LOUD PPL ITS ABOUT POOP THE NORMAL AND COMPLETELY NATURAL FUNCTION OF THE HUMAN BEINGS DIGESTIVE SYSTEM. i mean somtimes its watery sometimes its hard sometimes its bloody sometimes it as big as a freakin beer bottle but so what? its just poop! and its also just sad man i read the creator of this sites profile, he wasted his life becuase of natures hidden reality. i bet he had so much potential. but no had wasted all that becuase of the natural familiar production of human made waste its so sad...

The flamewar in the comments was funnier than the actual story. Maybe I should start reading the boards as well.

chill out guys..... doniker just needs an ice cream sandwich and an eskimo enema, and he will be fine. i think he might just be a little backed up.

ANYWAYS.

Jesus jumping pissball christ on a stick! I'm not even gonna participate. I like poop so much, I could give two shits whether a well written story was an actual event or just well fabricated. Thats just me though. I'm sure I'm the only one who feels that way. Really.

I'm 100% certain.

Totally.

Fuck all y'all

crappercritic, perhaps you could submit a story of your own to entertain us while we wait for doniker to return to normal?

sadly for you artful, i have a quite normal bowel schedule. my colon does have a release valve i got off the internet, but thats not of your business. i hope you habe a nice hobby to keep you occupied, because i think doniker is redlining on the anger meter. i bet he is eating his own toes right now. he is the most base and pudgy fungus belly of all. so he is mad. he just found out. FUNGUS BELLY!!!!!!

crappercritic, your whole constant insult thing is getting very boring. It's not even entertaining anymore, it's become rather disappointing.

Your whole angle is sooooo played.

This reminds of the time my boyfriend had a fistulotomy and I couldn't buttfuck him for months. I almost went crazy because I usually can't get off just by a blowjob, but we came up with a solution. I would shit in his mouthhe would keep it in his mouth and then go down on me. That was almost as good. I recomend it if your partner can't or won't let you enter.

That's lovely.

PR is really getting lame....

doniker.... i do not post things for your or anyone elses enjoyment. i only post for myself. truth be told, i enjoy pestering you. are you late for your period again? or are you begining your trek through menopause????

hmmm...

very interesting...

i also clicked on this site by kinda accident...a friend sent me a mintyass add...hahahaa...

anyhooo

i belong to a few forums and we get into arguments alot...there will always be people that get along...blah blah blah so the story goes...

never actually seen an argument based around poop...wether true or not true grandios stories,,

i think even a good fictional crap story is entertaining and not a waste of my time to read....

i have horrible horrible constipation problem and went to the doctor to see why...

anyone ever had a berium enema given to you by a rough and tough biker type chick hospitol attendant?

need i say more?

ouch...my ass still hurts...

take care all and be safe...

and remember do not lift something to heavy

because i have seen pictures

and it will blow your ass out,,,

bye now..

This is my first post and thouht all of you would apperciate this story.

So there I am (i am a college student) at a party thrown by this asshole who thinks he's the shit. I however beleive otherwise. Myself and all my friends show up and this guy and all his friends start who live in the house start being real assholse. The idea is tossed around to take thsese guys out and beat the living poop ou of them. but I have a better idea!

I tell all my friends wait, I have a plan but I need someone to watch the bathroom door while I go in there. So they did. I proceded to give this asshole what I like to call as "UPPER DECKER" for those of you who are unaware of what excatally this entails, Ill tell you. first I take the lid off the back of the toilet, you know the one on the tank. Next I dropped my pants and stood on the bowl and let the shit fly right into the tank. the great thing about this is that the only way to get it out is with your hands or a fucking net or something. It was the single greatest day of my life.

CAUTION: if you attempt this on lyour own make sure you have a hold of something cause you will laugh so damn hard you may fall.

doug, the upper decker was funny on this site 2 years ago when we talked about it....old news.

Crappercritic, you don't pester me anymore, that's my point. Your insults used to be comical, now they are preditable and boring.

dumbiker, you seem to have a hard time predicting when your next bowel movements will occur.

Hey doinker, not everybody has been here since the early times. Doug may be new to this website.

doinker youre a fag all you do is read about "cool shitting" stories, I go out and create them.

but keep reading I guess we all need someone to entertain.

WOW 2 YEARS, YOU ARE A PATHETIC LOSER

It's been a couple of weeks since I've been able to catch up with these stories ... and it sounds like the shit has really flown around here! TBW: very decent story, totally believable. ThreePly: Congrats on the wedding! Doniker: you need a hug, my man. Carlos: where are you? no comments for this story? LIGHTEN UP, EVERYONE! Isn't this supposed to be fun? Why is everyone so grouchy?

hey doug, people don't go out and "create" a shit story. It just happens...you fucking poser.

DONIKER YOU ARE FUCKING WORTHLESS TO EVERYONE HERE, HAVE YOU EVER DONE ANYTHING COOL WITH SHIT! OR ARE YOU JUST A STYLE BITTER WHO RIPS OFF OTHER PEOPLES COOL SHIT! YOU SUCK ASS. DOUG IS RIGHT YOU NEED TO SHOVE YOUR THUMB UP YOUR ASS AND GIVE YOURSELF SOME MUCH NEEDED ATTENTION.

DICKHEAD

"doinker" (nice name)

when i spread cheeks a spray shit right down the chest of a nasty whore....yea asshole I am pretty sure I created that. Now why dont you shove your thumb up your rusty bullet wound and see what you can create....you seriously suck...and thats sad

Damn Doinker,

Whats with all the anger? I like the upper decker, it never gets old. I dont see why you have to start being a dick, Doug just wanted to tell a story, thats all and I thought it was pretty damn cool. And I also disagree with you creation comment doinker. A normal log in a toilet just happens, shitting in the tank of some pricks can is a god damn creation and a work of art. KEEP DUMPIN DOUG! you got anymore?

PD

my doniker, you sure are popular. maybe you should take a vacation. go to hawaii. maybe you will get leied!

Hawaii? Id rather he go to Hell, no internet there. but you do have a good point crappercritic

Like crappercritic's routine, this topic is spent.

Dear Doug:

Where the fuck have you been lately. You've missed my creative writing class six different sessions now; and what's worse is that you have missed all but one of my remedial spelling classes.

im not heare to improesss you with me spilling abilitee. or grammor nowledge, but i do know how 2 spell FUCK OFF!

DAMN THIS SITE IS FULL OF A BUCH OF REAL DICKS! LIGHTEN UP PRICKS!

I agree with Doug,

Whats with all of the hostile comments, aren't we here to have a good time? Who cares if he has some typing errors. Can't we get back to the reason we are here? Let's talk POOP!

quoting doug: "This is my first post and thought all of you would apperciate this story"

"So there I am (i am a college student)" who obviously was allowed to graduate highschool will less than a middle school command of the English language.

I joined this site to be amused by poop. I have never heard of the Upper Deck and really liked it - thanks Doug. Everyone else - quit bickering.

quoting P.Ass Hair: "allowed to graduate highschool WILL less than a middle school command of...." Whats with the "will" don't you mean with? See professor everyone makes mistakes when typing, even you.

You sound a little bitter...like someone who never went to college. A little jealous?

very very nice

shitstories for me are hard to come by but i still think other stories are halarios and that fake storie writers should cut the crap.

i don't want to offend anyone bcuz i think this site is pretty funny, but damn doniker, you spend way too much time here! every time someone submits a comment about you, you immediately have some sort of come back like you were here the whole time just waiting. another thing is, personally i don't care if the stories are embellished a litle bit bcuz they are still funny. this particular story was funny if it was totally true or not.

Well, 'Big Wiper', I most certainly can relate to your story. I had produced a 'Beast' once myself! I hope to enter a story about that soon on this site. Anyway, it was soooo big, I swear, that not only was it downright painful to expell, but it hat actually touched the bottom of the toilet bowl as I had to partially stand up to allow the whole thing out! It splashed in the bowl, and as this had happened when my folks were out of town for the day, I had some friends over to party. It was one of my friends who had caught our attention to my little 'contribution'. We tried everything to break it up so it would enter the Great Tunnel to Freedom! But nothing worked! We tried breaking it up with a fork, nope, that didn't work. We eeven syphoned some petrol out of one of my friends car as to douse this behemouth with, but no, that haden't worked either. Finally after my friends had left as my folks were due back at any moment, I mustered the courage and reached in to grab it and tossed it out the bathroom window to the garden below the window -- outside. Watch for my entry coming soon to a terminal near you!

Sorry...I forgot to indicate just how massive this 'Beast' was, about 5cm at its widest diametrical point, and about 35cm long! (about 1.75in. x 14in.) It was B-I-G! (...and light brown in colour)

The giant shits are common in our house. I am famous for squeezing a huge anus snake in the toilet, flushing it, and clogging the bastard up. In fact I use this method to get back at various businesses who try to shit me over. The last toilet had to be taken apart to remove my offering.

my friend swalows his food almost whole on purpose. he like the feeling of a big ol log coming out.

I think Doniker rocks !
Continue that way Doniker

doniker, you are my hero.

Doniker makes me laugh!

doniker you suck, you couldn't see real talent or good stories if they jumped in front of your face and did the happy dance. good story TBW.

I Doo portion of the ceremony. LOL

TBW, this is just a darn good story. You have a Lady Friend?