below average story...what's the deal with the fat jokes (Al Roker, Rosie O'Donnel) and the need to mention that the waitress was plump and the dishwasher was "greasy"?

Your arrogance over shadows the funny parts of your story.

D+

Rectal road rage, a familiar story, but told with great flair. Please write more.

I wasn't offended by the fat jokes as much as Doniker - there were, perhaps, too many references to fat people; but fat people are funny, so why not.
I rather enjoyed the writing style of the story, but it was yet another one of those "bread and butter" stories that make me go "so what?" So you had to poop, stopped at a rest stop, used the employee bathroom, pooped, and left.
And if you can take off your pants with your belt still on, you're not wearing your belt properly. Or maybe I just think that, because I'm a lady with child-bearing hips. Hah.

Nice one, Rick. Lucky that log flushed away. You might have had to tuck that big, black, fatboy under your arm and squeezed your way past the overweight and greasy staff to escape.

Would somebody add some bacon and eggs to this "bread and butter" story.

Fat person

Damn! PD, are you watching me? I've just gone through a whole pack of deep fried bacon, 4 eggs, a mountain of fries, and of course, bread & butter. I expect the first deposit sometime Friday morning, unless I get some bad news through the mail, in which case, trusty IBS will come to my aid.
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like a constipated accountant- I worked it out with a pencil.

doniker - what a sanctimonious blow hard. This guy makes a couple jokes at the expense of lard-asses who could simply stop stuffing their pie-holes if they tire of the put downs and you climb up on your high horse. Yet you have no no problem with the racial slurs. Black enough to have a sense of rhythm???? A bowel movement is like a black person and all black people have rythm?? Your arrogance highlights your lack of intelligence.

Bacon, mmmmmmm, I'd eat my shoes if they were cooked in bacon fat.

Shit Rick, have fun, heh heh.

Don Imus

"Dook of Earl" Nice one! And I wasn't offended by the fat jokes either. That's what fat people are here for.

I'm not offended by anything. I think everything is funny.
ESPCIALLY potty humor.
But I will say, the "I had to poo real bad and I barely made to the pot" are gettin kinda ehhhh. But that's ok, you don't see me writing anything. No one has done anything interesting at work except the snot rockets.

Oh, for God's sake... who cares if there were a lot of fat jokes? I hate political correctness. There is absolutely nothing wrong with taking the piss out of fat people. If they don't want to be laughed at, they should actually make the effort to lose weight. It isn't hard.

I hope Poop Report hasn't jumped the shark.

Being plump is NOT offensive to me..at least this guy had the decency to clean up after himself and be conshiterate of others. Normally after dropping the Dook of Earl as he called it, some people could care less about others. This guy at least deserves SOME kudos for cleaning up after himself. Well written and a dirty deed well done too.
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The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

CC, what the hell are you talking about? disregarding that i fucking hate the term "jump the shark" and the fact that it should really only be used when referencing TV shows, Poop Report will never jump the shark. know why? cuz people will never stop pooping, nor will we ever stop wanting to hear about it.
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i love poop.

Hey, I'm lean, physically fit, and sensitive and I don't let the teasing and jokes get to me.

I'm a tad surprised by the fat thing. It wasn't intended... so teh waitress was plump, that's just the immediate aura she gave off. "Plump person". Busboy gave off the greasy asshole aura. I guess cause he's in the kitchen all day, amirite? As for Al Roker, he's gotten a lot thinner lately. But he still does food network shows, so i figure he still loves brownies. And Rosie... well I got no excuse for that one. She's just fat.

7 out of the 15 comments posted after mine on for this story reference my comment.

Funny, so many people say that I have no relevance on PoopReport...I beg to differ.

Did you guys hear something?.... Me neither, probably nothing relevant.

Hmmm... I dunno, I heard a faint "FFFFFFrrp"
It could be the calm before the storm y'know!

QUICK YOU GUYS!!! RUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNN!!!

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like a constipated accountant- I worked it out with a pencil.

And doniker, don't let those 8/15 who didn't mention your post get to you, man. You know damn well that they were thinking of you, too, and simply refused to mention you because they know you're right and they're just jealous. Screw 'em.

Al Roker has lost a lot of weight, so mentioning him in any conjunction with food, whether or not he likes to eat, doesn't really make any sense. It did make it seem as if the author was trying a bit too hard to come up with fat jokes.

But I still liked the story. Decent imagery, Rick. Welcome to Poopreport! Wipe your feet and your ass, and stick around.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Star Jones.

Just thought I'd throw that out there.

You got a hell of a strong arm to throw that.

Who the hell is Star Jones, or The View, and who gives a fuck?

Star Jones is someone you wouldn't want to view, and certainly not want to fuck.

And stop trying to derail this thread, Bidge and PD. With each of these irrelevant posts, doniker's ME ratio goes down. Show some fucking consideration.

My mom always told to keep my "consideration" in my pants, and never show anyone...and double check my zipper.

Hate to say it, Bilge, but your mama doesn't sound like much fun.

She can make really neat-o ashtray out of empty gas cans...

Ok, you're just bullshitting us now -- trying to make her sound interesting.

You're right, I am. She's really not much fun at all, unless I hook up a car battery to her recliner...

Well don't I feel like a piece of shit? Force you, basically, to tell stories about your mum out of school. But since we're sharing stories, try this. My mom transfers herself from walker to recliner about every hour (after the bathroom visit). We'll no way she can look around as she's going to sit back, so she is a sitting duck for the old yank-the-chair-away prank. She doesn't even realize that it's us doing it, so she apologizes for being such a klutz and bother. A real hoot. (Oh, and just to bring us back on topic, she’s really fat, too).

I like to replace her Fix-a-Dent denture glue with a squeeze bottle of margarine...then ask her to whistle the Star Bangled Banner to the mailman when he comes to the door, those choppers fly out and hit 'im right between the eyes, EVERY time!

Funny stuff, Bilge. You know, when she gets really old and is finally all by herself, it will be memories like this that she'll fondly recall and smile about. What a thoughtful son you are.

Yeah, I'm her favorite...my idiot brother can only think of stupid stuff, like switching the lenses in her glasses and then moving the furniture around...er...wait, no...I did that...he usually just smacks her in the face with a shovel.

Well, this has been fun, but I do need to point out that doniker's ME ratio on this thread is now probably somewhere around 1/4. That's the kind of middling statistic that can drive a proud guy right into retirement. God wouldn't that just be the pits -- doniker and Farve hanging it up on the same day?

Fat, greasy and plump. I can see why doniker got all in a huff. Sometimes things hit a little too close to home.

P.S. Where's your "PoopReport has become too politically correct" diatribe this time doniker?

P.P.S. I should get a thank you card from him for proving his relevance and raising the percentage of comments referencing him. Don't worry doniker, it doesn't need to be Hallmark.

I've crapped in a dive similar to this way up in the woods in Northern Maine. Too bad doniker wasn't there to smell it.

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Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

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teddy Hum i think i will be the frist one to actually comment on the story no make that second.It was cool.But next time drop your load in front of the door to a greasy spoon so an unsuspecting customer can fall in it .Now thats a story..

I have to say I enjoyed the story, if only because it ended in something other than diarrhea. Extreme urgency to have a normal bowel movement is fine, and taking the trouble to flush it away shows social conscience. Nice.

fat ppl are funny, and this story was a good one. so what if the story is the same as others? can you say tried and true? the humor was great. the one thing that i dont get, and this goes for most of the other stories on here as well, is this: when i get THAT FEELING, i know before i even get to a turd-receptacle that there wont be any log involved, just an unholy spray. am i the only one? if the shits solid, i dont feel any sort of urgency, panic, etc, but i see that a LOT on here. dont really care tho, ive read this site for over a year now, and it makes me laugh so much i had to go ahead and register. :)

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i love poop. who gives a fuck about star jones?2

Awesome story. Screw the pc crowd that gets mad if someone makes a fat joke. Grow a pair!

With a heavy heart, I'm going to take the high road here and not weigh in on the fat people.

Oh and Bloodystinktube, I can't wait to hear some of your stories.

fucking parsimonious high road taker!!! Think you're better than the rest of us?? Fuck you and your heavy heart...I hope you die from a naked mole rat invasion of your colon, you bastard!!!

Oh, wait, sorry...PD, my apologies, I thought you were someone else. forget that mole invasion stuff...just suffer from a 48 foot tape worm for a few months, and I'll be good.

How 'bout if I spend an afternoon with Teddy?

Jeez...you would do that? I'd rather have the mole invasion.

Well knowing you, those naked moles would have been shaved a couple days early and would have a nasty stubble.

well DUH!!! Way to figure THAT out, genius!

Shaved moles!...... what the hell is this site degenerating into?

I'm worried, oh fuck there goes the IBS again.

Thanks guys, the next 2 hours on the can, I blame on shaved moles.
Reeeeeealy gotta go.

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like a constipated accountant- I worked it out with a pencil.

Jesus Christ, certain comments are so judgmental and catty...they're stories about poop! Not the fucking great American novel. Doniker it is ironic that you would mention the writer's arrogance.

BB, I wouldn't use the word catty. You don't want to incite Bilge.

phatman knows FAT, good story but nothing too extraordinary. Next story put my name in there with the fat jokes lol.

_Prarie doggin bilgepump_Kiss my ass.I just took a dump smooth my hole both of you.He He._____
teddy

teddy, I have no clue what you are trying to say...but I get the distinct impression you are angry with me....Let me just say this...I didn't invade YOUR head with evil thoughts and poor grammar and spelling.

_No guys not really angry.Just slightly pissed.My spelling mistakes come from my eyes getting tired and my grammar comes from eating too many (grammar crackers) they is good fellows.I am a mechanic, cook and can fix most anything thats not electronic.Seriously i once had a pizza place made the best pizza around our customers told us.I had to close because of bad help and lack of money.Someday i will open again no joke its my love to cook and serve the public. I did for 2 years.I don't want to argue and name call so i quit mine if you guys stop._Kiddin a side i really can cook and mechanic well rebuilt 2 automatic transmissions _____
teddy

Hey Teddy, there will never be enough people who can fix things and cook good. If you're having problems finding work, it's probably just a problem of location. I hear that there's a boom in Lake Havasu, Arizona. Maybe it's time to hop on a bus.

Logjam, I hate you.

Forever.

No lie.

Yet again my comment was lamed.

I really don't fit in here. Which is strange, because I would have thought a poop website would be a relatively non-exclusive social environment.

I'll be leaving now. Remember... vote conservative. And if you're American, vote McCain '08! (hopefully with Huckabee as VP)

You'll be thanking me, Bilge, when you're chompin down on the best pies west of the Mississippi while sitting in Teddy's Garage and Pizzeria waiting on the break job.

Chuckie, you promised us several weeks ago you were leaving....had I known you were gonna stop back in, I would have had teddy makes some krumpits....overbearing pompous spelling and grammar nazis are always welcome, after all, I iz won.

_Hay thanks alot Logjam .Its my dream to be back in bussiness.My Mom was born in Arizona.Arkansas was a real backward state when my mom came here in 1948.Case in point my mom was about 16 then and in arizona they had indoor plumbing.Well when her father moved here to arkansas it was outdoor toilets only.Heck they lived in a house with out electricity too.And my mom ask her mother what was that sears catalog for out in the outhouse???Her mom replied it aint for looking at hun...Yeah i would like to pickup and go the tornadoes we have make we want to move also.Thanks Logjam ______
teddy

Don't mention it, Teddy. Keep us posted.

Meanwhile, Chuck the English Fuck said, "I would have thought a poop website would be a relatively non-exclusive social environment." Obviously, you were wrong, Chuck. We tend to be rather hard on dickheads which, oddly, doesn't usually keep them away.

Arkansas...explains alot. teddy, Florida is real nice, and if you really want to make pizza, New York City is the place to be...or maybe somewhere in Massachusetts, I hear it really nice in the spring, and both of those cities have terrific baseball teams. And broken stuff you can fix. And indoor plumbing...Arizona outlawed indoor plumbing during the Goldwater years, we shit in the desert...those aren't rocks, they are fossilized turds.

Logjam, nice retort to Chuckfuck...but I still hate you.

I mean it.

All kidding aside.

you are mean, terrible man.

Mean? Terrible? Yes, both of those. So now that I've proven myself worthy, Bidge, will you marry me?

A classic road poo story from my past..in 1997, after having lunch at an Indian buffet and dropping a friend off at Detroit airport, I was headed back to Ann Arbor..driving in a rain storm in my 5.0 Mustang. I felt this horrible chill that told me I was about to fill my pants...I exited the freeway in Ypsilanti..drove around looking for a fast food place or gas station to unload in, couldn't find one..went into a neighborhood and found a church..went in, there was a lot of singing going on..'rise up, stand up', 'praise the Lord'...I went in their bathroom, downloaded content, stopped up the toilet..couldn't flush away my orange poo... left a $20 in the collection box and fled the scene..

Bilge, Star Jones and Teddy are on the move.
Please help me or else the're going to git me.
Also, wonderpants, did you ever look for that shampoo bottle like I ast you to?

Logjam, yes, of course I will. Frank, oh hell no.

It's going to take awhile for that to sink in. Our dying mothers sure will be happy. By the way, I've got someone in mind for catering the event.

I had considered putting that qualification in, a caveat, if you will...teddy MUST cater the reception.

Bildepump?
I would give you thee best sex you ever had.
hoow dare you... I'm so much more hotter than a logjam...
marry me how dare you

No can do Frank, your grammar sucks

"I'm so much more hotter"

And you didn't spell my name right either, you fucking twit...go find Hamster and give him a go.

God, I love it when my man talks tough.

Sorry about that. It's Bilgepump.
That's what I git for pooking fun at Teddy. And, Hamster has already turned me down...

My apology to Logjam. Sometimes I just get a kick out of saying stupid comments, (mostly while drinking)
Bilgepump, as for calling me a "Fucking twit", that really hurt my feelings. Well, anyway I still think you're a hot dude.

Whats this? is this becoming a dating site?

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like a constipated accountant- I worked it out with a pencil.

goddamn fecapheliacs.. lol...

Who're you calling fecophiliacs? You're the one who posted that you like to sit in the restroom at your workplace and listen to co-workers poop.

I see how you are, Mr. Tube.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

This thread was about stopping by a business or other place for an emergency offloading. I have done this numerous times in the 40+ years I've been driving. I remember a highway "rest stop" that was a tall hurricane fence in a spiral. Just one--obviously unisex. Approaching it, I could not tell whether it was occupied or not. It was not, but it had had copious use--lots of turds and t.p. on the open ground in the center of the spiral. I added my contribution, wiping with a paper napkin that I had thoughtfully brought along. I did enjoy viewing the variety of leavings there, ranging from pebbles to blowouts (1 to 7 on the Bristol Stool Scale). That place was somewhere northeast of Memphis, but that was 40 years ago, so I'm sure it's gone now.

I never really gave a second thought to the plump references. I think he was just coloring the story a little bit. Good one. Had me chuckling. At least you flushed.

Great story. "So black it had rythim"... Very funny.