Good story, dNd. Those dirty-bastard store owners deserved every stinking inch of your three-coiler.

It was quiet in the store as all their customers were dying of dysentry caught from the owners filthy unwashed hands.

Too bad you didn`t have a calling card that you could have tossed on top of that water moccasin.

Why the fast-food hatin'?!?!! When I need to move a load from my bung bladder, I head over to MeggyD's counter and down a big mac. Like a visit from roto-rooter, the ol' shit sack gets a good special sauce drilling that leaves me with a spring in my step. I've never had a bowl of bran flakes work that well.

im so pissed at store owners Like that! yMu should have unloaded on their face!

OK, time to pick apart this terrible story, and the fact that Thunderbox likes it proves it sucks because he has no taste whatsoever.

As in most of your stories you idiotically think that the human body has a “shit bladder”.
It is very annoying.

I highly doubt you actually shit out “three-to-five pounds” of fecal matter during every dump. Weigh it sometime; I will bet you I am right.

The reoccurring theme of “I can piss anywhere” was never funny in any of your stories; stop it.

First you state:
“My lifestyle has changed over the years. Today I cook healthy meals at home, I still continue with my daily shit ritual, only they are a lot healthier now.”

And then in the next few paragraphs you admit to eating and drinking:
“Cheap beer (Natty Lites, if you even consider that beer, it’s really just dirty water), a whole frozen pizza, half a bag of pretzels, a half-gallon of ice cream, another fifteen beers, at least four hot dogs (at least? either you did or didn’t, I don’t understand), a couple of grilled double cheeseburgers, microwave popcorn and burritos.”
Real healthy.

Next you describe how the grocery store in your girlfriend’s neighborhood is so “ghetto” and I’m sure your girlfriend fits right it.

You said you “pulled down my Wranglers.” (What do those sell for $7 a pair? I haven’t wore Wranglers since I was 8!!)

You said “I probably used as much toilet paper as a family of four in an impoverished nation uses in a year.” Yeah right.

You said “I bet there was at least ten pounds of shit and another pound of paper.”
Total bullshit. If you weigh 160 pounds like you say, 10 pounds would equal nearly 7% of you total body weight. Impossible.

Oh and by the way it is “turtle head” not “mouse head.”

You constantly insult poor people but this story proves you are the king of the losers but how you talk, your lack of education, what you consider healthy, what you wear, who you date, and where you hang out.

I could go on an on but this is enough. Now lame me and deduct my points please.

Unlike doniker, I do leave in some room for artistic license (ie the toilet paper of a family of four hyperbole - is forgivable) but I was eqally unimpressed. The metaphores and similes were too frequent and smacked of effort, and the storyline itself was drab (guy eats a lot, has to poop, poops a lot in dirty bathroom). It wasn't all bad, there were some funny bits.

It was a good story but I wonder dear friends sometimes......he spoke of the three to five pound dumps he takes. I often wonder if there is anyone out there that will admit to actually WEIGHING their dumps. I am talking getting a scale put wax paper or good plastic or even newspaper on top of a scale and yes actually weighing how much comes out our rearends. I have taken some very impressive dumps in my day, however, I think I would be very disappointed if I actually weighed one of my dumps and found it to be lighter than I would have liked to have thought. Do you think dear friends that we would be impressed or disappointed if we weighed our dumps that we consider three to five pounders or even just a massive classification?
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The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

For some reason I despise anal-retentive types who split politically correct hairs. I mean the guy described a "ghetto" parking lot with cracked glass everywhere and battered cars.

So what? If that's what it looked like, then thats what it looked like. What is this, the Thought Police? You cant use certain words because it might by chance "offend" you.

It reminds me of when a newscaster was fired for using the word "niggardly"--a perfectly legitimate descriptive english word which has absolutely nothing to do with someones skin tone.

There's an emerging sentiment in the country whereby people assert their rights to not be offended by ANYTHING---and that they personall get to "choose" what offends them--not matter how benign.

Its tiresome, boring, and seems to be motivated by niggardlyness.

The Thunderous said:

"I often wonder if there is anyone out there that will admit to actually WEIGHING their dumps."

Curiosity has made me say yes. If a really big one is calling me to the toilet I stop and weigh my body before and after pooping.
Never hatched a five pounder though . . .

Good story,

I would have laid the brown cable in the apartment.

You don't have to weigh poop to get an idea of how much it might weighs if you own a dog. When you pick up dog poop and put it in its little baggy, you can feel how heavy it is.

To have a bag that weighs as much as a 5 pound bag of sugar would be crazy. To imagine pooping 2 of those bags? I think that might be an exaggeration.

Oh yeah, I shop at 2 grocery outlets - one in town and one in Lacy down the road. I call shopping in those stores "getting ghetto groceries" because many of the brand names are obscure or the products are beat to shit. I'm not too good to eat beat up groceries or have a sense of humor about it. It's all good.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Unless you are eating shotgun pellets and washing them down with mercury, your shit won't come anywhere close to 10 pounds. I'll weigh one tonight on Mrs. PD's kitchen scale and get back to you guys tomorrow (if I'm still alive)

Ah, the million wiper gnomes strike again. That's what you get for eating all that junk food. Either that, or it was just the weird public dumping phenomenon I mentioned in the forums. Obviously I'm not the only one with the problem. Blech!

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Born right the first time.

You sound a bit like me. I, too, can eat and drink a lot without putting on weight; I'm 172 cm tall (just under 5'9") and weigh 64 kilos (about 140 lbs), and I work out regularly (mostly weight training). My body fat is less than 10%.

But when I eat too much, or eat greasy food, I tend to have a lot of bowel movements. I have an unsettled digestion at the best of times, which is worsened by drinking strong coffee. It's probably due to a fast metabolism. In some ways I'm lucky, since it stops me from putting on fat, but it's still annoying having to go to the toilet at least twice a day.

The difference is that, unlike you, I can s**t in public toilets. Though I certainly wouldn't at my girlfriend's house. If I had a girlfriend. :-(

I was going to comment on "shit bladder" but got here too late. You should just be glad they let you use their toilet.

I've done the thing with weighing myself before and after a dump. I've got one of those digital scales that reads down to tenths of a pound. Biggest one I ever dropped was 6/10ths of a pound, and that was a pretty damn big turd.

The story was good no need to bash the author, although he did use the "I can piss anywhere" twice.

All that seemed biased and made you sound like you have something against the author. I'm sure the truthes were streched for our entertainment and to illustrate what went on.

Anyway I weighed my self before and after poopin one time I lost about a pound and a half. I should do that more often.

Your worst mistake was to quit drinking beer. I like to indulge in a brewski every now and then. (maybe more now than then), and I've never had trouble with shitting. As the medical profession has been telling us for some time, an occasional beer is good for you.

Especially a good, yeasty lager. Or a stoudt, like Guiness. That will clean out the pipes quickly.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Personally I find beer is no good for my digestive system, especially in large quantities. I prefer wine, whisky or, of course, gin and tonic (the greatest drink ever invented).

I don't really get bad hangovers, but if I drink a lot of beer I always have bowel problems the next morning. And the only time I've ever thrown up after drinking was when I downed a pint of Guinness in 5 seconds for a drinking game. Beer is not good for me.

Good God. If I drank a pint of Guinness that fast, I'd puke too. I think you have to be raised on it to quaff like that!

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Rum is, hand's down, the best drink ever! Or my own special mix, the Category 5.

1 part rum (size of a "part" is entirely up to you)
1 part tequila
1 part partially rotten orange juice
1 banana

Put all together in blender until smooth. Chugalug!

_______
Born right the first time.

Doniker, I've just come across this thread. Your first post had the tears rolling down my back!! brilliant work.

(cross eyed, dontcha know)

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whats that smell?

sorry, Daphne, I once took a girl out for a meal, absolutely shitting myself with panic, I chugged 3 pints of the liquid black gold in under 60 seconds.

Needless to say, a further 30 seconds later, I was looking at all 3 pints from above, wondering if I should flush it or not.

I guess I'm just a candy ass.

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whats that smell?

I have shit in a few filthy crappers too. As I age I avoid them like the Eboli...

Greetings,

I can relate somewhat to this story -- without any happy endings unfortunately; I have been eating my usual sewer-food diet (more technically the inverted food pyramid), but my stools are dark little round 'pebbles' for the last 2 weeks. I go b.m. 4 times per diem, each time there lay 2 or 3 small dark/black nuggets.

Please help as my anxiety about these little round dark black defections is waxing.

Good night and good luck

PopeChronicV - that's called constipation and if you live off low fibre junk food, that's why, in all likelihood. Try eating some more fibre (fruits, veg, wholegrains etc) or take a fibre supplement, and drink plenty of fluids. If it persists or you are concerned, check with a doctor.

Re: "I often wonder if there is anyone out there that will admit to actually WEIGHING their dumps."

Not in the way you mention, but I have weighed myself on digital scales accurate to 100g (3-4 oz) before and after a huge dump (severe drug induced constipation) and after 9 days of no pooping and normal eating. The result was 2.5kg (5.5lb) weight loss. Not as accurate as could be, but 5-6lb is a fair estimate.

Of course, as I have severe constipation (I have gone as long as 3 weeks before the urge to poop has hit) the poop will weigh less due to the fact that normal consistency poop has a higher water content than dry poop. I can't tell you how much the poop would weigh if you passed it normally everyday, but for me (my normal rhythm was to poop every other day) it would have worked out to around 1-1.5lb poop a sitting, possibly a little more (no more than 2lb). Just a FYI. :)

Back in the 90's when I was on the diarrhea end of IBS I would weigh before evacuating large soft or watery stools. I would lose about 3lbs after each dump. If I weighed before a good pee I would lose 1lb. My abdomen always went down consistent with the 3 pounders.

don't wanna sound like a jerk but if I was in that position I would have shit on the floor. if the restroom was that bad it probably wouldn't have made a difference. the manager should have done a better job in keeping the place tidy. at least there was toilet paper.

I don't think I could have shit on the floor. I've never done that before, but have been to public restrooms where I have seen a full log on the floor along side the prorceloin.