That was a shitty story.
Basically, you're driving, you have a snack, you have to poop, you stop a gas station, and poop. And there's an old lady in the bathroom. And don't forget a bit of teen pregnancy to spice it up!
Yeesh.

I have to concur with Eoz. I don't really see anything unique or interesting about this particular story. I don't mean to be disparaging - the story was certainly well-written, and I wouldn't discourage the author from making future submissions - but it's best not to try to tell a story unless you have interesting/unusual material.

I hope that you don't regularly wash your clothes with your own brand of detergent.
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Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Oddly enough, the folks most critical are the ones never to have submitted a story, or that matter, even bothered to register...but thats ok, there are superior assholes everywhere, and unfortunately, its illegal to hunt them, even in the UK.

Well, if you really want me to submit a story, here goes!

So I was walking down the street when I got hungry. I decided to stop at McDs even though their crappy food plays havok on my stomach. Two hours after I had Big Mac and large fries, I was driving to the store, and I felt that familiar rumbling in my gut. Oh no! I had to poop! I looked around in vain - there were no toilets! I really, really had to go. Now, normally I prefer to hold it in and poop at home, but thanks to McDs I had a bucket of hot chocolate pudding trying to force its way out of my bunghole! Finally I saw, like a shining beacon of light, a McDs! Could the very place that caused the churning brown magma in my gut also be my salvation? So I went in, filled the bowl with greasy mud sludge, and walked out without flushing. The end.

There. Great, huh? Perhaps the reason I don't submit stories is that I don't have a story good enough to submit. I haven't shit myself since childhood and don't have any health conditions that force me to search frantically for a toilet any time of the day with no warning. Perhaps this awareness that one does not need to spew shit out of their mouths (pun intended - although this time, "out of their keyboards" might be accurate) just to fit in, even though it sucks, increases my irritation with those who do. Or maybe I just think that this is a shitty story, because it is a shitty story, and I felt like saying so.

I don't register because I just don't care to get points and my very own PR profile. I'm not trying to be mean, but Levi here is clear evidence that being registered does not make you a more interesting writer. I'm sure Levi's next story will be better ; but this one was flat, boring and uneventful.

But I presume, Bilgepump, by your response, that you think this story is totally awesome and that my comment was totally false and wrong? Or were you just taking the opportunity to flex your hypocrisy muscles?

The title threw me, I was hoping for one of those stories where someone lets fly in front of one of those reflective glass windows, not reaslizing there's an office full of people on the other side of that window.

Or at least one where someone shits in a bus full of nuns.

"Alas, An Audience," acts as an acceptable, adequate alliteration.

Eoz -- For a lass who likes to dish out the truth, you sure do seem extra sensitive when a rather simple truth is spoken of you. I think the problem is that you haven't shit on yourself since childhood. Give it a whirl, girl. It'll either thicken your skin or make you more empathetic.

I have just downloaded the latest version of microsoft shittycomment 2008. It has alerted me that Eoz's comments (Is that Zoe spelled backwards?) were in fact shitty.

Eoz, I'm delighted that you assumed I was referring to you, I more intended my comment for Chuck, but if you want to wear it, by all means, obviously I touched something, or you wouldn't have responded. Hopefully, I'll never have to touch it again, bleach is too expensive for me at this point.

lol you guys are such fusspots :P I love when people unwittingly assist me in my trouble causing activies.

LJ - I'll give it a try... thick skin is fine, but I'm damned if I'll develop any empathy.

P.S. - Didn't you all just LOVE my story, though? It's at least as good as Levi's, because mine had a burger instead of a salad.

You left out the pregnant teenager...hypocrite.

Zoe. I'd have commented on your story, but I was worried that with all the attention you've already gotten today, you'd have trouble getting to sleep tonight. And then your parents would be on our case.

Sleep, I was worried she wouldn't get her head through the door.

Brutal, huh, how easy is it for people to have a bit of a freakout? But that's ok, y'all know I'm right.

PD - Nooo, Eoz is actually "Mary Tyler Moore" backwards. Sounds nuts but write it out and look at in a mirror, it spells EOZ!

My heavens... lovin' it when the commenting is more fun than the reading of the story (and I use the term loosely)!

But now, I do not purposely rile up. I still maintain that this story is shitty, and that my comments are totally awesome.

As are my amazing and awesome alliterations.

If it wasn't as exciting or gratifying as you wanted, why are you even commenting...

So here’s the thing, Eoz. Most stories that appear here are not home runs. Indeed, some of them are foul balls. But it is in our collective interest to encourage everyone who actually submits a story and gets it published to keep trying – to submit more. Why? Because the more stories that get submitted, the better the stories that get published and the more fun we have. If Dave had had a better story for today, we would have been reading it. So good on Levi, and bravo to him for his first story here, and may he submit many, many more.

You obviously have some writing talent yourself and are clearly witty. And you know that you don’t need to shit yourself to have a good story. So please reconsider and work something up for us. I look forward to reading it.

um
i think eoz is seriously overreacting.
someone simply made a comment about how u shit-talked the author of the story, defending the author and u get all pissed.
u really need to chill or buy some valium.

One of the things about Poopreport that I try to keep going is inclusiveness, the feeling that everyone is welcome who can play by the no-fetish-posting rules. It's nice when everyone feels comfortable contributing. However, continually reading negative comments will discourage lurking possible future Poopers from attempting to get involved with our Lil' Poop Community, and that's not good for the site.

Unregistered posters can continue to submit condescending, judgmental, and negative posts on a regular basis that challenge this atmosphere. That is their right. And I will most likely get to the point where I leave those comments unapproved. That is my right. Let some other mod approve story-trashing comments if they want, or maybe they'll get tired of all the negativity, too. In the future, don't complain if your comment trashing someone next time doesn't come up. When you don't register - for whatever reason - that's the risk you run.

Even though any community benefits from some controversy and honesty, no community benefits from trolls.

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Levi, while driving on long road trips,I found myself in a similar situatin. Long story short, I ran into the womans room, and they didn't seem to mind.

Frank, I also travel a lot and find it easier to carry a wig, and some red lipstik for just those emergencies.

I thought you just liked to look pretty.

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

This wasn't a "great" story but their is nothing wrong with it.

Sure it could have had more details, funny metaphors and the like.

It had all the elements of a standard PoopReport at it was 100% believable and I could relate to the incidents in the story.

Levi is new here and seems to have a lot of ambition to write PoopReports and partipate on the Forums.

I will give this story a B-

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teddy Hi I'm Back Well i know i am at poopreport cause the shit is never in the toilet its hitting the fan.His story was ok give the guy a chance geeez.The way you all pick on my grammar i may never give you a story ha ha. Something i want to say.I discovered this site in 2005.And even with tv and the inernet.Reading stories here well nothing has ever been like it.You are there with the story the places they go what happens.Every story i read has a distink memory to me.I have enjoyed this adventure into the brown gunk and peoples lives very much.I guess what i am saying is never will i forget this site or its people.A little less fussin would go a long way toward making it a happier place.Ok that said you can come judge my writing and everthing else i care not.Teddy

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teddy Why has it got me down as new.And i have more than any 8 points.The points don't matter but get that new off there now.Or i am going to use the bathroom here and now and it won't be pretty..I am old retarded teddy dern it

Eoz, you write well. If you don`t have a personal shit story give us a Travel Log or some Pooetry - come on, you can do it. Entertain us.

I think we need some new lingo for the "Great Comments," and "Lame Comments." Maybe something like "Righteous Air Biscuit," and "Pigeon Dropping," not necessarily those exact terms, I'm just throwing the idea out there.

Keep it simple. Witty comment, shitty comment.

been there done that, but ok story. It could have been a little longer and maybe some streatching of the truth for entertainment purposes. Grade: C-

What about "hot shit" and "fuckturd", pd?

Why doesnt poop report have a section were you can submit pictures of your poop??? I think alot of peeps have given birth to monsters and would like to share them with the community

A winner, I'll alert Dave.

(dons foil helmet to keep Teddy from entering psychically in to already tired and worn out synopses) I was worried that Teddy may have been abducted by those aliens again, glad to know he's still sucking up MY oxygen...uh...no...must...not...listen...voices...my head.....AAARRRRGGGHHH!!!!

Bilge. Teddy's single line "Every story i read has a distink memory to me" has got to be worth something. I say we keep him on life support a little longer.

LJ, I'm going to vote for mispelling on this one. It's not worth anything. Also, maybe it's my eyes, but the space between the periods and the next word seems very small. Does this look like a person speaking on and on without taking a breath?

PD -- That "distink" is a spelling error is what makes it so precious. Teddy's a giddy PoopReport fan. I say we cuddle him. And given your and my combined postings for the last week, I'm not sure we're in a position to accuse him of "not taking a breath." Sorry, got to go -- need to breath into a paper bag for a minute.

Ok, I'll go along, but given the fact he's a bear, we should leave the cuddling to Daphne.

Teddy is also running for the longest time to figure out where to post the context of his message....

Teddy, first of all, that "new" by your name means that the post is new, not you.

also, if you believe you should have more than 8 points, i suggest you check out your profile and look under the "+/- comments" tab. looks like you'd have 41 more points than you do, but you've been lamed multiple times.

also, to address your comment about not submitting stories because of your grammar, stories are always proofread and edited before being posted so that they are readable. of course, the story itself can't be helped, but at least we can fix misspelling and grammar and shit.

one last thing, and i hate to mess up any pools that may be going, but when you go to post a new comment, you see those words that are already in the text box? you want to type your message BEFORE those words.

carry on.
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i love poop.

Fucking Wedgie, gonna cost me ANOTHER bet...godammit.

Spoken like a true Super hero WonderPANCE.

sorry Bidge. but i had 1 year, 39 weeks, and 1 day.
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i love poop.

So wonderpance, how many little dwarfs are currently living with you? Got room for one more?

Isn't "Mary Tyler Moore" spelled backwards "erooM relyT yraM"? How do you get "Eoz" from "erooM relyT yraM"? Even "Eoz" spelled backwards is "zoE" not "Zoe".

I do know that "Em Emal" spelled backwards is "lamE mE". Kinda like "crap" spelled backwards is "parc" and "tihs" spelled backwards is "shit".

doH. noW, i"m all confused.

How do you get "Eoz" from "erooM relyT yraM"?

The same way you get "Invade Iraq" from "9/11"

LJ, I'm surprised a man of your intelligence hasn't figured out that "invade Iraq" is exactly 10 letters, which is exactly between 9 and 11.

GWB

I decided to take wonderpance's advice, and scanned through Teddy's flamed posts. Uh, sorry to have questioned your judgment, Bilge. But I don't think pulling the plug is going to have a perceptible effect.

I don't give two shits about Teddy's posts, I just want him to stay the fuck out of my skull....Teddy is evil personified, posing as a harmless dullard on the outside, meanwhile, using his paranormal abilities to subvert decent human beings, or those of us trying to be decent human beings (me), and turning them into babbling, drooling idiots...uh..(wipes chin) I was uh....hmm...glockenspeil cadavers verify rusty stringworts...glrgllllrrrgh

Logjam, i'm not sure how you found out about my dwarves, but you're always welcome to join us.
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i love poop.

at 6'2" tall, I am Wedgie's tallest dwarf...the uh...dwarfism affects me elsewhere.

What do you mean? How can somebody's posts git into your brane.I cant imagin how that could happin, ha ha.I think i will go now to do something. I'll be back, you can count on that.

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i love poop. ithink theyrs a distink possubilitee he meens he dont wanna reed his stuff.

Wonderpance. I'm welcome to join you? Well zippity-do-dah. (I'm assuming you don't have a grumpy yet?)

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gonna um....yeah...over uh gotta uhh hmmmm...zippity do dah...yeah, gonna zippity do dah

ordinarily, it's a grump-free zone. but i can make an exception for you.

besides, i'm afraid if i don't, Bidge will throw a hissy.
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i love poop.

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Hey, I'm back. Fun down here. Like skinny diping in the cesspool back of grannies barn.

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this one tim i had a turky and then i had a rat but both ofem pooped. just me seeya lader

Well Levi, alas you have your audience. Happy now?

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i love poop. whats doggy takin bout?

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huh? dogge?wheres a dogge? oh look uh zippity do dah

_Hay thanks wonderpance i hope i do this right thats not what i normally do.What you guys talking bout unpluggin me.Bilgepump i don't want inside your skull i got plenty room in mine.Thanks to everyone else for your words of kindness if thats what you mean.Anyway i remember the stories when i frist found this place were so good times change i guess.Good stories will come again but are few and far between.I am not saying any are bad just some have been excelent.Like i said every story leaves me with a stinking memory.Sometimes i don't know yall like me or just like making fun of me.But wether i am sure or not i have grown to like yall.Thanks teddy______
teddy

I want to tell you a short little true story. Shoppers Accident To start with i live 2 blocks from the store.Straight up the street across Main St.Its called hays.As i am driving up i see a man at the pay phone calling someone.As i looked a little closer i could see the back of his pants were soaked in watery shit and all the way down his legs were wet looking. I thought well hes getting home to clean up he probably just walked up from somewhere else.I never dreamed he came from inside the store.Oh yeah i saw the trail all the way from the pay phone down the side of the building up the staires through the doors inside they were mopping and spraying air freshner.I tell you it takes a lot to make me puke and that allmost did it.I wasn't there to witness the horrible blowout but can you even think what he felt the store was full of people.But it soon cleared out fast.This i saw and it was true.Wish i had been 3 or 4 hours before it happened.So i would never have seen it eeeeewww
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teddy

I have a story, I ate dinner and a few hours later had to poop real bad, used the toilet, wiped and flushed. The end.

Teddy, do you think you and Forrest can just go back to working your moonshine still?

Teddy writes: "Sometimes i don't know yall like me or just like making fun of me.But wether i am sure or not i have grown to like yall."

Look what you've done!! I'm melting! Melting!

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i dint thinkit wuz posibl but i think i jest got stoopiter.

CLEANUP AILSE 7. Looks like something with pesto in it.

you're welcome, teddy. i'm here to help.
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i love poop.

_To Logjam i left out the if you all like me.And my still is broken that last freez got her good.Wees havin neck bones and black eyed peas and logjam you come on over set a spell and eat with usins course when you need to take a dump we will show you all where the out house is.Did you know corn cobbs feature dial a wipe use it and just turn it and wipe in a new spot.Bye yall______
teddy

Thanks for the invite, Ted, to dinner-and-dump. And you're a real leg-puller aren't ya? Very good -- had me for awhile there, buddy.

Teddy, we have to introduce you to Chloobs.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

That must've been some salad!

Levi, thanks for your submission. While there were no descriptions of the second coming of Vesuvius, nor any tales of a brown Niagara Falls, I felt this was a pretty standard story that will hopefully frame your future submissions. I think I found it interesting because in my office building, the cleaning ladies are always blocking off the mens' or ladies' rooms and telling us to go in the other. Not everyone is comfortable doing this, but we don't always have a choice, since each gender has only one bathroom on each floor, and one needs a key to gain access. I felt that this aspect of your story was interesting, and I laughed at the picture of an old lady glaring at you.

Teddy, my advice to you is to type out anything you want to post on Word first, then copy and paste to the site. That way, most of your mistakes will be caught (spellcheck is never 100%), and you can get out of poor Bilgie's skull. We all make spelling and grammatical errors from time to time, but this English major cannot even make it through most of your posts.

Eoz, you obviously have a prolific mind, and surely an asshole to match. Please share a story with us sometime--I'm sure it will go down in the "anals" of Poop Report greatness.
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Assaulting toilets since 1977!

SH, I second your last two paragraphs. Perhaps a collaboration of both Teddy, and Eoz would produce an epic.

Teddy, syntax, please! Redneck shit kickin' hillbilly is one thing, but poor structure is another. Get your shit together.

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like a constipated accountant- I worked it out with a pencil.

Thanks, PD!

Whenever I try to read Teddy's posts, my eyes glaze over and start to burn. To be honest, any epics he produces unassisted would most likely cause me to go blind.

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Assaulting toilets since 1977!

Not to mention what it would do to Bilge!

...its....(gasp)...too late....(ungh) for...me...go...save yourselves...(very best James T. Kirk imitation from Wrath of Khan):

TEDDYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!

Bilgie, we leave no pooper behind here at PR! Prarie Doggin, get a blanket. We're dragging Bilge outta here! Pass me the Teddy repellent!!
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Assaulting toilets since 1977!

You mean the Intelligence Spray?

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teddy Hi frist off my letter to logjam was meant to be with misspelled words.I thought this was about poop stories??I see its about spelling and grammar well i will not be posting any more stories.So you can laughf at me.I am not ignorant i am not a hill billy either.I am very talented i cook do mechanic work on cars and trucks and can fix most anything.Your jokes don't bother me at all.Nobody on here can write a story that dosen't get taken apart by different ones.I never ever thought i could please any of you so there.Let the crap fall where it may.And i have found mistakes in alot of other stories that dosen't make that person ignorant.Have all the fun you want with my writing.They should call this The College of Poop Grammar.bye yall

Hi Teddy, I believe it is just an initiation ritual around here. Sort of pick on the weak and defenseless. I went through it when I was a newbee also. Stick around, It'll get better for you.

Since you mentioned it, the "check engine" light went on in my car. I popped the hood and the engine was still there. So why is it still on?

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Artful Dodger Teddy, until you showed up, I didn't think anyone could be lamer than KISS without their makeup.

So what's my point? White face paint. It'll make you cool.

Prarie, Teddy, has been around quite a for well over a year, maybe even more. Haven't you, Teds?

I wouldn't worry about him leaving. Chuck UK promised to leave, and he came back, too. This place is like crack. Which crack is up to you........

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Holy sheerit, Prarie.... you're getting close to your 1000th point!
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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Bilge promised me he would take me to Chuckie Cheese to celebrate. Wanna come?

hells yes i wanna go. i got my eye on a remote control race car and i only need 1,000 more tickets!
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i love poop.

No Skeeball for you wedgie, you cheat.

And no peeing in the pool of plastic balls.

Ah, the poop reporting potential of Chuck E. Cheese....
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Assaulting toilets since 1977!

Zoe,

Go eat some boiled eggs, tacos, cheese, and ex lax jerk off!

I saw Levi was on earlier, and went back and read this thread and the comments...we were on a roll with this one!!!
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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Boy this is enterstainment! The comments were funnier than the story. And the nicknames are a scream. I tried submitting a story but by your comments I guess I'll be a lame duck.

One of the best things about being Shameless is that, whoever hears us and then sees us leave after a loud poop session, it doesn't matter. That person knows what went on only because he or she does it, too. Plop on!

I like stinking up the bathroom, just before the baroness gets into the tub, quickly leave, close the door and wait for her to enter... she invariably leaves quickly only to be met by my cheshire cat like grin. As MSG intimated, it doesn't matter, she knows she's as guilty as me when she goes. Why do you think the cats hide and our two dogs make a dash for the gas masks.

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Did I just fart?.... Oh shit! NO!!

Baron..........There is something about sharing a good stench that makes it more enjoyable. For 45 years I have been oozing out silent lethal farts and then summoning
my sweet but gullible little wife that she may share my delight in the fumes.

I have many ploys that I use but one of the most successful is to wave the magazine or book I am reading while shouting excitedly, "Wow, look at this." It seldom fails to work for me.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

In the winter, I always shout out an offer of a pre-heated toilet seat. There are usually no takers.

PD,
toiletseat.biz

Is just the thing as far as thats concerned.
(we here, at the Castle d' Crapalot, have an account) - they even doo out of hours service contracts, should one fail. I think it involves an engineer in a white coverall, turning up in the middle of the night, and sitting on your seat for 10 mins, therebye warming it up for you.

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Did I just fart?.... Oh shit! NO!!

Thanks BVC. Although I am a bit leery of anything with electricity going near my ass, I might be interested. You do realize I have 350 bathrooms (the USA average number) and I sometimes use them all in one evening. Would this company have any hot girls that could make "warm up calls" in case of a power outage?

PD.........I am a hot girl by no stretch of the imagination but I am available for potty warming for a fee.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

CTB, I am confused, are you hot? or not? either way, what kinda 'fee' are we talking about here? and are air fares included?

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Did I just fart?.... Oh shit! NO!!

PD, notwithstanding the seat per capita in the US of A, My main concern with regard to your own shituation, is, If you only have the average amount of US cans, then, only a minor upgrade to your power req from the nearest pole mounted transformer would be needed, say.. another 30KwV? A single 50Kw R.C.C.B. should provide enough over current and earth leakage protection, with say a 100ma threashold.

Also, with the given A.C. requiremnet, blue neon bulbs could be fitted below each seat, with no electrical connections at all, (the internal neon gas would be excited by the sight of your backside, let alone the proximity of the A.C.) so allowing for a 'cool blue' 'warm bum' dumping experience. ----- * baron runs off to fridge to get another beer without finishing post*
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Did I just fart?.... Oh shit! NO!!

BVC.........In the words of some musician,
whose name has slipped my senile mind,
"When your hot your hot, and when your not your not." This may have been sung by the late Jerry Lee Lewis. Thanks to the diet of chili infused foods I eat I am normally hot, or at least the portion of my anatomy that does the warming is hot.

If PD was talking about beauty when he alluded to hot women then I fail the test. Only a warthog might find me physically attractive, but we would be even because I find them physically repulsive, but possibly delicious.

The next time I am in London dining with Liz at Buckingham Palace I shall be only to happy to swing by your castle for a demonstration of my pot warming talents.

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!