Good God, I would die of embarrassment if this ever happened to me. It's good, though, that you're confident enough to be able to laugh at it.

Problems like this are just one of the many reasons why I never, ever eat baked beans.

The relationship between you and Steve is to close for comfort in my opinion.

Sure, I spill all my intimate details of my bowel movements with the world, via PoopReport, but I would never show anybody my creations.

I have never shown my fecal movements to another human being and I have no desire to; in my whole life the only person that ever saw my load is my mother when I was a child, any stranger that may have happened upon my shit in a public toilet that I didn't flush, and the lab technician that examined my turd for salmonella, after my father contracted it.

Also, I have no desire to look at another person's shit and hate it when on happen upon another's fecal matter.

Frankly, the relationship Steve and you share is rather disturbing.

Even more disturbing was bringing back a third person (Sarge) to see it. I am also not buying that someone would actually follow you somewhere to see someone's shit. If this is what we have to offer our kids in the higher education field, we're in deep shit (PTP).

I wish I had a friend like Steve on the faculty here. (We do have a Sarge on staff in the gym, and we don't need any more like him.)

For once I kind of agree with Doniker. It is a bit weird showing your poop to someone else, even a close friend of the same gender. I can't imagine that I would ever do that.

The pros of being shameless:

1. Great friends like Steve
2. A diet uninhibited by the fear of gastronomic consequences
3. The freedom to pursue what ever activity you chose whenever you want to because you’re not a shameful toilet slave.

The cons of shamelessness:

1. You might end up tracking butt mud all over your tenure.
2. Social embarrassment for your spouse. (of course that’s probably inevitable under any set of circumstances)

I was riding in the back seat of a friend's new car when I got hit with gas. I warned him to open the windows before I let loose. He and his wife opened the windows. I lifted my cheeks slightly...
It wasn't gas... :(
Fortunately, we were near a shopping center. I slipped inside one of the stores and used their loo to clean up. My boxers were sacrificed into the trash can. Then I went to another store to purchase clean shorts. I could have gone without, but I wasn't sure if my ass was done puking.
The good news was that my jeans and the car seat were unmarked.
And my buddy's comment...? "Hey, shit happens!"

Good friends are like hip waders... They help you most when you're in deep shit.
_______
You have the right to remain Silent but Deadly....

BLECHH!!
Beans and hopping around playing racquetball.
THE recipe for disaster.
I guess next time you'll stay on the pot untill more than a fart squeaks out.

Thank you so much for the story! It made me laugh harder with each sentence after you described your poo flexing. I cannot imagine.

Your tale of woe gave me the following thoughts.

1.) your wives are their own worst enemies if they make you guys quadruple batches of baked beans.

2.) my family likes when I put crumbled hot italian sausage in our baked beans, much like how you crumbled up a hamburger in yours. (green pepper is a nice touch, too).

3.) I am surprised you weren't kicked out of the gym for what you did.

4.) The Men's Buhl Club in Sharon, PA, sounds very much like what you've described. They have a newer part with the pool and an older part near the weight room. The woodworking and stairs are gorgeous and I hope that part is never remodeled.

5.) get some underpants and wear them.

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Again I am thinking of that line from The Bucket List when Jack Nicholson tells his young protege Never EVER trust a FART! Good story!
_______
The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

I hate to sound judgemental--after all, this is a place where the taboo of Dookie is confronted in a literary style, head-on as it were.

Being unmarried, I supposed I have no idea of the personal aspect of being involved with someone from whom you have virtually no blatant secrets.

Even so, Im always amazed at how a husband thinks its "funny" to make jokes, fart, or in general show his festering ass-hole (as somebody did recently inspecting for hemorrhoids) to his wife.

Isnt there supposed to be some modicum of modesty between a man and a woman in love?

Once again, im not pointing fingers, and i can only project in my future, but I for one have no intention of farting, shitting, and exposing myself to my wife.

That's just not the projected image that I ever want to present to the one who I want think forever highly of me.

Merc, my spiritual partner Gilbert has no trouble farting and joking about shit with me. It is one of the things that attracted him to me, not because of the jokes, but because he can be honest about all aspects of himself.

And if you don't "expose" yourself to your wife, do you expect to have kids? ;-)

Anyway, back to the story. After reading this I have that old 1960s "short-shorts" song stuck in my head. And now it's got a whole new disturbing picture attached to it. Thanks a lot, Goanywhere!

_______
Born right the first time.

I too found this story a little disturbing. Grown men showing each other their doodies would be strange in any culture. You and Steve don't seem to have established the boundaries that most adults have even between very good friends. I don't think Doniker should be lamed for commenting on this.

Robocrap was in an even more embarrassing situation but he and his friend (and his friend's wife) all handled it like adults. Robocrap was apologetic and friend and wife played over it. There was no deliberate fart blasting or chasing people around the car with dirty underwear.

That was very funny, goanywhere - but you and Steve are worryingly like a grown up version of Beavis and Butthead.

I can imagine how you guys laughed when you let loose on the court, "heh, heh...heh, heh, heh, heh...heh, heh, heh...heh, heh........."

Volcano, im with Doniker all the way.

Totally gay.

ALso, being naked and playing show and
tell with your asshole are two different things.

I like this story, despite the skewed boundaries between Goanywhere and his friend Steve. Maybe they've been watching a bit too much of Kenny vs Spenny. But in any case, I still enjoy a good tale of farts gone bad.

_______
Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

don't worry about it Gaseous Glay; I get lamed constantly.
I like it...it draws attention to my posts.

Hey Doniker! why dont you just shut up.

I work in a warehouse we show each other our shit all the time. The invention of the camera phone was the greatest thing ever. It does wonders in aiding our shit sharing.

When you have a wonderful creation. Why keep it to yourself?

PW, I have dealt with thousands of warehouses, and you sound like the typical bored, job hating dick. I'm sure its a food warehouse to boot. You guys need to think of more creative things to do with your time. Actually working would be a good idea.

My goodness, not one of you has been in a band? I am referring mostly to the poster who was aghast at the familiarity of these two friends. Join a band and tour for a while. You will see all types of poop, live and on digital cams, you will see pants ruined by uncontrollable bowels and you will witness at least one pair of undies going out of the van window. You will be suffocated by band members who seal the van windows and blow out the smelliest fart you have ever tasted (yes, it was THAT thick).

Also, I have a friend from college (many years ago now) from whom no turd was hidden. In fact, we still fart over the phone and critique the results. Come on, grow up and act like a child.

None of this seems weird. Just very, very funny.

Funny story. I enjoyed up to and including the very long turd, until the blowout with poop all over the floor; that just sounds messy, and not as funny as the first part. Nonetheless, well told, and somewhat painful to imagine.

It's a good thing Sarge didn't make you drop and give him 20 right there in the pile of poop.

I've shat myself many times before. This definately reaches my top ten. Keep on pooping!!!

While I certainly find the relationship between goanywhere and Steve to be unusually intimate, I'm not going to bash them for it. After all, we write about shit, they share it. And, from the content of this story, bragging rights maybe involved, there doesn't seem to be anything in the way of trophy collecting or fudge packing. So, live and let live.

And, Merc, as a married man, I unabashedly proclaim here, before gawd and country and all of PR, that I have gone down on my wife while she was bent over the dining room table. (Actually, if you consider the geometry of the situation, it's more like going up, but these are minor details). This means that, not only have I had her twat in, on and smashed shamelessly against my mouth, my nose was also firmly planted on her butthole while my eye sockets were full of ass cheek. If that ain't the love, trust and intimacy that should be shared by a man and a woman, I don't know what is.

I suppose that the modicum of respect in that situation, though, is that she didn't fart.
_______
Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Grossing out your respective wives with poop stories, humor, descriptions and such sounds like what happens when my brother and I get going. Mom can't stand it! He's 41, I'm 38 and we could carry on for a while like we were still kids! I make sure to share with him my latest finds on poop report as well as personal fecal experiences.
Question to our esteemed friends out there in Poopland: Does hot weather give you diarrhea? We are having a hot spell in the Bay Area (California) and I'm tellin' you, the flood gates are OPEN!
I'm usually a two-to-three poop a day kind of guy, but lately my frequency has more than doubled! I make sure to drink lots of clear liquids since I know diarrhea can dehydrate.
Do any of you all have simmilar experiences during heat waves?
----Captain Craptastic!!!

_Hi I'm back well everybody don't get you underwear in a pinch just because one guy showed his master piece to his close buddy.Some people have boned and are closer as friends than others.I think they are lucky to be so close.And that guy jumping around on the court fartin and having that accident must have been a rib cracking laughf to his buddy.All though it was not a funny situation very nasty oh man.I rather laughf than be all drawed up with being oh thats weird.Laughf and live peace. ______
teddy

__Missspelled Bonded before its taken the wrong way dern it_____
teddy

It worked better before you corrected the spelling, Teddy...and you misspelled misspelled, and laugh. I have finally found a reasonable mind shield to thwart your brain wave intrusions, Teddy, you'll not be bothering me with your insidious thoughts any longer...

Now I gotta go fix a transmission and make a pizza.

Bilge -- did you steal Teddy's idea or has he finally made the move out there and taken pity upon, and employed, you?

uh...I have no idea what your talking ab....HEY...WTF???? I didn't write that!!!! TEDDY!!!!! YOU BASTARD!!!!!!

I command you, Teddy, by the judge of the living and the dead, to depart from this servant of PR. It is God himself who commands you. The majestic Christ who commands you. God the Father commands you. God the Son commands you. God the Holy Spirit commands you. The mystery of the cross commands you. The blood of the martyrs commands you.

AAAhhh! your mother sucks cocks in hell! fucker! *head rotating through 360 deg.*

ooh! what was that? I feel possesed. Damn I need a valium.

_______
Did I just fart?.... hope so!