I don't know why, but when I read this story I could hear John Goodman reading it in my head.
(UGH! Insomnia!)

It's nice to see "million wiper" used so casually on site now.

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What if everyone farted at once?

Impressive intake and exit of food, Bob, complemented by quality bung control.

Only complaint - I`d have preferred more solid logs, myself. Try cutting down on the sausage gravy.

I'm glad that you're a long haul truck driver and not my rush hour bus driver.
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Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Very descriptive and well writen first story. Welcom aboard.

Best of all, both loads made it to their final destination, on schedule.

You should change your handle from "TruckerBob" to "FuckingSlob".

Hot Sauce on French Toast?

That last comment coming from the almost 300 pound unemployed alcoholic...the irony....

Not too eventful, yet a great story because of your wordsmithery. I noticed the use of "million wiper" and thought of TSV. Good one!
Mmmmm, breakfast slathered in hot sauce. My hero!!

Doniker's comments almost (almost) give me pause nowadays....Bilgey's made me choke on my bagel.

Where were you driving to/from Bob? Just trying to figure out which truck stop bathrooms I should try to avoid unless absolutely necessary. Good story :-)

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Man who stand on toilet seat is high on pot.

Bob, good story. Any poop story that incorporates the word "slurry" is automatically good. However, I must inform you that your eating and pooping performance was in truth amateur.

Bob, what the hell is an "alesium"? Are you referring to the epic Battle of Alesia, which sealed Julius Caesar's conquest of Gaul? If so, you are spelling it wrong, because "Alesia" takes the second declension, not the third, as you seem to have it. Also, as a proper noun, the first letter is capitalized.

But I am surely impressed by a truck driver who reads Caesar's Commentaries!

I enjoyed your story. I especially liked the reference to "she'd be coming round the mountain"!

Bob, Bravo to your first story. Two Brown thumbs!!
Producing waste since 1967

Well done TruckerBob, any story that can elicit a -4 for doniker is a tale well told!

Bilge gets my vote for front page comment of the year!!!!

When I read the story and tried to picture what Bear looked like,I thought of the tow truck driver in the Discover Broker ads.A tow truck driver picks up a business man who broke down in the middle of no where.The business man sees a copy of Barron's in the cab.The tow truck driver say's he never invests without reading Barron's.The business man sees a picture of an island clipped to the sun visor.The tow truck driver owns the island but he didn't name the island yet.It turns out he is rich and retired and works for free because he likes helping people.If that driver told a poop story I'm sure he would write as well as Bear does.

I, too, have no idea what "alesium" is. In the original submission, it was spelled "aleasium," which didn't appear on Google at all. "Alesium" appears to have some sort of Roman connotation in the Google results, which jives with the author's statement of bringing Rome to her knees. But the actual meaning of the word baffles me, too.

Perhaps he is referring to Elysium, or the Elysian Fields. That jibes with the Rome allusion as well. Only Bob can say for sure, I guess.

Breaker 1-9, Bob, you out there driver? We've got a question for you, so come on back!

Following up on Dumpster's learned lead, I found this page, in which the Battle of Alesia has "Alysium" in the title bar as, presumably, an alternate spelling. I suspect the mystery has been solved. Once the author confirms the reference, I'll make an edit in the article.

I've never heard of "Facing my Alesia" in the same figure-of-speech catgory as "Crossing the Rubicon." Maybe Bob wanted to refer to a decisive battle, but one in which the narrator was victorious, so he didn't use "Waterloo." I think "Hastings" might have been an apt metaphor, given what was hastening through his lower tract.

(I might add that many's the watery Waterloo I've endured on the watery loo....)

Dave, may I suggest adding the edit in brackets and leaving the original, so that people reading this thread will understand what all the fuss was about?

Oh, and Dodge? This seems to be my day to be a "prig," but the Elysian Fields were of Greek, not Roman, origin.

I'm shutting up, now.

Great story. I never knew truck drivers had such profound vocabulary

"Freude, schöner Götterfunken, Tochter aus Elysium, wir betreten feuertrunken, Himmlishe dein Heiligtum."

I'm guessing he refers to "Elysium" which is an old christian term for "heaven" or pagan "the home of the gods."

It us represented quite lyrically in Schiller's poem which Beethoven adapted to the chorale part of his 9th symphony (incidentally - the pinnacle of human creativity).

Elysium is a place of great joy.

Damn and I thought I was a BIG EATER. Geez that was very impressive. I liked the accepted my gift and became my whore part LOL. That was great please more trucking adventures.
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The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

wonderful prose and oh the brevity

i bet he's also guilty of throwing out the bottles full of piss too

good ol trucker bombs

Amen, DungDaddy! I'm off to listen to the Ninth Symphony right now!

I haven't had this much fun on PoopReport in months!

The Dumpster (2642) -- 10.09.2007
Oh, and Dodge? This seems to be my day to be a "prig," but the Elysian Fields were of Greek, not Roman, origin.

http://www.allabouthistory.org/ancient-romans-faq.htm

I'll give you Greek origin, but not only did the Romans plagiarize most of their societal ideas from the Greeks, apparently they swiped their afterlife too. Those bastards.

I didn't sleep my way entirely though Latin class...

2nd paragraph.

That's funny, Dumpster. After posting, I shut my office door, turned off my phone, put my feet up and struck up the 9th right here in my office.

Indescribable.

Dodge, you are in all respects correct, as usual.

Now, can we figure out some way to relieve ourselves of "Ginormous Logs"?

Well, hot sauce on French toast is different; however I have been known to eat tuna fish and peanut butter sammiches. Of course, I was pregnant at the time. Are you pregnant? :)

There is a forum poster named tuba cheeks who drives trucks, and he's quite the gaseous fellow. You two would have alot to talk about.

Over and out good buddy.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Doniker, I'll be honest: I minus'd your comment not because I thought it was bad, but mostly because I'd never seen a -4 before.

This is what I love about PR. Yes, the story is the fairly standard I-almost-shit-myself fare (albeit well told here), but the epistimological nature of the comments take it off into another dimension!

Doniker shoots himself in the foot yet again. Maybee he should change his handle to Barney Fife.

I really don't give a fuck about the + or - points.

But fact is that this story wouldn't have gotten as much attention and/or comments it I didn't make that comment. I deserve a special bonus for that alone.

Yes, I am a fat fuck. But I am not a glutton and could never eat what TruckerBob described in one day.

And finally to that douchebag Bilgepump....what does me being unemployed or my battles with alcoholism have to do with this?

Now now doniker, calling Bilgepump a douchebag! Wasn't it calling someone else a name earlier that lead to all this trouble? Glad to see you're learning from your mistakes.

P.S. I gave you a plus half for the above comment, that one was irony on top of irony!

Thank you all for the kind words.
I apologize for my misspelling of "Elysium" the context that I am using is that of 'heaven'

To clear a few points, I use do not use hot sauce on french toast, though it is a thought.
I might be larger than most but I am not a slob nor am I uneducated.

Yes, many truckers pee in bottles and deficate in plastic bags however that is not me.

As a final note please excuse spelling and grammatical errors as my blackberry does not offer an F7 sp check.

I will try to submit again and improve my writing. Take care and be safe. Bob

Wow! Shitload of comments for a mediocre story. I got the alesium reference right away because Russell Crowe says it in the opening scene of Gladiator.

And naturally since it was in a Hollywood movie, it must be true, right?

I get a kick out of folks who assume truckers are all stupid! Some are, yes, but so are a lot of other people.

Quite a few of us are on second or third careers and were looking for a good paying job, and/or to see the country.

The trucker bombs would be a non-issue if:

A) drivers would simply toss the full bottle in their trashbag for later disposal in a trash can. They do have em by EVERY fuel pump and rest area ya know...

B) Rest rooms with truck parking were more available- esp in urban areas. We're human too- and when ya gotta go, ya gotta go!

You must have a cast iron stomach, Bob! I'm good for 1 full plate and maybe seconds of 1 or 2 things I really liked. I try to avoid buffets, though. Way too much food for me! Plus too many pigs don't wash up before hitting it up...

That was a great story Bob. BTW, what kind of truck do u drive??

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(insert ziggy boogy doog here)

Dodger, don't be a buffoon. If something is in a Hollywood movie, it is just that. Doesn't make it true or false. I am also familiar with Wookies and Terminators from the movies but that doesn't make them true. Lighten up.

If that's a true story, then your diet, sir, is putting you well on the road to a heart attack.

Bear, I admire truck drivers, I couldn't drive anything bigger than my Tundra. One of the "cleanest" poop stories I've read on PR, so far.
(doniker, a proctologist just called me and said that they found "bilgepumps" head?)

Dear dear Doniker....if I have to explain the irony of your comment, the irony, and the humor, are lost...everyone else gets it, and it went right over your head? Hmmm....seems other adjectives are in order as well, but I"ll let someone else come up with them, I am, after all, only a douchebag.

Fellow pooppers let's not ignore the great feat that this man accomplished. He pooped enough to rise above the water! How many of you can say you have done that? Trucker Bob needs to be saluted for a great moment in pooping history!

C Everett Poop (515) -- 10.09.2007 Lighten up.

Dude, you forgot to say Francis.

Doniker adds needed conflict to the site (like the Newman character on Seinfeld) without which the discussion would be much more bland and less interesting. Also, the attacks are pretty funny as is the outrage they provoke. I love when people get offended in the course of poop discussion.

Trucker Bob: So you're the guy stinking up the rest area toilets? Have mercy and modify your diet! You're killing me!

This whole comment string reminds me of a commercial for adult ADHD.

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Man who stand on toilet seat is high on pot.

TruckerBob, I hope your enclosed and soon-to-be-released load didn't adversly affect the highway scales.

Mary, your comment made me lol!!

Trucker Bob, thanks for a good story!
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Assaulting toilets since 1977!

hey Bob, great story man.
now, i hate to advance the stereotype but u over the road guys kill me... while im unloading your trailer, your in my precious bathroom doing your best impression of the enola gay. damn u to hell!

that said, welcome to the site and keep up the good work.

btw TSV im with u on the john goodman thing

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oh man, i feel soo much better. i think i lost a few pounds... dont even think about going in there for at least 20-30 minutes. dont worry, i left the fan on.

Jesus Christ that was funny.