Cervical, Vasovagal, Fecal

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Editor's note: this was originally posted on the forums.


I was talking with my workmate and temporary roommate about birth control options earlier today. Although I haven't done the doo in months, she and I share some of the same issues with birth control options available. For example: because of using latex gloves at work over the past few years, I have developed quite a latex sensitivity. Consequently, this includes negative sensitivity to condoms. We have both been on various birth control pills and have both had adverse effects, including massive water retention and major mood swings for no good reason -- going instantly from crying to being happy to being angry, and so on. It totally sucks.

When I was with my last boyfriend, I figured I'd try out an IUD. In short, an IUD (intrauterine device) is a chunk of copper wire that sits inside the uterus and prevents pregnancy. Sounds lovely, doesn't it? I have a few friends who've gotten them and have had no ill effects. So I booked the appointment and went in the following month.

They insert the IUD by opening up the cervix and putting in the device. Most people have little-to-no pain, and from what I understand, problems are pretty rare. But then there's always an exception...

I was up on the table with my feet in the stirrups, which I've always found extremely awkward, humiliating, and uncomfortable. The doctor started on her way by inserting the speculum first. I could feel her doing something weird with my cervix, and all of a sudden I felt the worst pain I've ever experienced. I couldn't help but raise my voice a bit.

"What is happening?!" I looked down my torso and saw her face looking at mine from between my legs. She appeared a bit startled. Then she explained that she was opening up my cervix and that I could either continue with the procedure or stop. She also explained that because I haven't had any kids, the pain would probably get worse when she actually inserted the piece of metal. I decided to stop.

She took the torture devices out of me. I felt a huge wave of nausea and heat surge over me. I was beginning to have what is known as a "vasovagal response." I started to sweat, my pulse rate went up, I'm sure my blood pressure was in my boots, and the nurse who was in the room told me I looked white with a tinge of green. Lovely! The doctor ordered me to remain lying down because if I sat up, my blood pressure could drop more and I could faint.

So I did. I lay down for about ten minutes, until I felt the panic of, "Holy fuck, I've gotta shit. Now!"

I sat up and the nurse helped me off of the table and onto the can. I sat down on the toilet while she stood in front of me, holding me by my shoulders so I wouldn't teeter way off of the pot fall and onto the floor. I took a ginormous shit and managed to do the clean up on my own.

After that, they took me to the "chill room," where I put my legs up in the air and tried to get my blood back to the core areas of my body. It took about forty-five minutes before I felt okay enough to sit.

I'm kind of a fence rider on the whole Shameful versus Shameless thing. It depends on the situation as to where I stand on the subject. But for this experience, the most awkward thing for me was taking a dump in front of someone else. At work, I help people into the bathroom and in the bathroom and, hell, I even help people get the poo out of their bums all the time. I don't think anything of it. But this was definitely an experience being on the receiving (or is it giving?) end of things!

Anyone else ever had an intimate experience remotely like this?

25 Comments on "Cervical, Vasovagal, Fecal"

phatmanxxl's picture
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I known some females where the IUD has fallen out of them. I wouldn't say its too reliable. The only time I'm shameful is when I'm tryin to dump with some one standing next to me. My gf is always comming in the bathroom whrn I'm doing #2 and I gotta sit and wait till she leaves. But dropping a major load in front of the nurse I can see being kinda embarrasing, but I'm sure she seen worse in her profession.

wonderpance's picture
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yeah, i think pooping in front of a medical professional is slightly less embarrassing, since you know they see it all the time. i still wouldn't want to do it, though!

it's interesting how you watch/help people all the time, but when the tables were turned you still felt weird pooping in front of the nurse. i don't have any more insight. just think it's interesting!
_______
i love poop.

i love poop.

Deja Poo's picture
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I've got no idea what this is like. But if somebody were to try and stuff a copper wire up my penis as far as my testicles or even my prostate, I'm sure I'd probably scream out in pain and attempt to shit all over them. I think your reaction to the situation is understandable.

Missus DP has an IUD. The only complaint that she had about the procedure was that her regular Gynecologist refused to do it. So, she changed to a different practice and had it done there. Our sex life definitely improved afterwards.

As for shitting in front of others, at one point, my platoon was in a barracks with not doors on the shitters. At first, it was a little uncomfortable but it was never a show stopper. After a while, I just stopped thinking about it.

Now, however, if anybody tries to walk in on me, they get the door kicked shut on them. Except for my kid, of course. For some reason, him watching me pinch a loaf doesn't bother me. I think that's because we decided to try to potty train him by example.
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Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Yo quiero Taco Bell.

holypoop!'s picture
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Wow I could NEVER poop in front of another human being, even my twin sister!!

The Thunderous Crapper 63's picture
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Man the things you girls go through. I think it would just be easier to have the guy wear a condom. As far as taking a dump in front of medical personnel I have never had that experience. Im sure if I did someone would be scarred for life and it wouldnt be ME thats for sure.
_______
The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

AHHHHHEMMMMMMMMMM JUST CLEARING MY THROAT!! ;)

pnuttycorn's picture
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I have pooped in front of a nurse before BUT, it was being forced upon me. I was having a lower G.I. early the next day, and I was given an enema. The nurse kept telling me to hold it in as long as I could, I think my record was 8 seconds. The not being able to hold the enema, THAT was the embarassing part.

MSG's picture
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I think my most intimate recent moment with a medical professional was with a nurse who showed me (after a kidney stone operation) how to install a urinary catheter (gruesome). For some days I had to wear a Foley catheter, which was uncomfortable to the max, especially when I had to poop. I was on pain medication, so I was somewhat constipated anyhow. At this session I was able to tell the lady (a lovely person, extremely helpful) how I beat my constipation. Sitting on the toilet was extremely painful, especially since it felt like I was about to expel my Foley catheter rather than my feces. I thus arrived at the expedient of raising the seat, hovering in a partial crouch over the bowl, and letting go. It was hard, but by holding on to my catheter and pushing hard, I was able to expel a couple of large and painful turds. When I told the lady this, she clapped her hands and said, "Bravo! Very resourceful." I was pleased.

shitake boy's picture
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__
I had a shituation about 8 years ago, where I was in the hospital, about to have heart surgery, and the nurse came into my room, and to my chagrin, advised me that I had to have an enema. She was telling me to hold it as long as I can, and this was prior to my onset of IBS. Witin 2 minutes, I asked her to remove it, because I had to shit bad. She was surprised and asked "already???" I said yes, "I NEED TO SHIT NOW!!!". Upon beginning to soil the bed, I ran top speed to the bathroom in my hospital room, and seemed like I could not sit down fast enough. It sounded like I had a running faucet up my ass. I must have been on the toilet for almost 45 minutes. To make a long story short, I took a massive dump while she was wathching me. It really stinks to have to shit in front of a total stranger. And every couple of minutes, she asked me if I was done yet. How embarrassing is that?_____


In search of the ever evasive BM

In search of the ever evasive BM

When it Shits it Pours's picture
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A possible way to avoid this shituation, as it is nevery enjoyable to forcibly expel the bowels infront of people, may be to try polyurethane condoms. Although a touch more expensive than latex variants, very few people have any reaction to them and they do conduct heat better than latex, odor free too :) Try the Trojan Supra, they should work great!

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I was constipated for about a week because the poop was hard and it hurt so bad coming out that I simply couldn't go. Anyone who's been constipated a long while will understand just how awful I felt.. When I couldn't take it any longer, I brought myself to the ER. Understand that I'm always embarrassed to talk about pooping with people, so this was several hours of humiliation; having to explain the problem to multiple people, having an uncaring finger up my butt, laxatives, Fleet enemas, and then finally, when nothing worked, having to go see some nurses for a soap suds enema.

I was totally embarrassed to have these ladies doing that to me, bare-assed, miserable.. but at least they were super empathetic, which made the experience a little easier to swallow. After the enema, I sat in the bathroom for like 45 minutes with the nurses coming to check on me about every 10. That was embarrassing, too, given the loud noises coming out of me.

poopcore's picture
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that fucking sucks. i'm sorry

kjetski's picture
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I had a sigmoidoscopy 11 years ago. The nurse that gave me the pre-procedure enema was hot!

Mary Queen of Scats's picture
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I actually had to have my IUD removed after 2 days because I COULDN'T poop.

The doctor told me it was because the pushing motion you use to poop is the same as the motion used to induce uterine contractions, (pooping on the table during delivery, ladies??) it had to come out - they were afraid I'd push out the IUD while pushing out a loaf. At that point I hadn't gone since the morning it was put in because I was afraid, and it hurt really bad too :-(

And I totally feel for you with your experience with putting it in. It was HORRIBLE!

Ahhhh...the things we do to ourselves in an attempt to control nature.

_______
Merry feeking Christmas and a crappy New Year to all!

Bad kitty! Bathtubs are NOT litterboxes!

Gaseous Glay's picture
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Gotta say . . . I've learned a lot here. Is that good or bad?

shitwit's picture
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I had a very similar experience with the IUD thingy. It took the doctor 3 attempts to get it in and all 3 hurt like hell. She said I may have some "spotting" for a few hours afterwards. Um, yeah. I got to the car and passed out while getting in. I managed to convince the on-lookers that I was OK once I woke up and I just needed to use the ladies room and get into some air-conditioning again. So I went back in the building to discover that I was bleeding heavily AND had to take a massive shit immediately! After crapping out my menu for the last 3 days, and trying to clean up all the blood. I staggered back to the OB's office to tell them what happened. They said I just needed to get used to the effects of having the IUD in. The effects???? You gotta be fucking kidding me! They said if I could "tough it out" for a few months that I'd grow to love it! How about NO?! I bled constantly for 3 months and had horrible cramps most of that time. I had it yanked out and will never attempt that again! I'll admit that they work well for some women, but they really should tell you up front that it might be the worse thing you ever experience!

_______
Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

Anonymous Coward's picture
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kjetski (13) -- 12.11.2007
I had a sigmoidoscopy 11 years ago. The nurse that gave me the pre-procedure enema was hot!

Damn...you got the royal treatment-or shall I say royal flush.

When I had to get a sigmoidoscopy, no one gave me an enema. I had to do all the bowel prep myself....(pout, pout, pout)

Though the fellow who did the sigmoidoscopy was
excellent. Great at telling me how the procedure worked, and when I told him I wanted to watch the thing on the TV screen, he told me the exact parts of the procedure where I could count on getting the best view.

So..didnt have anyone cute to do the work of the enema for me, but at least the person doing the sigmoidoscopy was cool. Totally supported my interest and was intrigued when I told him about the existence of Poopreport.com

familiar faeces's picture
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a little each way. i've had a vagus-nerve response, though this particular experience i had wasn't related to pooping or iud. it makes you feel terrible (why wrestlers call it the 'sleeper hold', the doctor said, i compressed the vagus nerve in the neck).

the intimate experience i had, was a doctor shoving a finger up my backside to see what the problem was. though, it wasn't really any more embarrassing than providing a gross looking and rather red poop-sample, which is also intimate in its own way.

ihearttofart's picture
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Good God. I am squirming and nauseated reading this. Also, thankful. I just asked my gyn about IUDs and he said he's totally against them, because he's seen them rot inside of people. Ughhhhh. My young age probably dissuaded him from giving me one too, since all women MUST bear children.
Regardless, I'm so glad I'm back on the pill. My poop has been weird and not at all fulfilling since I've been off.

Katherine's picture
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I've pooped in front of my mom, boyfriend, sister, and two of my friends. No, three of my friends. And I didn't mind... unless it was diarrhea. Then, I kinda do mind.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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makes sense mine was two words,LIVING HELL

Anon's picture
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OMG, I had an IUD put in today and had a serious vasovagal response. (Guess how I found this page?) The insertion was possibly the most painful moment of my life, but thankfully it went away the moment they took that elephantine tube out of my cervix, and there have been no more negative side effects. But yeah, I had to lie there on my back for a looong time before I could stand up and put my pants back on!

No shit related to that ordeal, but I do have a vasovagal poop story - a couple years ago I went through a period where I kept having fainting spells every time I had abdominal pain. Gas pain, diarrhea, indigestion, anything would set it off. Worst of all, it happened a couple times when we were out in a bar, and everyone thought I was blacking out drunk. Not quite pooping in front of strangers, but definitely embarrassing.

Anonymous Coward's picture
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I had the exact thing happen to me today when I had my IUD inserted :(

Anonymous's picture
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SAME EXPERIENCE HERE. I managed to make it home... but barely. I had the same fainting dizzy feeling afterwords. Also, had sever "hot flashes." Had to "go" the whole way home. I was really worried that I would expel the IUD but it seems to be fine. I just feel really gassy and don't feel like eating anything :( But need to take something with all this ibuprofen I'm loading up on.

Anonymous's picture
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Me too to almost all of that! Upon insertion, the was a lot of pain and it took all my will not to scream and kick the doc in the face! He told me that when I stood up to sit first then stand slowly since women who have the pain occasionally faint. I had bad cramping, but felt fine and had never fainted before so I walked out and over to the waiting room to book a follow up appointment. As she was looking up dates, I felt my blood pressure plummet and the world went dark and quiet for about 5 seconds and then I opened my eyes and puked all over the floor. The waiting room was filled with wide mouthed pregnant ladies and screaming infants all staring at me and then I felt it. The poop was coming and I tried to get up and run but I got up too fast and fainted again for a few seconds in the pile of my own vomit. The nurses tried to hold me down to rest but I pushed by them into the washroom with no time to even close the door right away I got to the toilet just on time and it all came out. A rapid river of poop, urine, and puke. Nobody saw me poop, but I'm sure they all heard it; and probably smelled it. The doctor took me into an open room to lie down, and I've never felt this way before: unbearable pelvic, muscles everywhere spasming out causing violent tremors and shivering, quickly alternating hot and cold sweats with goosebumps, a cardiac arrhythmia sending me into a state of panic, low blood pressure causing dizziness and confusion, nausea, gas and indigestion, ALL AT ONCE. And apparently my skin was translucent because of the lack of blood pressure. The doc says that was the worst he's ever seen someone after an IUD and I was there for 2 hours being monitored. When I got home at about noon, I fell asleep instantly and I only got the sense of complete humiliation afterwords. The IUD is still in, I'm feeling better today minus a few cramps, but I'll never get one again!

Anonymous's picture
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Good to hear about these experiences, following a vasovagal reaction this morning whilst constipated, followed by loose motions.

Regarding health professionals -- They won't think twice about poo, blood, etc. They just want to make sure you're okay. They don't go into that area, otherwise.