Was this whole diatribe just an outlet for your fuming jealousy?

Also, what does "she looked puffy", mean? She's fat, or like she got punched in the face and her eye is puffed up?

i believe he was implying that she had gained weight since he last saw her.

i wonder if she sits with her butt barely over the toilet bowl, so the poop slides down the side creating the skid mark. that is a strange place for one.
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i love poop.

Then it seems as though the years of schooling were a little TOO good to her.

Perhaps she sits on the rim, enabling a closer shot at the enamel.

So, Forrest, you managed to loose an overweight, toilet defiling airhead to a short, toady-faced version of a Russian. Care to elaborate on what Julie meant by calling you "your wonderful self?" (Nicely written account, by the way.)

I would have left a giant mud hoagie in her shitter as a reminder never to call me again. Maybe even an upper decker.

That and piss in the vodka bottle.

Ha ha CEP I haven't thought of an upper decker since the Greaseman was a DJ about 15 years ago.

This is my first poop report, so give me a break! Finally I had something to write about, not just a story about poop, but poop as a metaphor for a truly shitty situation. I meant puffy as in a relative of the Michelin Man. Jealousy would imply I wanted anything to do with her after this, which I don't. I spent the weekend relaxing on the beach in the south of France, without someone to stink up my hotel room. How bad could that be?

I had no idea about what an "upper decker" was and so I turned to YouTube. You guessed it, more than a few entries about this special effect !

Forrest - maybe it wasn`t her at all, sounds more likely that it was the commie swine. He`d have squatted like a toad on the edge of the bowl and let his rancid borscht turds crawl down the side leaving his calling card trail.

Hmmmmmmm......Borscht causes rancid turds***adds to list of secret weapons****
PD.......Defiling an alcoholic beverage is against international law (or should be).

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Definitely not the Russian. Every day she'd show up by herself in the afternoon, hang out in the bathroom a while, shower, etc, then leave. The slime trail would be noticably thicker and stinkier. The bathroom smelled worse than the Paris underground sewer tour!

I want to solve the mystery! Was she a slug?

So, she never cleaned the toilet, at all?
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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

She was totally a giant slug ppl!

Very often in Europe you find a toilet brush next to the toilet. Kind of disgusting I think but those toilets are prone to skid mark. Wonder why she didn't have one?

Which brings up a potential poll question, what do you do when you leave a skid? At home? While visiting a friend? You're in America now and there is no handy toilet brush available.

Bathrooms don't have any fan in France because our crap doesn't smell, or smells like a bouquet of roses! ;)

K, I do understand that, historically, the French have been under the impression that their shit don't stink. But I can assure you, it does. Badly. I've been in a couple of French airports, and a fair share of French restrooms, and I can say without reservation that Forrest Dump is right - the smell of shit permeates everything. You've just gotten used to it.

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"...I once ate a roadkill possum that had been raised on a diet of carp. I cooked it over a fire fueled with old tires and dog shit. [My fart] put to shame the sewers of Calcutta."
- ChiefThunderbutt

Well, I'm glad you at least got to enjoy your trip to the beach. All in all I couldn't believe the hospitality of your friend. What a bitch!

And my grandfather, whose Finnish birthplace is now in Russia, would applaud your description of the toad!

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I found Jesus! He was behind the sofa the whole time!

Shitty, you're a Finlander? Me too! My dad was all Finn. Both sets of his grandparents came over on the boat and settled in Cloquet, Minnesota, guess it reminded them of home.
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The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

You are not very smart Eoz. He stated right after he called her Puffy that she was not trim and tones anymore. Anyways, great story FD

Hehehe, given the odd use of the word "puffy" to describe someone who is overweight, I figured they were unrelated, jealous thoughts.

your final description of
And when I thought about his small, toad-like balls slapping against her sticky, shitty asshole, I was glad to get as far away from there as possible.
made me laugh and dry heave at the same time. I too would have left a surprise for her in the toilet after she was such an inconsiderate bitch to you throughout your trip. you should have wiped your ass or at least your sweaty ball sack across her pillows.

A person's shit can leave a skid up the front of the bowl without shitting at a weird angle. When I plop my ass down I sit right over the hole, centered on the seat but my turds are so fantastically long that the end first coming out goes down into the middle, into the submerged moohole and the rest of it slides out, then falls over against the inside front of the bowl where about half of it is above the water line. Depending on the consistency, sometimes it breaks off at the water line when I flush and part of it stays attached to the porcelain, leaving a nasty slug trail to clean. A brush won't do it, unless you're ready to throw the brush away. Usually, I fill up a plastic container at the sink and keep pouring it over the stubborn moo until it finally comes loose then I flush it too. But I really hate when it falls over sideways instead of forward because it always leaves a shit stripe across one butt cheek.