Ahhh yes... the shame of dugan filled drawers. "The cook spilled the soup", lol. Thinking that you might have to get out and shit on the interstate is no fun. The only other thing to do is haul ass. If you get pulled over, get out and splatter the pavement with your greasy goods. Right in front of the hi-po.

Nice to see some AB2K poop reports. Had you been mean to your ass or something? Sounds like a little revenge there. Especially if your ass normally behaves itself.

Excellent report, so many funny things, iron ass, crapitalism, shitsicles, cannon fodder and you doing the peg leg dance, I talked to Polly, he doesn't want a crack...errrr.

Leave your load by the side of the road.Hopefully,you will only get a ticket for public defication if a cop catches you.

Always good to hear a story from the beloved AB2K. I agree with TSV, you spend too much time moderating and not enough exercising your gift for creative writing.

The one thing all inquiring minds want to know, though, is what CAUSED the fall of the iron ass? You must have eaten at the Roadkill Cafe or something.

Good story. There must be two I-78s because the one I know goes from Oceanside to Escondido and never gets close to 9 degrees in SoCal.

Your hull being breached is what happens in prison.

It's so hard to read these stories at work! I can't laugh out loud, and they're absolutely hilarious....AssBlaster, I don't know how you end up shitting in your pants all the time.

I wonder if Poonurse has ever seen a bad case of shit-sickle come in to the doctor for removal. A very creative and graphic for me before dinner!! Bravo AB2K!! A crappy report!!

Have a Crappy Day!! Poop Shooter!

Coming to a 7-11 near you.The Shitcicle Ice Cream Pop!

Nice story, AB2K. Since this lack of border control is such a rarity, I wonder what prompted the assault on your undies.

By the way, how long do you think it would take for a standard turd to freeze in 9 degree weather?

Thanks for the compliments, guys. To the people who wondered what caused this: I have no idea. It might have been the combination of holding it in so long whilst simultaneously shivering because if I remember correctly the heat wasn't working well in my car at that time, being tired from working night shift, and waddling up the damn stairs. I don't remember eating anything that would have triggered it. I didn't feel sick, either.

CEP: You are correct, there are 2 I-78's; this one goes from Harrisburg to NYC.

Once again, so close to salvation yet so far . . . the ass is a treacherous body part. Every now and then, it's going to show you who's boss and then it's TBT time again (triangulating current position between last toilet and next toilet).

Crack, I don't knwo how long it would take a turd to freexe, but I have experienced an almost instant freezing of pee whilst peeing outside in sub freezing temperatures. Thank god I didn't stop mid stream or I would have had to break the peesicle off at the tap -ouch-

Have a Crappy Day!! Poop Shooter!

Thanks for sharing, AB. Sorry about your new ginch.
Do we officially have a term for crapping your pants 15 feet from the toilet?
Diarrhea Dash or Shitty Sprint?

Anybody ever read the book, "Fifteen Feet From the Toilet," by Willie Makit? (Illustrations by Betty Wont.)

If you had crapped by the side of the road, the Film At Eleven would now be archived somewhere on PR. No doubt a local TV crew would have happened along and caught you. It's what's called crappy luck!

There's an I 78 that goes in between PA and NJ also right? I was on that rode today and I did not see anyone shitting on the side of the road.

Okay, to settle all the controversy about where I-78 is, go to Interstate 78 on Wikipedia, which gives all the details about its route.

(P.S.--Dumpster's only other online presence is as one of the editors of Wikipedia--needless to say, though, not as "The Dumpster"!)

Pill Pooper, that's the I-78 I was on. It does indeed go through PA into Jersey; it goes into Phillipsburg, through Somerville/Hillsborough area, then on up to NYC.

Dumpster, I love Wikipedia. I've read that article before, actually.

Wikipedia is second only to PoopReport as online entertainment. Unless, of course, you are Bunga, in which case you go for www.milf.com.

I am worried that we may lose Bunga to that site. Of course, that would improve the level of class on BOTH sites....

....and bunga isn't close to defend himself at the moment.

Have a Crappy Day!! Poop Shooter!

Ah Dumpster...let's sing a little song shall we:
I'll take the high road
You'll take the low road
And you'll be in diapers before me.

AB2K's story proves it doesn't have to be long on gritty details or involve overly florid language to be a highly entertaining poopreport. Remember it's not the destination that is so enjoyable, it's the journey in getting there.

Bunga, dammit, I just voted for the above as a "great comment," even though I think you are making unwarranted ASSumptions based on our age differences. Remember, I am only 7 years older than you. We may wind up being roommates at "The PR Home for Incontinent Old Folks"!

But perhaps there will be young lasses, such as AB2K and TSV, to attend our simple needs.

I'm picturing a roomful of white-coated, hyper-active proctologists wielding speculum probes. LOL.

Dumpster: when you are 80 I will be 55. Still much younger, but no longer a young lass. My boobs will be pointing to the floor by then.

And besides, I do tech support, not nursing. I have tried to stay away from feces as much as possible in my career.

Dumpster, don't count on it! I am the master of old hurricanes, not old farts.

AB2K, let's practice some long division: How many times does 80 go into 55?

And, TSV, I had envisioned you as a "mistress," not a "master." (Probably wrong on both counts....)

What kind of underwear was it? Was it good underwear, cuz they're no way I'd throw out a new pair of good thongs. That would suck.

However, even the WallyWorld special panties are new once. I guess it's like shitty bands that have one good song. Even a broken clock is right twice a day.

I guess this takes you out of the "you might poop" loop for a few more years, seeing as you got it out of the way!
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.....hugging bunnies since 1969

They were not thongs; at that time I had to wear super-lame polyester uniform pants at work, and if I wore a thong, those fuckers made my butt itch like a son of a bitch. So I stuck to granny panties at work, and yeah, they were cheap Hanes from Wal-Mart, but they were pink or something and I kind of thought they were pretty.

Thongs are nice but people pay way too much for them. They have all of fifty cents worth of material in them and people will pay $10 for a pair. Nuts if you ask me.

Q: Dumpster, what kind of underwear do you wear, boxers or briefs?

A: Depends.

Dump: Depends on what?

I'm wondering how much good the butt floss thong woul actuall do at catching a shart or worse, a batch of full blown butt slude.

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Have a Crappy Day!! Poop Shooter!

Poop Shooter, a thong *might* catch a small shart, but any type of butt mud and the pants would be a goner. There's nothing back there. Worse yet, the butt floss action, if the person were walking, would only serve to rub the poo up and down the person's crack. Ewwwwww.

I imagine that if someone crapped a solid turd in their pants whilst wearing a thong, the thong would cut the turd in 1/2 and the turd pieces would fall down the person's legs. Ewwwww again.

Daph: I guess my "joke" was sorta lame, but see Depends.com.

AB2K: Great Comment!! The image of a thong sawing a solid turd in half will be with me all day! I fail to see the appeal of a thong, unless girls just want to avoid VPL's?

I just wish I had a solid turd to saw in half.

Dumpster: I don't think that was Daph above, that was Poop Shooter. Oh, and yes, that is precisely why we (at least I) wear thongs. That and to get Mr. Blaster going. Oh, and in the summer with a skirt, because I like the breeze.

My apologies to Daph, and PS, you should thank me for the compliment!

"[T]o get Mr. Blaster going...." Why do some SOB's have all the luck? I can just see it now:

Mr. B: "But sweetie, I'm SO tired."

AB2K: "Shut up, boy, and get on back up here and do it again, if you know what's good for you!"

Dumpster, thank you for the compliment! but AB2K had the sawing turd idea.

Now it would be cool if your thong did saw a turd in 1/2 if you could somehow wiggle yer butt enough to get one turd to fall down each pantleg. Now that would be some talented pant's pooping!!!

I tried wearing a thong once, but the floss made my butthole chafe!

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Have a Crappy Day!! Poop Shooter!

We love to poop everyday, it is a refreshing highlight lives. Somedays I poop turds that are about 16 inches in length.

How nice for you, er, both?

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"Say, has anybody seen my sweet Gypsy Rose Volcano?"

Say, this Daphne sounds lively, instigative, contemplative and a huge ASSet to the Poop Report.

What's the scoop? Is she traveling, in the throws of dealing with her four-pawed humanitarian efforts or depriving us all of her witty loveliness to prove the adage, "You don't miss the water 'til the well runs dry." ???

From her posts she sounds to be one of the most interesting persons I've ever read.

Did I say "throws"? Don't mind me, I'm having flashbacks from my zoo visit. I meant to say, "throes".

Bunghole, please come into the forums. We need more posters like you!

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Broccoli!

I second TSV, Bunghole. C'mon in; the water's fine!

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"Say, has anybody seen my sweet Gypsy Rose Volcano?"

To Dumpter's: "I fail to see the appeal of a thong, unless girls just want to avoid VPL's?"

Yes, that's precisely why.

Dumpster? I cannot see how you do not see the appeal of a thong. Have you never ,errr, (sorry for starting a touchy subject) been turned on?

Ya know, you can't "try on" thong underwear--stores basically prohit that action. So, how do you know if it's going to feel like dental floss or not? You don't! If you're in a job where you move around alot they're probably okay. But if you're in a job requiring long periods of sitting those perky thong undies you bought on a whim cut right into you. You'll find yourself doing the 'adjustment tug dance in your pants' all day. This will certainly draw attention to your ass--just not in a good way. It then becomes a form versus function thing in the most literal sense.

Well, KOC, I think Dumpster meant that he doesn't see the appeal of WEARING a thong, from a woman's wardrobe standpoint. I guess I can see men liking women in thongs. Okay. But what's with European men wearing those scary speedo things? NOT a turn on, from a (at least this) woman's pov.

My position is set forth in full here. (Remember that Dumpster's only other online presence is as an editor of Wikipedia.)

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"Say, has anybody seen my sweet Gypsy Rose Volcano?"

Actually, B in the J, I find it to be just the opposite with thongs. I used to have a job that required physical activity (the job I had when this story happened) and I made the mistake of wearing a thong to work. Oh man, I had the hugest butt floss wedgie of my life. Not to mention we had to wear these damned polyester pants and it made my ass itch like a motherfucker. Now I have a desk job and sit on my ass all day and never have a problem wearing thongs.

Why not just go commando?

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"Say, has anybody seen my sweet Gypsy Rose Volcano?"

Speaking of commando, I've been primarily a ommando guy for 20+ years. I just do not get the use of under garments. What's the point? Other than socks.... gotta wear them under tennis shoes and boots, but underwear??? WHY?

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Regional POWER POOPING CHAMPION 1988-2006
Poop Shooter!

PS writes: "What's the point? Other than socks.... gotta wear them under tennis shoes and boots, but underwear??? WHY?" You're lucky, Poop Shooter.

I've nothing against commando. Mr. Bunghole has been 'sans' for years ('cause he's lucky not to suffer from bowel maladies and he's a clean wiper). Me? From time to time I've enjoyed that easy breezy feeling.

Not everyone is fortunate to experience the commando comfort level, especially if they suffer from bowel episodes that aren't always predictable or if they are women who've not yet gone through menopause.

...just remember, ya can't make skidmarks in your undies if you are not wearing undies in the first place!

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Regional POWER POOPING CHAMPION 1988-2006
Poop Shooter!

Some girls at work admit to wearing $200 jeans. I ask you: WHAT on EARTH could make size 2 swatch of denim be worth $200?!?

Sticker shock aside, that's a reason right there to protect one's investment with a pair of chonies.

"[W]HAT on EARTH could make size 2 swatch of denim be worth $200?!?"

That's a case of spending more dollars than you have sense. What makes the jeans worth $200? It's not that they are worth that much. The jeans probably cost less than $10 to manufacture, complete with labor and overhead. It's a supply and demand thing. There are plenty of folks out there stupid enough to pay that amount for jeans they'll probably discard next season. These are the same whiny snot-nosed next gens who will be filing for bankruptcy five years from now..

PS writes: "...just remember, ya can't make skidmarks in your undies if you are not wearing undies in the first place!"

Exactly. But that doesn't mean you're not making skidmarks, just that you're making them in your clothes, where they will leave permanent stains, or worse.

And what about all those pants seams chafing around your, er, "sensitives"?

This would probably be a great subject for a forum post. In the meantime, the whole history of underwear and its various uses and purposes is succinctly stated here.

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"Say, has anybody seen my sweet Gypsy Rose Volcano?"

You're a shameless plugger, you are.

Gotta be shameless about something!

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"Say, has anybody seen my sweet Gypsy Rose Volcano?"

Dumpster wrote: "And what about all those pants seams chafing around your, er, "sensitives"?"

After a couple years, callouses develope and it's really not a big deal. A bunion pops up occasionally, but I tip the foot doctor an aextra couple bucks and he removes it.

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Regional POWER POOPING CHAMPION 1988-2006
Poop Shooter!

The FOOT doctor? You draggin' something, buddy?

Poop Shooter: Even John Holmes didn't develop calluses. Then again, he just tied it in a knot or bow.

Now who do you think taught John Holmes all his tricks....??? In the words of AB2K Drrrrrr!

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Regional POWER POOPING CHAMPION 1988-2006
Poop Shooter!

Poop Shooter: If you were as generously endowed as John Holmes you'd be so damn popular you wouldn't have time to post anything on this site.

It's good to have dream though.

Now, do you really think I would put up my real name or stage name on a public forum?? C'mon now.

I never claimed to be well endowed. Like I always tell the ladies.... "It aint that big around, but it sure is short"!!!

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Regional POWER POOPING CHAMPION 1988-2006
Poop Shooter!

Yet another AB2K masterpiece.

That sucks, fifteen feet away from escaping the carnage that unfolded.

Alls not lost though, had you not gone through that incident, this fantastic story would never have happened.
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"Two percent of the population think; three percent of the population think they think, and 95 percent of the population would rather die than think."