Poor doniker. I really do feel sorry for you. I want to tell you to eat lots of fiber, but then it might backfire on you and you'll have to poop in a public restroom. I love "shy cave".

Go see a Proctologist before the stress gives you a heart attack and you end up like Elvis.

Poor you. And poor me for having read that.

Doniker, I've got the same thing going on. As I mentioned on the forums, I've had some bad wrist pain recently -- something close to carpal tunnel. I'm on some medication that's taken the pain away, but the downside is that I'm super constipated. I had an internal hemorrhoid leaking a little blood when I first arrived in India. It went away with a proper diet, but these pills have fucked me up. I've got Red Bull cans coming out, and buckets of blood along with them.

From what I know and have read about colon cancer, the blood (occult blood) is usually not visible in the stool and that is why a sample must be examined at a lab. Red blood is an indication of a tear, hemi, or a polyp. Get examined, as any blood indicates something wrong, but as I said, visible red blood is usually nothing serious. If it was I'd be dead by now. Good luck.

So it's come to this -- Doniker and Dave sharing blood-in-the-stool stories? Have we started down the slippery slope? In 30 years, will we (well, "you" -- I'll be dead) be reading doniker's reflections on the humiliation of shitting in a bedpan, written from his nursing home bed?

Doniker go see the doctor....if your wife wasnt concerned about it then maybe you shouldnt be but then again you should NOT mess around where THAT area is concerned because hemmorhoids can become a problem down the road too. Might as well get it taken care of. And if it is something more serious, which I doubt, then you will have caught it before it gets worse.
_______
The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

I think you've mentioned your toxic chili before.

Dude, this is not good! Pushing and straining as a routine can most certainly result in hemorrhoids, and the stress of having one seems to have taken away your joy of pooping. Maybe it's time to bite the bullet and poop at school.

Or, have you considered scouting the other bathrooms around? Are there ones nearby or on the way that are private or acceptable?

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

It's the pushing and the straining that's causing you to bleed. Especially since this is related to anxiety about pooping in public venues. Obviously, a visit to the doctor would relieve your mind, but if you could relax about the entire pooping scenario, it would help.

I know. Easier said than done. We've all strained now and then and probably had traces of red as a result. Would you have a problem with a single user bathroom? That would ensure the maximum amount of privacy for you.

Pulling My Pants Down For Peace, Plop and Posterity!

Stop trying to force the poop out. According to the AMA, the shit in your ass should have the consistency of a ballistic jackhammer before is splashes out. They also recommend taking a pair of needle nose plier and yanking those hemorrhoids out to the nub. If your ass hole keeps bleeding more than three days, superglue the wound and dont shit for another week.

Merc, Dude, you pop zits, not hemmies, with a pair of needle nose pliers. That way you can really get the blood and pus on the bathroom mirror and not on the bath mat.

Hemmies have to be cauterized. I recommend that you get a good, old-fashioned abortion tool (aka a "turd chopper" around these parts) and then put it over the open flame of your stove. While the ass poker is heating up, get some grain alcohol and use that to disinfect your butthole. When the tool is red hot, grab it quickly from the stove and apply to the offending hemmie. Within a split second, I guarantee you that hemmie will be completed forgotten.

Note, do not fart while the iron is nearing your butthole as you wouldn't want a flame out. For similar reasons, you might want to let the antiseptic alcohol evaporate some before the actual cauterization.

To help with the post-cauterization healing process, I would suggest that you liberally and vigorousl scrub your butt with Iodine after every bowel movement for the next two weeks at least. This will help prevent post-surgical infections.

Seriously, Doniker, if you're that concerned about it, you should see an ass doc. That's why they exist. Conventional wisdom would seem to be to have these issues addressed earlier rather than later, if not for your health, then for your peace of mind.

I wish you good health, Doniker. And I truly hope it's nothing serious.
_______
Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Probabwy a minor condition; if it continues go to the doctors to make sure these nothing bad festering in your bowles.

I had blood and dark stool at times in the past, but in my case it was 'essential' dark stool.

This shit has happened to me, but it was hemorhoids, and it never occurred again... cross your fingers.

Kudos to your wife, doniker. She has to be a good woman to actually examine you asshole for you.

And I wouldn't worry too much about the blood. As others have said, the straining is what's making it worse. Besides, hypochondria is MY department.

_______
Born right the first time.

We've all been living with pooping in all its variety (and all its constants) all our lives. For me, blood is an infrequent to rare occurrence; but when it comes, if it's visible in the bowl or on a turd, and it happens two movements in a row, it's straight to the doctor for me. So far it has never been anything serious, though it has required corrective action a time or two. Blood in your pee--now THAT's serious. Surgery for me.

Doniker, it seems that you have two problems:

1. Hatred or fear of shitting at school.

2. Over-straining your ring because of this and bursting a rhoid or two.

Which is the worst? I`d have thought the over-straining. You`ll just have to wake up one school morning, have breakfast and go straight there. Then when you feel the need to dump, stand up and leave the class, pick a good stall and let the beast slide out in its own good time. You know you can do it.

And maybe a bit less chilli would help!

I really wouldn't trust PoopReport as a source of medical advice. Go and see a doctor instead.

As regards shitting at school, I can understand why you wouldn't want to. I myself have some problems in this regard. I am a student living in mixed halls of residence, so the bathroom on my corridor is also used by girls. While I'm a fairly shameless shitter around other men, I simply cannot shit where I know that a girl might be able to hear or smell it. So I hold it in until there's no one around, or go to use one of the other toilets in the building.

Good advice , Herb, thanks for sharing. Oh, by the way, have your testicles descended yet?

Yes, actually. As I have stated on other threads, I am 18. I don't really see how the fact that I don't want women to hear me poop is a sign of developmental immaturity.

Herb, You are traveling down a slippery slope there. If men started doing what you do, then women will begin to think that men don't poop. Oh the horror if a vicious rumor such as that starts to go around. The next thing you know men will wait hours for an empty bathroom, make tp cushions, hold in our farts, and maybe stop pooping altogether. The world would be full of angry stopped up men skulking about in the shadows looking for privacy. Women would take over our bathrooms to allieviate the lines in theirs. Men may eventually start exploding or spontaneously combusting. Not a pleasant thought sir. Do all of mankind a favor. Walk into a crowded ladies room and let one fly. We need your help. Save us!

Herbert, I have a story for you. I told it before in the forums, but you might enjoy it.

I used to eat dinner with a bunch of guys that lived in the 2 suites next to us on our floor and the one above us at college. A suite is 6 small bedrooms that share one living room and a bathroom with 2 stalls and a shower. We had co-ed floors.

I went upstairs to get a few of my friends, mainly a senior dude whose name now escapes me and this super tall sophomore named Eric; and as I walked in the door to their suite, I noticed their bathroom door was propped open by one of those wooden wedges you might remember seeing at school, a tiny piece of wooden pie on the floor keeping the gym doors from slamming shut.

As I walked by the bathroom, I noticed there was a huge pair of shoes in the first stall covered by a pair of dropped jeans. As I walked by, the owner of those shoes farted, and at this point, he didn't know who was walking buy (me - a girl). I walked up to the senior's door and said "Hey! Want to go eat dinner?" and he said yes but was going to change his shirt. Then, the sophomore, Eric, yelled out from the stall, "Someone shut the door!" or something like it.

I remember looking towards the bathroom and then realized he was embarrassed and freaking out. He kept yelling at his friend to close the door, and his friend, who was changing his shirt, remained in his room. This left me in the living room next to a real problem, Eric in the bathroom yelling with increasing terror in his voice for someone to shut the "fucking door".

It escalated to the point where Eric was practically screaming for him to shut the door. I don't know now if he was about to crap or what.

I got so uncomfortable that I was about to leave, when finally one of his suitemates happened to come in the main door, hearing the commotion, and shut the bathroom door.

Eric came out a few minutes later, red-faced and terribly upset, walked past the senior I was walking to dinner with, and said something like "Thanks, asshole." He would not look at me.

Eric didn't join us that evening or for awhile for dinner, and I don't think he talked to me for almost a week.

So, I do understand your fear of pooping where a girl can hear you, especially at this age, because I think the incident I explained to you scarred Eric for life.

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

All I can say is that I'm an involuntary blood donor (to my dark, stinky logs). But I was checked out with no seroiusly problems :-). If I may be so bold sir, I suggest that you go to a doctor and have him/her check your anus, and perhaps further in.

I second poopaphile's suggestion; please be a good steward to thy bounty. (And have your shit checked out)

Just an informal tally here:
See your doctor 53
Don't do anything 0

Herbert, don't let her fool you! Daphne seems all understanding and warm but the conspiracy PD mentioned has now officially begun.

Oh Daphne, I would gladly fart and poop in front of you, even when I was back in school. MEN DO POO!
_______
Happy Crappin'
Homegrown Media Network

Wipe, wipe, you bloody well wipe, you got a bloody wipe today.

Wow! I love Poopertramp! Turdy, where the hell have you been?
br>_______
Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

Howley,
Can I use your men's room? The ladies line is tooooo long!

When I lived in Japan most of the off-base houses that were rented by GI famlies had the bathroom right off the living room. If you had guests over, when someone pooped everyone else could hear it. I never figured out why the Japanese built them that way. Revenge for losing the war? Who knows.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Merc, Dude, you pop zits, not hemmies, with a pair of needle nose pliers. That way you can really get the blood and pus on the bathroom mirror and not on the bath mat.

Hemmies have to be cauterized. I recommend that you get a good, old-fashioned abortion tool (aka a "turd chopper" around these parts) and then put it over the open flame of your stove. While the ass poker is heating up, get some grain alcohol and use that to disinfect your butthole. When the tool is red hot, grab it quickly from the stove and apply to the offending hemmie. Within a split second, I guarantee you that hemmie will be completed forgotten.

Deja Poo aka Doc.

I read this with interest. Is this a real prescription or it is just a humor?

Do you get someone to cauterize the hemmies?

I have quite a few hemmies which is causing me great distress. I am told never to pop them because there is plenty of germs in my anus and it will cause infection.

I will give anything to get rid of the hemmies.

"grapes",

Remember first and foremost that Poopreport is about poop humor. There are threads on the site put up to help people, by all means, but there are always going to be jokers posting jokes. If you read the rest of Deja Poo's comment, he also suggested that the writer see a doctor.

If you have hemorrhoids that hurt you, are actual grapes, please see your doctor. They are a condition that should be covered by your health insurance. We know it's hard to ask for help in this department - this is one of the reasons PR exists. The stories are fun, but the true fact is that we see people everyday posting for help because they're ashamed to go for help. They, like you possibly, turn to the internet for help because it's easier and less embarrassing.

For your health, comfort, and well-being, see a doctor. A few weeks of embarrassing visits and some pain will most likely result in a relief for a very long, long time.

I wish you the best of luck and hope that you get the courage to see your doctor.

P.S. I've had 2 kids and will most likely have to have "butt surgery" someday because of it. Pushing out 2 kids who were 8 and 9 pounds did not exactly leave my butt pristine, if you get my drift. When that time comes, I know the one thing that will be in my mind, as my butt is up in the "butt chair" of a proctologist is that the doctor has most certainly seen worse. I hope this will be your mantra.......... "I don't have the world's worst case of butt grapes........ I don't have the world's worst case of butt grapes......."

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Dear Daphne,

Thanks for your post. I am new to this site and I must say I am shamelessly lapping (LOL) up all the stories. I can empathise with some of the writers. It's as though they were ghost writing for me.

4 pregnancies, years of IBS and tons of diarhoea, that's what my doc said is responsible for my hemmies.

He gave a colonoscopy and assured me that I had no cancer, but since my grapes were not bleeding, cutting them off is no good for me as the diarhoea and IBS will soon make the grapes come back again.

Agh! So, you mean instead of giving you some relief, he's just going to leave them there? If you're not planning on having any more children, the chances of having more hemorrhoids pop up (or out) will be diminished.

You know, I'd be tempted to second opinion his diagnosis as to them returning so quickly. Do you trust him?

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

i thought this was going to be one of those stories where it was just something that was eaten.
once i ate too much hot sauce and i shit orange. i thought it was blood and i was going to die.
i should have been more concerned about the gargantuan size of my turd.