I would have told my wife to get her own damn keys, but then she couldn't go anywhere without them. Well done.

Strangly I wondwer how she got to work without her keys? Did she hotwire the Volvo or something?

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See what's happening on The Dumpster Debacle
Poop Shooter!

ToboChris: "[T]he noxious materials oozing from my bunghole would have had Hans Blix and the UN in an uproar. Kim Jong Il and the Iranian regime were shooting me e-mails asking if they could build a pipeline to my restroom."

RoboChris: Now that excerpt is FUNNY political commentary.

I enjoyed your pre-emptive sound effects prior to your vesuvian flow.

Really, though, did you drop off your wife at work or did she have to hot-wire the Volvo because you didn't put the keys back in their usual place?

Sounds like she keeps the house keys and car keys on a separate ring?

No matter. It was a fine setup for the poop near-disaster that ensued.

"wedged tighter than a thong at Spring Break." Good imagery (I liked the Hans Blix-Kim Jong Il part too).

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PooperGal
"Searching for the Origin of the Feces"

She could have hotwired it. Volvos are the easiest to hot wire (I have done it once or twice) I like how you know it is a volvo though PS.

Of course the kid would hum spongebob. But what is a kid doing at an office building?

Steps to hotwire (on older car)
1. Find solenoid.
2. Find red coil wire (follow plug wires)
3. Run coil wire to positive battery connection. (Gives power to dash; needed to start car)
4. Follow positive battery cable to solenoid.
5. Cross small wire and battery cable with somthing metal (insulated please) That cranks engine.

For a newer car:
1. Rip all the wires out from behind the ignition (where you put you key)
2. begin crossing until engine starts.

Alternate method (all cars)
1. Procure sledgehammer
2. Bash out ingnition keyhole area.
3. Cross wires.

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"KOC -- the Cool Crapper" - Rat Droppings

I am always one to point out inconsistancies in stories but I see none here.

I carry 2 sets of keys; my personal keys and my work keys.

This guy's wife could be the manager of a restaurant and forgot her work keys.

This also explains why a kid was there; he never said his wife worked in an office.

Anyway when I start a new diet and quit fast food, junk food, etc. I usually have the opposite effect and get plugged up.

Doniker writes "[T]his guy's wife could be the manager of a restaurant and forgot her work keys."

Then why was the wife already inside the place of business and the kid using the crapper? Wouldn't she need a work-key to open that place of business? "Office" is a subjective term.

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"Odor in the court! The judge is eating beans--his wife is in the bathtub counting submarines." Author Unknown

LOL.
Thank you so much for sharing that story with us. I understand that when you gotta go, you gotta go. One thing: I do not understand why you didn't just tell your wife that you weren't going to do that.

That reminds me of one time when I was biking in the woods and I had to crap. I pulled over because the pain was so unbearable that I just HAD to go. I picked up a couple pieces of this plant I had learned that Native Americans had use for their TP and went at it. (No soap...I had to wait until I got home.)

That was a good story. That's nearly Turd Terrorism what he did. At least on a smell level. While we're all speculating, maybe it was her keys to get back into her home or to her briefcase. Thanks for the hotwiring a car info Cool Crapper. I'll need them when I hotwire and steal YOUR CAR!! HA HA! Then I'll be driving the crapmobile!!!

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"Rectum hell, killed em' both." Author Unknown

Just beautiful, I can relate to the aborted roadside attempt. What a sphincter tease that must have been. Good imagery, I liked the line "...the Iranian regime were shooting me e-mails asking if they could build a pipeline to my restroom..." As far a turd terrorism, I beg to differ, you showed almost super human o-ring control and only defiled the "fixture of defilement."

My car is a crapmobile-it is (to quote my favorite song) "a piece of shit car."

Only prooblem is that it doesn't have a solenoid-have fun selling it once you bust out the ignition.

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"KOC -- the Cool Crapper" - Rat Droppings

I think changing your diet too drastically too fast is bad is any form. The older one gets, the more time one should give their digestive track to get used to a diet change. I wonder, did you loose any weight so far? How's it going?

And yes, pear is a shape. That's cute. So is a doughnut and an innertube. My shape would be hourglass. hehe.
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.....hugging bunnies since 1969

why I have to prove my comments I don't know.

This clown said:

"Doniker writes "[T]his guy's wife could be the manager of a restaurant and forgot her work keys."

Then why was the wife already inside the place of business and the kid using the crapper? Wouldn't she need a work-key to open that place of business? "Office" is a subjective term."

Maybe she is the night manager and she needs the keys to lock up.

At my job I have the keys to the building but all the employees have swipe cards to get in and out...

why do you feel this urge to prove me wrong?

Because it's called pretzel logic, oh vituperative one. Who gives a flying patooty anyway? Your post consisted of devil's advocacies regarding comments/questions posed to the author, not you.

And to think I was trying to praise and defend you in the form of super positive response to a story you authored. I'm starting to believe some of what other are whispering and outright postin, oh bitter one.

Now kids.... get along and play nice or you will have to poop in the hawthorn bushes for a week.

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See what's happening on The Dumpster Debacle
Poop Shooter!

Sweet PS, you and Bunga are mediators extradordinaire, I'm sure.

And moving on, Cliff Claven declares:

"Did you know that Sloe Gin is made from the berries of the Hawthorne bush? Too, those infamous Irish walking sticks referred to as 'shillelaighs" are formed from the same shrub/tree."

The last line says "Ladies and gentlemen, I am not proud of that one." Why??? I'd be smiling for weeks had I defiled a ladies rest room..hehe..but that me. Maybe its time for you to work towards becoming a Shameless Shitter..trust me, it'll set you free.

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Everything is funny as long as it happens to somebody else.

Bunghole in the.... Poop Shooter is not a moderator. Just a lowley contributor.

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See what's happening on The Dumpster Debacle
Poop Shooter!

PS: mediator not moderator.

See, I can't read good enough to be a moderator. A mediator possibly so. Having two kids, I am a great mediator!!

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See what's happening on The Dumpster Debacle
Poop Shooter!

I agree with doniker's assessment of the key business. Just sayin'.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969

What a sweetie you are to run your lovey's keys to her. And in your condition! Kudos.

Bunghole-- Vituperative is my FAVORITE new word! I can't wait to use it in a sentence when addressing my gum-popping 17-yr-old argumentative lackey coworkers.

I think it's interesting that they bother to lable single user restrooms for gender. The reason most businesses are required to have more female restrooms is that it takes women longer to use the bathroom, and that makes the lines longer. But it seems retarded to even bother labeling them when they're single user right next to each other. They're just like porta-potties then.

sorry if this doesn't make sense, tired tired tired.

Sorry it took me so long to get back to reply.

1) I took my wife's car and office keys, so she phoned a friend to get a ride to work.

2) She works at a restaurant as a manager and was on the mid shift, so the "office" was already open and she was able to use the morning-shift manager's keys until I arrived.

Hope this answers any of the inconsistency questions which arose.

Doniker is NOT paranoid: People really ARE out to get him!

"Then the phone rang. It was my wife. She forgot her keys and needed me to run them to work for her. I left home and got caught in traffic."

This statement says your at home

1) I took my wife's car and office keys, so she phoned a friend to get a ride to work.

This statement says you left the house with her keys.

I can only assume this happend a long time ago and you don't remember all the facts, or it's just fiction.

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See what's happening on The Dumpster Debacle
Poop Shooter!

Or . . . he left home before his wife went to work, then came home after she left from work but before she called him to bring her the keys. Does that finally make sense to everyone???

Geez, people, focus on the POOP. Not the freakin' keys!

I try cases in front of juries. This is totally fascinating to me!

I just want to say, my bad, I'm sorry I took the keys. They were just sitting there and I knew that I could discredit someones entire poop story if I took them okay. Jeez, I was just trying to have a little fun. I brought them back at least.

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"Rectum hell, killed em' both." Author Unknown

Well, analyzing a poop story is fun. I must watch too many CSI episodes and my sence of awareness is so great I just can't help it.

Rat Droppings: wtf are you saying? You stole the keys from RoboChris?? NOT

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See what's happening on The Dumpster Debacle
Poop Shooter!

NOT!!!!!!

Hehe. That's so 80's.

Ohhhh CLASSIC

AB2K, just because you don't remember the 80's does not mean us old folks can't recreate fond memories of that time!!

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See what's happening on The Dumpster Debacle
Poop Shooter!

I think the expression "NOT" was from 1989's "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure." If it wasn't from that, I'm gonna say 1982's "Fast Times at Ridgemont High", or 1983's "Valley Girl." Rat Droppings doubles as a movie trivia geekasauraus. Just letting everyone know in advance. Oh and Poop Shooter, AB2K may be slightly younger that us old farts but she more than makes up for in cultural literacy. Oh and I hope she goes easy on you for your comment. NOT!!!!!!

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"Rectum hell, killed em' both." Author Unknown

Poop Shooter, bend over and my foot will show your ass who doesn't remember the 80's.

I do believe it was from Bill & Ted.

It was before Bill and Ted, I seem to remember a friend saying it long before Mike Myers did on Saturday Night live and he joined in 1988, before Bill and Ted's excellent adventure which was from 1989.

AB2K, oh, don't tease me like that. Weren't you like 3 or 4 in 1983?

I am sure that with your everknowing cultural awareness of times gone by, you probably do remember much more about the 80's than I do. A lot of it is still a fog even 25 years later.

I remember saying NOT! back in the late 70's. I think my first pronunciation of that was in March 1978 on a Sunday when my mom told me I was going to church. I said NOT, she smacked me with her rosary, and a half hour later we were in church saying Hail Marys for pennance! aaaahhhhhhh the memories of youth!

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See what's happening on The Dumpster Debacle
Poop Shooter!

Damn if you were saying it in the 70's, maybe it isn't life imitating art but vice versa. I'll have to do more research of course. You may nearly have stumped the unstumpable one. (rat grooms self furiously out of nervousness)
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"Rectum hell, killed em' both." Author Unknown

Damnit if that's the last time I make a lame joke. Sheesh. We really are anal on a poop site.

AB2K, first ya yell to focus on the poop not the keys, now we can't focus on the 80's anymore. Talking about the poop and only the poop would be kinda anal in my opinion. Don't blow an ass gasket, it's all fun..... till someone steps in dung.

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See what's happening on The Dumpster Debacle
Poop Shooter!

I didn't say we can't focus on the 80's. I mean I AM sitting here wearing a pair of parachute pants and a T-shirt with one of those thingers that you put through it that pulls it off to the side, and my hair in a sideways ponytail to match, whilst watching reruns of MacGyver . . .

Okay not really. I'm just saying that a lot of us (myself included sometimes) get hung up on little details.

Sorry it took me so long to get back and answer your questions:

1) My wife was working a mid at the restaurant she's a manager at. She was able to use the opening manager's keys until I got there.

2) My wife phoned a friend to get a ride into work. She keeps her work and car keys on the same chain.

Hope this clarifies things, you CSI mother poopers.

AB2k are you also cuddling a care bear and wearing strawbery shortcakes undies? Now THAT I would actually believe.
Robochris, You should have said it was a restaurant. That makes stinking up the place even funnier!! You just changed "Ruby Tuesday" to Ruby Poosday.

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"Rectum hell, killed em' both." Author Unknown

RD writes, above: "Rat Droppings doubles as a movie trivia geekasauraus." RD, have you looked at The Movie Poop-Scene Database to see if you have anything to add?

And also, this is a question posed on the forums yesterday, but TBW and I were trying to recall if there was an episode of either "Green Acres" or "The Beverly Hillbillies" that involved an outhouse. I know this knocks it back another couple of decades, but do any of you trivia fans know?

AB2K wrote: "...a T-shirt with one of those thingers that you put through it that pulls it off to the side..."

The girls at work just told me that THOSE ARE BACK!

Dumpster writes: ... TBW and I were trying to recall if there was an episode of either "Green Acres" or "The Beverly Hillbillies" that involved an outhouse...
I have a friend who does tv, I'll ask him. I only do movie geekasaurusing.
GGG, please let those thingers not be back. I thought we finally got rid of them!! Damn AB2K she's wearing one so it MUST be in style!

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"Rectum hell, killed em' both." Author Unknown

If AB2K is doing/wearing it, it is THEREFORE "in style."

It wasn't pretty the first time. It's like watching reruns of Diff'rent Strokes meets Flashdance.

Next up, those delightful genie pants (a.k.a. 7-day shitters).

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When PMS Turns to UMS, it's Time to Stay Home

RD-- That's what the kids tell me. I'm sure you've noticed the wide belts with the end going through the buckle at an angle? Yep. Those are back, too. Unflattering, that, unless you're a size 2.

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I CAN'T go to work today. The voices said to stay home and clean the guns!

Bunga, I think you're mixing up Wayne and Garth with Bill and Ted. ;)

I seem to remember the expression "NOT" used first in the sitcom, ALF.

Maybe it's just me, but I don't see why KOC's hotwire comment got lame comment from someone.
There are far worse comments in this thread. KOC. I thought it was kind of funny.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969