My First Memory Of Poop

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m 1+ points - Newb
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This is not the earliest memory I have, but it is one of the most vivid. When I was five I used to run around the house in my undies. (Ever since, I've always felt more comfortable and relaxed in them -- which has led to some interesting moments when roommates have come home early from a trip or didn't bother to tell me that they took the day off of work.) And back when I was five, I had this toy box -- well, not really a box, but a giant plastic football. Now that I think about it, it kinda looked like a giant turd that had a hole on the top through which you would access the toys inside.

We were living with my grandparents, as my mom and dad had recently divorced. My mom and I had to share the upstairs back bedroom. She was pretty good about it, as she was really only ever in the room at night to sleep; during the day I was allowed to play in there "quietly."

I don't recall exactly why that when I had to poop I didn't just go to the bathroom. Instead, I choose to hold it. More than likely, I was probably just having a grand old time playing. So, sitting in that room dimly lit by the sun coming in through the window, wearing nothing but my favorite pair of Superman Underoos (I may have to find adult versions of these one day just to freak out my girl), holding in my poo, it happened. I was playing with Lego's and Matchbox Cars, and when I moved to get more cars from the toy football, I suddenly had a giant turd in my underwear.

I didn't want to say anything or get caught for fear of getting in trouble. I was getting in trouble a lot around that time for not having to pee before a car trip and then pissing my pants because I really did have to go. So I reached in through the front of my Roo's and pulled out this turd that was bigger than my hand. I remember making a fist with my other hand and comparing them.

Not sure how something that size could come out my tender young bum, and not knowing what to do with this newfound prize, I threw it in my toy football. My next dilemma was now having poo all over my hand, and it was gross! I looked for something to clean my hand with, and saw my mom's new coat.

It was 1979, and fur was in.

I remember this was one of those coats with rabbit fur just on the collar. With what little sense I did have about me, I deduced that the fur on the coat was similar in color to the poo on my hand, and I decided that this would cover up my crime. I still remember how soft and silky that fur was, and how it wasn't taking much, if any, of the poo off my hand. I was starting to panic, especially since I could hear someone coming up the stairs. Acting quickly, I shoved the coat under the bed and wiped my hand on the wall behind the headboard.

No sooner had I done this did my mom walk in. She immediately knew I had done something I was not supposed to do. I probably looked like a baby deer in headlights. After a few minutes of questioning, she got out of me that I had pooped my Roo's and that I threw it away in the toy football. I did not get in any trouble that day; however, a few weeks later when she needed that coat, she found it under the bed covered in poop. I got in trouble for that.

Then, almost a year later, when we moved out of there, I was once again in trouble for not telling anyone I smeared poop on the wall behind the headboard.

Editor's note: PoopReporters -- what is your first memory of poop? Please share.

141 Comments on "My First Memory Of Poop"

Redheadboypoopin's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Hahaha u pooped ur pants

Ginger boy

Redheadboypoopin's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I'm 10 years old I love when I poop it feels so good getting it out I take big dumps too

Ginger boy

Anonymous's picture

my first poo memory of pooping was when i was in the living room sitting on my potty seat and i stood up and i saw the brown poo in the froggy potty seat :3

PrincessPoopiesPowderpuffs's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

My first memory of poo, was about a poo that I didn't make.

My little brother was an avid turd terrorist, and used to go at the worst times....always on himself. In fact, he stopped shitting on himself the day of his Bar Mitzvah, and if you don't know how old boys are when that happens I advise you look it up.

Anyways, I was five and my brother was four. It was Yom Kipper and all the adults were very very busy during the most pious of JewCrew Conventions. My brother slipped away from our section with a wily grin, and stomped toward the bathroom. I just stared after him, amazed he actually was going to use it instead of just going like he usually did. Well, when he came back his hands were covered in paper towels and he was running his tongue across his teeth.

He has taken a shit in the toilet, just so he could pick it up and feel it. I guess he got extra curious and ate a bit to see what 'recycled food' tasted like.

He reports to this day that it tastes like old crayons. Roseart not Crayola.

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

You certainly picked an appropriate moniker, STUPID.

_______
"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

STUPID POOP's picture

My poop is the largest thing in the world... i think i prolly pooped at least a 8900 times. it feels so good when it comes out. I read on the toilet. mmm mmmm good!!!!

airborne582's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Starting school was my first vivid memory because it was terrifying. Using the urinals was ok but using the toilet was a different story. It was so terrifying I decided to never use them again. The problem with that was trying to hold on until home often didn’t work and my underwear paid the price.

Double Deuce's picture

One hell of a shitty story, sir.

Raggedmama's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Miraculously, I never did a shit in the bath as a kid despite the many times my mother put a suppository in me before (not after) bathing me.
I once tried the same on my daughter when she was constipated and unfortunately got a result - cleaning excrement out of a bath is no fun, at all.

Intergalactic Poop Explosion's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I'm not sure what would constitute my first poop experience, but I do remember taking a double bath with my brother when I was 5.

I'm not sure what my thought process was, but for what ever reason I decided to push out this massive floater while I was sitting down. At first my brother didn't realize what I had done because we were facing each other. But it didn't take long for this turds furled sails to let loose and begin its dangerous voyage through the hurricane condition waves generated by 2 barbaric giants.

Eventually it ventured out from around my back and caught my brothers eye. And he screamed for mom to come check out my deed. My mom seemed to be upset, but I wasn't to concerned with her reaction. I was more disappointed with how much my brother laughed at me as he threw me under the bus to embarrass me some more. What an asshole.

Anyways, my mom pulled the plug to the bath and I could see the stress of her day really start kicking in when the massiveness of this turd clog the tub drain. So I decided to do her a favor and put my finger down in and uncloged the bath tub. To may satisfactory I was successful, but my mom just seemed even more disappointed with me. I guess she just doesn't know a act of selfless service when they see one.

My other poop experience, which inadvertently involves my brother again, was at my Uncles farm. I was a little older now, more sensible then I was in the past. I had these old sweatpants I was wearing that I was quite fond of.

My uncle had a big Cesspool that we were throwing rocks in to watch the pile of cow shit slough around as rocks pounded the many surface types a cesspool has to offer.

(The surface type were hard and crusty, a cottage cheese solution, a thick creamy solution with the same consistency as egg whites, or ultra runny as if to be eggnog.
But the color was mostly brown and yellow.)

We hiked to the northwest coastline of the pool when suddenly my brother told me see how close I could walk to the edge. So I did, but when I got close he pushed me! Here I sank to my waste in cow shit before I was able to use my arms to pull my self out(he didn't even help me, he just sat back and laughed.

I was very disappointed, so I felt the need to exact my revenge on him and I chased him as fast as I could. Unfortunately when your wearing sweatpants caked with putrid shit, you can't run very fast so I threw my one remaining shoe at him which ended up missing.

When I got back to my uncles house, just as I walked through the front door my brother was in telling the whole family how I fell into the cesspool and everyone started laughing too hard at me to give me a chance to explain the truth.

That is about it for experiences for me, aside from the traditional crapping of pants as I'm attempting to power threw a big mac.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Person ... If there was a log I don't really think what you had could be described as diarrhea. Diarrhea is watery and literally gushes with great force from your derriere opening.

ghostly turd ... I find your comment hard to believe, even a child isn't that stupid.


_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Person's picture

I can't remember, but I must've been 5 or 6. I was sick with the fever, and I chose to go downstairs and see how my mom was doin'. I felt like I needed to fart, but it was diarrhea, I was wearing a nightgown (bad idea), so the log fell on the stairs. I can't remember if mom was angry about it, though.

ghostly turd's picture

Once I pooped in the night ( i was about 4 or five) and was wondering what to do with it, so I just stuck it in the fridge. The nex morning my mom was opening t5he fridge and all hell broke loose. I was grounded from everyhting for three weeks and they made me feel as bad as they could

i pooped my pants :('s picture

my first memory of popp was when i was 5 i was obsessed with wearing these blue pajama shorts and green top every where i went literaly i would go to the store cinema ectr anyway yours truely was going to his first day at school in his favourite outfit i had my mums “special” pancakes for breakfast huuuuuuuuge mistake plus i was nervous to meet new kids so there i was first day and we did all types os stuff dress up,bear hunt ectr when all lf a sudden i needed the toilet and i personaly hated my teachers so i was to nervous to ask for the potty so i held it huuuuuuuuge mistake no.2 (and yes that was a pun) about 15 mins later i felt the urge for a fart and being 5 an all i trusted a prfffffft diereah went every where on tge floor my seet my favourite outfit was coverd in it i burst into tears suprisingly i had to tell the teacher for her to notice i went over in tears and said “i had an accident !” so they had to call my mum to inform her of my “mess” i was given spare pair a trousers and a fresh t-shirt

Anonymous Coward's picture

I think I've always had IBS, and I remember going to my friends house for a sleepover and pooping my pants during the night. I was a sneaky one though, I just took my underwear off and hid it behind the toilet. Kind of sad, because the panties were rather cute, with angels on them. If her parents felt the same way upon finding them is anyones guess ;D

Poopybuttwipeturdlicker's picture

When I was little, my mom was getting ready for a road trip. I was in my crib, and my mom thought i was asleep. well, instead, i had pooped in my diaper, woke up, and started playing with it. My mom heard me laughing and came to check on me, only to find a filthy, poop covered child.

ozipoofan9's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Okay, here's my story,

I don't remember doing anything weird with my poop when I was a toddler, up to 10 or so, but I have a very clear memory of when I was around 13. Myself and 2 other kids who lived down the street used to hang together all the time. When we were old enough for pocket money, we'd sometimes pool it together and maybe get some fish and chips or whatever from the shop, go down to the local park and have a feast on the swings/playground with our parents none the wiser. Most of the time it was enjoyable, hanging out and being our own little gang (!), but ONE time, after such a good feast, we all felt our stomachs and bowels 'get angry' and all agreed to start the 10 min walk back home, via an alleyway. One of us said, 'It's no good, I can't hold it any longer, I gotta go now!' and quick as a flash, dropped his pants, squatted over the sand and pooped right there! Seconds later, the other friend said the same, and, yep, did the same, followed immediately by myself!! I remember all of us laughing at our awkwardness and being amazed at the brown snakes coming out our arses, and I have to admit, seeing them come out, inches away from me, gave me the WICKEDEST feeling ever, not horny, just naughty, taboo!!! We did it a few more times after that too, cos it was more convenient, but I remember giving up soon after cos mum wanted to know why my jocks were not completely clean, didn't I know how to wipe myself?? LOL enjoy everyone!

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Welcome to poopreprt, irritablebowelboy, we love diaper-related stories.
_______
...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

irritablebowelboy's picture

My earliest poop memories aren't particularly thrilling... Just diaper related memories. :-/

Quinroxanne's picture

Nice post. We all have hilarious memories about our poop. I love reading your articles.

upper decker's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Here's the earliest memory I can think of right now, and it's about mistaken poop... I was sitting on the can playing with Silly Putty to occupy my mind while pooping. As it turned out, I didn't have to poop, but I accidentally dropped the wad of Silly Putty in the bowl. I sat there for a few minutes wondering how to fish it out, and finally got off the seat. By reflex I flushed, though, and my Silly Putty went down the pipe! I probably cried.

Shiter's picture

My first memory of poop is when my bother was 2 and I was 4 and we were sharing a bath. My brother wasn't toilet trained at the time, and when we were bathing, he pooped in the bath. I remember screaming and screaming and screaming for about 20 minutes after being taken out of the bath by my grandma and I refused to share a bath with him ever again.

crapper in the rye's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Poop troubles have been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. When I was really little, like from the time I could make solid poop till I was 6 or 7, I was always extremely constipated. The doctors tried prune juice and mineral oil, but it only helped a little. Because of this, the poops built up and got so huge that the only time I was relaxed enough to pass them was in my sleep. So, we had a phenomenon my dad liked to call "the baseball poopies". At night, I would brush my teeth, he would tuck me in, and then invariably, when he came to wake me in the morning, there would be a perfectly spherical, baseball-sized turd in the middle of the floor. They were dry, so they weren't that smelly and didn't ruin anything. I never really got to see them because my dad got rid of them before waking me up, so I was pretty curious about them. They were a mystery to me. Then, one night, I woke up with one still tucked in the back of my underwear. I was very upset because they were my favorite snowflake underwear, and I didn't want them to get dirty. In addition to being upset, however, I was also fascinated by the fact that this gigantic thing had somehow come out of me without my noticing. It was perfectly round and admirably large. I really couldn't help feeling proud, like I had just laid an egg or something.

James_the_poo_inspector's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Mine happened in 1992 when I was playing hide & seek at a holiday house in Inverloch.
We were playing with some family friends' children, I was hiding under a bed with my friend Kendrick(he's a bit younger than me) and I pooped my pants without thinking. Kendrick could smell my poo and was understandably grossed out by it, he audibly reacted to it and moved away from me, giving up his hiding spot.
I then rushed to the toilet to wipe myself and clean up.

Maggie's picture

When I read Lainee's story from 10.23.2006 about her first shit at elementary school, I find one thing to be somewhat unrealistic. She goes into a stall, sees some pee on the side of the seat and concludes "Ooops, it wasn't going to work." Say what? When me and my friends were in grade school we'd enter the bathroom, quickly identify the open stall and quickly sit, shit and then often have to bum wiping paper from the girl in the adjacent stall. Preventing a bulge in our panties or a brown stream down our legs was what drove us.

poopapalloza's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

My first poop memory was when I was 5 or 6. (i'm guessing here so gimme a break)mother gave me an enema (why I do not know. My name is not Sybil, but hers is LOL) and I guess I was left alone and no one explained what was to happen (story of my life) and I had a strange feeling and I crawled under a bed and all I remember was this warm wet feeling engulfing the lower half of my body. I got up and did not tell anyone what had happened because I was scared and embarrased. Strange what our parents do to us without explaining to us what is gonna happen. I am scared for life and I hope they cleaned up the shite before they sold the house.

Russell's picture
l 100+ points

Something similar happened to me when I was six. But I didn't wipe it on a coat. I shat my pants by accident in the park and hid the turd in the little tunnel that connected the two parts of the playground equiptment.

Russell the shitting queen

asiansprinkles1's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Ha ha ha! They found poop smears a year later! That's hilarious! I was also intrigued by poop when I was a child.

The Uni-Shitter's picture

Let me tell ye what happened to me at the world trade center!! I was sittin at my office desk and i had my feet propped up on the shimmed wooden desk..and I was reading the New York Times and all the sudden I stopped!! I had a strange sensation to run down the hall and SHIT!! I had a cramp in my left center bowel!! It hurt like a mother fucker!! And before I could reach the appropriate bathroom the one with the big blue wheelchair on the door and a picture of a man..I had to let it roll!! I didnt even make it within a yard of the bathroom!! The shit tumbled out of my whitey tightys and become lodged at a 90 degree angle in bettween my manly hood and my pants..I let out a moan of agony because I was shittin on myself right in front of the Kerns bread man delivering bread to the kitchen..he offered me a token of sympathy his way of helping, a kleenex!! I fell to my knees shit deep in the floor and just layed there for a moment as the remaing shit made its way throught the anal cavity of my rectum!! Then I shit on myself again right there in front of everyone!! I cried!! I felt any sign of being a masculine man just drift away as so did my fellow co-workers!! As I shed my clothing and hobbled into the appropriate shitting staiton..and I waited there for assistance.

ShitFACED's picture

One of the fondest shitty memories I have is the time I was at the local Wal-Marts and I misinterpreted what I thought was only excess gas from the pinto beans I had ate the night before and ended up with what I like to call a "slipper"..It wasnt all that noticeable until I walked down the isle and dropped my purse and as I bent over my underwear moved with me and I could feel the load of shit inside them moveing as well and with a loud SPLAT it ran down my leg..and a chain reaction of people staring followed and all I could think of to say was "SHIT HAPPENS".

LolitaCassiePoo's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Yea... Dads rarely do it... At least in my house!!! I do feel bad for her though, because of the few times I've had to clean up dog shit and almost thrown up... I wonder if that's how my mom felt.

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

Holy crap that's funny. Moms get stuck cleaning up a great deal of crap, huh?


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

LolitaCassiePoo's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

My first memory of poop... Well, I think I was about 2 or 3 years old. I was still in a diaper at night time, (I think), to help prevent bedtime accidents. I know it sounds weird, but my memory IS a little foggy...
Anyways, my sister and I always seemed to wake up really early, even on weekends. This enraged my parents because the first thing we would do would be to run into their room yelling and screaming for breakfast. I always went to my mom's side of the bed.
On this particular day, my mom was taking a little longer than I expected her to. I started jumping up and down at the side of her bed. All of a sudden, when my feet hit the floor for about the 47th time, I felt my diaper get HEAVY. Then I just felt a warm mass touching my butt. Instead of breakfast, I wanted a diaper change! My mom said something to the effect of 5 more minutes, so I went for what may have been revenge, or just fun. I can't exactly remember.
What I DO remember doing was this: I went over to our hardwood uncarpeted stairs. I stepped all the way to the top step, to where my sister's and my bedrooms were. I'm sure my mom thought I was being a good little girl and going back to bed for a few hours, but that thought was sure to only be a distant dream.
I then partook in my favorite form of exercise at the time. I went down the stairs not using my legs or feet, but my butt! I slammed as hard as I could on each step. Now remember, This is my first memory of poop. I don't know if this was the first time I did it or what, but I knew there was poop in my diaper and I wanted it to SMEAR. I felt it squish all over my butt and the inside of my diaper. My mom awaited me at the bottom stair to see what all of the commotion was about. (I fell down the stairs a lot.) I thought she would be happy, but I was surprised to see the look of horror on her face.
There was poop on at least the past 5 stairs I'd slammed my butt on. It had oozed, or maybe exploded, out of those huggies. I smiled at my handiwork, then up at my mom. I didn't understand why she still looked horrified.
To my great dissatisfaction, potty trained commenced a week later. (Or sooner... My memories at that age have no sense of time.)

Oh, And daphne! I have a similar poop memory to your bathtub story, but it's not my first. I had to be about 5 years old at this time. My mom was blow drying her hair, and I was in a fun and bubbly bathtub, playing with my plastic bath toys and wash cloths and the like. I'd asked my mom to run the water a little high, I liked it to go up at least mid waist. Lately I'd found that if I lifted my butt up a little off the bathtub floor that I could slowly descend back down again through the bath water. It felt so nice and it was fun. I was doing this weird thing when all of a sudden on my way back down, I felt a hard lump beneath me!!! I kind of scooched my butt to the side to let the mass push away so I could sit on the bath tub floor. I looked at it through the bathwater, and realized it was poop! I didn't even remember pooping! I was afraid to tell my mom, so I just kept on with my bathing. I asked for more bubbles. My mom reluctantly gave in. I figured that if I made enough bubbles, she'd never know I pooped! Even though I was only 5, I started to get grossed out. I soon determined that getting prune-y fingers could wait for tommorrow's bath. I asked to get out and my mom started to towel dry me. The bathroom smelled of burnt hair, and I think that's why she didn't smell poop. Suddenly, my mother gasped. The bath water had all drained, and all alone in the tub was my poop. It was a little broken and was starting to dissolve, but it was pretty solid to begin with. For some reason she decided she actually had to ask if I pooped in the tub. Of course I thought I could get away with denying it, so I did. All else I remember is that I was in the bathtub again 5 minutes later, I guess after she'd cleaned it.

poop bot's picture

so here it goes
when it was my freinds 10th birthday party and he was having a sleep over. we ate lots of food played loads of games and we went to bed at 1 a.m. but that night i woke up at 4 a.m and i noticed i pooped my striped pajamas. the poop felt warm and there was a lump on my pj bottoms. i was about to walk to the bathroom when i had an idea for a prank. i got one of my freinds moms gloves. took the poop out of my bottoms and rolled my friend over gerntly and put it down his bottoms. i went to the bath room to cear up and in the morning they thought he shit the bed and never found out i did. ha ha ha

lauren54's picture
l 100+ points

When I was very little, I think I was still in diapers at this time, my mother used to have one of those old-fassioned typewriters you know the loud clunkiy kind that you can hear almost a mile a way. Well, according to my mother I used to hide behind that thing whenever I would have to take a shit."I'll shit when I please, not when you tell me to." Nelson Mandela

Everything comes down to poo.

MyNameIsPoop's picture

I know I'm a little late to the party but I have a few short tales of poo. My earliest poop memory comes from when I was 3 and ate an entire plum, including the pit. When I told my grammee she assured me that I would poop it out. I remember looking in the toilet everytime I crapped for at least a week looking for the pit. I actually shart myself pretty bad the day after my 27th birthday... all that belgian beer. Once I even crapped in a plastic bag when my roommate was hogging the bathroom one morning. I have to say, squatting is way more satisfying than sitting!

pristine-assed girl's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

This is probably not my first poop memory, but it's one of the earliest. I suppose I was about five and I was at the beach with my parents. I was playing on the sand when I had the urge to poop, so I told my mom. The restrooms where quite far from where we were, and my mom expected me to hold it till we got there. I remember her asking as she dragged me along "Are you ok? We're almost there", I said yes, but in fact it was too late, I had pooped in my swimming suit. Of course with all the running the turd started moving around my butt, acquiring the shape of a ball. When I reached the bathroom I remember the turd falling to the floor and me sheepishly saying "I'm sorry" to my mom. I can't recall what she said, but I think she didn't get mad though.

daphne's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardSite AdminComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatore 6000+ points

Oh Chief, you're not alone. Many of the military guys stationed in the east have come back to tell us how they were horrified to see how dogs are beaten, caged, and murdered for fur and food. Only a real man feels compassion for those who are helpless!

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

This is an inappropriate post in that it is not my first memory of poop but rather one of my kid's. My son was two years younger than my daughter and this happened when we were living in Alabama.

He had discovered that when he did something wrong it was best to try to blame it on his sister. This sometime worked but sometime didn't.

One time that his plan backfired on him was the day that he continued playing outside until he finally shit his pants. When questioned as to his reason for having pooped his pants he said, "Kathy did it." For some reason I thought he might be telling an untruth.

Daphne, you will possibly be reassured to hear that, even though I am an ex-military man, supposedly inured to suffering, I cried when I saw a TV special about how dogs in China are skinned alive to make little frills on coats for the American market.

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Flush-n-Run's picture

i might be in the wrong section for this comment, but i gotta say it. My oldest son (now 11) had a case of the runs and yet seemed to find the energy to try to push the cat through the screen on the window..long story short..on nice, cupped handed swat on the diaper to teach him a lesson and whammo! poo right out the top of the diaper and in my face! Needless to say i puked, and i always checked the bum first before a swatting from then on.

ADD Candidate's picture

After reading Lainee's story (10.23.06)I have to conclude that she got off easy if she avoided using the school bathrooms until her 3rd year. I don't know that they called it attention deficit disorder when I started school, but by today's standards I probably would have been diagnosed with ADD. Anyway, I had to crap on my very first day of kindergarten. I guess I didn't pay attention to the explanations by our teacher and the doors she opened to show us around the classroom. One of them was a unisex toilet and wash basin reserved for our class of about 30. When my dad had brought me to school that morning, he had shown me the main boys bathroom on my classroom's floor and how close it was to our classroom and the entrance/exit at which he would drop me off and pick me up. We would line up to go outside for recess, but I left the group and was on the stool crapping when our teacher came in about five minutes later. Being a male, I was embarrassed to have a female teacher walk in on me in a doorless stall situation, but she didn't scold me and I later realized she was just doing her job. She quickly walked me to the classroom, opened the bathroom door there, and showed me our reserved toilet. I got use to the privacy it provided to me when I took my initial public school craps. If anything, it was my much-preferred bathroom in future years, but I was forbidden to use it. Instead I had to use the much-larger boys bathrooms, sit in pee (my dad taught me to wipe it off first when I started complaining in about 2nd grade), and often take precious recess time for my daily dumps.

powersoak's picture

Major poop story from early childhood. My mom was sick and I was sent to spend the day with a family I barely knew. I could not have been more than 3. They had a couple of girls, my age and younger. We were standing in the living room looking up at the warm air grill and laughing and suddenly, my pants boiled over with an explosion of diarrhea, way up over the waistband and foamy brown. I was shocked, but not half as much as the lady who had to strip me, put me in the tub and wash my clothes. Since I was not feeling well and she had nothing that would fit me anyway, I was thickly diapered and put in rubber pants. She kept me in them until my father arrived much later to take me home, not wanting to risk another shit bomb from me. I was dry and clean when I was put back in my clothes to go home.

YourMom's picture

I'M YOUR MOM, HONEY. How many times did I have to tell you, do not repeat this tale to anyone! And now it's all over the internet.. tsk.

P.S: did you tell this little story to your "girl"? poor her, if you did!

LoveableHater's picture

When I was in fifth grade, the queen bee was named Delaney, (isn't that a last name?) and she was pretty damn mean to anyone who wasn't in her circle. Her sidekick, Irma (who named these poor kids? No wonder they were so mean) was even crueler.
Well, one day Delaney raised her hand and asked to go to the bathroom. About a minute later, I felt some stirrings and raised my hand too.
As I walked down the hall, I heard a faint noise, rather like a distant gust of wind. As I got closer, I realized it was a human noise. I wandered into the bathroom to find the door of the handicap stall open, with Delaney in it grunting and clutching the rail.
She didn't hear me, as her face was screwed up in pain.
Over the grunting, there were splashing and farting noises.
Horrified, I stood there for what seemed like an hour before Delaney opened her eyes and stared at me, horrified and appalled.
I stared back like a deer until I picked up my common sense from where it had fallen out of my agape mouth, and ran back to the classroom.
Of course, Delaney had made the mistake of torturing me on occasion, and so I passed a note to my best friend, "delaney was taking a gaint crap in the batroom! tell evry1, she was gruntin and stuff!". In my haste, I invented today's chatspeak.
The word spread throughout the class, and when Delaney came in a few minutes later, shaky and with no panty lines, the room lit abuzz with giggles and whispers.
I'd love to hear the story from Delaney's point of view. Maybe I should look her up and tell her to share it on PoopReport?
I can imagine the email now: "Dear Delaney--You should tell the Internet your digusting childhood pants-shitting story, even though I already have. Sincerely, the Girl Who Ruined Your Life."
Ah, revenge...

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

This is a second-hand memory (often-told story) about a niece by marriage, now a college prof and head of a department. When she was little, she stayed briefly with my wife's family (my wife, then fairly small herself, and her brother, then a teenager). Once during her nap apparently the niece reached in her diaper after pooping and smeared her poop over whatever she could reach. My wife and her brother came in and found her still smearing. Brother said, "I'll get her; you get the wall." Quite a cleanup ensued.

sittingpretty's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

This is not my first memory of poop. I was no older than five and no younger than three. We were across the street swimming at our neighbor's pool. They were boys. My memory is being in the bathroom when one of them poohed. I know I was small because the toilet rim was up to my chest. Anyway, I was standing there while he was poohing when I saw it come out of his woo woo (penis). I remember my curiosity because I knew physically that turtle shaped poot couldn't have come out of the tiny hole in his woo. Except I SAW ITcome out of his woo with my own eyes. He didn't flush so I stood there and stared at it for the longest time trying to understand how it got out. It was some years later before I realized that I saw wrong.

...And their flesh like dung. Zeph. 1:17

Bilgepump's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorh 3000+ points

Don't mind him, Pooper woman...actually, its my fault he's out again, I forgot to give him his geritol and maalox...Logjam gets a little squirrelly when he's stopped up. I'll just wheel him back to his semi private room with Prarie Doggin, they're roommates the Easy Rest Convalescence and Hospice Home. I sleep on the floor at the foot of their bed.

"One of the founding members of the Front Page Hyena Pack, and runs as its alpha male when the urge strikes him, which is often." Daphne (one perceptive chick)

Logjam's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Pooper Woman. You're really 15? I should warn you that most of the folks on this site (not me, of course) are really quite old. This means that they tend to be, in turn, crass, blunt, irreverent, perverted, jaded, obtuse, crude, petty, vile .... I could go on. You might want to think twice before spending much time reading what these losers have to say and certainly long and hard before engaging in any conversations with them. I'm different, as I say but then I'm in my early twenties, or at least some multiple of twenties. I forget. Oh, forgetful is another common characteristic of participants. And thoughtless.

Logjam

Pooper Woman's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

I definitely agree about running around in the undies--it also allows for quicker pulling down of the pants in emergencies ;)

My history of being a shameless shitter seems to go way, way back.

My first memory of poop was when I was three, maybe four. My mother had a few neighbourhood ladies over for coffee, and I had decided to visit the loo. Well, that was a great idea, as I pooped out a log the length of my arm! Of course, due to the length, it ended up a perfect J-shape. Bear in mind that my name starts with a J, and when you're that age, this is a big deal.

I was so excited over this that I didn't flush; I ran straight into the kitchen yelling "I pooped a J! I pooped a J!" and of course, tried to persuade everyone into taking a look. I don't really remember if I convinced them to or not, but my parents have never let me forget it.

heinzbeans's picture
m 1+ points - Newb

Hm,
difficult to trace my first one, I will put in two stories which I recall

the first being when I was about 6 or 7, the second one a few years later.

When I was around 6 we moved to Israel, I already mentioned the outhouse we used to have near the bus-stop in Nigels "Lav of my life", but I was a kid of nature and it so happened that on a day I was out with my mates, setting up tent a little outside in the village, which we did on a number of occasions in the summer months when that certain feeling came about me, yes I had to drop a load. given that before that day I hadn't been for a couple of days,so I reckoned it'd be so un-urgent, that I could wait, I however also knew, that if I pushed it back, it'd sit there for another 2 days which would then turn it into concrete and it would turn nasty big-time. What to do? Well, the next propper crapper was about 15 minutes away, definitely not an option. It seemed through freak chance that I wasn't the only one with the need, my best friend had put on that face, which I'd seen a few times before, which meat he was also in the neeed, I only saw one option, at least I had to find a place where I could do my business with a little dignity, I am not exactly shameful, but I don't wish to be watched by a huge audience, the generation gap being the biggest implication.
I grabbed the one toilet roll which my mum gave me and insisted that I'd use it in order not to return with skidmarks, mothers *eyeroll*.

I walked for about 20 yards downwind of our camp, when I noticed steps behind me, I swung around, and it was my friend, he evidently had to go as well. Oh well, my belly told me with a rumble time was not to be wasted so, TD and squat. We were there for some time and I definitely remember feeling much better afterwards, it was a rather huge one, it didn't hurt but it didn't end either.

With a face of victory I wiped before taking our shovel to cover it up and marking it with a stone for the benefit of the others.

As for the other, that was during our Turkey holiday and I was about 8, I remembered having staid behind in the hotel room cos I didn't fancy going to the market and rather go to the pool and watch TV beforehand, just after my parents left, I felt again the urge to drop a load, and so I went to the loo, I sat for quite a while, I pushed, nothing helped, I was about to give up and I got up, this seemed to have done the trick so I quickly resat, MY that was huge for an 8 year old, again not painful but slow, too slow so I helped it along.

so much for the two earliest ones which are clear in my memory, I have other memories which are however too hazy.

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