good story-----Some parents tell their kids about the birds and the bees-----YOU did this!

You're truly a devoted parent. I have a phobia about bees, so I would have 1) endured the smell in the port-o-john, and not gone anywhere near that trash can, or 2) told him to clean up his own damn self (well, ok, not really). They say bees are very sensitive to, and annoyed by, all kinds of smells.

Shitty sailcloth -- ha ha ha!

Very funny and well-composed story.

I would have made him shit in the woods. What a brat.

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Sir SamDamnit!
and the Knights of Poopsalot
http://www.myspace.com/saintcarnivean

How old is Eric, Sir C? Little Dumpster is 10, and this sounds almost exactly like something that happened to us about two years ago, minus the bees, thank goodness. Were you thinking "PoopReport" at the time?

You could have flung the poopie undies in the lake. Catfish love that stuff. That's why I won't eat them unless they're guaranteed grain fed. Somebody over in the next county from here once caught a 200 pound catfish in the river. When they cut him open, they found, among numerous other things, a large amount of freshly-ingested human feces.

I enjoyed your story immensely. DOO come again!

If bears shit in the woods kids can shit in the woods.The only catfish I ever admired is the late great Hall of Famer Jim "Catfish" Hunter.He may have pitched a few shitty games but nothing like that.

Sir C's, you're a more patient parent than I. Once the gear was all set out, there's no way I would have packed it all back up. Poop in the woods, kid!

Maybe that's why I don't fish. Or eat fish. Or keep fish. Or play Go Fish.

Did you catch anything after all that?

I'm with Sam. "Take your dump in the woods,ya little shit"

Though I agree that Erik should have gone in the woods, forcing him to go doo so could have traumatized him to the degree of creating a new shameful shitter. Something to do in the future could be to just go with him. Find a pair of trees, drop trou, and have a nice little father/son chat. That seems to me like it would make the little fella a bit more comfortable with crapping in public.

Ok, I just realized that some of what I said above could sound very very bad if taken out of context. So please, don't anyone take it out of context.
Please.
Thank you.

Sir Crapsalot, you have just earned the "Great Dad of the Year" award! Getting stung in an effort to save your son from shit humiliation!

Still, I don't blame the bees for getting pissed. I think I'd attack if someone threw a shit rag on me!

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Politicians- the world's biggest source of #2!

Good story Sir Crapsalot. I think Eric is a lucky little gaffer to have you as a Dad. Unless the kid has had an outdoors shit early in his carreer chances are it's gonna be very difficult to coax one out of him after 8 or 9 years old, they're to used to the creature comforts. Better that he knows his Dad's there for him than being forced to do something he doesn't feel comfortable with and could lead to mistrust later on.

There are a couple of lessons here:

1: NEVER eat anything from a flea market
2: Never tempt fate by looking for a toilet when you can go in the woods during a trip.

A rare fishing trip is something to be cherrished. I would have made him shit in the woods.... no questions asked. On the other hand, kids can be hard on us parents at times. Good for him your a great dad!

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Regional POWER POOPING CHAMPION 1988-2006
Poop Shooter!

Okay. I give this story a Bee-Plus. BTW, I just got a bee-mail from that hive. They are all still pissed off as hell!

TBW, sure you don't want to take that one back? I think Websters defines groan as : See comment above.

Yeah, but Bunga, the story was about a bee-m!

almost the same thing happend to me a few years back, do you know what i did with my son, i rubbed his face in it, he never pooped in his pants again, and to this day i call him shitty face peter, he crys once and a while but i bet he thinks its pretty funny

I cite above comment as prime evidence in the case as to why stupid people shouldn't breed.

I went to school with a shitty face peter, is he 42, living in Ontario and working as an addictions counsellor?

I second that motion, AB2K. Cruelty toward children and animals isn't funny--just ASSinine (misspelling intended).

Marcus, please consider sending your innocent offspring to live with a less-sadistic relative. And secondly, please sign up for an 'English as a Second Language' class.

Marcus, I can't wait to see what happens to you in a few years when you get too old to take care of yourself and are dependent on Peter to tend to your physical needs. I could see this as a mordant subplot for a Dominick Dunne novel.

Having made that ironic comment, I say in all seriousness that you, sir, are a disgusting, henious individual. How people like you can abuse the trust of those who, though smaller and helpless, are yet dependent on you, is incomprehensible. Even more revealing of your moral vacuity is the fact that you seem to think this is funny.

The only good thing to come out of an asinine comment like yours is that it reminded me to get off the computer for awhile and go help Little Dumpster enjoy his fleeting years of childhood and innocence, instead of robbing him of it as you did your own poor little boy.

I disagree Dumpster, I think this post by Marcus was funny, much like the character from So I Married an Axe Murderer treated his son poorly by comparing his large head to a watermelon on a toothpick. Marcus was just throwing out some warped humor is my guess, if he was serious I'll eat my shorts (not the ones with the shart stain though).

"Warped" would definitely be the operative word. You know by now, Bunga, that I have a pretty eclectic sense of humor, but it does not run to such subjects as child abuse and coprophagia.

Well, I would make an exception to the coprophagia topic if it involved you eating your shorts (especially the ones from Barcelona!).

Agreed Dumpster... it's one thing to be eclectic, but yet another to make shitty jokes or comments denoting harm physical or mental to children or animals or whatever.

I have always tried to treat my kids the way I wanted them to treat me. It does not always work out this way, but it's usually on my mind. I just wish they were old enough to support me, but mine are only 10 and 7 so I got a few years to go.

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Regional POWER POOPING CHAMPION 1988-2006
Poop Shooter!

Please, guys. Marcus is not a father. He is the abused son of some such father. In a way I feel sorry for someone who is so sick that he finds this kind of thing funny. This was probably done to him when he was little.

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Broccoli!

That doesn't excuse his own conduct, TSV. It has to stop somewhere. I still say the asshole belongs in jail.

Couldn't agree more. I just wanted to state for the record that no way would someone this messed-up actually be a father.

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Broccoli!

TSV, sadly, in this world such people are indeed allowed to breed. As this "Marcus" dickhead illustrates, all too many of them proceed to hang around and fuck up their children, too.

Reminds me of the story of the guy who sat his little son on the mantelpiece, held out his arms, and said, "come on, son, jump into Daddy's arms!"

The little boy jumped and the guy let him crash to the floor, splitting his lip and breaking out two teeth.

"There," said the guy. "That'll teach you never to trust anybody."

I guess my point is, some lessons aren't worth it.

Living in Hickville USA I see the retarded parents frequently. There really should be laws saying that stupid people should not be allowed to breed.

Question: In Tennesee if a married couple gets divorced, are they still brother and sister?

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Regional POWER POOPING CHAMPION 1988-2006
Poop Shooter!

If this "Marcus" prick was retarded, there might be something you could do about it. Regrettably, he appears to be possessed of the typical child molester's sick intelligence.

What I'd really like to see is this SOB spending about the next ten years in prison, getting his own fucking face rubbed in a fellow inmate's Mr. Brown.

Sheesh, guys, I had to slip in one of my trademark sarcastic comments under that post, I can't help it, it's just what I do, but let's not make too big a deal about it now . . . this "Marcus" guy is probably not a father or an abused son but a bored teenager with too much time on his hands, now laughing at us because we made too big a deal out of his most likely fictitious comment.

Translation: "Dumpster, shut up and wear beige."

I understand Marcus also fed his child ..................................................A FRENCH FRY!!!!! Good God Dumpster, could you get your knickers into an even bigger twist...sheesh!
Now I know how lynch mobs got such a bad name.

Bunga, maybe if I had somebody else's knickers to twist, I wouldn't get such a wad in my own. I just envision somebody doing something like that to Little Dumpster and it makes me madder than shit.

Speaking of Dumpster not getting any, the Tush melodrama has now come full circle. See my latest post under that link.

Furthermore, maybe Dumpster, in his current celibate state, is letting his imagination run a little wild, but see Poop Reporter Pairings?? on the forums.

I have an 8-year-old boy, and he would have pooped in the woods no matter what. But he has a much less than iron ass, so he rarely tries to prolong the agony.