Damn! She pushed for less than 20 minutes??? You sure it was her first? Just kidding. Lil' shitwit #2 was my VBAC baby and I pushed for just over an hour (he was also 8 1/2 pounds).

But back to your bowel's predicament: I can totally see what you're going thru. Any stressful shituation will stir up my innards much the same way as yours. Come to think of it, Mr shitwit took a dump during both of my labors with the lil' shits!

Do you still have angry bowels or have they aged gracefully?

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Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

Condoms are more convenient.

My son was a condom baby, smartass; it's not always the way it seems.

Levi, I applaud your being at your child's birth, and I'm sure you are glad that you were there, also. Not every young father is as together as you.

I attended a catholic school (and alot of good THAT did......). At the public school I would have attended, the homecoming queen in what would have been my class got pregnant by a younger kid, an excellent athlete from an extremely nice and popular, prominent family. She decided to keep the baby. To the shock and disgust of many people in the community, the father and his "prominent" family took the low road and decided to pretend that nothing had happened. She ended up giving birth by herself, and the father and his family pretended for years and years that the baby didn't exist. No acknowledgment, no visits from grampa and gramma, no love. It forever changed the way I saw them.

I saw her four or five years later out with a guy from the graduating class in front of ours - whom she ended up marrying - and she never looked happier. I remember thinking that the father of her baby really fucked up, and even more so his family fucked up by allowing him to ditch on such an amazing creation and the responsibility that should have been his.

Incidentally, I don't know how old your child is now; but when he starts driving, expect many, many more explosive cases of the shits if you are the one to teach him how to navigate in traffic. Bring diapers.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

I hope your son is doing great.My father was a bigger wiseass then me.When he stopped driving near the end of his life he would tell people in 60 years of driving he only had 2 accidents me and my sister.

Well said, Daphne.

IBS shits produce some very amazing farts as well. I am sure that toilet was permanently traumatized as was the girl using the bathroom based on her screams. So are you and your baby's mom still together? Come on....dish....dish
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The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

Glad you didn't miss the birth of your son. A friend of mine gave birth in one of those rooms where it's almost like a private room, and just 20 minitues or so after she gave birth, her bro-in-law went into the bathroom and took a massive dump, complete with farts and grunts. When he came out we all bitched him out for not using the hall bathroom, because the fart fan wouldn't even squelch that funk.

*wipes a tear* That was beautiful.

does every single post really NEED a sanctimonious comment from daphne? just asking.

to the op- good story! i'm glad you managed to avert the crisis and get back in time for the birth!

In a word, yes. Daph's comments are far more thought provoking, funny, or informative, than your well wishes to the author, even in this case, where the wishes are deserved. Now shut up and go read some more of Daphne's posts, you might learn something, change your mind about something, or just laugh your ass off.

There's nothing like a nervous stomach before a major life-changing event to spice up a poop story. Just be glad it was YOU who had the shits and not your girlfriend.

P.S. I'm glad to see a guy who can take responsibility for his mistakes. You sound like a real keeper. You sort of remind me of Gilbert after I told him the news. Always there, and he'll never leave.

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Born right the first time.

Yeah, be glad it was you and not your woman who had the shits at the time of birth. When our second child was born, DungMommy crapped all over herself, and the doctor, and the nurse. She pooped on the baby too. I still call that kid "Little Shit Head" for that very reason.

It's a name that has... kinda stuck.

Sanctimonious? You're Dumpster, aren't you, you sly, anonymous coward?

I think Daph is very insightful ANNNND shes cute too ;)
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The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

I think manpons should be required attire in birthing rooms. Well, at least in my case.

The Dumpster has indeed been spotted lurking in the forums, so it could be him on the front page, too.

I guess it's hard to quit the Poopreport.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

How, pray tell, AC, are "Condoms are more convenient"? Have you ever tried to shit in one of those things? Christ, it's tough enough to get Clark Kent into his Superman costume, but squeeze a turd of gargantuan proportions into one is impossible.
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Yo quiero Taco Bell.

DP, you have to get one of those sausage making attachments for your Kitchenaid.

Deja Poo is on a roll tonight. I haven't laughed this hard reading comments in days... Well, since the last time Bilge posted, anyway.

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Born right the first time.

I just turned 18 in march, and i just found out about 2 weeks ago now that my girlfriend is pregnant, and is having an abortion this comeing wed. Since she told me I've stood by her like I thought i should, but i cant really look at her or talk to her anymore because i think its completely wrong, and am feeling forced to break up with her over it. help?

Have you talked with her about how you feel about the abortion? Or listened to her reasoning? If not, start there.

Ahhh there is almost nothing better than leaving your smear test in the lab for someone else to stumble upon.

TIM HORTONS. Must be a local!

i was the only child my dad actually witnessed being born... of 6... he's in prison.

that thing with the 14 year old girl was funny as hell. i almost shit MYSELF LOL