Editor's note: This was originally posted as a comment on Taming Tremendous Turds: How I Successfully Flush My Super-Size Feces. I think you'll soon see why.
I am a fairly large man, under forty. It does seem strange that so many of the comments on these pages are from petite women. Maybe large men see this problem less? Or maybe being large men they don't share their feelings...? I digress.
I may be one of the only people to read these pages and not laugh. Mind you, I actually thought plenty of the writers were funny, but because of my recent experiences, I seem to be quite sober about what's happening.
Occasionally in my life, I've had very long feces. Three weeks ago, I had a four-day experience where I had to sit on the toilet every hour or so. I might have been suffering from some form of IBS or something, but it cleared up after those several days.
I think I am lactose intolerant, which is really bad for me because I love cereal and milk and, of course, ice cream. Because of this, I try not to overdo my dairy intake. It causes lots of strain and sometimes diarrhea. I have a few medications I take, and over the years I took one that made me very constipated. I had to adjust my diet, eat lots of fiber, and take a stool softener regularly, which helped. Luckily, the offending medicine is no longer part of my regimen. Lactaid and similar supplements seem to help get rid of the diarrhea, but they also seem to cause constipation.
This was the reason today that I searched and surfed the net, looking for some medical or clinical advice for what happened to me earlier today.
I spent about an hour on the toilet alone in my one-bathroom apartment, grateful that my roommates were at work. There was no question in my mind what the problem was: the diameter of my stool was far larger than my sphincter's usual opening. After vacillating between relaxing and straining, talking to myself, grunting, puffing, and involuntarily moaning, I only managed to push a few small turds out. I even lost the feeling in my legs from sitting so long. I tried heavy breathing like Bill Cosby did in his routine about Lamaze, but less comically, breathing in through the nose and out through the mouth. It didn't help much.
I thought sitting in the bathtub might help. Maybe the warm water would soften up what was clearly stuck. I don't think it helped either.
After straining for another thirty minutes, I was too weak to continue. And I was in a decent amount of pain.
I took a warm shower, as all the straining had made me sweaty. Wrapped in a towel, I sat in a regular chair for about thirty minutes. Finally I called my girlfriend and, embarrassed, told her what I was going through. I pondered aloud to her, "Maybe this is what an enema is for." She thought I should eat some prunes, but I was in no condition to rely on only that. Instead, I asked her to buy a stool softener and an enema. She agreed.
After about twenty minutes of waiting, I suddenly had an ache in my abdomen that felt like gas. I quickly got down to the bathroom and tried to relax my sphincter, which was still holding a too-large end of feces. I felt tremendous pressure, and decided maybe it was time, but it hurt a lot. I actually tried NOT to bear down. My body said otherwise.
After a few waves of this feeling, I decided to go for it. I pushed. Wow, did it hurt. I even cried out in pain. Finally I felt it move and there was a plop sound in the water. I was left shaking from head to toe. I tried to stand up over the toilet to relieve some of the pressure and again a big piece came out.
What I finally saw in the bowl was spherical. And big. And yet, didn't look that hard. When I realized more was coming, I sat down on the toilet already mentally feeling better; because even though it hurt a lot, I was making progress.
When my girlfriend arrived at the apartment, she called out to me, thinking I was upstairs in my bedroom. I managed to give a weak answer, so she didn't hear me at first. I told her to wait; I couldn't take any pills or try anything as "something was happening". I tried to suppress the resulting grunts and howls, but as my entire body continued to shake, I started pushing, and felt motion again. I just kept on pushing. At this point my pain didn't increase, it stayed the same.
Definite progress.
I just kept pushing. After maybe forty-five seconds there was a breaking point and I felt better. I stood up and looked down and saw a long snake of poop, probably two feet long but maybe more, as it had curled upon itself. More impressive, though, was its diameter. It was as thick as my wrist, at least three inches. I felt this strange combination of horror, pride, and relief. And I wasn't done.
Luckily the rest that came out was nothing epic.
By the time I was done, the bowl was almost full. I began to worry about how I was going to get it to successfully flush. My girlfriend suggested flushing to see what happened, but I knew from past experiences that this much poop was going to need some help. Plunging helped during the flush, but the water kept rising. I almost panicked, but after a few more stabs into the bowl the monster began to go down.
My anus is now very sore. I know I didn't give birth, but I have new appreciation for the work a woman in labor must do. I don't ever again want to spend what was more than two hours dealing with a bowel movement when I am not sick, and these two recent events have me concerned. See, I have a BM practically every day -- sometimes more than one -- and I had one yesterday.
So where did all this material come from? To quote Mr. Owl's announcer, "The world may never know."
I found this site while looking for advice as to what I should do if my poop diameter exceeds my sphincter's ability. If anyone has suggestions, please post. It's been about ten hours and I am still sore. I went down to the toilet again about two hours ago, thinking that the stool softener was kicking in; but after about five minutes of an occasional loud, vibrating fart, I felt done. All that ended up in the bowl was blood-dabbled toilet paper.
Tomorrow I'm eating oatmeal and going to the store to get some Metamucil.
Just in case.
