Bad luck having that affliction Erica, sounds both nasty and unpredictable.

Saying that, I`m going to have to try and shit myself next time I get pulled over for speeding - seems a very good tactic. I`d rather clean up the mess than get a big fine or ban.

Awful experience there, Erica. I have a couple of questions for you, though:
1) WHY did you even attempt to make it home? (I think I already know the answer). Any buddy of mine would surely not have minded me temporarily making his bathroom a Superfund cleanup site.
2) What lessons were learned?
3) How's the car? Did the shade of green match the interior?

1. Why would any sane person that KNOWS that dairy products tears up there guts ingest dairy products?

2. It's hard to believe a cop would let you go for doing 70 in a 35. That's a good bust for any cop and even if this was a hick town, I'm sure most cops have seen or smelled worse.

3. I actually had a friend who had an urgent need to shit and was racing home, got pulled over, shit himself and got arrested because he had a suspended license and a warrant. Even with shit in pants the cop put him in the backseat of the police car, and my friend said he reeked.

I'm not sure if this story is legit; you may want to stick to being a poop reader.

OK, moderator, paste my "lame comment" sticker. Thank you.

1. because not ingesting dairy products is damn near impossable, unenjoyable, and not fun. Plus, it usually doesn't happen that badly.

2. yes it happend. sure, its a good bust, but I'm guessing he knew I had bigger problems at the moment.

3. Maybe your friend had his plates scanned before he was pulled over, the cop knew that he was driving illegally and pulled him over.

4. i dont care if you don't like my story. It happened.

This would probably NOT work for me....just the kind of luck I have. LOL. I am glad it did for you.
Producing waste since 1967

Erica - how about MY questions, my dear...if you would be so kind.

1. I feel your pain Erica. I'm allergic to milk (NOT lactose intolerant...allergic to milk protein). And it IS damn near impossible to completely avoid it.

2. Using a bathroom emergency is the oldest trick in the book to avoid a simple traffic ticket.

3. Lately it's also damn near impossible to entertain doniker with a story...I'm beginning to think someone's going to need to re-write the Bible to make him happy.

I thought your story was good...but I did wish it was a little better written. A story of such disasterous proportions had tons of potential.

_______
No no, honey. Kitties don't sit on the potty.

Erica - AWESOME read. Poor lactose intolerant shameful shitter. You know a great way to break out of the shameful mold? Shit outdoors, in a crowded public place (one you'll hopefully never return to, for legal reasons). Once you do that, crapping in a buddy's toilet will never seem daunting or intimidating.

Doniker - You're a jagoff. Have you posted one single response to a poopreport in the past 3 weeks that didn't accuse the writer of being a liar? Why do you believe peoples' ridiculous and incredible stories are all lies? You must have the most unspectacular life possible to automatically assume that anything spectacular that happens to another human is bullshit.

Log off the internet and go do some crazy shit, have fantastic tales to tell about it, then come back and quit calling innocent poopreporters liars.

_______
the Pirate Master Rot Bottom.

Seems to me that you would have shit on your "fun bits" in this episode. Your biscuit should have a biohazard warning label on it for 6 months.

Erica - no questions from me!! Fantastic story though!! I loved the bit where he just told you to 'watch your speed in these parts'. I think I might have added that there seemed to be no further reason to hurry! Seriously, I've had the old blue flashing lights a couple of times, and its almost enough to make you lose control on its own, isn't it!?

I wonder how this looked from the video camera that's usually located on the hood of every police car in the country now.

Policeman approaches car, possibly pulling the snap off his firearm, because speeders going this fast might have been involved in something illegal. Said policeman goes to window, leans over seeming to ask for license and registration, sniffs noticeably, and then backs away from the vehicle as if he had been smacked in the face with an invisible sock filled with horse shit. Policeman gives a motion of his hand in the direction of the driver while still backpeddling.

Policeman approaches car, green in the face with a look of shock glued to it and disappears to the left of the screen. Heard on the audio is "Jesus Christ Almighty".

Tires screech; the screen goes black.

Fine'

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Thats an impressive dump though very embarassing. I am not lactose intolerant thank god BUT certain foods produce epic dumps no matter what I do. I know if I had shit myself in that car it would have been everywhere too. I often wonder...... when you completely lose control do you just sit back and enjoy the relief? I know I would in fact I would probably just say frig it and lean into it I might as well get it all out its too late now.
_______
The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

The answer to your question Thunderous is, yes - that is exactly it!! If you have to let a bit out, you might as well let the lot go, and enjoy the relief!!

It's amazing how fast hard-packed becomes soft serve, eh?
I'm so sorry you shit yourself in your car, much less in front of a cop. I can see a Lancaster County cop letting you off--it is kind of a hick area (I am from near there, originally)and while this certainly would have made his month, he most likely did not want to have to deal with the smell and the lingering shitstains in the back of the cruiser.
I am lactose intolerant as well (it used to be an allergy), and I understand too well that sometimes, even the most delicious ice cream novelties can turn into something from a Stephen King novel--that is, if he wrote about shit.

_______
Assaulting toilets and loving furry creatures since 1977!

Great story Erica. Thanks for sharing! You have my sympathy. If people took the time to do some research, they'd see that some kind of dairy product is in nearly everything we eat. I feel for you.

Erica, that was a good story. And don't mind Doniker. He called one of my stories fake once, but that's OK. He has to call it like he sees it.

It's possible that the pig was near the end of his shift and didn't want to bear the experience.

I can't beleive you actually wrote it. I seriously can't. That night you told me in such horror, such disbelief I thought you'd never tell another living soul. I am so proud. Viva la Grusome Twosome!

Good story. You hit all the key humiliating nightmarish elements. Things got worse and worse and then the dreaded worst of the worst happened: You catastrophically crapped your pants in front of a witness.

But you know what, you lived to tell the tale and proved once again that shit always washes off. (I too am curious though about your seat covers. Did they clean up?)

Sorry you have such a treacherous ass. Enjoy life anyway and report your disasters here.

i once shit myself during first grade and had to hide it for 5 more hours i know how you feel its absolutely terrible.... funny story though it made my day thank you por posting people like doniker may say its not true but this story is just to funny to think that anyone could possibly make it up ...great story keep postin if you have more i liked it
_______
i have met many people that talk like asses but i have not met many asses that talk like people

Drippy, English is your second language, isn't it?

AD - this is the internet! We must embrace diversity!!! Perhaps Dave should arrange translation services ...

Hamster, unfortunately people that learn English as a second language usually have better grammar than native speakers.

I was just trying to see if Drippy responds to comments or justs posts drivel and leaves...

AD - second one definitely!!! Our comments are wasted - as a friend always says, 'cast ye not pearls amongst swine!'

Brits . . .

Sweetie,

You might also want to avoid the Buffalo Sandwich @ CiCi's just down the road in Elstonville. Specifically you want to avoid that sandwich and a milk shake. That combo sent me flying back to my hotel in Manheim MANY MANY times!

_______
Hello. I'm Johnny Splash.

GG - did you not like my quote!!?? I thought it most appropriate. Frankly, I find DDYL's writings illiterate drivel and think the site would be better without them.

Besides, don't knock your fans - there are plenty of my fellow Brits who are anti-American for you to have a pop at!

Let's try to be consistent here, Hamster. On the 16th you endorsed diversity; today you want Drippy's comments flushed. Which do you prefer? I see Drippy's posts as almost "stream of consciousness" stuff with little or no pre-processing; spelling/grammar/punctuation is optional. I agree that they're generally weak, but the flushers must see something they like.

Erica, I feel your pain. I've wondered a few times while speeding home if I'd get pulled over and poo myself. How terrible for you.

As far as the cop goes, you guys, is it not possible that he is a human being with some degree of compassion, and not just lazy?

Didn't Drip Down mention in one of his posts that he is 15? Or am I mistaken? Drip, a word of unsolicited advice: People will respect you more if you take the time to capitalize and punctuate. No caps is so newb.

Okay, people, we're off-topic, but let's address.

My understanding of the value system here is that while we're NOT into censorship or elitism, we ARE into quality discourse.

So, even though questionable comments may get approved, they may also be "lame"'d. It's a checks and balances thing.

Thanks G3. Good clarification.
Hamster: my apologies to you for what I read as inconsistency. I re-read the thread a couple of times, and I believe I'm detecting the scent of sarcasm in your 8/16 post. Sarcasm doesn't always translate clearly into the typed word...but my bad, none the less.

Fudge - no apology necessary!!! You are right about sarcasm - and sometimes humour - they don't always read as you meant them!

A river ran through you. A hot fetid fecal river.

I agree wholeheartedly with Doniker's assessment of this story. Methinks it is largely a fabrication.

With that being said, there was one aspect of it with which I identified:

"And not just any shit, but a giant, green messy liquid, a putrid death-defying smell. It was everywhere. All over me, the seat, my clothes, up my back. . ."

This one time I got a bad case of the shits on the way home from work. As soon as I got into the apartment I ran like a madman to the shitter and proceeded to let fly a horrific explosive diarrhea that defied the very heavens in its volume and depth. Not only did I blast and splatter molten liqui-shit all over the inside of the bowl, turning the water a horrifying brownish-green and spraying chunks of turd all over the underside of the seat, but a second blast, during which I leaned forward to exact more force against my bowels, sprayed up the seat and onto the toilet tank. The smell was that of a putrifying pig corpse mixed with rancid gorilla vomit and death warmed over.

_______
"...human shit has more of an almond, or perhaps a macadamia flavor to it. I hope you will all take my advice and really consider tasting your poop some time, as I have. It's really quite an experience." - Ratz

I'd say the smell was very appropriate TT - did you bother to clean it up, leave it for someone else, or is it still there?

Hamster, Turdgutson is just channeling his mama giving birth to him.

Hmmm!! Not the best day's work she ever did, I wouldn't think, since you mention it ....

Hamster, I am LMAO at your last comment!!!!
_______
Assaulting toilets since 1977!

Erica, I've gone over many of those Lancaster county roads that you describe. I lived in Kennett Square for about a year and would always take a drive in your neck of the woods. I went "hill hopping" with my old car when I REALLY had to pee badly and was so petrified I'd have an accident while trying to avoid an accident! I would have been mortified to see the "blue-blue-blue in my rearview"! Sorry about the seats... did you sell the car shortly thereafter?

_______
Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

SHITS - well worth the effort then!!! Even if I was really motivated by disgust!

for any of us whos bowels have more 'personality' than those of people who maintain a healthier diet this story is one of our worst nightmares. erica, im sorry things had to end so messy for u, although choosing between shitting yourself and a hefty ticket all depends on if u have cloth or leather seats, but the true torture of gettin pulled over is the time those bastards make u wait while they check ur license and write the ticket. if ur strong enough u can wait them out and make it to the crapper. but if the feeling is overwhelming then u better hope the pig lets u cop a squat behind ur car. and if u have a warrent then its gonna be a long soggy, smelly, shitty night.

thanx for sharing erica, becuz this, as horrible as it is, is something that could happen to absolutly anyone. from the shameless to those with lots of shame, to men and women on either side of the lactose line, from tofu loving rabit pellet shitters to alcoholic grease burger stall bombers...

ironically its our shit that unites us...

_______
oh man, i feel soo much better. i think i lost a few pounds... dont even think about going in there for at least 20-30 minutes. dont worry, i left the fan on.

Erica- Omigod...I am sitting here LMAO at your hilarious story! It's Murphy's Law: Shit happens at the worst possible times. I'm sure others have suffered through the same predicament,but didn't have the scraps to write about it.