You must be a real wimpy candy ass. Why?

1) This is hardly a "perilous situation". You would probably wet yourself if you were in any real danger.

2) Do you fear your parents so much that you couldn't ask your mother to let you use the toilet for a minute?

Finally this story lacked drama, style and was somewhat boring. I would probably find reading a plumbing manual more exiting.

The only interesting and funny thing was imagining you walking though your house with a pan of shit; if you would have elaborated on that part of this tale more the story could have been saved.

On a scale of 1 to 100 I give this story a 37.

Desperate is when the dook starts climbing back out of the bowl to attack you. Sorry to say, but yours was a mere inconvenience.

Of course I was in no "real danger". She was pressed for time, I decided that it was best if I did not interupt her further. And no, I didn't fear my parents. I guess I had respect though. Lastly, most people would find it rather odd if someone was walking around the house with a pan full of shit but, this is a free country, you are entitled to your own opinion.
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Jammin' lo'flo's since 1977.

Now, boys. We're all friends, here. Shake hands (wash, first).

This was a good first story. It wasn't, perhaps, laugh-out-loud funny, but it shows potential!

I think doniker's right (did I just say that?!?), Healthy: You maybe could have used some pooetic license to jazz up the funny bits.

But it was well-written and *ahem* flowed nicely.

Thanks GGG, I'll keep the pooetic license in mind. I don't mind if the boys bust my balls a bit. Hey, he could have given me a 36. By the way, the unflushable toilet will be repaced soon. On second thought,it may help me brush up on future stoiries, maybee I will reconsider.
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Jammin' lo'flo's since 1977.

Next time you shit in a pot, throw in some finely chopped onions and peppers, ketsup on top and pass that 10" dookie off as a meatloaf

I'm curious exactly what good is a toilet that isn't connected to the water or sewer. Is it leftover from a remodel? Family heirloom like Al Bundy's Ferguson? I guess any room in the house is a bathroom as long as you have your roasting pan handy.

Oh, and Doniker finally made me laugh on comment #1 above.

The "disconnected" toilet was part of a remodel in progress. After that incident, it was connected rather quickly. I think I'll pass on the meatloaf idea, we have enough politicians up here. ouch.
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Jammin' lo'flo's since 1977.

It may have seemed uneventful, but it is a good, solid story of man triumphing over poop, continually adapting to every twist in the situation and reaching the goal.

While it could have been spiced up a little more, this was a great first effort, and I didn't mind readint it at all. I think doniker was being a bit harsh (first comment), but I can see where he is coming from.

healthy 1, I can see you're off to a decent start. Keep it up.

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Damnit, someone stole my signature!

I like the logic and reasoning people use when faced with panic or crisis. Hauling a pan filled with poop inside the house is funny.

This story wasn't much, but it's better than nothing. I Thought it was quite odd that someone would shit in a roastpan, one would wonder why you didn't just go outside and drop the kids off at the pool. Good first effort, put a little more detail and hooklines in to it next time. Peace

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Big DJ Industriez Inc.
www.bigdjindustriez.tk
I'm not a whore, you are.

K2 have become experts regarding the imfamous corn poo debate.

Healthy1 scores a big thumbs up from me. Just the thought of shitting on a roasting pan and walking through the house with it had me laughing out loud. Maybe I'm a dreamer but I could even imagine a dull thud as the dook dropped on to this pan. There was no drama missing doniker, just your imagination. I full well expected Healthy1 to be confronted with his pan of poop by dear old Dad with a "what's cooking son?" but it didn't happen and moved on to the task of getting rid of the beast. I've always found tales of shits that take on a life of their own to be quite enjoyable, so Healthy1 please disregard your critics and accept my congratulations on a tale well told.

I definitely agree with Doniker. A little common sense could have saved you from a hell of a lot of inconvenience.
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"...human shit has more of an almond, or perhaps a macadamia flavor to it. I hope you will all take my advice and really consider tasting your poop some time, as I have. It's really quite an experience." - Ratz

H1 - I have to give you credit, I would have never thought to poop in a roasting pan placed in a non working commode. Way to adapt and overcome. Oh, and for those who think this story lacks drama, try sticking your gloved hand down a full toilet to wrestle with the beast in the trap. As the late great Steve Irwin would say, "Crikey, isn't she a beauty? I think I’ll stick my hand in there and pull her out." Also, the thought of you walking through your house with a pot full of poop was funny. What would have happened had one of your parents stopped you to inquire what was in the pot. (Hay, what’s funnier than a roaster full of poop?)

I like the fact that doniker gave it a "37" because it gives me the impression that he truly has a scale with which to measure stories totalling 100 points in all.

And I like the fact that this dude shit into a roasting pan, too. I see that ubiquitous black, flecked roasting pan in my mind that everyone in the world seems to have for meatloaf and roast beef and turkey. And from that, I see one hell of a mean t-shirt.

All in all a funny story with funny comments.
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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

What I liked about this story is that it is simply a story involving an odd poop situation. Not over dramatic, not embelished, just man v. poop. Most of us have been in the "all the bathrooms are occupied and I've got to go now" situation.

For a while, my old roommate would spend 45 minutes getting ready in the morning and on many occasion I've had the urge to drop a chalupa. Fortunatly I had two plans: 1) I could go downstairs to the office and use the nice, clean, one pooper public restrooms, or 2) If it was a more urgent situation I would just get a few small garbage liners, squat, release, tie a not and throw in the dumpster on my way to class.

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Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

This is one of the reasons for people who are building their own homes to put in "powder rooms". One could get ready with the hair spray, the shaving, and all that "powder room" crap and still leave the toilet free because it's in its own little room.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Nine Inch Log, did you not have a sink equipped with a garbage disposal? I've often thought that would make an acceptable alternative to a crapper in a desparate situation. In fact, it would be even less messy than a urinal shit.
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"...human shit has more of an almond, or perhaps a macadamia flavor to it. I hope you will all take my advice and really consider tasting your poop some time, as I have. It's really quite an experience." - Ratz

Nice story. I have a few questions. Where did the glove and pan end up? Why not use a plastic hanger? They are somewhat pliable.
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Sir SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

The glove ended up hitching a ride on a garbage truck. The pan was cleaned, scrubbed and went back into prior service (to catch water dripping out of a leaky basement faucet). The turd was firm enough not to stick to anything, and the paper towel protected the pan. As for the plastic hangers, my hangers are made of a fairly rigid plastic (5/16 thick), and are moled in one piece. It would be tough to get the hanger up the toilet trap.

Jammin' lo'flo's since 1977.

turd, I cannot imagine putting a giant grogan in the garbage disposal. Even though it's going to the same place, the fact that there would be poop swirling around under my sink is just too bizarre!

Would you really do this? I want to put up a poll......

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Turd, I never thought about that. I think I side with daphne on this though. I don't think I could ever shit in my sink. MAYBE if it was an extremly desperate situation I might consider it. I can just imagine the roommate walking out of the bathroom to witness my chalky white ass hovering over the whirling blade o doom.

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Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

Based on Turd Turdgutsons previous posts and signature line I don't believe any of us can rule out anything when it comes him and shit.

You guys are missing the genius of Turdy's idea. We should certainly not be shitting in the sink, but why not invent a Toilet Disposal? Can't you just picture it?

Your tampon, giant turd, or some hooker's hand won't flush? Just flip a switch and turn on the Toilet Disposal!

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Sir SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

Exactly. Install a whirling 'blade o' doom' in the throat of the toilet, and you won't have to worry about overflowing the bastard every time you put one too many sheets of your favorite toilet paper down the shitter.

Finances an issue? Climb up on the counter, and shit in your garbage disposal-equipped sink. Worried about blowback from the blade o' doom? Wait till after you've dismounted to turn the thing on, genius.
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"...human shit has more of an almond, or perhaps a macadamia flavor to it. I hope you will all take my advice and really consider tasting your poop some time, as I have. It's really quite an experience." - Ratz

Oh great, blowback from a clogged toilet. seat up or down, it'd be fascinating either way.

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Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

So THAT'S how all the spinach got E Coli!

Pooping in the garbage disposal.Not only will the shit hit the blade, it will also hit the fan when your significant other sees you sitting over the sink, with your drawers dropped. The solution to toilet disposal blowback, have a device that sucks everything through, as it gets ground up.
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Jammin' lo'flo's since 1977.

Call me crazy, but I think some version of the old outhouse would be really good. All you have is a hole--no pipes to clog, no bowl to overfill, just a hole. It doesn't clog or make a mess. It's too bad there isn't some way to have a simple hole like that inside the house without having the smells that come with it. Simplicity can be very brilliant, while at the same time it sometimes stinks.

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Damnit, someone stole my signature!

The smell of a conventional outhouse could easily be overcome by the installation of an incinerator underneath the crapper's hole. Push a button or yank a handle when you're done, and your dook gets instantly immolated by a three-thousand-degree furnace.
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"...human shit has more of an almond, or perhaps a macadamia flavor to it. I hope you will all take my advice and really consider tasting your poop some time, as I have. It's really quite an experience." - Ratz

Great idea, turdgutson! You could even use it to heat your house or generate a portion of your electricity.

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Damnit, someone stole my signature!

Pretty good story for the first time around. We too had a toilet down in the basement that wasn't used very often b/c it had a leak that made it run all the time. So we just got used to having a single bathroom house. That's changed since we moved "back home" and have installed new guts in that toilet so it really works now. No more desperate moments while someone else is shitting and you're contemplating pooping in the snowbank!

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Brown tidings I bring
to you
from my ring

Your story had me laughing out loud so I give this 2 thumbs up! Good job dude, keep it up and ignore those who try to suck the fun out of everything.

Isn't the point here to share poop stories and not worry so much about writing the perfect essay?

I find it funny that doniker makes such harsh comments when in reality it's his stories that lack drama, style and are quite boring. Personally, I find a more down-to-earth report of the events more enjoyable to read than someone TRYING TOO HARD to produce a well written story that is nothing close to well written. Just keepin it real.

Thanks AC, I guess it is just a matter of personal preference. Some people like dramatic stories, others like down to earth stories. I will be adding a bit more humor to future stories, but the rest of my stories will be written very similar to this one. My goal is to make the readers of my stories, use their imaginations. This is why I sometimes provide specific details, I want the person to imagine that they are there. There is a story (I think in Eternal Debates) that talk's about Germany and poop. They teach their kids that poop is "bad". My parents had a good deal of German in them, and were old school. You don't walk around the house with a pan of shit when you have "old school" German blooded parents. I didn't bother my dad because he was having trouble with his IBD (Inflamatory Bowel Disease)/(Crhons Disease). My stepmom was in a hurry and wanted full privacy when she was in the shower. I respected that. So, I improvised.
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Jammin' lo'flo's since 1977.

Deaths

Unflushable toilet 48

The unflushable toilet died at its home on October 17, 2006. It leaves behind one son, turdchopper.

Born in 1958, the unflushable toilet was a prominent member of the Kholer family however, unflushable fell victim to a remodel and a more efficient toilet.

Funeral services will be heled at Harvey's landfill in Westborough Mass.
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It's not nice to fool mother nature.

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juicyturds
you maintained and stuck it out and got results
good job

WOW. you are a schoolgirl sissy with a diaper rash. I can recall my first time having to shit in a bar with a pissed up seat. I refused to sit. I tell ya, feeling that soft warm nugget land in my hand was euphoric. as I finished crapping in my hand ( and pulling a turd outta your own butt is quite tantalizing) and prepping to toss it in the trash can under the restroom sink, I could smell the demise of my foe. Man up pee pants.