Stories About Poop
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Poo-Poo Platter
Submitted by Nietzsche
May 19, 2014, 4 Comments

Author's Note: This is my first submission to Poop Report, even though I've been browsing for over five years and anonymously browsing for longer. We all know how the story ends: not with redemption, but with "I couldn't believe it. I thought these stories were apocryphal. I shat my pants." If...

The Walmart Horror
Submitted by Anomalous Coward
May 12, 2014, 0 Comments

The other day I was in Wally World picking up a few odds and ends when the need to rid myself of some coffee arose. I ambled to the back of the store and entered the Men's room. It looked pretty much like any Walmart crapper; wet paper towels on the floor, both urinals covered with plastic bags...

The Last Guest
Submitted by prarie doggin
May 9, 2014, 2 Comments

Editor's note: This story and many other stinky ones like it can be found in a thread in the Fart Forum of our PoopReport Forums. One Christmas Eve we had an open house. As one of the last couples was leaving, the guy said he needed to use the bathroom. I thought it odd because they only lived a...

Netvibes For Poop: Berlin Veterinarians
Submitted by daphne
October 30, 2013, 5 Comments

In case you did not know, iGoogle is shutting down in a few days. As a loyal fan to the little fox in the Teahouse theme, I was very sad to hear the news. Yes, I can keep my Gmail account open to see the theme, but it would be nice to find a new browser home page that hosted the theme. It was...

Terrible Real Estate Agent Photograph an
Submitted by daphne
October 23, 2013, 3 Comments

My brother clued me in to a gem of a blog to me last week. The blog, terriblerealestateagentphotos.com, is as it sounds; it is a blog to which some genius British individual with a wonderfully dry British sense of humor posts terrible real estate photos that are sent in by the adoring internet...

A PoopReport Short: Septic Scammer Tric
Submitted by daphne
September 3, 2013, 5 Comments

In what I hope is the final installation of daphne's Septic Tank Poopgate 2013, I wanted to share with you a piece of information that a technician from our septic company told me today while he was installing a floater tree in our septic pump. One of the biggest scamming tricks that septic...

My Septic Guy
Submitted by daphne
August 29, 2013, 5 Comments

We have been having trouble with a sewer/stinky home perm smell in the bathroom closest to our drain line, as you may have read here. It took me a few days to determine that the bathtub in the kids’ bathroom was draining slowly because some dunderhead was not using the plastic hair trap I bought...

Ass Exam 102: Chief Endures A Butt Scop
Submitted by ChiefThunderbutt
August 22, 2013, 12 Comments

I was in a somewhat grumpy mood as I walked groggily into the living room on Thursday morning. I hadn't eaten for a few days, sheer torture for a fat man who is something of a gourmand. My wife had fed the cats. They all had their fuzzy little heads thrust into bowls of some kind of kitty...

Remembering Monika
Submitted by daphne
July 31, 2013, 3 Comments

This week the wild animals of Hardin County, Kentucky lost their biggest supporter, and the world lost a wonderful person. My former boss, Monika Wilcox, died from injuries sustained from a fall in her home. I worked at her wildlife rehab from 2000 to 2002, and during that time, I learned more...

The U-Turn
Submitted by billbixby
June 18, 2013, 3 Comments

I was hungover. I had tried to sleep for a couple hours but sleep wouldn't come. I was in that wretched, maudlin phase of a hangover -- feeling too lousy and beat to hell to do anything worthwhile, but not able to just sleep it off. It was the late afternoon and I had a party to attend that...

Bird Attack At The Piggly-Wiggly
Submitted by ChiefThunderbutt
June 18, 2013, 3 Comments

There was a bloodcurdling scream from the vicinity of the produce aisle. The employees grabbed their weapons and responded as fast as possible but alas, it was too late. The prone corpse of a diminutive old lady was on the floor, being stripped of the last morsel of its flesh by hundreds of...

The Poop Story That Almost Was
Submitted by ChiefThunderbutt
June 4, 2013, 0 Comments

Editor's Note: Sometimes we are so afraid that we almost shit ourselves. Almost. Here is one of those times in the life of our beloved and venerable Chief Thunderbutt. This isn't actually a poop story . . . but it almost was. It was many years ago, shortly after I had left the air force. I...

A PoopReport Short: Recycled Purina, Re
Submitted by Anonymous
May 8, 2013, 3 Comments

Last weekend, my dog almost ruined a picnic. Let me tell you about my dog: Taco is a Chihuahua with an appetite for his own poop .. and other dogs' poop ... and any cats' poop. I have to pick up his poop right after he drops it or he goes after it. Sometimes he poops and I miss it, but I know...

Beach Buried Treasure
Submitted by Redheadboypoopin
March 18, 2013, 1 Comments

Editor's Note: This was submitted as a garbled, unintelligible mess. I deciphered it as best I could. When my friend and I were both kids (when we were nine and ten), we went to the beach one summer with our parents. We played in the sand and swam in the water while our parents did their thing...

The Shitty Of Brotherly Love
Submitted by Log Layin' Lady
March 13, 2013, 4 Comments

My childhood home was not a place where people farted at the dinner table: It was the home where the bathroom always smelled like air freshener because someone was always dropping a turd that he or she had been holding in all day in there, and no one had better had gotten even a minor whiff of it...

The Midnight Breakfast
Submitted by MudChucker
March 7, 2013, 4 Comments

I placed my microphone down on the desk, and as I stood up from my chair I could feel the weight in my bowels shift with gravity. The time had come. I made my way to the toilet and looked despairingly at the seat. It had been broken by Ben about three weeks ago., and as I squatted down, the icy...

New Year's Eve Ball: An Update
Submitted by Anonymous
January 15, 2013, 8 Comments

Editor's note: Two weeks ago we received a story from an unfortunate soul who popped a New Year's Day hemorrhoid. He took the time to send us an update, and it's positive. Dear Daphne and Poop Report, Good news, kind of. I guess. After agonizing for a few days over the pain, I sucked up my...

New Year's Eve Ball
Submitted by Anonymous
January 3, 2013, 19 Comments

Most people bring in the new year with aspirations of change, or with well-intended but worthless resolutions. I brought in my new year with a hemorrhoid. I awoke groggy and a bit hung over on the first because I went out to a club New Year's Eve. I drank too much champagne, plain and simple,...

A PoopReport Short: No Deer Seen Today
Submitted by Anonymous
December 18, 2012, 1 Comments

Editor's note: Story as-is, minus one punctuation correction. Thank you, anonymous Poopreporter with excellent grammatical skills! Several buddies were at the deer camp ready for the hunt. The temperature was well below freezing at 4:00 a.m. as everyone left the cabin for the tree stands....

Black Friday Memories: The Cabbage Patc
Submitted by Anonymous
November 24, 2012, 6 Comments

Editor's note: It is during the most unassuming at times that someone will divulge a poop story to me. During a visit to our kids' orthodontist this year I let it slip that I help out with the site to another parent during a conversation over grammar, of all things. He immediately begged...

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