Now I remember why I don't have any kids. Labrador retrievers are a far superior species and never shit in the tub.

C Everett Poop

...beige torpedo...meandering its way through rubber ducks and other toys...

Wonderfully funny and creative imagery, my friend! Very entertaining read! If you have more, give it to us soon.

Very funny!I could just imagine what the creators of South Park would do with a story like that.Your son sounds like the kid from The Family Guy.

Wow... this reminds me of the time when I was little and my little sister pooped in the bathtub. She still doesnt hear the end of that and she's 17. good story

Great story, but why did you not simply lift the offending poojectiles and heave them in to the toilet? It seems like shoving them through the drain, would be messier.

SamDamnit!
Rectum Rector
of
The Church of Poop
http://groups.myspace.com/THECHURCHOFPOOP

The thought of being in a bathtub in which there's shit on the loose is disturbing. In my mind it's even worse than finding shit clinging to my leg once out of the water. In the water, it's an unpredictable creature on the move, with access to all my vulnerable gear and entry ports. Thanks for the well-told story, and please contribute more.

"Hindsight" - hee hee :-)

Piece Out!
Crapola

Reminds me of the time my mom caught my youngest sister fingerpainting the bathroom walls with her poo. In any case, Jocko, you really shouldn't be comparing your sack with a 2 year old's. At least dont tell anyone about it, bro.

Disturbing on so many levels. It conjures up visions of a multitude of caddies fleeing the Baby Ruth candy bar in the pool; only this horror was for real. Advice: Seek therapy to avoid post-traumatic stress disorder because I sense flashbacks on the horizon.

Maybe im inhumane, but I woulda pissed and shit on the kid. He's 2, he'll understand.

I think it would be cool to have a big log menacing the rubber ducky with the theme from Jaws playing.

Agree with several comments, story is very funny and disturbing at the same time. I have 2 kids, I know what they're capable of. None of them have crapped on me so far. But squishing the poo with your bare hands? Yuck...

You are a brave man. My kid never shit in the tub, but he did once in a local public bath. More on that later....

Happy trails,
L. Wrong
Chairman & CEO, PPK Industries

I loved this story and how it was written.
Excellent!

Jocko, have more than one beer.
.....hugging bunnies since 1969

This is a good story and a very entertaining read. Little kids poop in the tub. It is an immutable law of nature.

Why didn't you just take a wad of toilet paper, pick up the remnants and dump them in the toilet without having to touch the turds. Instead, you smash them down the drain?

You, sir, have issues.

After cuffing a visitor with rather strong toy handcuffs, my nephew proceeded to do a "poo" in our toilet and accidentally dropped the key in with it. I can totally relate to your trauma, and later drank a lot of wine myself to get over the situation.

He just can't get over the fact that his son has bigger nuts than he does.

I was one of the children that did the "tub pooping", I think it happened when I was around 3 years old.. I was taking a bath with my older step brother at the time, and remember "having to go" and just letting loose without really thinking about it. I watched my new little brown boat sail through the choppy ocean of the tub waters, trying to work its way around my island of a body. Only a few seconds after the brown boat made its way through the channel between my body and the side of the tub it went right behind my back and into the view of my step brother. My bro immediately started acting like he was having an epileptic fit as he was splashing so hard trying to get it away from him which was right before he jumped out of the tub and ran out of the bathroom and down the hallway screaming! I just sat there in the tub the whole time just laughing my ass off until my mother was summoned to deal with me and the mess. I remember being in trouble for doing it, but I don't associate any negative memories with that incident.

My mother had a divorce from that man not too long after the poop incident and her and I moved across the country to never see my step dad, step bro, and step sis again.. I guess that would actually be somewhat of a negative memory though because that poop incident was one of the last, and few memories that I have of living with that family. I guess I never really had "poop closure" with my step brother. I wonder if he was traumatized by the incident!!

- RP

Wow, this is turning into group therapy. I never knew that so many people have been damaged by such events. I guess I should count my lucky stars.

I too was the childhood bathtub pooper. I dont really remember what/ how/ etc... but I do remember laughing hysterically. Until, unfortunately, the guy my mother happened to be married to at the time came in and saw it. Then it all went downhill....

Good story! I was in a bathtub when my Mom's roommate's son pooped in the tub. My Mom was there though and lifted me out right away. We also didn't have a whole lot of money when I was growing up. So if I wanted a bath toy, I had to poop in the tub and then place a toothpick with a napkin stuck to it and that was my boat. And sometimes I had a submarine, all depends on what I ate.

nice Poopie

wow, pretty funny,but satan's little helper is MY little bro , Austin.

OH man, this story made me laugh out loud. I did quite a bit of babysitting in my time, particularly with this family of three girls. It would never fail; bathtime for the youngest also always turned into potty time. I learned my lesson the hard way that it's MUCH easier to fish the turds out before you drained the tub, than to clean them up later. I remember trying to bribe either of the two older girls to clean it up for me, but neither of them took the bait.

Holy (ahem!) Crap!
So wrong...so very wrong...and so very funny!
I would have leapt out of the tub like a Texas cockroach had decided to join me in the bath, and thus having made my escape, grabbing the wee nipper and saving him from the Brown Depth Charge.
Having been in the medical profession for a number of years, I'm not as squeamish about dung as some. But having it in the bath with me? Ye gods, let's hope it never comes to this!
Have a crappy day!
La Petomaine

ROTFLMAO, "I've been f**king skiffed". Classic, I laughed til I cried. Excellent story.

I am intrigued by visions of C. Everett frolicking in the bubble bath with his Lab.

And by the revelation that he's never had any children. Folks, this goes a LONG way towards explaining why Everett is such a curmudgeon!

Nevertheless, Everett is still My Man for President. Go over to the poll on the Forums and vote! It would bring a whole new reality to the old Barry Goldwater phrase, "let's lob one into the men's room at the Kremlin."

C.Everett as Pres?? your the right though, the thought of Everett and a Lab in a bathtub saoping eachother up is rather intriguing. Have a Crappy Day! P.S.

One word:

Hindsight

made me pee in my pants, laughing sooooooooo hard!

Piece Out!
Mademoiselle Crapola

Now its been a year. One must wonder what happened to Jocko. Perhaps he slipped on a Jojo turd and cracked his brainpan on the toilet.

Hindsight, looks like you had lots of hindsight that time, and sight of what the hind can do when it's full of poo.

This story reminded me of when I was four years old and I peed and pooped in a box that my parents were saving. My mother had just turned to see the carnage going on, as a giant turd was exiting my baby starfish.

Kids can do some pretty gross things.
_______
Watch out for the deadly F4, though he's been gone since '53, he will be back.

"It's a normal evening routine for us and we normally have much fun comparing scrotum size and other manly activities."
So-o-o-o-o-oo, whose is bigger?