This truly was trauma.

By the way, Shawshank Redemption is a movie. Nobody is suffering PTSD from that.

Yep, that was an unpleasant experience. Post turdic spew disorder.

NASTY!! I would have puked.

Just when I thought we heard it all, this story had a new twist in Poop Reporting.

I laughed out loud at: " I looked down between my legs to see if some freshman had ejaculated her lunch."

HaHa..you said "ejaculated"...

That is truly horrifying.

BLECCHHH!! Gives a whole new meaning to the term "ass vomit". DD: I think Poo de Grace is talking about Tim Robbins' character having PTSD, if you recall how he made his escape. I believe he belly-crawled about 500 yards through the prison's main shit pipe and ended up nose diving into the lagoon the pipe emptied into. Traumatic - uh, yeah...just a tetch.

Great story, Poo de Grace. I can relate. Just this past year in my high school I had been holding a crap for a couple of hours because my teacher makes us do detention time for minutes missed in class. She's also very sarcastic, such as when I asked to be excused from biology to pee: "And how will that enhance the productivity of Kaitee (my lab partner) and you on your crayfish dissection?" I thought to myself, well "you won't have to mop up the floor,*****!" but I decided not to get suspended. However, at the bell I raced out of class and made sure I was the first girl in the restroom, I ran to the first stall, pulled down my jeans and panties and noted that the seat was pulled a little too much to the left because it looked loose and you could see a large part of the right bowl. I took my right hand, put it over the inside of the right side of the seat so that I could pull the seat over a bit and I felt something mushy in my palm. The minimal lighting and black seat had largely disguised a two-inch turd, a half inch or so of it was now hanging from my hand. Luckily there was almost a full roll of toilet paper and I used a good amount of it to clean my hand and I must a quick flush. Then I went to the sink and did a complete washing of my hand. I looked back in the mirror and found that another girl had gone in and put herself down on the toilet. The bell rang and I had to get back to class, holding my crap for at least another 90 minutes.

Ha, it's like two of the worst stenches known to mankind ganging up on you. I would have sacrificed my underpants and did a wash up, then discard them. Better to lose $2 worth of cotton than stink like Shomit the rest of the day.

Shomit...Love it! Come to think of it, I think I would've probably horked when I realized I was marinating my ass in someone else's spewage. Ugghh...

You could use the same story on pukereport.com, if there was such a website.

This is the worst possible thing that could happen in a public shitter. The only thing that could come close would be somebody running into the next stall and puking out their guts.

Absolutely gross! I'd have been in real danger of puking too. I can cope with shit any day, but puke ...! I agree with PPP - I'd have definitely sacrificed my pants to get rid of that vile stench.

There is simply NO dignity anymore in this world NOR respect for road crappers. Now I can understand if you blow an enormous fart that stains the rim of the bowl a little. But to vomit all over the toilet and then have the BALLS not to clean up after yourself or seek someone to take care of it well then that is simply deplorable. Poo you handled that with enormous grace. Hence your name!
_______
The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

Ack!

I'll probably have nightmares tonight about something like this happening to me the next time I use a public toilet.

_______
And it burns, burns, burns -
The ring of fire.

A classic tale told wonderfully. Do you ever still talk to Phyllis?

_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Im with Fecal Follies. AND Im about to go to bed, so thanks alot!!

I've been out of school for five years and I sure don't miss the bathrooms; they were gross on good days BUT most of us had the common sense to at least wipe the seat before we sat on it. I understand Poo de Grace's emergency, but with Kelsee and the next girl that used the stall, she sat in/actually I would think, on somebody's moistened turd. I would have hoped that Kelsee would have removed the rest of the shit from the seat when she was initially cleaning off her hand. She could have just pushed it from the seat with the toilet paper she was using. I'd be curious to know how many more girls used that toilet that day, unknowing about what they were sitting in. Another note, I've always felt that is the problem with black seats: you can't easily see what condition they're in.

Good nightmares to you, AC.
_______
Deja Poo - Because this shit's so strange, it couldn't ever have happened before.

The lack of paper was the real problem here. The rest was just symptomatic of this sad reality. I hope the slacker janitor had to scrape off the shomit with a putty knife.

WOW! That takes disgusting school bathrooms to a whole new level. *shudders* feces AND vomit... what a horrible stench!

Your story prompts me to remember a few of my own toilet traumas, but the memories it brings most clearly to focus are Mother's fear of public toilets and her warnings about the nasty stuff I could pick up there. I have no idea how many children of either sex are taught that when in a public place and necessity calls it is best to do one's serious business squatting over rather than sitting on the throne. Perhaps I was the only one. Arthritic knees have forced me to abandon that practice, and since doing so I have only had one nasty experience, an experience involving crab lice, but that's an entirely different subject and story.

Hehe, As a man we have different concerns. What we check for is actually ejaculatoe of another kind. MOst guys realize that bathrooms in public facilities are inhabited by all manner of creeps, and what they do in there no one knows.

I always inspect the toilet seat for anything weird looking, and no matter how desperate i am, i dont use it unless its spotless.

AcK!

The only thing I could think of when I got done reading this was that scene at the end of Pirates of the Caribbean 2...when the Kraken hoarks up a bunch of slime when he roars and Captain Jack does a full body shudder.

_______
What do you mean you didn't see it? It was right next to the toilet!

Thank you everyone for your comments, suggestions and empathy. I feel I've finally found a place where I belong.

poo poo poodio - Brilliant idea...and I only wish it had occured to me 27 years ago. And I love the term "shomit." Hahahaha!

And yes DungDaddy - I realize that Shawshank is a movie - but had I been the actor in that scene, I doubt the crew would have had to used artificial vomit. I have no doubt that I've have been able to produce the real thing. And I'm positive I'd have nightmares.

_______
Poo de Grace www.myspace.com/janilani

I think Glad Graduate makes a good point - they should not make the seats black. And better lighting would help too. Which brings me to a different point. In the USA, do you have toilets with that awful ultra-violet lighting? This links to Merc's point about undesirable habits of others - in this case, injecting. Although over here we do also have the other types of undesirables hanging round some public toilets that I think Merc is probably referring to.

I'm a college student on one very large campus in one of our country's largest cities. I disagree with those that bash the black seats. I actually have always preferred them because I find that I'm more prone to just wiping it off first before sitting down. In most cases, I think it's dependent on the lighting available, but urine tends to stand out more on black than white. Just yesterday, I was in the student union and I had to pee read bad so I just dropped my jeans and panties and put myself on the white seat. Almost immediately, I felt something under my left thigh. When I finished the long pee (relief!) I looked to see what it was and it was a big deposit of spit! Grosses me out. That's why I prefer black seats. Regarding what Kelsee experienced, something protruding from atop the black seat would sure capture my attention before I even wiped the seat. My boyfriend and I discussed this last night and his answer was "both black and white". He always puts toilet paper over the seat before sitting down and he said he has since middle school. That's a little too much for me.

Big Blind Blond, I, too, was initially traumatized by my mom and, as you said, the "nasty stuff" we could pick up from the school bathrooms. I specifically remember mom taking me to an evening orientation program three days before I started middle school. She took me into the bathroom, into a stall and demonstrated for me how to put toilet paper over the seat AND how to assure that I didn't get off it (god forbid!) by tucking the ends in under the seat. She said it was (and I still remember the word after 15 years) "imperative" that I take extra precautions because not all the other girls would probably as clean about themselves as I would. I tried her approach for the first two or three days and was actually tardy to a couple of classes because of the time it took. When I found that few of the others worried about sitting on those evil seats, I just started sitting down and saving time. Although I had to lie to mom when she would remind/ask me about how it was going.

I feel for what Redhead Renee and Big Blind Blond felt when they, too, found they had wacko parents who taught unrealistic and fastidious rules for using public bathrooms. My mom started me off at age 5, when I was starting a full-day kindergarten, about keeping my stub of a penis (grandma called it my "waterspout") far enough from the urinal bowl so that it wouldn't scrape the urinal and I would get someone else's germs on it. At first, I found that hard to do at school since I often choose one of the taller urinals (there were a couple with floor bowls but they were usually busy). Second, just like with Renee, mom showed me how to line the toilet seat. That proved problemmatic for two reasons. Our dispensers didn't have strips of toilet paper, rather only pre-cut tissues. Also, we had open stalls and anyone who did anything too different was hassled--sometimes with gender-bending slurs. Mom must have reviewed her wacko expectations with me on a weekly basis that first month. It wasn't like there was any scurvy or leprosy to be had. However, unlike Renee, I didn't misrepresent things to mom. In one of my "But mom.." debates one evening I said that during our morning break, all six stalls were in use and not one boy had covered the seat. She would cut off ensuing conversations with "they probably have the toilet paper under them and that's why you can't see it" or "their parents forgot to teach them how to properly use a toilet away from home", "they may have had diarrea and forgot" or "just do as I say--your dad and I are raising you right and you're not going to be sick as much as...." Often after hearing such exchanges, my sister (who is five years older) would just roll her eyes! Her biggest problem, she said, was remembering to follow through when she and mom would be out together. _

black seat, white seat, i dont care if it looks clean or not. i just cannot get myself to sit on anyones ass residue. my house or friends house, sure no prob, but if were talking bout a public crapper or the can at work, in other words any whore of a toilet with more than 2-3 regular visitors a day, then ill just clench a little tighter and take the extra 10-15 seconds it takes to lay down a protective layer of tp. im not a germaphobe by anymeans, i like to keep my immune system in shape, but no way am i puttin my cheeks & thighs in direct contact with any seat im not intimatly familiar with

RR - I think you are right to just sit down. The dangers of sitting on the seats are exaggerated. I've never worred about the sitting down bit, I'm more concerned about door handles. You see people go for a shit and walk out without washing their hands. If I've been in a toilet where they have paper towels I always keep the towel in my hand, open the door with it, and throw it away afterwards. Sad,I suppose.

I would have to agree with PPP. I would use my underpants as a cloth of some sort, making sure the surface is the outside and then i'd do a complete washup and go commando. commando isn't nearly as bad as marinating in somebody else's vomit. :-S

yeah. so, everybody, remember that :P

A can surely sympathize with Curtis and, I suspect, many others like me whose parents forced them to be DIFFERENT than their friends. What Curtis described would be HORRIBLE and especially with the open stalls that they have in so many boys restrooms today. Homophobic remarks from the older boys while he's one-at-a-time lining toilet paper squares on the seat are unfortunate but nevertheless hurtful.
My case of embarrassment/humiliation was when mom took me and two of my friends to the World Series because we had a cousin playing. We were in 4th grade. We got to the stadium way early, walked from our parking space just into the stadium when I realized I had to use the bathroom. You would have thought it was a federal offense! "Didn't I ask you to go before we left home?" Mom asked me in front of them if I needed to go #l or #2 and when I said #l she lectured me about not being able to sit on the seat and that this would be a good opportunity to teach me to squat. Both Christine and Lisa just burst out laughing. Once we got to the bathroom, they went into stalls and I'm sure peed the conventional way. Mom must have spent 15 minutes showing me how to place my legs, lift the seat (only by using toilet paper)squat. I hurt me real bad, I started to cry, and what little pee trickled out went down my leg. Finally, mom let me put the seat down, she covered it, and I got to pee the normal way. However, back at school Christine and Lisa told the others about it and I was being harassed for "demonstrations". None of my friends thought anything of regularly sitting on the uncovered toilet seat to pee or poop. I was singled out because I was different.

what is this whole thing about laying down toilet paper squares one at a time? how do people hold their shit (or pee, ladies)long enough to actually put down squares one at a time? are u people mad? i just pull a good 3-4 foot strip, fold it and lay it down and repeat the process. there, less than 10 seconds and im done... 15 seconds if im in such a strained nervous hurry that i either tear the paper or dont pull enough, but still its quick and easy.
one piece at a time? i dont have the rectal willpower to do all that, i gotta go...

How sad that Sherrine would be badgered into giving "demonstrations" of squat peeing, just because her parents were stricter than most. The same goes for Curtis and Renee. True, we have to be more cautious than Kelsee (pretty much everyone is I think!) but what's wrong with just sitting down--wiping the seat off, if you absolutely must--and then pulling down your dress or jeans and underwear and shitting or peeing. When you're done, don't linger, but rather wipe, flush and wash your hands. This idea that a public toilet seat is akin to a landmine is ludicrous and is being parrotted by probably well-meaning, but nevertheless foolish thinking adults who, with such propaganda, can terrorize and manipulate with fear children and young adults. By the way, I'm 29, have been using public toilets regularly for quite a few years and I'm in perfect health!

Those of us who were raised by strict parents and, Dry-Wipe, had the scare tactics drummed into our skulls at an early age, are probably more prone to panic and overreaction. Curtis was taught you don't sit on a public toilet seat without paper. Apparently, there was only the small squares available at his school so he, I suppose, took it literally and would not make an exception. In my case, I was put down by my mom at age 13 at the first rock concert I got to go to. She was in the restroom with me at Aerosmith, glanced into my stall, saw that I was sitting on the seat, and she was livid because she saw it as DEFIANCE of what I had been taught. It was just that once I got to middle school, none of my friends worried about putting paper on the seats and so I neglected to do it. I completely forgot that night that I needed to because mom was in the next stall. She nagged me for months after that and that's probably the biggest reason why even now 11 years later I don't paper the seat. Parents can have a HUGE impact, and often negatively.

My mom never talked to me about covering toilets or anything like that until I got to high school. She recommended because there were so many students in the school and that I was there 15 hours a day due to activities that I cover, or at a minimum, wipe the seats off before sitting down. I didn't with the exception of one bathroom in the main cooridor that got extremely dirty (splashes on seats, used toilet paper with shit on it dropped on the seat rather than into the bowl)but by the time I graduated I had started using seat covers when they were available when I was out in public. Today, at 30, I rarely sit on an uncovered toilet. It may be that it's just "maturity" setting in.

even tho, being a guy, im not aware of the general conditions of womens pulic restrooms, i must make the point that, in general, i think men have a bit more to worry about in this department. see, there are alot of inconsiderate, dirty, un-housebroken bastards, who dont have the common decency to put the seat up to take a leak, leading to the ever-lovely piss sprinkles on the seat. now sure, these could be wiped off but i cant get myself to sit my thighs all on someones piss residue. and since i dont carry lysol or bleach around with me, ill keep covering the seat if only to keep myself from feeling icky. it maybe be silly or just a psychological response to my mothers drilling into me the evils of public restrooms but it works for me because at the end of the day i just dont want anyone elses piss, shit or cum residue, or just ass sweat and maybe a stray pube or ass hair, coming anywhere near my nether-regions. im well aware that the odds of catching any germs are 100 times greater from just touching the door handle but were all allowed pet peeves arent we? thanx again and happy flushings

Stop the World. Dry-Wipe, I want to try and think like a public school administrator! I want to cut the total number of paper rolls used district-wide and in each PS each week, month, and for the year so that I can advance and recoup some of my MBA investment by rising to my level of incompetence at the district headquarters. I got it! We will bulk buy the pre-cut squares and that will cut down on wastage and make me a nominee for purchasing agent of the month..hell, perhaps the whole year, and statewide. From 1979-83, I dealt with this situation at my high school. And as you anticipated, it was frustrating. After about a couple of weeks, I switched from the piece-by-piece seat lining approach with an increased amount of pee trickles in my underwear to just one fast wipe of the seat before sitting down. The following week, when I was ready to deliver my first high school shit, an explosive one as I remember, I just sat down and let it come. Lighting didn't strike me dead and I even made it to my next class on time! I now had my method down for the rest of my high school years.

I would like to think that if I were in that situation, I would have improvised a clean up rather than go home with someone's vomit on me. Why not wash up in a sink? Wipe off the puke then wash it off your hands?

They don't even have toilet paper in China... makes you wonder...
_______
Alexis Semenec
The World's Foremost Fecal Astrologist

New product idea, flushable wipes to clean and disinfect public toilet seats, they need to be quick drying but effective at killing germs, used in conjunction with the paper gasket or stand alone. They could be supplied by the toilet owner or made in a handy travel pack. Now there's a million dollar idea for one of you clever pr inventors. The cleaning solution would also have to be safe to sit on shortly after a cleaning. A nice glove shaped cleaning pad would be nice too.

PPP - some public toilets in England do have these wipes in a dispenser. It is a great idea.

I think with poo you find you become pretty immune to the "gross" factor once you take care of kids. It still gets you sometimes, still, they can't clean themselves(yet).

I had a school experience similar to Paula. Although it traumatized me (since I knew my mom was so dead set against it!) I also had to make do and that meant sitting directly on the seat and just trying to make the best of the situation. Unlike Paula, however, my situation started in junior high where half-high doors on the stalls gave us little privacy. (I later found, about the time I was becoming more cynical, that that was the idea!) If anything, I just tried to go in and relieve myself at the EARLIEST possible time each day before dozens of others used the stools and the small pieces of toilet paper were all gone. Since I was a little taller than some of the other girls, when waiting for stalls I was able to see over the half-sized doors and there were some girls who would take two or three sheets of regular notebook paper and put those on the seat before they sat down. I didn't because I just saw them as contributing to the major flushing problems that became so prevalent by the middle of the afternoon. One girl even used a couple copies of the student newspaper to sit on. If there were 10 toilets in each bathroom, at least two or three would overflow at different times each day. There were also times when I deliberately didn't flush because I feared the retribution on the next user would be substantial. Although I was happy to make it out of middle school, the bathroom situation stayed basically the same in high school, only there were twice the number of girls using the facilities. From what my daughter tells me (she attends the same school district now) nothing's changed.

Dirty Butt makes an interesting qualification to her posting, "From what my daughter tells me,nothing's changed." I would challenge the parents of the current students to stop up at the school--especially on registration and orientation days--and, among other things check out the restrooms. There's nothing like an unannounced visit. Many of the things that traumatized Curtis and would have helped Kelsee would be better understood and kept in perspective if parents would actually visit the school. My mom came to school several evenings this year when our drama club was auditioning and practicing. On a couple of occasions, she actually used the student bathrooms and I remember her remarking to me once how there is so little privacy, that the toilets appear to be so heavily used (clogging, busted door latches, loose seats) and that some of the sinks had leaky or broken faucets. Welcome! I doubt that too many parents would continue to push seat-covering germ patrol measures when indeed all the extra toilet paper is only clogging the stools. Maybe hot water, faucets that don't leak and a more caring student body needs to be emphasized. When you lack privacy, the stalls are messy, someones urine (or in the case of Kelsee, crap) is one the seat, there's no soap or hot water, chances are the users will just accept that the bathrooms suck and not seek to do a better job to keep them up. I think parents could/should play a big role in addressing this problem

FTT - right! Treat people like animals and they'll act like them. I've aid it before - give them decent, well lit toilets and kepp them maintained! Maybe we should start a campaign!!!

I really feel bad for you.

When you had to shit SO bad and then you ended up sitting on puke.

It reminds me of when I was in kindergarten and I had some brand new Light up shoes (yea, I was just that cool) and I kept smelling poop in the air. I found out that I had stepped in dog shit, and being a little kid, I dug it out of my shoe with my finger and smelled it, just to make sure. Then I started crying because I was embarrassed and I didn't want poo on my finger. My teacher had to come and bring me to the bathroom to clean off my finger.

what a terrible thing to happen especially to a girl because as i know...girls dont poop... its alright though it happens to the best of us
_______
i have met many people that talk like asses i have not however met many asses that talk like people

I'm a management trainee and need to travel frequently between properties in a five-state area. Last week I made a 300-mile trip on I-35 and, a couple of hours after lunch, needed to stop and have my daily BM.

There were 4 stalls ... actually 3 because the lst had no toilet, just two boards covering a hole in the floor ... and I surveyed each before making my selection. The left one had urine on the seat and a bowl full of crap (several contributors, I suspected!) and the other choice also had urine on the seat and I noted no toilet paper. I selected the middle stall, carefully lined the seat with toilet paper, and while I was waiting for my BM to come, a bus or vanload of young elementary girls pulled up, and I could hear at least a half dozen of them run for the 2 stall and throw themselves onto the stools without caring or looking at what they were sitting in. Each of the stalls turned over 3 or 4 times and only 1 of the girls to my left called out for a friend to bring her TP when she discovered there was none to wipe with.

I think the parent or supervisor of the group should have been in there and checked the facilities out first before the 1st girl was seated. Am I realistic? If I had a child, I would surely want something better for them.

Clean Butt, whether you are right or wrong is irrelevant, the fact that you are a management trainee means that Feto D. Walcott is going to have a field day with you, because, as you know, "Management is always wrong, and you're just jealous."
_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

Great story, makes me think of the time I was stationed at Keflavik, Iceland.
One morning I had awakened early and gone down the hall for a drink of cool water from the fountain. It was dimly lit and you can only imagine my disgust when I noticed, as I was drinking, that the fountain was filled with the barfage of some club returnee from the night before. They had obviously wolfed their meal as the (beef stew?) had very little tooth damage showing.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Clean Butt has her recommendation all wrong in saying that the teacher, supervisor or parent in charge of the group of girls was negligent by not checking out the facilities before letting the group of girls use them. Procedures, precautions and hygiene in using a public restroom is what should have been taught by the PARENT of each of the children. As a 14-year Brownie leader, I know it's not easy when you are traveling with a group like that. Our troop of 9-year-olds travels at least once a month and often I have the key still in the ignition and my seat belt latched when the first girls bail out and start running for the toilets before they pee their pants. Sure I wish they took it slower and used the cleaner bathrooms (we just were at McDonald's for lunch 10 minutes ago) but this is where their parental upbringing kicks in. Yes, I make sure they don't hang-out in the bathroom too long, remind them to wash their hands and flush BUT I don't have a chance nor do it want to hold them back in a military-type line until I check the facilities. By age 8 or 9, they should beable to go on their own. Watching them wipe pee off the seat or more effectively wipe themselves and flush just isn't going to be my responsibility.