Mark The Ginger Boy

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Editor's Note: This originally came to me as an 1800-"word" count, rambling, single block of troglodytic text-speak that took up two solid pages of a Microsoft Word document at a size eleven font. Something about my memories of grade school made me edit this for the front page. I have not yet figured out if that something was masochism or nostalgia. I suspect a bit of both, however, because the end result reminded me of numerous kids from my own childhood: the gingers, the ones who were always taking medicine, the pains-in-the-ass who insisted on sitting by me, and yes, the ones who had accidents -- the outcasts. How brutal grade school can be. So, read on, and let us know what your memories of this kid were, if you can think back that far.




Back in second grade, a new red-headed boy named Mark came to our class. Since we were in second grade, we were all seven. On his first day, he and I asked to go to the bathroom. The teacher didn’t like sending two kids at once, but she did anyway. He walked into the bathroom and stopped. I did not know if he had to poop or just fart in a stall, or what.

He went into the middle stall (he always went to the middle stall, I remember) and was grunting a little bit, like he was having a hard time taking his dump. This was after lunch, when I remember he and I went to the nurse to take our afternoon meds. Mine was so I could focus on my work. I don’t know what his was for. It could have been a pill to help him make a bowel movement, because he had a hard time pooping. Half an hour after he took the pill, he’d poop.

Anyway, when I got done peeing, he was still in the stall making some funny noise. “Mark,” I asked, “what are you doing?”

“I'm going ploopies,” he replied, and sounded like he said it as he was pushing. Maybe he had a big one in him. We were in second grade, so he was small; I don’t know how much food could stay in his system that long.

”Mark, hurry up,” I said, “The teacher doesn’t like it when we go to the bathroom for a long time. Why can’t you go quick? Why do you go at school?” He finally flushed the toilet and opened the door. We went back to class after we washed our hands.

The next day he came out of the stall, and it was the same thing. I went to the bathroom as I was going pee, and said again, “Why do you poop at school? No one does.”

He said, “Because I have to go.” So there he was again, grunting. I was still not sure if he really pooped or not. Later on, I stayed at the after-school program for something. I hardly ever did this, on but that day I did. Mark was there too, with me, at a table, and asked to use the bathroom. I do not think he used it earlier that day.

“Why didn't you use the bathroom during school?” I asked him. He said did not need to go earlier, but now he did. I got up and followed him. He was heading toward the bathroom across from the cafeteria, to a stall that was always nasty. Some kid would always take a dump and not flush, or there would be poop on the seat. He walked in and walked out a second later, and said the bathroom was too gross to use. But it was the only bathroom we could use at the end of the day.

”Are you going to hold it until you get home?”

”I don’t know.”

“Well, that stall you were going to go is the only one open.”

I don’t know what he was thinking, but I knew if he pooped his pants then it probably would stink, and told him that everyone would know that Mark just BM’ed. Then he would need use extra pants and underwater from the nurse’s offices, and then she would write a report saying what happened. So he decided to go in the stall across from the cafeteria. I guess he could not hold it until he got picked up.

After while I had to pee, but he was still in there. “You still pooping?” I asked.

“I've been trying to get this one out, but I can't seem to,” he replied.

”Go again when you get home.” I really had to pee.

”No. I have to go now.” I began to think he liked pooping at school. I probably told him that the toilet was nasty. “It beats my pants,” was his response.

”If you can't get the last of it out then just go back later,” I said, but all of the sudden I heard this loud plop, and “Awwwwwwwwwww.” He opened the stall door, and I notice he didn't flush. “Why did you not flush?”

”The person before me did not flush,” he claimed. “I had to flush his, so the next kid can flush mine.” Then he told me to look.

When I looked I could not believe what I saw. The poop was big for something a seven year-old would make. “Oh my God,” I said.

””I always poop that big. It’s hard to me to push it out most of the time.”

”Well, why didn't you wipe?”

”There's no more toilet paper.”

”You’re going to have a poop stain on your underwear.”

He shrugged. ”It won’t be the first.”

One day there was a fire drill—a Monday, I think, because it was a practical drill. We all went outside, which was fine; the trucks came to practices. Mark was next to me. By now he had made other friends in our class, but he still only talked to me about his poop. “How long is this going to last?” he asked. I said I didn’t know. “Because I have to use the bathroom,” he said.

“You got to hold it or go tell the teacher.”

But the teacher was no help. “You’re in second grade,” she said. “Hold it ‘til we go inside.” We had to stay in a line, one by one, and sadly I was standing behind him. All of the sudden I saw this big lump— like it came out of nowhere. He knew what he did, I think, and was hoping no one would notice. But it was hard not to.

I did not say anything at first. He put his hands over the lump, trying to hide it, but he still had a bit more in him … and he could not hold that in either. The teacher hadn’t noticed yet but I could smell it. A piece of poop came out his shorts, and another student saw and yelled, “Oh my GOD, Mark POOPED HIS PANTS!”

”Oh God,” the teacher said, “we need to find the nurse.” She was not happy with him. He did not return to class that day or the next; he was probably too embarrassed.

He asked me if I saw it happen, and I said yes. I told him it looked like a balloon blow up in his pants and it smelled like fresh poop. ”You had an accident,” I said to him. “Get over it.” Embarrassed or not, he kept pooping in the school bathrooms pretty much every day.

At the end of the year our class went on a field trip, and of course he sat next to me. I had become sick of him by then, though, because he was a pooping machine. Sure enough, he began acting funny during the trip there. He seemed like he was in pain. I knew that he was constipated. It was during the trip back that, sitting next to him again, I smelled something. When I looked at him, I saw his face was all red. He was shitting his pants. I moved to a different seat.

Everyone called him a pants pooper for the last couple weeks of school.

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22 Comments on "Mark The Ginger Boy"

the thin brown line's picture
j 1000+ points
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And we know why redheads rule!

Somethin' mysterious made an exit from the gift shop.

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points
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I like Mark. He knew himself well enough to want to go when he had to, thus avoiding accidents (most of the time). Uncooperative teachers reap what they sow, don't they? The rest of the class could be cruel, but Mark knew that; likely his main reason for trying to get out his turd when good opportunity arose. Did I know anyone like that in grade school? No; but I did know Danny, who in about 5th grade stood out on the schoolyard before school shaking his pants leg until several small round pieces of poop fell out (I think he did not wear underpants). I also remember Kenneth, an athlete, who was late to a mid-morning class one day; the teacher asked, "Where's Kenneth?" Jerry answered, "Oh, him. He's in on the stool, laying an egg." Huge laughter at the time, another wave of giggles when Kenneth returned.

Anonymous's picture
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This is too funny! Thank you for the laugh. :-)

runninggrrl2's picture
Comment Quality Moderatork 500+ points
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Yeah, I feel bad for that Mark kid. Once you get a reputation as the class pants-pooper or pee-er, you really can't shake it unless you move to a new school. Poor kid.

An apple a day keeps the ExLax away!

daphne's picture
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The kids I remember from grade school who were outcasts were Tom and Lori. Lori smelled really bad. Lori ended up moving to another school and becoming extremely beautiful, and poor Tom, well, remained poor Tom. He had huge front teeth, was chubby, and was rather dopish. I hope he turned out OK.

When I had children I made sure that they never made fun of stupid kids, fat kids, or outcasts. One of the biggest talks I had with my son was what to do if a little girl he did not like developed a crush on him. Would you not know an annoying little girl in his class started to like him in eighth grade? I made him promise to never be mean to her, and to reject her kindly if he had to. Thank the gods that he turned out to be a sensitive guy.

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Anonymous's picture
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I think this is a fake story

Anonymous's picture
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I'm 10 years old and have redhair this past summer I was on a baseball team trip with some of my friends from school. During the game I had to poop but didn't need to go that bad. we had a long bus ride home after the game and I didn't want to poop on the bus so I told my friends I had to find the bathroom, the only thing we could find was a porta potty. I hate going in those but I had that or pants I chose porta potty.

I went in and there was pee on the seat. I was not gonna sit down so I pulled my pants half way down. I didn't want them to hit the floor. I had to pee so I peed on the foor next to the toilet cause I was mad that I could not sit. Then I turned around and pooped standing up, luckily I brought my own wipes. I pushed my poop out but I bend down a little to make sure the poop stayed away from my pants. The huge poop came out of my body and made a loud plop. I wiped and dropped it in the gross porta potty, then used another one for my hands and to open the door. That was after my pants were pulled up, they were up after I wiped and my friends used the porta potty to poop afterward.

I got on the bus and rode the long ride home and it was a good thing we pooped when we did. The travel buses had bathrooms on them but ours didn't work. It was fun pooping standing up, might do it again soon.

Anonymous's picture
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When Mark put his hand over his butt to try and prevent a lump. I don't think that will work depending how big of a poop he had in him. I can understand a practice fire drill and you can't go inside to use the bathroom but how do you know if he didn't decide to just poop in his pants cause he was tired of standing out side waiting for the fire drill to be over.

I really think some kids poop there pants so they will get sent home. It's gross but really, just try to hold it in squeeze your butt cheeks, it's better than having dirty underwear and plus the smell of it. I just felt bad that you had to watch his pants explode. It's not like you were just staring at his butt but you know how grade school is. You got to stand in line and behind the person in front of you. I think it's funny when you said his pants blew up like a balloon and you said he was small, he could have had a lot to eat for dinner the night before, baked bean, Mexican food, Chinese food there are lots of foods that could have make him not hold it in unless he pushed. You must have been WTF what's that making his behind turn into a lump until you smell it and he try's to push it with his hand, gross maybe that kid love to poop and his parents didn't care if he poop his pants at school at home and didn't flush out side in the woods in lake rivers ocean on the floor in the house shower. If so, awful parenting.

Anonymous's picture
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I say this is so true ginger boys do have poop problems.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points
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Would you please explain Anonymous how you think the color of a person's hair could possibly effect their bowel habits?

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

Anonymous's picture
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They have no soul.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points
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That takes home the prize for dumbest comment of the year so far. The color of someones hair determines whether or not they have a soul? You are a full fledged idiot!

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!

daphne's picture
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He is quoting South Park. Cartman decided that Gingers have no soul. I freaking love that episode!

.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Anonymous's picture
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I'm not the one who wrote this but that kid Mark had a poop problem so I'm saying maybe he thinks all ginger kids have that problem just saying.

Anonymous's picture
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Yes but do you know how many ginger kids have been bullied since that episode? It's a funny episode but kids in real life shouldn't make fun of them. I'm sure there were some ginger kids who were bullied hug themselves. I'm not being mean I'm just saying that because kiss have done. That and a lot of them are from like 10-18 years old cause everyone picks on them it's sad.

Anonymous's picture
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I’ve had shy bowels for pretty much as long as I can remember. At thirteen years of age it was routine for me to grab Tolkien's The Two Towers and read through forty pages in one shitting.

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Moderators comment,

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Redheadboypoopin's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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I have a hard time pooping at my school cause everytime I go to poop it never goes down so I try not to go at school try to wait til I get home but holding it in on the bus is hard sometimes

Ginger boy

Redheadboypoopin's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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That kid had poop problems from what it sounds like after pooping his pants twice at school

Ginger boy

shitake boy's picture
l 100+ points
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There must be some truth to that. I too have poop issues (IBS). Always had poop issues as a kid. I remember those grade school days well. When I went to the bathroom to poop, and others started to torment me, I used to say that I wasn't pooping, but had to pee really bad. After a while though, I wised up and realized that we all poop at one time or another. I remember one kid making fun of me after he saw me stepping out of a stall in the bathroom. He started laughing at me and sang "you just took a du-ump!". So I said to him, that I know he takes dumps too,and everyone poops. I then said I will do the same to him when I see him step out of a stall next time. He never did it again, and actually became my friend...

In search of the ever evasive BM

Redheadboypoopin's picture
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But when u told the other kids u had to pee would they have seen ur feet facing the stall door and u know what that means ur sitting on the Toliet

Ginger boy

Redheadboypoopin's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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But when u told the other kids u had to pee would they have seen ur feet facing the stall door and u know what that means ur sitting on the Toliet

Ginger boy

Redheadboypoopin's picture
m 1+ points - Newb
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I'm a redhead

Ginger boy