Now that my dog is getting older I have noticed that she can't handle excessive table scraps.
I used to feed her all kinds of old leftovers but I have quit.
I have discovered too many "liquid surprizes" on my basement carpet.
My dog has a strange habit in which see can't shit in just one spot; she "scoots" across the yard while shitting and drops like 20 little pieces all over the place.
So when she squirts in the basement it's all over the fucking place.

He will never find out....unless he reads this story.

IBS is no picnic, especially IBS-D.
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Jammin' lo'flo's since 1977.

IBS hell, I think your problem is clear with this: "He likes to give her pickled herring and corned beef fat scraps from his lunch."

What you should do is get your dog trained to go in a certain place indoors, like on some news papers or buy yourself a kitty litter box and train the dog to use it if she can't get outside.

Farting and blaming on your dog is fine, hell in some places it is a sport, but punishing your dog 'cause you couldn't stop to let him out. That's weak.

AshPirate
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Prepare your booty for plunder!

RG2, this won't work as well for you, but it will solve your dog's digestive problem for you: Take her out on the highway, about 60 miles from town. Let her out of the car and drive back home.

Your dog doesn't get "treats" because she was "bad" because you couldn't get off the elliptical trainer to let her out?

Weak, indeed!

Your dog has a pancreas issue and needs medication on top of your husband feeding her pickled herring and other stuff.

Please stop what you are doing and let the poor dog out.You take a shit outside and forget to clean it up and blame the dog.If someone catches you in the act you won't be able to blame the dog.How can you jog and risk stimulating your bowels 7 miles from from home.Ride a stationary bike and let the dog out.Log on to smokinggun.com for the video.

There is a reason it's called "a dogs life". Good one Runninggrrl2, I just finished talking with some folks on Madison Ave and they want to turn this into a American Kennel Club for IBS dogs commercial.

Scene opens up to you breathing deeply of a fine spring mornings air in your running attire, brand new cross trainers, nice cute shorts, a very sporty top, you jog down the street the neighbours all watching you and giving you a wave as you wave back. Scenes of you passing several landmarks in your town, a quick close up of a panic stricken look on your face, the camera pans to a shot of a concealing bush on the corner of your buildings lot. You dart for it, a massive crapping sound ensues as the screen fades to black. Next scene opens up with a neighbour holding his nose pointing at something at the edge of the bush, you stand with your trusty mutt leashed scolding him and camera fades to black again, final scene opens with you and your mutt playing on the couch, a voiceover comments "Consider adopting a pet with IBS, remember the ass it saves may well be your own". This message brought to you by incontinent dog lovers everywhere.

Hey, I didn't punish her for crapping on the carpet...that was my fault. I just noticed that she had the shits when she DID go, so that's always my red flag that she can't have table scraps. She does still get to have doggie biscuits and cheese when she gets an attack (the cheese works WONDERS as an "antilaxative"). The reason I didn't let her out right away was because sometimes she "fakes it" so she can go out to horse around. I guess that time she wasn't faking it.

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An apple a day keeps the ExLax away!

Uh...does your husband ever read PoopReport? Just thinking that it would give away your secret if he did :)
Great story, though...I love having a scapegoat to blame poop related misery upon.

Runninggrrl2, I know you rent, but have you thought about installing a doggie door?

We don't really need to install the doggie door...Scout's amazingly well housebroken. That little instance was her ONLY accident she's ever had (and to be fair, it was my fault because she was BEGGING to go out). A doggie door might be in the works when we buy our house though...especially if the yard's fenced.

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An apple a day keeps the ExLax away!

I wouldn't have punished the dog for your own neglect--it was you who didn't take her out. She gave you warnings before finally having to let loose when she couldn't hold it anymore.

Blaming it on the dog, like I read above, is definitely some kind of sport. I bet it was rough having to scoop your own poo! As long as your husband doesn't read poopreport, your secret is safe with us.

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I'm so good at clogging up toilets, I can make mine back up when there's nothing in it.

doniker, my dog does that, too. She leaves a Hansel and Gretel trail of dookie. I think she's afraid it will dribble down her tail.

And come to think of it, I'd much rather hose doggie liquidy-poo off the concrete than brush dried crap out of her tail fur!

Your husbands diet sounds like it would lead to him having poop problems. You guys must be a real hoot at parties.
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Sir SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan
Join The Poop Reporter's Lounge

Running Girl,there are animal-specific dog doors that work by the magnet on a collar for the specific animal, but I'm' guessing that if you have a security deposit that you are renting somewhere.

Next time I'm sure you'll get off the machine and let doggy out.

By the way, my dog gets very bad gas because he's an American Bulldog and is getting a bit up in years. We already cannot give him real bones anymore because of the havoc they do to his system. It's just one of those parts of life with your dog that they need more stability as they age.

The one suggestion I have for you is to try Nutro Lamb and Rice formula if you haven't already. It's got no corn and is known for being very good for weak doggy tummies. Without corn your dog's poop will have less undigested material in it. I can't believe I suggested something with Lamb. I'm bad.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Don't you mean laaaaaaaaamb and baaaaaaaaaaad?

Yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

That made me laugh after a bad day at the office, thank you.

Imagine if you had to beg to be able to use a bathroom?!
Your Husband there doing some weight's, O hey hunny I'll unlock the bathroom after my next reps.

Serves you right your dog shat all over the floor, you being a sufferer yourself must know what pain your dog was in.

I think your shitting yourself, was Karma coming round to bite you on the ass.

My dogs get heinous liquishits when they eat real bones, or really any people food whatsoever, and they also eat Nutro Lamb and Rice. It's the only food that gives them perfect poops. Also, my female dog never stays in one spot when she craps. She always makes a trail of nuggets, which is awesome when I'm doing yardwork.

I feed my dog salmon and sweet potato food for dogs with "sensitive systems" and she does indeed do pretty well on it. 99% of the time her IBS is caused by stress (just like with people, I suppose), so it's best to keep her stress free and that pretty much takes care of the problem. She is getting up there in age too, so maybe her internal sphincters aren't what they used to be. Oh, BTW...the doggie litter box idea is a good one, but Scout would never use it because she is one shameful shitter. She has to make sure she's "hidden" behind a bush or building before she'll go. Plus, she's not exactly little, so anytime she DID go it'd smell like a manure pit.

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An apple a day keeps the ExLax away!

Stress-free? How much stress could a dog have?

Sleep 14 hours, get up, get fed, go for a poop, sleep 8 hours, get up, get fed, go for a poop, then sleep 14 hours again.

What could be stressful about that?

Hey Dumb Ass,

If you know your dog had and was "in pain" you should have stopped your exercising to let her outside. Serves you right that she shit in your house.

Oh . . .and then you punish the dog because she was "bad." That makes a lot of sense - You must have shit for brains too!!

What DU and Ash said: punishing dogs for laziness is mean!

My, it must be nice to have never, ever did anything questionable to an animal ever.

Even I, the bunnyhugger of Poopreport, have made my fish wait an extra day for a water change, the guinea pigs wait an extra hour for salad time, and I need to get my one cat's teeth cleaned now for 2 months.

Let's give runninggirl2 a break here. She would only qualify for asshole status if she continued to do this.

Gawd.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

I never went so far as to call her an asshole. I just said that she shouldn't have punished the dog. Her dog gave her plenty of warning before she ended up not being able to hold it anymore.

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I'm so good at clogging up toilets, I can make mine back up when there's nothing in it.

errr you people really need to read what shes saying, she didnt 'Punish' the dog for crapping on the floor, she just didnt give it any of the usual treats, that would further irritate the Dogs bowels and result in further liquid shit, if you bothered to read the comments, she clearly states its for this reason, and the Dog would still be given its usual doggy biscuits etc....

You dont give a sick kid sweets do you?

Like bowlfiller said, I didn't punish her for pooping on the floor. It's just that I didn't want my husband giving her extra rich scraps that would make her poop even more. And I learned my lesson...don't ignore Scout when she's being REALLY obnoxious. The thing is, before that incident, she would fake it a lot...whine and bark, etc...I'd let her out and all she'd do is horse around and sniff stuff and not even so much as pee a little. We both learned a little something, I think. She doesn't fake it too often anymore...I guess she learned the same lesson as the boy who cried wolf.

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An apple a day keeps the ExLax away!

I can tell that many of our fellow poop reporters do not have dogs. I for one have four and sometimes they do fake it and it is at the worst possible time. But if you roll the dice and call their bluff sometimes you have to clean up after them. Such is life.
Lighten up people it was a great story.
I think the quote:
"My Karma ran over my Dogma"
is appropriate here.

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I shit therefore I am.

I'm glad I have no dogs, El Fartismo. Cats are so much easier to clean up after, even if they do miss the box.

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I'm so good at clogging up toilets, I can make mine back up when there's nothing in it.

DF Well cats are another story. Have three of those now they live outside! They do more than miss the box! Ever had a cat ass blast the wall?

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I shit therefore I am.

Yes I have, and the cat poop came right off. Try using a glossy paint; it's easier to clean up.

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I'm so good at clogging up toilets, I can make mine back up when there's nothing in it.

Yes glossy paint is easier to clean up. But cats are nasty too. Animals have a way of oneupmanship.

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I shit therefore I am.

My sister has a cat that is bulimic. When she runs out of cat food, she'll just not feed him for a couple of days then when she does get food for him, he binges on it and then barfs on her carpet. I'm very glad my dog doesn't do that. And by the way, if any pet owners out there don't have a Little Green Machine, GET ONE!! They work awesome, especially if you get to the mess early

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An apple a day keeps the ExLax away!

I feel so sorry for your dog....

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Thankyou for your letter, you stupid, Adelaide, tart,

Graham Kennedy

LMAO. You ignored your dog when he had to poop, and your sister ignores her cat when he needs to eat.

Did your parents make you sleep on the lawn or something?

GGG LMAO I think they didn't let them poop when they needed too and only fed them when absolutly necessary. Sorry RG but this is a bit ironic you know. Good story none the less.
EL Fartismo.

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I shit therefore I am.

Scout huh? that's the name of your dog? I think it should be Scat.

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Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

I'll say something about dogs and cats, though, as to their bathroom habits. If a dog pees in the house it can be cleaned up and eradicated, even if it's on a wood floor. Once a cat hits a wood floor and it gets between any wax, polyeurythane, or floor boards, you are defeated. Even with the amount of great enzymatic cleaners out there today, cat pee can ruin a house, truly ruin it, and there is no cure for the smell except for to rip up the floor and dispose of the soiled wood boards.

We have 3 indoor cats and about 6 outdoor ones (3 loyal ones and 3 travelers). We use to have 4 indoor cats but the one cat just would not stop peeing outside the box no matter what I did, and I have 5 boxes in my house. We could not afford to have this problem.

Our outdoor cats are quite spoiled, though. They have great accomodations, get excellent food, and will be getting a heated water bowl this winter. Most of them are strays that we have neutered or spayed and they've stuck around. Regardless of the type of cat or whether it's indoor or outdoor, it being able to pee in the box or somewhere that's not going to affect the smell in or outside our home is totally necessary. I'll give dogs that much - their stankydanky isn't as damaging as a cat's.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

For the record, that incident was the ONLY time Scout has ever had an accident in the house, so it's not like I never let her out. It's just that I didn't know she was having an attack right then. The neighbor's dog was out, so I figured she was faking it. I will say we both learned a lesson though...she doesn't fake it anymore and I always take her out right away when she gets whiny.

daphne: you are so right about the cat pee thing. My sister's cat has separation anxiety issues and one time, she left him alone for the weekend with clean litter, water, and food and he decided to pee all over her carpet. They NEVER got the smell out.

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An apple a day keeps the ExLax away!

Wow that was actually really interesting - thanks for sharing.

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The slitery-dee came out of the sea

he ate all the others

but he didn't eat me!

Unnatural Lump, your moniker makes me laugh.

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juicyturds
how horrible

So.. You shit yourself and then blamed it on your dog. If your dog is like a Chihuahua, I would have a hard time believing it too. The least you can do is pick your own shit up. We're not cavemen here.

I have a pug, and he can fug up a room. Or two. Pug-Fug. It happens.

OMG. I like that. New Signature!

i have a yellow lab she is 1 and she eats her own poop. i caught her a number of times and she thinks it is ok i scold her she wags her tail and licks her lips and i find it respalsive so one day i decided to stick tabasico sauce on her poop she tasted it and was rutzing for a while . ever since that she doesn't eat her own poop. i tried everything i spanked her yelled at her and the more i had done this she was eating it behind my back thinking i will never noticed it was huge deal for me because i never knew why her breath smelled like poop well i did and i am now upseat she is peeing on the concreat and now she is licking it up what should i do i am at my wits end

she is a horder she hords the poop and pee and when i find it she wags her tail and licks her lips
please give me some advice

thanks so much

you should name your dog Squirt. I named my cat Squirt since the first time I saw him, he was pooping and it squirted out of his butt

Sounds like my 11 year old dog. He gets rather urgent during the night, despite going out around ten times a day. Plus he can launch an air biscuit strong enough to make Hulk Hogan cry. I am considering registering his butt as a lethal weapon.
Proud Metamucil user since 1985

Great "blame the dog story". It reminds me of another one I heard before. Im not sure it is true, but it goes somewhat like this. Guy is going out with new girlfriend for a while, and she asks him to come over to meet her parents. He tells her that he is very nervous, and when he gets nervous, he gets gas. She says that her parents are cool and not to worry. At dinner he feels the pressure building, and accidently lets out a small fart. Dead silence. The girls mother looks over at the dog (who happens to be lying on the floor next to him) and says "SPOT, get over here". The guy is relieved that the dog was blamed, but soon after lets out a slightly louder fart. Again the mother says "Spot, get over here". The guy decides oh what the hell, might as well get rid of all of the gas and lets out a quite large fart. Mother gets up and yells at dog "SPOT get over here before he shits on you".

I was going to name my little yorkie "squirt", but i thought it might be a little akward when i would call her to come.

Blaming your dog for practically anything is okay because they don't care. Once when I was a yung-un I'd pee in the hallway every day after my shower and blame in on the dog to my parents.
They didn't punish him but as soon as I learned to use the toilet (I was nine) I stopped and then we moved to a different neighborhood and all was forgotten.
Trouble was the dog saw me piss in the hallway and knew he was getting blamed for it so if dogs can talk someday, I'm in deep shit.