You should have given that bitch a dirty sanchez for having that ignorant pinko sticker on her car.

Bizarre girl Merc - what the hell is she doing in Texas. Plus you can`t work somewhere like a soup kitchen with no sense of humour. You have to expect stinking bums to drop trou at the back door from time to time. She`ll end up marrying a tree-hugging, planet-saving, fun-hating vegan - hopefully sterile.

This is a bad experience that you should put behind you.You had no contol over the situation.You made a spontaneous comment you thought might be funny.She sounds like a snobby bitch who judges everybody.If she can't find people who met her standards she might be a lonely snobby bitch.

Correction: they would have chucked your limp body into an old oil derrick true, but Beatrice; Beatrice would have experienced multiple penetrations. There is no such thing as a Republican re-education deprogramming facility.

Theres no debating with a stubborn, fat, liberal democrat. You should have shoved her fat face in that heap of skanky shit. Then spread rumors about how she gave a bovine of some sort a rusty trombone.

Hi everybody. Merc Here.

Lol. But get real. You think Texas is full of conservatives exclusively? Ever heard of a little place called Austin?

In case you havnt heard, its full of people like Sandra Bullock, Mathew mcaneigh, The Dixie Chicks, and The Bush Twins. So we're not exactly talking Pat Buchanon here.

Also, I regret using the word "redneck" since its politically incorrect. I tend to use common vernacular words which used to be colorful, but which are now considered taboo.

For example, its ok for black people to use the N word, but not white people. Im attending a liberal college in New England that makes Texas seem like the third reich!!!

I MISS TEXAS!!

Dork alert.

She sounds like a real snob. Maybe you got off easy. Had you continued she may have had you hugging the only tree out in west Texas. And yes, football in KING in west Texas. There is nothing much else to do out there. Take a road trip down to Austin and party on 6th Street or keep going south to San Anton' get drunk on tequila and fall in the River Walk. Great fun and lots of fuzzy memories.

You should thank Charlie. He might have saved you from breeding with that wicked pig in a moment of teenage hormone-driven it's-either-screw-her-or-whack-off-in-the-bathroom desperation.

Man, you red staters are constipated. You might have better looking women around than Harriet Miers, Kay Bailey Hutchison, or Kathleen Harris if you'd loosen up and lose some of that shit you're squeezing for dear life.

And for the record: this redneck actually likes being called a redneck. I'll answer to trash, trailer boy, dirty cracker, and shit for brains as well. That last one is just a plain old insult, not a racial thing (for the uninitiated).

Finally: Texas produced Stevie Ray Vaughn, Willie Nelson, and Cormac Macarthey. Can't be all bad. LBJ and the Bushes haven't exactly set much of a precedent, though. That's tough for a state to live down.

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http://for-the-turnstiles.blogspot.com/

You should have dated Charlie instead of Ms. Snobby Swine. At least Chuck isn't constipated, either physically or emotionally.

nice story!

man, i hate texas too but i hate it because it's so god blasted hot down here. as far as demonizing the texans, pick it one way or the other you can't talk bad out of one corner of your mouth and good out of the other man. as far as trying to drive highways in texas and not go 85... well that's just delusional, everyone drives fast in texas. i do, so does the dude in the stepside ford, and even the old lady in the caddy, everyone! that's why hybrids are the most loathsome thing on the planet. anyway, this story really i mean i suppose i can feel the potential and the writing is most surely of quality... but it just i don't know didn't pop me just right i guess. ah well, but don't give up man

That girl was too uptight to be an Austinite. She sounds like the type that only does good deeds for the extra credit, or so she can say that she did, on a resume.
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Sir SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan
Join The Poop Reporter's Lounge

Hey! I am a well educated person who happens to be a proud Texan, thank you very much! Funny story, though, asside from the general Texas bashing and implying that Texans are all a bunch of rednecks. And did you ever think that maybe the girl was actually mad because she thought you were being insensitive to Charlie? That could explain her making up the story about you abusing him.

Hey! I live in Seattle, a liberal place if ever there was one, and we have our share of rednecks too (anyone ever heard of Auburn?) In Seattle, like anywhere, you're bound to eventually see a homeless guy shitting, because Seattle, like just about every big city, has homeless people.

I have family in Texas, and it's an equal mix in my eyes - people there run the gamut from red to blue, and annoying rednecks to educated suits (and don't put these charts side-by-side, please - you'll find educated liberals and stupid conservatives, dumb liberals and smart conservatives) I've learned over time that when a conservative rags about stupid liberals or a liberal rags about stupid conservatives, they don't mean "stupid", even if they think they mean "stupid" - they really mean "...who doesn't share my opinion on politics which, of course because it's mine, the one and only correct opinion" And neither side in that argument is stupid, if you think about it. Just... closed-minded.

its me Merc again.

My intention was to relate a funny tale, not to get political. I guess the stereotypes of various geographic areas lends itself to some humor, but its probably like the old "dont discuss politics or religion" thing.

I thought it was pretty clear from the story that it was the "rednecks" (country, pickups, conservatives) who had treated me well, and a wacko extremist feminist type that had treated me badly.

Ahhh well. I refer to myself as a cracker yankee generation Y type, and I try not to go all hypersensitive like so many people these days.

I have the feeling that even Michael Richards (Kramer) is probably not a racist. Sure he spouted the N word, but it may have been that he simply got tired of hecklers and chose a word that seemed designed to inflict the most damage at the time.

Charlie was me driving home from dinner on Thanksgiving night. Ah, those were some great shits. I'll write the story up as soon as finals are over.

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Number One . . . I order you to take a number two.

Everything is supposed to be bigger in Texas. Clearly that bitch's sense of humor totally contradicts that statement.

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Some are born crappy, some achieve crappiness, and some have crapiness thrusted upon them. (Do NOT be the last one)

Worthless story, she deserved the finger for driving such a shitty car and being a dumbass in the first place. you are also a moron for having any interest in her and actually going to work in a soup kitchen to "be close to" such a dipstick. next time, just shit your pants and tell us about it, forget the hopeless romantic bullshit.

Good grief, Beatrice needs to lighten up a bit, quite a bit.

I'm sure you have or will find someone better than her. She isn't worth it.
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"-55F, a new record low? Nope, thermometer went bad. Looks like -50F still stands"

Charlie: Ultimate in shameless?

Charlie is the chocolate factory, and it just once again proves that liberals cannot take a joke and have no sense of humor. Great story!

i'm really sick of the false liberal-conservative dichotomy.

I enjoyed the story; it reminded me of the one time I saw a full mooning on the highway. My wife, 2-year-old son, and I were driving through Alabama (very small car, very full), when we saw a group of four persons, I think two young men and two young women, hitchhiking. I drove past, of course (no room for one person, let alone four), and to my amazement saw in my rear-view mirror--a rear! One of the girls had pulled down her pants and was leveling a full view of her butt straight at my car. Cute, but useless.

As for Charlie: I certainly sympathize, and it's obvious that homeless people have to poop somewhere; but I got the feeling that Charlie was sort of an exhibitionist and waited for an opportunity to shoot the shit when someone was there to witness the event.

Merc, I am a Yankee-born liberal who called Austin home for almost a decade. Yes, many have disagreed with my politcal ideaolgy, and I have been flipped off, cussed at, and threatened with violence while out furthering the liberal cause. BUT, I have also had conservative friends who were perfect ladies and gentlemen, and as kind as the day is long, who were very gracious and respectful of my opinions. So, not every opinionated liberal/conservative spits barbs at each other. But it is fun sometimes. :) And yes, this liberal is able to not only take a joke, but I like to dish them out, too.

In Austin, I have seen a lot of homeless people piss and shit out of doors. That is because years ago, the Texas goverment decided to shut down the mental hospitals, and the inmates were left to their own devices. A lot of those men are veterans, which makes the shituation even sadder.

And Merc, I once worked in a soup kitchen, and I'll tell ya--they have damn good food there. It's because soup kitchens rely on the food bank for ingredients, and the homeless often have food made from scratch. The cook at the one I worked at in Austin was an aspiring chef, and he made everything, from the ranch salad dressing to the asparagus soup, from scratch. It was all delicious! Working there also put things in perspective--the men were regular guys, donw on their luck, and could have been my dad, or a friend's dad. But for the grace of God...
The moral of the story is, red or blue, Yankee or "redneck", homeless kitchen patron or server, at the end of the day, we all poop. And we should respect that.

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Assaulting toilets since 1977!