My Squatting Experiment.
When I was 17, I had a relationship with a much older man who happened to be a Pakistani Muslim. While I live in Scotland, he lived in England, and I used to take a ten-hour bus journey to visit him once a month or so. (I say he was a Muslim, but he certainly wasn't a very devout one; although he went to the mosque and ate only halal meat, he would drink alcohol and smoke hash with me on a regular basis.)
Like many Muslims, Umar had a bit of a toilet phobia, and refused point blank to sit on the seat. Rather than hover or use an ass gasket, he would climb up onto the toilet, with his feet on the seat, facing the tank. This meant that he left rather nasty skid marks on the front of the toilet whenever he had a shit. He was a manky bastard and always left his mess for me to clean up, believing this was my job as his "wife." (We weren't married, but he always called me his wife for some reason.) He also refused to use toilet paper, preferring to keep a jug of water beside the loo, which he would pour down his ass crack to clean himself.
Anyway, I am a curious sort of person and not afraid to experiment, so one day when I felt the urge I locked the bathroom door, slid out of my jeans, and positioned myself on the toilet in the same way that he did. Unfortunately I'm not used to squatting, and my thigh muscles cried out in pain; however, I was determined to give this a try, since I had heard that squatting was in fact the most natural way to shit. So I squatted there, reaching out to the wall with one hand in an attempt to maintain my balance, and let nature take its course.
By this point, sadly, my thigh muscles were just about ready to give out, and the shit was already half way out of my ass when the inevitable happened: I was trying to shift myself in order to relieve the pain in my legs when the toilet seat slid to the side. I lost my balance and fell backwards off of the toilet, banging my head hard off the bathroom door, and knocking myself out. I couldn't have been out for more than half a minute, but when I came round I was lying on my back with a six-inch turd between my legs and an egg-sized lump on the back of my head.
That's the last time I ever tried that little experiment.