This reminds me of a readers digest version of the famous Ryans Steak House story. Google it if you haven't read it.

Some good visuals in this story. "Stink-filled Super Soaker" is a classic.
Some janitors do not get paid enough.....

GandL, Decent piece of shitlit.CEP, I think I first read that on a Doodie.com link. I cried and cried from laughing so much. I forgot about it...CEP, thanks for reminding me. I plan to reread it.
Producing waste since 1967

_Good story, A simultaneous vomit diarrhea episode happened to a friend of mine who drank too much at a wedding held at my house. I just shoved him into the bathtub. ______
Press on warts, who would buy those? -Well, hags mostly.

"...smelled like a never-washed whorehouse on the top floor of a bait shop in July in Africa." You must have been part of the same tour group as yesterday's frontpage contributor.

"Once I began my little heave, I noticed an old problem: if I am about to take a dump and I barf, I still poop anyways."

What??? You've done this before??? Do tell!

Well, since you can spray paint an entire door with one dook, I suppose that we could rent your ass out the paint dept of Home Depot. Now, if we can only figure out how to control the color and the smell...

Yeah, this reminded me of the Ryan's story as well. To anyone who hasn't read that story, do yourself a favor -- don't read this story at the office if you work in a cubicle farm. You'll laugh so hard that you'll shit yourself.
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Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Oh, yes, Deja.

I totally agree with the idea that vomit takes presidence. Choking on puke could kill you...spraying a bathroom with your own poo won't (Probably. Unless, of course, you slip in it and hit your head on the sink and bleed to death - then you're fucked).

Anyhow...if I'm sick and know I'm gonna puke, the first thing I do is sit on the toilet and grab the nearest trash can. It's a fact that not only am I going to puke, but I'm also going to let lose from my butt at the same time.

This was the cause of my one and only shart to date.

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What do you mean you didn't see it? It was right next to the toilet!

I'm really not sure if I'm missing out here!! I've never done it at all! It's over twenty years since I puked and I don't get the runs. Cuts down my story telling capability disastrously I think!

Hamster, You have never had the flu and puked? WOW! That is amazing.
Producing waste since 1967

Interesting story with great descriptions! I remember in 6th grade which actually is my birthday as the Thunderous Crapper. Mom made stromboli for the Super Bowl Sunday dinner. I was fine until after I went to bed. I did so much heaving and crapping that my stomach and intestines were NEVER the same again. So the next time you hear me detonate and ask yourself has he always been this way. No not always sadly. BUT I am still Loud and Proud!
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The Thunderous Crapper 63 Enjoying home toilet advantage since 2004!

Thank you for the kind words. Hamster, I think it was the combination of prior food poisoning as well as the stink in that room.

Queen, I would have taken to a trashcan, but there wasn't one. Like I said, it was a room with all the amenities!

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Sometimes you gamble, sometimes you lose. That's the risk in playing the game.

Only one shart ever? I've sharted at least once a season for the past 10 or 12 years. I'm lucky that many times it's in the shower. I'm unlucky in that sometimes, it's not.

MSS - it seems I have a very strong constitution. I once drank a whole bottle of syrup of figs and didn't shit for over two days.

Couldn't be more careful and make it to hour 50, could ya? A good read.

Hamster, WHY?
Producing waste since 1967

I found this story pretty funny, and also Googled the Ryan's Steakhouse story and had a chuckle over that, too. My only question is what the hell is going through someone's mind when they say to themselves, "Gee, I haven't been feeling well lately. My stomach isn't quite right. Now I'll go have several plates of greasy food." Dude, WTF?

Do gentlemen really puke in the sink?

Good story.
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SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

_Hamster, you have not vomited in 20 years? Congratulations on your vomit streak (Seinfeld). I jog a lot and find it very easy to vomit while jogging. What is your secret?______
Press on warts, who would buy those? -Well, hags mostly.

Of course they do, Sam. The vomitory and/or excremental imperative knows nothing of gentility. The problem with sink-horking is the chunk blockage caused by the drain plug. After a "gentleman" yaks in the sink, he will thoughtfully clear the solids by hand.

Fantastic diet aid right there, that image is. Thanks, Fudge.

Good story; I'm not sure that it was nice of you to leave the mess, but I understand.

I too, enjoyed the "never-washed whorehouse" line. I LOVE lines like that!

Good story. Straight and to the point. Action packed.

Painting in poop. Nice. I'm so glad I never aspired to become a custodial engineer.

Of course, Mr. Pump. I bow to your superior etiquette knowledge.

Do said chunks then go in the toilet?
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SamDamnit!
The Emir of Crapistan

Frank2401 - my secret? I don't jog.

I don't really know. I puked quite a bit when I was a kid, then a few times when I first went to college due to over-heavy drinking, then that was it - only once in thirty years, I think. Same with the runs - nothing there either. Can't explain it. I get a lot of colds though!!

Yup, never overestimate your body's ability to heal itself after a puking and or shitting binge. You may feel fine just sitting around with an empty stomach, but it doesn't mean you're ready for a motorcycle trip out in the middle of nowhere to a burrito stand that also serves the best damn coffee around! The food combo and rumble of the motor will liquify and lubricate your colon so quickly and at the worse possible time. It takes a miracle and a bunghole of steel to overcome such an affliction! Do not try that at home.

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Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

Shitwit -- I almost shit...from laughing. OMFG! Bunghole of Steel!!!!!!!!! The food combo is spot on!

Indeed they do, Mr Damnit. Chunkage retrieved by hand from the sink winds up in the toilet, to be flushed. Sometimes it's damn near impossible, but I try to apply the "pristine campsite" ethic to bathroom explosions - "leave it as you found it", if you can.
My last shomiting event (luckily) occurred at home, and I used my bathroom trash can to catch the front-end discharge while sitting. Poor GandL had to decide which output he wanted to try to contain: quite a dilemma. In the same position, I think I might have remained seated but...who knows?

I almost forgot: a gentleman will also hold back the long hair of his loved one while she vomits.

yeah this is totally a knockoff of the macaroni and beef story from ryans steakhouse
http://thewvsr.com/ryans.htm

Ah, GandL, teriffic story. I Googled The Ryan's story (per CEP's suggestion), and laughed so hard I about shit myself! I was so excited about it that I waited all night to call my brother to share it with him. (He has a late-night schedule and I am 3 hours ahead.) I called, instructed him to Google, and he laughed so hard--the story made his day! So, thanks, CEP!!

I recall a few occasions in my life--one involving a rotovirus, and one involving dysentery--where I had, um, dual-flow issues. Fortunately, the nearest bathroom was closet-sized, and the toilet was in front of the sink. I'll post the stories when I have a little more time...:)

Yeah, that Ryan's story is a classic. I just reread it, and this guy was a Poop Reporter before there was a PR (I'm pretty sure it predates PR, anyway). Great story, well written, great visuals...well worth the time to read for all who visit or contibute to PR.

i had my first experience with what i right decided to call vomirreah a couple months ago, and let me say it is a horrible thing to go thru, specially when ur as drunk as i was. i was actually going to write a report on it but as drunk as i was, the details are a wee bit difficult to remember.

as for GandL's story, funny shit, ur lucky ur clothes came out unscathed. and while i usually frown upon leaving ur mess for someone else to clean up, not wiping down a door in an already dirty bathroom is pretty forgivable. hell, i can forgive u for that just for the following line: "toidy, which smelled like a never-washed whorehouse on the top floor of a bait shop in July in Africa" that must be some powerfull funk...

ps... thanx for puttin me up on the ryans story, that was a trip. makes me wonder what dude would have done if his wife hadnt been there...

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oh man, i feel soo much better. i think i lost a few pounds... dont even think about going in there for at least 20-30 minutes. dont worry, i left the fan on.

damn... have u ever accidentaly clicked post instead of preview and ur comment goes out on its own with out a proper proof-read?

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oh man, i feel soo much better. i think i lost a few pounds... dont even think about going in there for at least 20-30 minutes. dont worry, i left the fan on.

*(laughing to self about "proofreading"...)*
Yeah, Dry-Wipe: u should check ur posts B4 u send 'em: it's always a good idea.
Is there a name for the new version of the written English language that's increasingly prevalent today? It's got to be text-messaging driven: CFP (caps-for-phrases), phonetically shortened spellings, punctuation and capitalization optional...how about "Textlish"?
I think it's fascinating: we're seeing a language evolve at hyper-speed before our eyes.

i wouldnt say the language is evolving fudge, secretaries, stenographers and journalists have been using shorthand for decades and so have we- do u always use proper spelling and punctuation on a sticky-note? but with the growth of the internet and text messaging more people have developed a use for a circumsized version of the written language to save time and trouble... all depending on the person and the situation, of course. personally, im way too lazy to hit the shift button if i dont need to and since i usually dont pronounce alot of the 'g's at the end of words, i dont bother typing them either. but thats just me

now back to the poop... i made up the word vomirreah as i wrote my first comment on this story and i was wonderin if anyone had heard it before... if not then its mine and i want credit!

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oh man, i feel soo much better. i think i lost a few pounds... dont even think about going in there for at least 20-30 minutes. dont worry, i left the fan on.

Doesn't ring a bell with me, DW. I used the term "shomiting" in an earlier comment posted to this thread, but I don't claim that word as my own either: I saw it somewhere else on PR.
As to the language topic: you make valid points (post-it note shorthand, etc). I just wonder if the kid who's grown up with texting might not see so-called "standard" English as a different language.