Doe-Eyed Number Two-Doer

m 1+ points - Newb

I woke up feeling great on a beautiful summer day. The birds were chirping, and beams of sun were penetrating through the curtains, inviting me to enjoy the glorious weather. I had no idea how humbled I would feel in a few hours.

Usually I have to take a morning poop, but today I fought the urge and decided I was the master of my rectum; I just had that feeling. I went ahead with my normal morning duties. I made some coffee and enjoyed it, which was my first mistake; and then I went out to jog, which was my second mistake.

After twenty twenty minutes I had jogged halfway around the neighborhood. On my way back I started feeling the urge to poop. Damn you poop demons! How dare you rise up now while I am so far away from anything that resembles a poop take-awayer mechanism?

I tried to hold it in as long as possible but alas, I could not; so I scurried into the woods to release my evil defecation. As I released it, I glanced over and noticed not twenty feet away a deer was doing the same, and all I could do was give the deer my shameful, man-caught-pooping-in-front-of-a-deer eyes.

7 Comments on "Doe-Eyed Number Two-Doer"

Deja Poo's picture
Comment Quality Moderatorj 1000+ points

It's a good thing that it wasn't human season. That deer got the drop on you. Next time be more alert and, for gawd's sake, travel in packs. There's safety in numbers.

And to all, I wish you a happy and prosperous 2010!
Yo quiero Taco Bell.

Yo quiero Taco Bell.

ChiefThunderbutt's picture
PoopReport of the Year AwardComment Content ModeratorComment Quality Moderatorf 5000+ points

Something similar happened to me a few years back. It was human season and I was grabbed mid-poop by several deer but immediately released when they noticed (my pants were down) that I was not trophy material.

Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

If I had two faces do you think I'd be wearing this one?

pnuttycorn's picture
k 500+ points

Wabbit season!
Human sesaon!
Wabbit season!
Human season!
Human season!
If I sez it's human season, it's human season!!
Yay! my 400 kids will eat high on the human tonite!!!

MSG's picture
Comment Quality Moderatori 2000+ points

Cute. I wonder if the deer had any warm fuzzy feelings about the one-ness of all natural creatures and the common bond of crapping. I assume the deer saw you and that it did not run away until its pooping errand was done. What an evocative wild forest scene!

ChiliKahKah's picture
j 1000+ points

I think this was a scene left out of the final version of Deliverance.

Anonymous Coward's picture

Too bad you could not have done like the cat-in-the-litterbox and placed your feet just so....on the edge of the box (or on a small outcropping of rocks) stared intently at some vague point in front of you, and appear as if you had no earthly idea as to what was going on "back there..."

Uncle Buck's picture

So I went to the bathroom for my morning poop today, and everything was great when I heard a rustling in the leaves nearby. I was waiting to see what it was, since I couldn't run away mid-crap, and what do I see? It was this stupid human who had run into my living room and decided it would be a great place to take a dump. On top of that, he looked over at me while he did it, and was watching me crap. And left without removing the shit from my living room!! At least leave a note saying you will be back to clean it up, but he didn't do that either.
I swear, next time I see that guy....

Post new comment

  • Allowed HTML tags: s:62:"<em> <strong> <cite> <code> <ul> <ol> <li> <dl> <dt> <dd> <br>";
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.

More information about formatting options

This question is for testing whether you are a human visitor and to prevent automated spam submissions.
Enter the characters shown in the image.
To prevent automated spam submissions leave this field empty.