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Oh, Giardia!

Posted 07.09.2008 by Poo Diddy (10)
I normally have a stalwart digestive system. I typically eat anything and everything and, with one notable exception in Mexico, rarely suffer ill consequences. (Of course, I personally do not consider outrageous flatulence to be an ill consequence. No, I find farting to be more of an endlessly-entertaining by-product of digestion.)

However, last Sunday afternoon, my lower intestines were suddenly seized by the most outrageous pain I have ever experienced (with one notable exception in Mexico). The entire lining of my digestive tract was ablaze. It felt like rodents had climbed up my ass and made a nest inside my transverse colon. By nightfall, I was in tears.

"You probably just need to take a big shit," said my husband, clearly all awash with sympathy.

I followed his advice the next morning but experienced no relief from my agony. My entire abdomen was tender -- it hurt to the touch. The simple act of walking sent spasms of pain through my gut with each footfall. I called in sick to work and spent the next two days in bed.

Come Wednesday, I was still feeling quite delicate, but I was bored to tears (Australian daytime television is a horror show) and now my back was sore from lying down, so I decided to go to work anyway. For the next few days I limped around the lab with a distinctive slouch in an effort to cushion my internal organs against the pain that still gripped my digestive tract, prompting my boss to inquire as to whether I might have a Giardia infection. I dismissed the idea, since I had not been drinking from any mountain streams lately and because I did not have diarrhea -- in my mind, two inseparable prerequisites for a Giardia infestation diagnosis.

But then, an extraordinary thing happened. I took a shit. Nothing extraordinary about that -- what was extraordinary was the color.

Because of my adventurous eating habits, I have produced a veritable rainbow of excrement, my personal favourite being a brilliant atomic red after eating some chili-lime peanuts in Mexico (not related to the notable exception mentioned above), a movement made especially memorable because it was produced al fresco in an arroyo during a camping trip. However, I have never before fabricated a turd that was such an intense shade of yellow. The color was so striking that it immediately sent me to the Internet in search of answers.

Now I know the Internet is home to numerous unfathomable obsessions, and I fully expected to come across plenty of shit-fetish websites. What I did NOT expect to find on the Internet was a thoughtful and intellectual community of people who like to engage in outrageously humorous discussions of one of the human body's most basic functions.

After wasting the better part of two working days goofing around on my new favorite website, I eventually learned that yellow poop has two primary causes. One is a harmless condition called Gilbert's Syndrome that involves the improper breakdown of red blood cells. The other is that yellow poop (especially if it is greasy and floaty, ahem) is a classic symptom of a Giardia infection! Further research on Giardia uncovered the fact that one may not showcase any or all of the symptoms, and that it can be contracted from other sources besides contaminated mountain streams -- like swimming pools, or Sydney Water.

As much as I enjoy discussing pooping issues, I am absolutely appalled at the idea of producing the stool sample required for an official diagnosis of giardiasis. According to the CDC, the infection may run its course in two-to-six weeks, and that one of the side effects can be dramatic weight loss of up to ten percent of one's body weight -- which just so happens to be the amount of weight I gained last month eating super burritos and bacon while in America.

Hmmm. Poop in a bag and take antibiotics, or suffer a few cramps and lose weight?

I'll have to ask my new online community what they think. Meanwhile, I have been slouching around the house singing "Oh, Giardia!" to the tune of the Canadian national anthem.

Thunderbox (811) -- 07.09.2008

Isn`t Giardia also known as Beaver Fever - maybe the clap clinic could help you out!

C Everett Poop (626) -- 07.09.2008

I had a buddy who got giardia when he was gutting an elk and some elk gut juice splashed into his mouth. He said it was the worst thing ever and he lost more than 10 percent and it took more than 6 weeks.

prarie doggin (1897) -- 07.09.2008

Boy, I hate when that gut juice splashes into my mouth.

CC (not verified) -- 07.09.2008

Poop in the bag and take the meds.Confirm what is wrong and get treated.I had to piss in a bottle for 24 hours.Thank God I didn't mistake it for OJ.

pnuttycorn (215) -- 07.09.2008

I used to be a vet tech and I saw many a case of Giardia in dogs who drank lake water, and they pooped yellow too. Please get to a Dr. if you haven't already. FEEL BETTER!!!

MSG (560) -- 07.09.2008

If it's embarrassment holding you back, don't let it. Doctors, nurses, and lab techs have seen it all. I would think of the two-to-six weeks as an average but be prepared for individual cases to last much longer. Perhaps your doctor, convinced by the pain and the yellow stools, might just go ahead and prescribe the meds for giardia without needing a stool sample. I certainly would not just let it go.

Bilgepump (1626) -- 07.09.2008

I carry a fresh stool sample with me every day, you know, just in case.
_______

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough.

daphne (3511) -- 07.09.2008

Oh that word - Giardia - strikes fear in my heart. Carlton the Poo-Poo-Eating Boston Terrier (and no, I cannot just call him Carlton...) had Giardia for possibly six months. It made him very, very sick. He had it ever since we brought him home until this winter when we put him through the ringer with antibiotics.

I fucking hate that Giardia. Our back yard stunk like rotten dog shit even though we cleaned up his mess every time he squirted - which was six to eight times a day - and hosed down the particularly gooey messes. We had to treat all the dogs and watch the cats. It cost us 180 dollars to treat the dogs for 2 weeks even though our vet is the most reasonable vet in a fifty mile radius. We had to disinfect the bowls, the floors, and bathe the dogs, as they would accidentally walk where Carlton had pooped, even though I tried to corral them elsewhere.

My fear, Poo Diddy, is that your infection will hang around longer than the 2 weeks suggested, like CEP said happened to his friend. If you do want to risk not taking the medication, at least stock up on pro-biotics and the BRAT diet, and best wishes to you.


_______
.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

prarie doggin (1897) -- 07.09.2008

There is a simple pump you can carry with you in the woods. You put water in it and push a plunger. It forces the water through a filter that is more than fine enough to strain out giardia. They are cheap and worth every penny.

Gaseous Glay (107) -- 07.09.2008

Get the test. Rule out pancreatic cancer.

ChiefThunderbutt (569) -- 07.10.2008

Yes...follow the advise of GG and get the test and rule out pancreatic cancer, but remember, Medical tests can be fun.

I see a young Nigerian doctor at the Veterans Administration, he is a highly capable young man. Recently he had to look at my asshole to determine why it was red and itchy. I asked him if, when he was a child in Nigeria, he had ever dreamed that he would come to America, get a medical degree from a prestigious university (Vanderbilt) and then look up an old mans ass. He admitted this had never crossed his mind as a child.

Turns out I just had "athlete's asshole" as a result of a secondary yeast infection in the aftermath of a course of antibiotics.

We rescued a feral kitten last year and discovered on her first trip to the vet that she had, giardia, tapeworms, roundworms, ringworm and fleas. The poor little thing is the picture of health now but her poop would bring tears to your eyes when she first moved in with us.

_______
Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

CC (not verified) -- 07.10.2008

I should be an expert in Athlete's Asshole.This is my 23rd in coaching and I have dealt with many athletes who are assholes.

Blind Mullet (187) -- 07.10.2008

Poo Diddy- are you a well-travelled Aussie?
I can vouch for the horribleness of Sydney daytime TV, having just got home from abdominal surgery and unable to do much, other than recuperate in front of the idiot box.
I can also vouch for Sydney Water having the occasional giardia scare, butt I suspect that its really no more than media bullshit on slow-news days.
Please do as the doctor advises, and get well soon.

CC (not verified) -- 07.10.2008

I was in Australia 1n 1996 and 2000.I was in New Zealand in 2000.The TV choices in Australia
wasn't too bad.Christchurch had 4 channels and they all showed Judge Wapner the first People's Court judge presiding over animal cases.

Danny Hyde (not verified) -- 07.11.2008

I don't care what you do as long as you don't send me that feca1 sample.

The Shit Volcano (3737) -- 07.12.2008

Yes, Reedy, my German shorthair, also once had the big G. He turned into a virtual shit geyser and spread yellow pudding all over the hotel room where we were staying. Since that point I haven't been able to stomach butterscotch pudding.

_______
Well, you don't actually blow on it. That's just an expression.

Anonymous Coward (not verified) -- 07.12.2008

i too got giardia whilst living in sydney. big distended tummy, hard to keep anything in and all in all, painful. flared up again after a visit to hong kong. it has reared it's ugly head time and time again - and also in my young son who got it at 14 months whilst in honkers. sydney should be ashamed.

phatmanxxl (155) -- 07.15.2008

So your shittin bananas huh. Yea take a poop sample and get it taken care of. I get the "mean green" from time to time. It sucks.

greenpoopertrooper (331) -- 08.08.2008

I've seen green, but never yellow. You should get that checked...
_______
I will never shit somewhere that only has that horrible, scratchy brand of toilet paper. That stuff sucks!

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