Excellent story...I laughed out loud several times.

I have felt the pain of a pet's fecal destruction...I laugh hard when it happens to someone else!!!!

I loved "I couldn't believe that I'd agreed to hit the road with these two corn pones"...that the fuck is a corn pone??

Dog poop is one of the foulest smells known to man. Loose dog stools are even worse.
I have often wondered, if a dogs sense of smell is thousands of times better than that of we humans, how do they stand the smell of their own farts and poops?

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Eat chilies and feel the burn!!

Very funny story parquet. One of the best I have seen in a while. You're right about dog shit in a car. It's foul. One time my wife went into a store with her mother for about a half hour. They left the dog in the car. (it was cool out and they cracked the windows) As they were returning to the car dearest mother-in-law says "what are all those brown streaks on the windows?" Need I go any further?

Like a donkey farting through silk.

Now theres something thats hard to imagine.
The mechanics of making it happen seem to be more trouble than the result is worth. I can't see myself sifting through Mrs. Mullet's girly things to find something made of silk, then taking said girly thing to a local Italian's place, holding it under the donkey's tail and waiting for the creature to fart, just to experience the smell.
So I guess I'll just have to take your word that its pretty bad...

Wow, I just don't get it. People cleaning up animal poop. Makes me wonder who is really the pet in the situation. All I do know is that McDonalds's gives me the shits too.

A donkey farting through silk!!! I laughed out loud on that one! I give you credit for at least trying to clean it up.

P Hole, people like you shouldn't have pets.

I don't understand why the dog's owner didn't give your friend a bag of food for Otis. No wonder he crapped all over - his diet was upset.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Great story, parquet. A little like Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas. The only rental car I ever trashed was on a road trip in Alaska - it looked and smelled like a swamp beast when we handed it back after 3 weeks.

Otis was a keeper. Tony, on the other hand, needed to be ground up in the wood chipper for feeding a dog hamburgers.

Otis sounds like a fine dog. He has enough sense to shit out mcdonalds

At least Otis didn't shit when the girl was around.Imagine taking her back to the hotel room after Otis's doggie turd terrorism.I thought this story was going to end the way as The Guy who Shit in the Sterio Story.

Chickenshit stink's way worse than dogshit, but they're all pretty bad.

"Chickenshit stink's way worse than dogshit"

That's your opinion. I have chickens in a chicken coup and it hardly stinks at all.

My dog and the 3 stupid cats that live in my house are far more gross and disgusting then the chickens.

And at least the chickens produce eggs...the freeloading dog and cats produce debts.

Ha! Freeloaders! Carlton the Poo-Poo-Eating Boston Terrier is one of those. Lucky for him that he's so cute, or he'd be completely worthless.

Chicken shit seems to smell overpoweringly bad when it's able to build up and stays wet. Then again, that's the case with most shit. The breeze that used to come in from the neighboring sheep field was terrible when we lived in Germany. It was a bog-like place and was full of geese. Their poop smelled absolutely horrible. It wasn't that composty smell some cow poop gets, a smell that's almost natural, but this unhealthy, rotting, detriment-to-the-environment smell. I think it was because the land was wet and the mud was so full of goose poop that it never could break down.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

Aha. On the subject of worthless dogs, theres one here at my place. My younger son adopted this thing, and called it 'Trunks', after the character in that cartoon Dragon Ball Z.

This useless thing showed an immediate talent for doing stupid, destructive things, and seemed unable to learn any commands. All it would do with certainty was eat, shit, and try to hump legs.

So its name soon changed to 'Drugs'.

If its possible for a dog to have Down's syndrome, or dementia, then this ones got it.

When I lived in Maine, I had a dog who used to bring in frozen poops. So gross! I could tell he had one because he would come in with his head really low so I couldn't see it. I would have to wrestle it away from him and he was a 180 lbs. Newfoundland.

One of my thoughts was, at least they weren't mushy.

Loved this story. Donkeys farting thru silk, sick uncles returning from rehab, double cheeseburgers from McFuckers inhaled in 2 gulps. It's got all the elements of a textbook shitastrophy. A real classic. Thanks for posting this story. Please tell us more!

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Rock-n-roll! Poopy-poo!

Oh, Nemos, a Newfie? Great, great dogs! Of all the dogs in the dog world, Newfies and Landseers (like Newfies, but a two-toned coat) are the biggest sweethearts of all of them. Where else are you going to find the heart of a puppy in a 200 pound frame who loves to swim? If we lived near water and had ample outside acreage and a laundry room that connected to the outside, I might have a Newfie.

Carlton's saving grace is that he is house-trained. A dog can be an ADHD pain in the ass as long as they don't soil in this house; I'll just have to watch him/her more.

We have a roomy crate in the office for Carlton for if we all are out of the house at once for more than a half an hour. If it's for half an hour, the downstairs doors get closed and the bathroom garbage is put up. New chewies are put out for all.

Come to think of it, it's too bad that Otis wasn't put in the hotel room bathroom while the author was out. A few towels to lay on, the ice bucket full of water, and a chew toy or two and Otis might have been OK. Shit would have been very easy to clean off porcelain and tile. Twenty twenty hindsight is a bitch!

And useless. Hell, with it, we'd have no Poopreport.

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.....hugging bunnies since 1969
www.daphneszoo.com

I bet that learned a lesson. Do not leave your dog unattended in a room.

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- - - Regardless, the long hair

"Yes, several times." That was the clincher for me. Laugh out loud funny! It's great when a story can strike you down with a single line.

I can recall several shitting (and chewing) disasters involving my travel and my German shorthaired pointers. Reedy has a nervous traveler's stomach and has shit in several motel rooms, cars, and upon me since puppyhood. We have to watch his diet very carefully.

Haily, Reedy's "puppy", has only had one major traveling incident that DID involve poop. That daughter-of-a-bitch discovered at quite a young age how to operate the zippers on my suitcases. She managed to nose open the bag with my vitamins (which I stupidly left on the floor) and ate an entire bottle of 200 mg vitamin C tablets. One of the big bargain bottles from Puritan's Pride.

Now vitamin C in general is not toxic. However, in large doses it will give you the major shits. Her Kilauea type eruption began within an hour of this consumption. Bright yellow poop literally began flowing down her legs before she had a chance to ask to go out. We took her out several times, then she let out a sulfury tsunami in her sleep that completely flooded the bed and forced Mom to move to mine. By morning the whole room was almost literally filled with shit.

We couldn't very well have left her outside in the car. It was snowing outside and the temperature was in the twenties, and I wasn't about to come back the next morning to a dogsicle. Besides, she was only six months old and would be scared in the dark. So we endured the shitstorm until morning.

The motel was very nice, especially since we cleaned everything up. They didn't even charge a cleaning bill, which shocked the shit out of us. And when Haily was a little older they remembered her as the shiticane and laughed it off as a terrible accident. I have since stayed at this motel quite frequently.

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Well, you don't actually blow on it. That's just an expression.

Great story. I have a hunch the McDonald's onions and pickles possibly expedited the dog's pooping spell and smell.

I feel sorry for Otis. Poor thing, left to two corn pones who don't know shit about caring for a dog. What is a corn pone anyway?

NemosPoop: Hi Daphne, I knew you were an animal lover. I used to be a vet tech before I had a kid and had to clean up his shit. I love all animals and people who love them really do put up with a lot of crap. They are so worth it. AND someone people (I won't mention names, Otis's caregivers) shouldn't even have a hermit crab. Thanks for sharing your animal sense when someone writes in about the tinsel the cat or dog ate. Until you have to operate and see how much damage that crap can do to their intestines you don't know. I once had to xray a dog every day to track the path of the diamond stud earrings it ate hoping that they wouldn't puncture anything and then when they came out go through the shit so we could give them back to the owner. Dogs eat the weirdest things. I could go on forever about the things I've seen dogs eat. Car gaskets, tampons, pantyhoses, etc. My new newfie, Screwy Louie, eats very bizarre stuff too. He's six now, very sad since they don't have a long life span, but one of the best dogs around. Oh, and he is the only Newfie I know that won't just run into the water. You have to go with him. I live on Cape Cod so we go alot when it's not cold. Harley used to jump out of the boat to get in the water. Sadly, Harley died of old age in 2002. He was the frozen turd eater. Only frozen ones.

Fecally yours,